The Best of Blydad

[marauder13]

Blydad - the Dad I aspire to be.

[Blythe]

It's been ages since I updated this but today's interaction with my dad warrants it <_<

Dad is going through some health issues with cancer & sciatica right now. And he has been complaining non-stop that his butt/back hurt. So I found online one of those nice pillows specifically for back/butt pain that is supposed to be really comfy.

So of course I ordered it a few days ago for him. Man's in pain, he needs something that helps, if only a little.

It was delivered less than thirty minutes ago and dad is having a reaction to the pillow.

Blydad: <looking at me like I shot him or something>
Blydad: "you bought me a circle butt pillow? Why. You can't even hide this thing, it's huge"
me: "i got you the butt pillow cuz you need the butt pillow"
Blydad: "you truly give up all dignity when you age"
me: "dad it's a PILLOW that will make you FEEL BETTER, it's not a crime, and it's very normal for lots of people to have those kinds of pillows"
Blydad: <ancient Boomer instincts rising>
Blydad: "well you should have asked me before you ordered it"

Also my dad: is actively sitting on the pillow despite yelling about the pillow so this means he did need the pillow

best interaction so far:
Blydad: "what is this divot in the front for"
me: <trying not to laugh and to say this with a straight face>
me: "space for your nutsack, pops"
Blydad: <appalled at my wording>
Blydad: "I raised you better than this"


I am actively dying from repressing laughter right now, and if I laugh in front of him he will get so MAD.

But he needed the pillow, he's using the pillow despite chastising me, and he would not at all have known how to order one for himself. So I am not only not sorry, I will continue to order him things that help him that I think he needs. <_<

*Note for anyone worried about his health: we have a plan and he's doing well with things thus far barring some speedbumps, he's just uncomfortable as hell. Prognosis is good at the moment so don't worry!


Edit - Second best interaction:
Blydad: "what are the grooves and bumps on the bottom of this pillow"
Me: "Traction, essentially, so you can put it onto any surface. These pillows are meant to go places with you in case the seating would hurt you"
Blydad: "I need you to understand I will see Jesus before anyone sees me sit on this pillow in public"

[Elandra]

Thank you for sharing. I am laughing so hard right now. *happy tears*

[RedPhoenix]

Welcome back Blydad!

[Wenterburn]

Thanks for the Blydad story!!

...have you tried sitting on the pillow? How does it feel?

[Ink Slinger]

I needed this content today, so thank you. 

[Callie Del Noire]

Oh set me coughing up my Blood Orange tea. I needed that. 

[Nowherewoman]

Blydad is back!  All is right with the world!

[Oniya]

Those pillows are good for non-age-related things as well.  Not going to go TMI, but sometimes you just need to take pressure off of that region.

[Blythe]

Choice quotes today: dad having a very big moment of upset regarding some new diet changes he needed. So he has had to cut out red meat, which he actually did really well with.

But he misses bacon. Like really bad.

So he bought some turkey bacon. Suffice to say I don't think it did what he wanted (though I thought it tasted fine).

He then immediately rooked me into every single house chore meant to be done today, that clever bastard.

Dad: <forlornly poking at the turkey bacon on his plate>
Dad: "It looks so good."
Dad: "Why does it taste like disappointment."
Dad: "This food tricked me."
Dad: "It lulled me into a false sense of security because it smelled good and looked very bacony."
Me: "...I mean, no one said the diet change was going to be easy."
Dad: "No one said the diet change would make me want to go to church and ask God to stop my tribulations either, but here we are."
Me: "Dad, its turkey bacon, it's not something out of the Book of Job."
Dad: "We're going to have to agree to disagree."
Me: "..."
Dad: "..."
Dad: "I know I promised I was not going to pull the 'sick old man' card but I would like to remind you I am and you are legally obligated to feel very very very sorry for me and tell me how right I am. And maybe this is where you offer to make fried chicken for me."
Me: "Okay, Dad. I will make you some fried chicken, I'll take the bacon."
Dad: "Biscuits too. And taters."
Me: "Okay, Dad, you got it."
Dad: "...maybe you also help with my laundry later."
Me: "You're pushing it. But okay."
Dad: "I'm going into the light, son. You know what would help me not go into the light? A clean kitchen sink."
Me: "DAD."
Dad: "Okay that joke got a little dark and got away from me. Know what else is dark?
Me: "..."
Me: "No. What?"
Dad: "The burned out lightbulb I don't want to change on the porch." 
Dad: "Maybe instead of heading into the light of the great beyond...I could be distracted by a beautiful new porch light."
Me: "DAD."
Dad: <whistling and no longer complaining because he knows he's getting chicken>

[marauder13]

Thank you for sharing that, Blythe. I needed that more than I expected.

