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Author Topic: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View  (Read 101493 times)

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Offline Athos

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #150 on: June 08, 2011, 01:50:00 PM »
I have hit rock bottom. No reason, just feel like giving up. Everything right now is crashing down around me. I don't remember ever feeling this bad. I just want to stop existing. I'm so emotionally tired. Tired and dried up inside.

*Hugs* I'm sorry to hear that darling. If there's anything you need, I'm just a PM away.

My novel is finally kicking off.  It's been so spectacular to have the entire book pulsing in my head and to be able hour after hour to just keep typing and typing and typing, working on it ceaselessly.

I got up at a normal hour and started around 11am and worked until 7pm or so, doing little other than just typing out thousands of words for it.  Yet I feel so bad because my muse is dedicated completely to my book so my posts are suffering horrendously.

I've also had to learn the hard way how not everybody actually reads my A&As, like people think I'm burned out because I have too many games or something.

Sybl, I shut off my Yahoo because people kept PMing me and ignoring how I was trying to work on my novel.  I'm sorry if you needed me and I wasn't there.

Good to hear man! Keep up the good work as long as the muse allows :D
« Last Edit: June 08, 2011, 01:51:05 PM by Athos »

Offline Sybl

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #151 on: June 08, 2011, 03:30:01 PM »
*Offers hugs*
*accepts hugs* Thanks Night Stalker

My novel is finally kicking off.  It's been so spectacular to have the entire book pulsing in my head and to be able hour after hour to just keep typing and typing and typing, working on it ceaselessly.

I got up at a normal hour and started around 11am and worked until 7pm or so, doing little other than just typing out thousands of words for it.  Yet I feel so bad because my muse is dedicated completely to my book so my posts are suffering horrendously.

I've also had to learn the hard way how not everybody actually reads my A&As, like people think I'm burned out because I have too many games or something.

Sybl, I shut off my Yahoo because people kept PMing me and ignoring how I was trying to work on my novel.  I'm sorry if you needed me and I wasn't there.
Congrats Andy on the Novel.. I am glad to hear you are working on it.
No worries about YiM.. I stayed off of it for most the night

*Hugs* I'm sorry to hear that darling. If there's anything you need, I'm just a PM away.

Good to hear man! Keep up the good work as long as the muse allows :D
*hugs* thanks, I really need them right now.

*an explanation-
what started it was my apartment was broken into 2 days ago. nothing was taken, absolutely nothing. all 3 of my close neighbors were home, yet no one saw or heard anything. I live on the 3rd floor, you can hear the slightest noise, because everything echoes in the hall..yet no one heard a thing. Taught me real fast not to count on anyone. (at least not here)

Yesterday morning I woke up to a face full of blood, my pillow soaked on one side, my hands still wet in blood. I freaked out, as I had a cut on the side of my nose, about a half inch wide. I don't know why or how it happened, a nightmare?..  :-\  I may have done it myself, with a fingernail..plus I started new meds, and all this combined, just left me a wreak.

Offline Izzy1337

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #152 on: June 09, 2011, 08:07:55 PM »
As everyone can see by the big black box near my name, I am new here and I have just finished reading through this thread. I cried while reading these posts because I felt like I was coming home to a family I never knew I had. I just want to say that I am also one who has suffered the pain, loneliness, guilt, worthlessness, and anger of depression. I do not at this time wish to go into my experiences, other than to say I've dealt with feelings like these for as long as I can remember. Like others here I don't recall feeling accepted by my peers, or part of anything larger than myself. I have thought about taking my own life, and because I've never attempted taking it, I have thought of myself as weak. Too weak to live, too weak to die. I drift. Enough about me, and apologies for the text block. Thank you for creating this thread and participating in it. It is always good to know that others care. For those out there who understand these feelings, I care.

Offline Sybl

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #153 on: June 09, 2011, 08:40:24 PM »
you are Welcome here Izzy.
If your approval is accepted, and you become a member, you are welcome to PM me, if you ever feel the need.

The acceptance among each other here is overwhelming at times, yet wonderful at the same time.

*hugs* Sybl

Offline Night Stalker

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #154 on: June 09, 2011, 08:57:42 PM »
*Leaves hugs and good thoughts for all*

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #155 on: June 10, 2011, 03:12:12 AM »
*offers welcoming hugs to Izzy and leaves others for everyone who wants them*

There's no need to apologize Izzy and I'm so glad that the thread has been able to help you feel less alone.


Offline Oreo

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #156 on: June 10, 2011, 03:20:49 AM »
Congrats, AndyZ

*Hugs* for Sybl. That would be enough to scare anyone. I hope the meds help soon and give you some relief.

