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Author Topic: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View  (Read 101559 times)

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Offline Sylk

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #125 on: May 27, 2011, 12:13:30 PM »
For all those here who have responded, for the amazing woman Rhedyn who started this post and opened her soul in front of all of us, and for those who have read but could not yet, for what ever reason, respond.... Thank you. While those are simple words, they speak volumes.  You are not alone. Nor am I. 

Years ago, I attempted to shoot myself.  I still bear the powder burn scar on my temple as proof.  Though now it is hidden with hair.  I shook so badly with my sobbing at the time that I missed. When I look at my boys today and every day, I thank the Lord and Lady for the sobbing and shaking.  That dark place we all live in from time to time, where our thoughts run in circles we can't seem to break and our logic is flawed tells us that we are unwanted, ugly, not needed, not cared for and a slew of other things.

Yet, here we are, talking about that dark place.  Her we are helping each other out of that pit from time to time when each of us needs it most. THAT alone says we are worthwhile people. We care about others enough to help. We care enough to say: "Hey, you know what, I feel like that too"  or "Hey, I have scars all over my legs from cutting and people just don't understand."  I think anyone here who has read, posted or been touched by the words they have read knows within them how much it means to find people who understand in their own way.  So for anyone.... if you need to talk, my information is on my profile.  I'm around most days and some nights.

"you hear the bad stuff long enough you start to believe it"  This is true even if it comes only from within your own head.  Today is a midline day for me.  I'm not in a funk, but the world isn't bright and pink and fluffy either.  Most people will know when it's a bad day for me if they talk to me.  I wear my heart on my sleeve. 

Thank you everyone for your posts, the shedding of light in a dark place, the offer of support and love.  It is given back threefold here, from me.  Anytime you need it.... just ask.

Sylk
 


Offline Night Stalker

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #126 on: May 27, 2011, 12:23:48 PM »
Thank You Rhedyn and Sybl. *hugs*

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #127 on: May 27, 2011, 12:26:14 PM »
*has no words so just hugs Sylk...and Night Stalker who snuck in while I was posting*  :P

Offline Anjasa

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #128 on: May 27, 2011, 05:22:49 PM »
I find working at an office job to be the hardest for me. I'm super efficient and there's never enough work to keep me going through the day and, on top of that, the work I do do doesn't require me to do a whole lot of thinking. So instead I think about how much it sucks that I'm at work. Then I start thinking of all the things I could be doing at home. And then on some days it really gets to me, especially when my coworkers are being less than kind.

Offline Night Stalker

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #129 on: May 28, 2011, 12:04:49 AM »
Hope everyone can have a good weekend and find some really special moments to savor.

Offline AndyZ

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #130 on: May 28, 2011, 12:08:57 AM »
I find working at an office job to be the hardest for me. I'm super efficient and there's never enough work to keep me going through the day and, on top of that, the work I do do doesn't require me to do a whole lot of thinking. So instead I think about how much it sucks that I'm at work. Then I start thinking of all the things I could be doing at home. And then on some days it really gets to me, especially when my coworkers are being less than kind.

When I used to have a job, I would keep my mind busy by thinking about my novel and planning out stuff that I wanted to happen next.  Maybe that will help you as well?  I'm not sure, but I hope it gives some assistance.

Offline Sybl

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #131 on: May 28, 2011, 12:46:48 AM »
I find working at an office job to be the hardest for me. I'm super efficient and there's never enough work to keep me going through the day and, on top of that, the work I do do doesn't require me to do a whole lot of thinking. So instead I think about how much it sucks that I'm at work. Then I start thinking of all the things I could be doing at home. And then on some days it really gets to me, especially when my coworkers are being less than kind.
When I used to have a job, I would keep my mind busy by thinking about my novel and planning out stuff that I wanted to happen next.  Maybe that will help you as well?  I'm not sure, but I hope it gives some assistance.
I agree with AndyZ on this,

 if your job is cluttered with lacks (meaning emptiness), fill it with something, to bring positive thoughts to yourself, regardless of thoughtless unkind co-workers, sometimes we have to look for ways to fill our time, with something positive.


Hope everyone can have a good weekend and find some really special moments to savor.

I wish the same for you as well NightStalker, thank you

Offline Anjasa

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #132 on: May 28, 2011, 06:10:05 AM »
Oh, I try, and for the most part I get through! I fill my time, regardless if I have work or not.

But when depression saps both your creativity and your drive, it's harder to fight it.

<3

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #133 on: May 28, 2011, 11:37:49 AM »
Hope everyone can have a good weekend and find some really special moments to savor.

Thank you, I hope the same goes for you too.


But when depression saps both your creativity and your drive, it's harder to fight it.


This is so true. I'm at home with my kids for the most part and working as an artist as well as trying to write. When I'm motivated and balanced I have more than enough to keep me going as I push myself and find things to do but when I slump into that depression I lose both my will to do anything and the creativity to give myself something I want to do or see a point in doing. It's a vicious circle and one I just have to combat a day at a time.

Offline Athos

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #134 on: May 31, 2011, 12:48:14 AM »
I'm not in a good place right now. I don't really know how to describe it. Depressed isn't the right word for how I'm feeling. I'm angry. I'm so angry right now that I feel sick inside. There's a part of me that just wants to hurt something or someone and its not particularly choosy as to who or what. I won't act on it, I never do. But it scares me sometimes that something can come so close to breaking my self-control. Normally I don't talk about these feelings, mostly because they scare me and I don't like to admit I have them, but for some reason tonight I feel that I have to. If only to try and get things right in my mind.

