The Best of Blydad

[Wistful Dream]

I've been really struggling with my depression and anxiety right now and this was just, amazing. Thank you for sharing. <3

[Trilby]

Excuse me a moment while I go running around the house screaming....

[Remiel]

Blydad: One thing that has always helped me is that I'm a logical person. Emotions lie. The chemicals depression has fucked to hell in my brain lie. But my logic doesn't lie. I've had to learn, over the years, to trust logic instead of my feelings. You learn to live in two different minds about everything: the logical side you know to be true, and the emotional side that you feel to be true. It's very subtle and pervasive. It will sneak up on you.
Blydad: And logic will help you 'notice' depression when it rears up. Do you know how often over the years my depression-thoughts have contradicted each other? It's always a sure sign that I'm in a bad place and a signal I need to look to self-care.

In psychology, they call this Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and it's pretty much exactly what Blydad said.   Emotions often masquerade as intuition and heavily influence our decision-making processes; when our brain chemistry is out of whack, these emotions can be driven by highly illogical and erratic thoughts.  This is what accounts for many of our logical fallacies, such as Belief Bias, Fundamental Attribution Error, and others.

Anyway, Blydad truly is an amazing dad.

[RampantDesires]

This thread makes my heart happy <3

[gaggedLouise]

Great idea to launch this thread! Blydad 4-ever! :)

[Bevatoria]

Bookmarked.  Thanks for sharing, Blythe.

[SweetSerenade]

Blydad and Bly-Sis had an incredibly poignant conversation before she went home today, and I wanted to share it. This is a different tone than earlier sharing, but I really feel like it was worth sharing. I know I won't have the exact conversation quoted, as it went on a bit, but I wanted to share what I recalled of it. This is not on the same 'humorous' tone.

Please note that this one will talk about depression, though nothing scary about it, but I wanted to mention it in case people wanted to pass this one by, just in case. For reference: Blydad and Bly-Sis both have depression.

Spoiler: Click to Show/Hide

Blydad: I want to talk to you about depression before you leave today.
Bly-Sis: Sure, okay dad.
Bly-Sis: What about?
Blydad: I've had this for a really long time.
Blydad: And the little thoughts in the back of your head, the ones that undermine you, that stab a sword into your self-esteem...those don't go away.
Blydad: And when you go through a bad crisis, it does get worse. I know you've been through a lot lately.
Blydad: I wish I could say it gets easier as you get older, but it doesn't.
Bly-Sis: This is...not starting off on a good note, dad.
Blydad: Bear with me.
Blydad: One thing that has always helped me is that I'm a logical person. Emotions lie. The chemicals depression has fucked to hell in my brain lie. But my logic doesn't lie. I've had to learn, over the years, to trust logic instead of my feelings. You learn to live in two different minds about everything: the logical side you know to be true, and the emotional side that you feel to be true. It's very subtle and pervasive. It will sneak up on you.
Blydad: And logic will help you 'notice' depression when it rears up. Do you know how often over the years my depression-thoughts have contradicted each other? It's always a sure sign that I'm in a bad place and a signal I need to look to self-care.
Bly-Sis: I don't understand. I want to, but I don't.
Blydad: Okay, example time.
Blydad: My therapist gave me this as homework once. Been doing it ever since.

[At this juncture, Blydad pulled out a piece of paper dated 'May. 2007' on it. On it was written a variety of really negative statements, such as "I'm stupid.
-12:00 noon" and "I'm always wrong -2:23 p.m." He singled out these two statements in the following exchange.]

Blydad: Just look at these two.
Bly-Sis: Yeah, I think that way all the time. I'm not sure what you're saying.
Blydad: They can't both be right.
Bly-Sis: What?
Blydad: If I'm always wrong...then I'm wrong about being stupid.
Blydad: If I'm stupid, how would I know if I'm always wrong?
Blydad: When I catch myself contradicting myself that way, that's when I know the depression's in full-swing.
Bly-Sis: Okay. But I mean, what do I do about it? It's not easy to get help.
Blydad: Again, bear with me.
Blydad: Sometimes you just have to break the cycle. Sometimes you have to be your own reason to smile, even while you're drowning.
Blydad: So do you remember that year? That month?
Bly-Sis: Wasn't that when [Blythe] graduated high school?