Welcoming *hugs* for Izzy and best wishes on your approval.

*hugs* Night Stalker, it's good to see you around.

*tight hugs* Thanks again, for the haven, Rhedyn.

Offline Izzy1337

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #157 on: June 10, 2011, 01:51:57 PM »
*accepts all hugs and hugs all back :)* Thank you for all the welcomes and warmth. If I'm approved, I will also be available for PMs and whatnot. I've been told that I am a good listener. :)

Offline Sybl

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #158 on: June 10, 2011, 07:54:01 PM »
Congrats, AndyZ

*Hugs* for Sybl. That would be enough to scare anyone. I hope the meds help soon and give you some relief.

Welcoming *hugs* for Izzy and best wishes on your approval.

*hugs* Night Stalker, it's good to see you around.

*tight hugs* Thanks again, for the haven, Rhedyn.

thanks Oreo.. *hugs back*

*accepts all hugs and hugs all back :)* Thank you for all the welcomes and warmth. If I'm approved, I will also be available for PMs and whatnot. I've been told that I am a good listener. :)
you are welcome Izzy, and, thank you for the offer of another ear, if approved.. I wish you well on your approval

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #159 on: June 13, 2011, 09:20:49 AM »
Friendship is rare,
Do you know what I'm sayin' to you?
Friendship is rare.
My derriere,
When you find out much later
That they don't really care.


This appears to be the story of my life, so eloquently put in the first verse of the Friendship Song by Tenacious D. Recently I've had the need to talk, the want to talk to someone, anyone who I consider a friend and who really knows me. There are decidedly few people who I consider close friends, close enough for me to open up and talk to about the things I need to. Of late I have been realising they are fewer than I had anticipated.

I'm not a terribly outgoing person, I'm very shy believe it or not and as a result I find it very hard to make friends and trust people enough to really open up to them. When I do it's a big deal but over recent years nearly everyone I do let in turn out to either not really care about how I'm feeling or seem to just be putting up with me and my moods.

I've never really wanted to talk about this, my depression and how I'm feeling but of late I've been reaching out only to find that doors I thought were open are firmly shut. People I've just met online through gaming seem to give more of a damn about how I'm doing than people I've known and let in and I don't know them well enough to open up to them...I doubt I ever will.

Perhaps this is just my mood coming through? I wasn't going to write this post but I felt I had to get it out because, quite frankly I had to release it. I have been struggling, feeling like people are abandoning me of late. My other half goes away for a month soon, not long I know and I trust him completely but, as I have stated before, the depression lies. It tells me that he's just not going to come back, like my ex-husband didn't, because I'm not worth coming back for. I try to open up to him, to talk to him when he is around and I'm told I'll feel better tomorrow. Well sure, I may well but at that moment I don't feel better, at that moment all I need is a little understanding, not being told that me getting emotional or sad makes him feel unwelcome so he might as well just go home because I'm obviously not happy to see him.

So I bottle up my mood, it festers and I turn elsewhere, I look for someone, anyone who I consider close enough to know me that I can talk to and no-one is there. I am, for that moment of need, completely alone.

I wonder sometimes if this is my lot. If I will ever find close friends who will be there to support me when I need them. Perhaps one day I will, I just wish I knew where they were hiding.

Offline Sybl

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #160 on: June 13, 2011, 06:18:11 PM »

So I bottle up my mood, it festers and I turn elsewhere, I look for someone, anyone who I consider close enough to know me that I can talk to and no-one is there. I am, for that moment of need, completely alone.

I wonder sometimes if this is my lot. If I will ever find close friends who will be there to support me when I need them. Perhaps one day I will, I just wish I knew where they were hiding.
sometimes the closest person to you lives thousands of miles away..................you have my unconditional support, my 150% keeping it confidential, my listening supportive side, all the hugs you need.............I am but a PM away

*hugs*

Offline Night Stalker

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #161 on: June 13, 2011, 10:34:19 PM »
*hugs Oreo*.

*hugs Sybl* hope the medication works soon.

*hugs Rhedyn* Have been told I am a good listener, a pm/email away if you ever want to talk or just get something out of your head.

Offline Sylk

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #162 on: June 14, 2011, 03:07:52 AM »
Same same.  I know what it's like to have the closest person to you  who has always been there be many many miles away.  Pm me if you need to vent, cry, talk bitch, whatever.  I am here. I do not judge and I never let what is told me in confidence pass my lips without permission.

