I was reminded of this piece that I wrote years ago. I thought this would be an appropriate place to share it. Life never ceases to amaze me. I hope you enjoy the read. Hugs to everyone.
An older man once told me, ď(My Name), More than all else that is to be guarded, safeguard your heart, for out of it are the sources of life.Ē The man who told me that was a minister but it was the wisest advice anyone has ever given me, but it is also one of the hardest to follow. You see, ďWhen the heart is desperate who can know it?Ē
When you are young you think nothing of putting your heart out there for another to hold, because you are carefree, you are not vested, you have not committed your heart to another fully.
I am middle aged and divorced but separated for years. The last 10 to 15 years of my marriage, that was when Ďmy heart was desperateí?
I donít want to lose another quarter century without sharing my heart with someone who shares my love of life and hope for the future.
Those who know me well, know Iím carefree and the eternal flirt. But also I feel deeply for those I consider my friends. Because of my age I am also the person people share their problems with. I often jokingly refer to myself as the family priest. Everyone comes to my office and I throw up the veil and they begin pouring out their hearts to me. I donít mind though, sometimes all someone needs is another to listen, not necessarily to have any answers or to judge. It is flattering in a way they feel a confidence in me to keep their inner most thoughts safe within me. It is my gift I think.
That same old man also told me, ď(My Name), there is no fear in love but perfect love throws fear outside. Because fear exercises a restraint. He that is under fear has not been made perfect in love.Ē I know this is from the bible but he was a minister and what he said makes sense.
You see a person who is afraid to put himself or herself out there for another to find is living in fear of finding love. You first have to know yourself, your faults, your strengths, you must know your own worth before anyone will invest in you. Once you get rid of the restraint, that is fear of allowing your walls of protection down and allow someone in your heart, only then will you find perfect love, true love.
So when you put those two pieces of advice together what do you have? If the sources of life come from the heart and you have to safeguard it? Where is the balance between safeguarding your heart and finding true love? The answer is different for everyone, but for me the answer is this:
Iíll keep peering into the souls of those who I meet and wait patiently to feel the eyes of another probing my soul and looking for me. You see people like me, a soul searcher, is always there for their friends, but somehow on the outskirts just helping and watching. Waiting for a sign that only another searcher would display in there heart, a sign that reads, ďHere I am you donít have to look anymore ĎI see you, I see into you.íĒ You see that is what we all long for; someone to see us, the real us. Until we find that person we search for him or her. I am a soul searcher. I have been gifted with the ability to help others by listening and sometimes counseling. But I am in search of that soul searcher who is looking for me. Once we find each other we will both be complete, no longer on the outskirts just observing. Once we find each other our lives will begin. For now I am still searching for him and he for me. We will find each other I have no doubt because he is my reward.