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Author Topic: Perverted Wishes  (Read 89376 times)

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Offline Paradox

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #850 on: August 24, 2008, 10:45:00 AM »
Granted, but you have no mouth to say it with; thus, you are forever tortured by having the knowledge without the ability.

I wish the never ending pasta bowl at Olive Garden really was never ending.

EDIT: Pasta bowl, not paste bowl.
« Last Edit: August 24, 2008, 06:40:11 PM by Paradox »

Offline Inkidu

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #851 on: August 24, 2008, 10:55:41 AM »
Grated you get exactly what you wish for. You are now permanently constipated because of all the paste you consumed at Olive Garden.

I wish I could pass any academic course without breaking the school's honor code. 

Offline Random

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #852 on: August 24, 2008, 11:13:33 AM »
Granted! You pass every course you ever attempt with flying colors, but your sudden academic prowess leaves the world of science in awe, and they whisk you away and lock you in a room and run all manner of tests upon you that fry your brain, leaving you a babbling mess and unable to actually do anything with all that education.

I wish I could get out of my dead end job a.s.a.p.!

Offline ShrowdedPoet

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #853 on: August 24, 2008, 11:37:23 AM »
Granted, you have no job.

I wish I could beat the daylights out of a specific person.

Offline Inkidu

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #854 on: August 24, 2008, 11:40:08 AM »
Granted, you have no job.

I wish I could beat the daylights out of a specific person.
Granted.
You beat the crap out of the person but are arrested for assault and battery charges.

EDIT

I wish I could remember to make wishes!
« Last Edit: August 24, 2008, 04:55:20 PM by Inkedu »

Offline MusicNeverDies

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #855 on: August 24, 2008, 04:53:49 PM »
Granted.
You beat the crap out of the person but are arrested for assault and battery charges.
Psst- make a wish.

Offline Paradox

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #856 on: August 24, 2008, 06:40:49 PM »
Granted, but not a one of them comes true.




I wish you would stop talking.

Offline Inkidu

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #857 on: August 24, 2008, 06:50:18 PM »
Granted but typing isn't talking.

I wish I could talk again.

Offline Paradox

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #858 on: August 24, 2008, 06:52:33 PM »
(not YOU, man)

Granted, but your fingers all fall off, so now you can't type...and even if you could, your keyboard short-circuited from the blood.

I wish the world was in black and white.

Offline xXStarlightXx

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #859 on: August 24, 2008, 09:53:45 PM »
Wish granted but now you loose any visual or feelings of textures.  Everything looks flat to you.

I wish I could make love on a cloud.

Offline Inkidu

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #860 on: August 24, 2008, 09:59:13 PM »
Granted. You and whomever do the deed on the cloud, however you realize that you have no way of getting off the cloud so you are forced to stay up there.

I wish I had two dozen Dunkin' Doughnuts!

Offline Paradox

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #861 on: August 24, 2008, 10:00:11 PM »
Granted, but you waste almost all of them by attempting to stuff them all onto your penis at the same time.

I wish sprite zero didn't race through my urinary tract so damned fast.

Offline Idej

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #862 on: August 25, 2008, 01:11:50 AM »
Granted, but everything moves so slow through your urinary tract that it begins to buildup and gets your urinary tract infected up to the point that your kidney's fail and you eventually die from the build-up even with medical assistance.

I wish that I could be on a tropical island with all of the ladies on Elliquiy.:)

Offline xXStarlightXx

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #863 on: August 25, 2008, 01:17:18 AM »
Wish granted but you are secluded to a room on the island and not allowed to see the ladies.  ;)

I wish I could spend a romantic evening with antonio bendares (sp)

Offline Random

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #864 on: August 25, 2008, 05:46:42 AM »
Granted, you get to spend a wonderfully romantic evening with Antonio Banderas, where he tries to fulfill all of your desires... of course, it's not the Antonio Banderas, but an Antonio Banderas that crossed the border about three weeks ago, doesn't know a word of English, and smells strongly of tequila and donkey sweat.

I wish I didn't have these accursed allergies!



As an aside...
Granted, but you waste almost all of them by attempting to stuff them all onto your penis at the same time.

(I laughed so hard at this! Brilliant!)

Offline jstarz

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #865 on: August 25, 2008, 08:34:30 AM »
Granted, but now you don't have an immune system and have to live in a plastic bubble.

I wish I had a fax machine.

Offline Inkidu

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #866 on: August 25, 2008, 08:51:39 AM »
Granted but all the instructions are in Swahili.

I wish I had a time machine.

Offline Idej

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #867 on: August 25, 2008, 09:15:55 AM »
Granted but the machine takes you back to France during the French Revolution where you are captured and executed via the guillotine.

I wish that I knew what was happening all over the world in a blink of an eye.

Offline Kalen

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #868 on: August 25, 2008, 09:25:58 AM »
You can!  But then Dexter cuts off your eyelids, and the power is gone forever, forcing you to invest heavily in Visine.

I wish it was 2009.

Offline MusicNeverDies

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #869 on: August 25, 2008, 09:30:24 AM »
Granted- but you ceased to exist from the point the wish was made until 12:01 January 1st. All your friends thought you upped and left them, and want nothing to do with you anymore.

I wish Harry Potter hadn't been pushed back to the summer.

Offline Inkidu

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #870 on: August 25, 2008, 09:34:18 AM »
Granted.

It's been pushed back to five years from now.

I wish I had an i-pod.

Offline MusicNeverDies

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #871 on: August 25, 2008, 09:35:45 AM »
Granted, but iPods sue the i-pod company and charge anyone owning one with copyright. Enjoy your lawsuit.

I wish I had my own car that worked.


Offline Kalen

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #872 on: August 25, 2008, 09:37:12 AM »
Granted.  But it only drives East.

I wish my muscles weren't so sore.

Offline Bliss

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #873 on: August 25, 2008, 10:20:46 AM »
Granted - your muscles are gone. You're now a bone-bag.

I wish I could start my own company.

Offline Inkidu

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #874 on: August 25, 2008, 10:44:51 AM »
Granted but it soon goes the way of Enron. You forgot to build a golden parachute and you're thrown in prison.

I wish had a thousand dollar, legitimate gift card to Books-A-Million.