Sylk

Offline Oreo

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #163 on: June 14, 2011, 04:55:13 AM »
This is all too true, Rhedyn. I have my hubby, but most of the time it feels like he is a thousand miles away when it comes to communication. The people I know here on E are far closer to the real me, know better the hurts and secret aches of the heart and mind. *hugs*

Though I have expressed some of the feelings to my hubby, there is no understanding, no comprehension of the pain, the feeling of being alone. As far as RL friends? I have none. For years my only and best friend was my mom. *warm memories and sentimental tears*

Offline Izzy1337

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #164 on: June 14, 2011, 04:47:50 PM »
*hugs and sympathy to oreo and rhedyn* We are all here, and we will listen when you need it, because we all know how important a confidant is, as well as a shoulder to cry on when needed.

*love to everyone* Be well!

Offline Athos

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #165 on: June 14, 2011, 11:27:53 PM »
-hugs and love to everyone-

Offline Izzy1337

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #166 on: June 15, 2011, 09:57:16 AM »
I was lost for a time last night. The walls I keep my problems trapped behind failed, and the torrent of darkness came pouring through. I felt a dark whirlpool inside me; it was pulling at me trying to get me to stop fighting and let it drown me. For a time I forgot why I bother fighting it. For a time I wanted to drift off into the nothingness. For a time I was almost dead inside. My intellect and logic betrayed me, because I just didn't want to hurt anymore. That is what the darkness promised, no more pain, no more worries, no more fighting, just rest and peace forever. It sounded so good. It stills sounds good.

Luckily for me my savior was there. He talked with me, argued with me, held me, and finally hurt me to prove to me that the darkness was lying. Please don't think that he abuses me. I have been abused before and he doesn't. With me there are times where my mind and my body will not respond to anything but real pain. Last night was one of those times. He saved me again by making me realize that things still hurt, that I wasn't gone yet. That I was still human. I still feel down today, but I am up and going through the motions of living if nothing else. Please keep me in your thoughts and/or prayers. Thanks you all, I hope you are all well and satisfied today. Let me take the bad day for now. It's my time.

*love and hugs to all*

--Izzy

Offline Ariabella

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #167 on: June 15, 2011, 11:39:30 AM »
I'm late to the thread, but I wanted to chime in and say I know exactly where everyone is coming from and I am sending hugs to all. I can't remember a time I wasn't depressed. My pediatrician even recognized it, sent me to a therapist, but my mother didn't care for it and refused to allow me to go any more after the first time. And every doctor I have seen in the past few years have basically written it off to part of the Grave's Disease even though I tell them repeatedly I've always been depressed. I've never felt like I fit anywhere, I'm almost always on the verge of tears, and after years of constantly being told that nothing I do is right, that I'm lazy, that I'm basically worthless, I don't see  any way of coming back out of it because it's ingrained so deeply that I have begun to believe it.

In my real life, I know my cats and God are the only ones who care about me (and they are currently cuddled up with me) but the people? Not so much. I don't even know why I try to make friends when inevitably said "friends" turn on me. I've tried new interests, tried to find the joy in things, but somehow said joy always gets sucked out of it. So right now, all I really want to do is sleep. And when I have to work or be out with others, I simply go through the motions. My only escape is through reading, which has been my escape for as long as I can remember.

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #168 on: June 15, 2011, 12:16:38 PM »
Thank you all *hugs everyone and shares some understanding tears with Oreo*

And welcome Ariabella, I for one can say I know exactly how you feel and where you are coming from, I think we all do *offers hugs*

Offline Ariabella

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #169 on: June 15, 2011, 12:27:22 PM »
*hugs back*

Offline Night Stalker

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #170 on: June 15, 2011, 10:35:28 PM »
*hugs to all*

Is it just me or a common theme to help through the troubled times being a pet.  Unconditional love from them and they are the ones closest to us that know how moods, sometimes even before they change.

Offline Ariabella

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #171 on: June 15, 2011, 10:42:21 PM »
I totally agree about the pets. If I hadn't had my cats while dealing with my mother having Alzheimer's, I surely would have gone around the bend. I had four at the time and they all four stayed close to me when I was home.

Offline Oreo

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #172 on: June 15, 2011, 10:46:25 PM »
I think it is because pets are constant. They never slam the door when we need them most. They never have other things to do. They don't care if we are up, down, mad, or happy. They just keep loving us through it all. *hugs*

Offline Ariabella

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #173 on: June 15, 2011, 10:52:46 PM »
And they don't have personal agendas. They know their purpose is to give love to their mamas, papas, owners, however you refer to yourself in their lives.

Offline Anjasa

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #174 on: June 16, 2011, 08:36:49 AM »
None of you have a bunny, apparently! Or at least, my bunny. Any time I want a cuddle from him 'cause I'm feeling blue he runs away and thumps at me!