[At this point I gave a cheerful wave but did not intrude on their conversation]

Blydad: Yes, it was. The notes I showed you were written on the day he graduated. Do you remember what I did at his graduation?
Bly-Sis: Oh god. I do. That was hilarious.
Blydad: I ran down from the bleachers and onto the football field where all the graduates were right after the mortarboards got thrown screaming 'YAAAAAAAAAAAAY" and I had one of those sparkler things. I danced on the football field while everyone watched. And people laughed.
Bly-Sis: *laughing* [Blythe] was so embarrassed but he was really happy, because you were the happiest parent there.
Blydad: Why do you think I did that?
Bly-Sis: Honestly, I just thought you were happy.
Blydad: No, I was emotionally drowning. My wife at the time--your mother--had been very horrible to me the night before. I was sad because I was losing my last kid, who was going to move out-of-state the next week. I was still new to retirement and struggling with physical pain from my hands and back.
Blydad: But I also knew that sometimes you have to break the cycle.
Blydad: Do you know how cathartic it is to scream in public? To run and dance and wave? I was in my fifties and I was letting the world know I exist. I was proving that paper wrong, even if I felt ridiculous doing it. No other parent ran out onto the field.
Blydad: But no one yelled at me. No one judged me.
Blydad: And you realize in moments like that...that you are your own worst critic. That in reality, if you had to think of one true negative feeling about yourself, it's this: you feel so strongly that it's a tornado, when really all you needed was to dance a little in the wind. Because sometimes you just have to do something to remind that one traitorous part of you that lies to you that it's wrong. And that you deserve to run onto the field with a sparkler.
Bly-Sis: I didn't even realize you felt that way, dad. You don't normally talk about this stuff...
Blydad: You have the misfortune to have a father with depression. I have not taken the time to talk to you like I should because I was afraid. Because again, that emotional side of me that feels things to be true even when they aren't convinced me I would not be able to help.
Blydad: But that was wrong.
Blydad: Anyways, come on, we're going outside. Trust me, it's worth it.

[At this point, they both went outside and several minutes passed. I was a little concerned, but suddenly, running by the front window, there they were....screaming and waving their arms, circling the house. I went outside to sort of 'follow' them.]

Blydad: IT WORKS SEE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
Bly-Sis: THIS IS RIDICULOUS
Blydad: OH GOD IT IS
Bly-Sis: DAD
Bly-Sis: YOU LOOK GOOFY
Blydad: YOU DO TOO
Bly-Sis: THE NEIGHBORS ARE WATCHING
Blydad: THEIR DOGS ARE WATCHING. THAT'S JUST WEIRD, THEY AREN'T EVEN BARKING.
Bly-Sis: LET'S STOP
Blydad: IT'S NOT A FIELD
Blydad: BUT THIS'LL DO FOR MY LESSON
Blydad: JUST REMEMBER THAT WHEN YOU THINK YOU'RE RUNNING ALONE
Blydad: YOU AREN'T
Blydad: JESUS I'M TOO DAMN OLD TO BE RUNNING OW OW OW
Bly-Sis: *wheezing* AND I'M TOO FAT

[They came back inside and got water at this point. Both of them were laughing really hard and smiling]

Blydad: Anyways, you probably wonder why we had to do that.
Bly-Sis: The really nice statement about not being alone in the end?
Blydad: That? Oh. No.
Blydad: Whenever your negative thoughts overwhelm you
Blydad: I want you to think
Blydad: "One time my dad made me run screaming around the house, and we both knew it was stupid and for this supposedly 'good' lesson about depression, and nothing about me will ever surpass how dumb that felt because the neighbors were watching. Just two grown damn adults doing pointless attention-getting things. If I can do that, I can do this. I can make it."
Bly-Sis: ....I feel weirdly better.
Bly-Sis: You're a good dad, dad.

I just joined the Blydad thread, with this post - and just found it and started reading it today. I want you to know that this post is literally the first thing today that helped me start coping with the way I've been feeling. I have so much I hide away inside, and seeing someone trying to so carefully explain his pain to his child(ren) and show how you can tear apart the depression trying to eat you alive... It really helped. In a really small way. Please... teall your dad thank you for me.

I wish my father was even a 10th the man yours was.