[Nowherewoman]

OMG, Blydad is so darling <3

And clever as, the sneaky byotch

[Blythe]

Fun and extremely nonsensical talks with dad real late at night <_<

Blydad: "Do you ever wake up and just long for cars you used to have?"
Blydad: "You probably don't, you don't have the nostalgia for it"
Blydad: "I'm thinking of the '69 Plymouth 'Cuda I had that I regret selling. It was bright orange and a beauty"
Me: "I can honestly say I have yet to wake up with automobile-level regret"
Blydad: "That's okay, it doesn't usually hit for a man until his 40s"
Blydad: "Right now your masculinity manifests in a need to outdrink anyone near you in a bar and the need to accept any dare given to you, however stupid"
Blydad: "Great times, good times, it's how I broke some bones before, but it's fine. No one needs their pinky toe bone"
Me: "....I feel like I want to know this story and I don't want to know it, all at once"
Blydad: "Oh, it was really stupid. Me and a bunch of dudes when I was in my 20s and 30s all got drunk after work and there was this ONE time. One time we literally had this game where you hit the dude to your left in the toe with a ruler and if he didn't yell, you had to drink. But if he did yell, he had to drink."
Me: "..."
Me: "..."
Me: "...what does this have to do with the 'Cuda you miss having?"
Blydad: "It was the vehicle I was driving at the time. You've no idea how much it sucks to drive home when you've been hit like nineteen times in the pinky toe"
Me: "..."
Me: "WHY IS THIS WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT AT LIKE 1AM"
Blydad: "I'd get hit nineteen times in the toe again if I could have my 'Cuda back"
Me: "IN WHAT WORLD WOULD THAT BE THE PRICE YOU PAY"
Blydad: "You're ruining my nostalgia with your youth. Stop it."

[marauder13]

My goodness, Blythe, you have the greatest father-son talks. I never had them with my dad, and I haven't done anything like that to talk to my lads about.

Thank you once again for sharing these kind of events.

[clonkertink]

What I'm hearing from all this is that you need to buy a sexy car so that you can wax nostalgic about it in 50 years or so, Blythe.

Also, I was rewatching some episodes of the Red Green Show the other day, and this exchange feels relevant:

Red: Well, if it isn't for real men, I guess you can come along, then Harold.

Harold: Wa-what? Really!? My usual disdain for your destructive, testosterone-induced craziness seems to be overridden by my intense desire to be accepted by the group.

Red: Maybe you are a real man after all!

[WickedLittleWitch]

I adore Blydad.

[Blythe]

...sometimes medical stuff is unintentionally hilarious. Example: today.

Me: "how are you doing dad? I've been keeping a journal of your morning/night temp checks and any symptom tracking. How're things?"
Dad: "okay so I want to say that I'm not sure if this is a symptom but I am distressed so I will talk about it"
Me: <sitting down, ready to DO A CONCERN>
Dad: "I can't tell if this happened because I got hungry the past two days and I've eaten not just a LOT, but a lot of types of things or if its chemo-related"
Dad: "but the oncologist said to expect bathroom changes"
Dad: "..."
Dad: "I tooted in the bathroom and it was so bad I tried to run out of the bathroom and bumped into the door"
Me: <sitting there trying really really really hard not to die of laughter>
Dad: "go on, write that down in the symptom book"
Me: <face going red from holding laughter back> "Ok"
Dad: "don't you DARE laugh"
Me: "..."
Me: <dying inside>
Me: : <writes "toot so bad it scared him a little" in the symptom tracker book I have>

[clonkertink]

As someone who had a colonoscopy recently along with the associated prep and ensuing side-effects...

...I too have done some truly horrifying toots in recent memory. >.>

[Blythe]

As someone who had a colonoscopy recently along with the associated prep and ensuing side-effects...

...I too have done some truly horrifying toots in recent memory. >.>

He's had a colonoscopy before too, and weirdly he was fine after it, which we really had not been expecting. >_>

I did make sure he didn't get hurt accidentally bumping the door. I don't know if he's ever had a toot so bad he's tried to unthinkingly physically flee from it before today <_<

[WickedLittleWitch]

OMG I dyed laughing. Poor Blydad!

[Shekinah]

You're better than me, I would have died from laughter.

[Kirin]

Colonoscopies aren’t bad, but the prep sucks big time.

Gotta luv Blydad ❤️

[Callie Del Noire]

Colonoscopies aren’t bad, but the prep sucks big time.

Gotta luv Blydad ❤️

Just got the meds for mine. Big huge bottle and a pill bottle of stuff.

[clonkertink]

I got through the first half of the prep well enough. But the second half the next morning... ugh. The artificial pineapple flavour in mine really started to get to me.

Look at us, talkin' about our colons. >.> Is this how we turn into Blydads?

[Kirin]

I got through the first half of the prep well enough. But the second half the next morning... ugh. The artificial pineapple flavour in mine really started to get to me.

Look at us, talkin' about our colons. >.> Is this how we turn into Blydads?

🎼 We’re on our way, we’re on our way, home sweet home 🎼
Yes, I do believe this is how it starts.