Offline Anjasa

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #135 on: May 31, 2011, 04:46:07 AM »
When I get angry I try to write until it stops. Just let the thoughts flow out; at least it keeps me focused on something so that way no one gets hurt.

I hope you've been able to get through it, Athos. Anger is a hard emotion to ration with.

Offline AndyZ

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #136 on: May 31, 2011, 07:37:54 AM »
I'm not in a good place right now. I don't really know how to describe it. Depressed isn't the right word for how I'm feeling. I'm angry. I'm so angry right now that I feel sick inside. There's a part of me that just wants to hurt something or someone and its not particularly choosy as to who or what. I won't act on it, I never do. But it scares me sometimes that something can come so close to breaking my self-control. Normally I don't talk about these feelings, mostly because they scare me and I don't like to admit I have them, but for some reason tonight I feel that I have to. If only to try and get things right in my mind.

I'm sorry I wasn't on to try to be there to talk when you needed someone.

Sometimes it's possible to channel a very strong emotion, but not always.

It might help to just know what you're angry at and maybe work on a letter or something that you don't have to send but that you can have ready to look at once you've calmed down?  I'm not sure.  I don't know your situation.

Just know that you're not alone.

Offline Athos

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #137 on: May 31, 2011, 09:28:58 AM »
Thanks guys, just putting together that post and getting what I was feeling into words went a long way toward calming me down. Since then I've managed to get some sleep and I'm feeling much better. :)

Offline crystaltears

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #138 on: May 31, 2011, 09:59:04 AM »
I'm glad to hear you're feeling better, Athos.

Offline Athos

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #139 on: May 31, 2011, 10:21:56 PM »
I'm glad to hear you're feeling better, Athos.

Thanks crystaltears :)

Offline Sylk

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #140 on: May 31, 2011, 11:45:04 PM »
Athos hon, I have been to that place.  Where the anger boils and threatens to spill over into everything.  I almost physically did more than just hurt someone with it once.  I scared a great many people including myself.  I cannot say that I have been that angry since.  I try very hard not to let things like that fester anymore, though I do my share of holding a grudge with the best of my Irish and Scot ancestors.  You know how to reach me should you need to. 

I am glad that the support here has helped.  Everyone needs a little help now and then.

*hugs*
Sylk

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #141 on: June 01, 2011, 04:12:01 AM »
*hugs Athos* I can relate and I'm glad you managed to find enough of an outlet in finding words for how you were feeling to calm yourself down and get some rest  :)

Offline Athos

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #142 on: June 01, 2011, 04:56:35 AM »
*returns hugs*

I'm just getting all the hugs today :D, I gotta get upset more often. Seriously though, thanks to everyone for being there. It really means a lot and I sincerely appreciate it.

Online Oreo

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #143 on: June 01, 2011, 06:10:13 AM »
More *hugs* for Athos. I get that way when my hormones go wonky. I try my best to not let it boil over to the outside, but I still end up doing a lot of apologizing to my hubby. It's not his fault, but the need to lash out sometimes overcomes my common sense. I am a person who likes to be in control of myself. It scares me when there is irrational anger with no reasoning behind it. Thank goodness it never seems to last for long.

Offline Sybl

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #144 on: June 08, 2011, 12:06:44 AM »
I have hit rock bottom. No reason, just feel like giving up. Everything right now is crashing down around me. I don't remember ever feeling this bad. I just want to stop existing. I'm so emotionally tired. Tired and dried up inside.

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #145 on: June 08, 2011, 03:13:37 AM »
*hugs and supports Sybl* We're here for you, don't give up.

Offline Sybl

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #146 on: June 08, 2011, 06:21:45 AM »
*hugs and supports Sybl* We're here for you, don't give up.
thanks Rhedyn..
it has been a rough 48 hours, I think the new meds have something to do with my mood.

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #147 on: June 08, 2011, 06:30:49 AM »
I'm sorry to hear that.

You're probably right, new meds always take a fair while to 'settle in', I really hope it gets better for you soon.

Offline Night Stalker

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #148 on: June 08, 2011, 08:03:05 AM »
I have hit rock bottom. No reason, just feel like giving up. Everything right now is crashing down around me. I don't remember ever feeling this bad. I just want to stop existing. I'm so emotionally tired. Tired and dried up inside.

*Offers hugs*

Offline AndyZ

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #149 on: June 08, 2011, 08:32:06 AM »
My novel is finally kicking off.  It's been so spectacular to have the entire book pulsing in my head and to be able hour after hour to just keep typing and typing and typing, working on it ceaselessly.

I got up at a normal hour and started around 11am and worked until 7pm or so, doing little other than just typing out thousands of words for it.  Yet I feel so bad because my muse is dedicated completely to my book so my posts are suffering horrendously.

I've also had to learn the hard way how not everybody actually reads my A&As, like people think I'm burned out because I have too many games or something.

Sybl, I shut off my Yahoo because people kept PMing me and ignoring how I was trying to work on my novel.  I'm sorry if you needed me and I wasn't there.