[Blythe]

Me: Please
Me: Why are you cooking bacon just before 3 a.m.
Me: The smell is keeping me awake
Blydad: Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
Blydad: BACON
Blydad: BACON
Blydad: Coincidentally
Blydad; the snap crackle and pop are also noises batman makes when punching his foes, I think
Me: This...
Me: ...does not actually answer my question.
Blydad: Look, if you think I need a reason to make bacon, you are wrong.
Me: Why are you up?
Blydad: DID YOU NOT SEE THE BACON. THIS IS WHY I AM UP.
Me: ...can I have some bacon too?
Blydad: No.
Blydad: Now.
Blydad: Go forth and tell the internet of my cruelty. All the bacon is mine.
Me: ...I only ever talk about you on one site, you know.
Blydad: Tell them if they marvel at my cruelty in not sharing bacon, to spite you, I will give them bacon.
Me: How you are going to give bacon to people on the internet?
Blydad: I don't know. I have not thought this plan through. Maybe because I'm feeling fatigued.
Blydad: Maybe because I'm starving to death and only bacon can help.
Me: You forgot to take your sleeping medication, didn't you?
Blydad: Yes.

[RampantDesires]

Look, if you think I need a reason to make bacon, you are wrong..

This made me have a small tea incident here at my desk.  I do indeed marvel at your awesome cruelty Blydad and appreciate the laugh and the phantom internet bacon <3

[AndyZ]

Inform Blydad that the Bacon-Bruiser has issued a challenge.  Either he must give his son bacon or the entire internet will know that his bacon is of inferior Bacitude.  Pronounce it bake it-tude

[Blythe]

....

...

He tried to stuff an entire bacon sandwich into his mouth. And mostly succeeded. What he said afterwards:

Blydad: ...I seem to have eaten it all.
Blydad: Please convey my apologies to the internet.
Me: You're aware the internet has different sites and all, right--? It's not a nebulous entity.
Blydad: No, and I do not care to. I am just competent enough to play videogames, with considerable assistance. The internet frightens me, as well it should.

[He dropped his voice in what I'm fairly convinced was him being absolutely serious at this point]

Blydad: I have heard things about it.
Me: What kind of things?
Blydad: Things.

[AndyZ]

Inferior Bacitude says I!

[CrownedSun]

...but.. but but..? Blythe didn't get any bacon??!

[Hatchet]

He'd rather have sausage anyway >.>

[Phoenixrisen]

Blydad forgetting his sleep meds reminded me to take my morning ones when my sleep meds didn't work past 2am. Thanks Blydad. Also, thank you Blythe for sharing this wonderfulness with us.

[Amaris]

I revel in the cruelty! Go Blydad!

[Wistful Dream]

~giggles~ Oh wow... I hope he didn't make himself sick eating it so quickly.

[Nowherewoman]

Blydad really is a bit of an imp, isn't he? <3

[Beguile's Mistress]

*sneaks in and pounces on a slice of bacon that fell by the wayside and begins munching the delicious crispness from end to end*

[Kye]

I needed a smile this morning.  Blydad has come through for me.  <3

[The Green One]

OMG Blydad is the best!

[Remiel]

Blydad: I have heard things about it.
Me: What kind of things?
Blydad: Things.

It's probably worse than even Blydad can imagine.

[Blythe]

Blydad: I can't get money out of the bank.
Me: Probably because it's closed. ATM's down, too.
Blydad: Why can't I get money out of the bank whenever I want?
Me: That is called 'robbery.'
Blydad: I could be a famous bank robber, I bet. I could make history. I could be the ancient yet modern day Clyde. I just need a Bonnie.
Me: ...the pretty older church lady you are crushing on & have been crushing on forever would make a great Bonnie.
Blydad: ...that would require me being able to make eye contact without being uncomfortable with my own feelings. Robbing a bank alone would be easier for me than making eye contact with people I care about.
Blydad: I think I will not be a famous bank robber.
Blydad: I shall be a famous pancake maker. Yeah. That's a better and safer plan.
Blydad: Or.
Blydad: You could be a famous pancake maker.
Me: Do you want me to see if I can make you a pancake?
Blydad: Yes, please.

[Phoenixrisen]

Your dad cracks me up.

[Wistful Dream]

I really hope he talks to that sweet lady one day.