To be honest, it is hard facing things sometimes. I used to hide, hoping that if enough time had passed, it would all go away. I too am a victim of sexual abuse. Much of my life, up until I turned 18, was revolved around it. I always thought of myself as an ugly unwanted person. And if I was wanted, it was just for sex. No matter if it was or not. I felt that was all I was good for. The earliest I can remember, I was being touched, around the age of 2. I know people say you can't remember back that far, but all I CAN remember is that. The day before my 16th birthday I was raped. We had moved 1000 miles away from our pasts. Mom wanted the best for us kids, and it seemed as thought we couldn't get away from the abuse. 3 months after moving, the rape happened. I thought it was all my fault, and ended up moving out of the house at 16. As hard as it was, I did it, at least for a while. For years and years, all I could think was, It all has to be my fault.
Anyway, I am here at 37, an age in which I never thought I would make it to. I am in a wonderful relationship with a beautiful and understanding woman. I have forgiven all that have hit, touched, fondled, slapped, kicked, swore at, told I was nothing, told I was never supposed to be born....I forgave them all. It took a while, but I did it.
Depression.....HELL YEA. Every minute of every day, I spend battling and I imagine that I will for the rest of my life. My girl is very special. One smile from her, makes it go away, at least for a short time. I do hope that for everyone who does get down and depressed, that you can find a way to make it go away. Even if for a few moments at first. Being here in E, takes my mind away, to a special place, where I can write, and be creative. I always try to be positive, and never negative. At least, I can say for me... Looking up always feels better than looking down.