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Author Topic: Perverted Wishes  (Read 89396 times)

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Offline Inkidu

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #975 on: September 07, 2008, 03:24:37 PM »
Granted you now have the worst case of obsessive compulsive disorder ever recorded. Last seen you were arranging M&Ms by size, color, and alphabetically.

I wish I understood what Idej said.

Offline Idej

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #976 on: September 08, 2008, 12:47:16 AM »
Granted, every single Dragonlace book comes flowing into your brain, filling it up with all of the information about Dragonlance.  Though the flow of information coming into your head becomes too much and your head explodes.

I wish that I was friends with Oda Nobunaga in a previous life.

Offline Inkidu

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #977 on: September 08, 2008, 07:57:19 AM »
Granted, though historians reckon he was paranoid and eccentric. He kills you because he thinks you stole his favorite tea cup. He later finds it in the dirty dishes.

I wish I had the ability to read peoples' minds at will.

Offline Bliss

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #978 on: September 08, 2008, 07:59:05 AM »
Your wish is granted, but the effect of holding other peoples thoughts and related experiences and mental patterning concurrently in with your own drives you slowly, inexorably mad.

I wish I could bug off work and go fishing.

Offline Inkidu

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #979 on: September 08, 2008, 08:07:03 AM »
Wish granted you bug of work by magically turning you into a grasshopper. You're caught by a bait shop owner packaged and sold. Now you're on a hook. Have fun fishing!

I wish I had a steak sandwich.

Offline jstarz

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #980 on: September 08, 2008, 08:24:44 AM »
Granted but sharp wood poles on rye aren't edible.

I wish I had an unending large cheese pizza.

Offline Inkidu

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #981 on: September 11, 2008, 12:28:53 PM »
Granted but you can no longer crap due to an excess of dairy in your system. Go figure.

I wish I had a ham and swiss cheese sandwich with pickles.

Offline Aiden

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #982 on: September 11, 2008, 01:00:12 PM »
Granted but the ham is turkey and it is horribly dry, and you have nothing to drink!

I wish I could be productive at work.

Offline Inkidu

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #983 on: September 11, 2008, 01:20:13 PM »
(You bastard! My ham!)

Granted, you are the most productive employee ever. You're so efficient you become a being of pure energy, unfortunately; you still want to have sex but can no longer do so.

I wish Dead Space would release sooner.

Offline Aiden

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #984 on: September 11, 2008, 01:36:55 PM »
(My Sex! You bastard!)

Granted, you are given a early full copy of the game in a clear indestructibly lock box. You get you key two days after it is released to the world.

I wish it was legal for me to punch stupid people.

Offline Kalen

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #985 on: September 11, 2008, 02:57:27 PM »
It becomes not only legal, but nessecary.  Then you lock yourself into a small room by accident, and beat yourself to death.

I wish I didn't feel tired all the time.

Offline Inkidu

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #986 on: September 11, 2008, 03:50:31 PM »
Granted, you discover an infinite energy supplement. You no longer feel tired all the time but you can't sleep. Last time you were spotted you were attempting to dig a hole to China only to realize halfway there you already ran there.

I wish it was dinner time.

Offline Red Dawn

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #987 on: September 11, 2008, 07:38:31 PM »
Granted, however when you arrive to the dinner table, you found a note saying that your parents and siblings left to eat dinner in a five star restaurant and that they would be back in a few hours. You are left with a plate of cold peas and mash potatoes.

I wish I could sleep and still learn

Offline jstarz

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #988 on: September 11, 2008, 09:01:03 PM »
Granted but you get sent a bunch of those subliminal message tapes and learn to improve your vocabulary despite wanting to loose weight...

I wish I didn't come up with such an obvious Simpsons reference.

Offline Zaer Darkwail

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #989 on: September 12, 2008, 03:35:14 AM »
Wish granted but it changes into doing muppets referances.

I wish I could focus do now my end degree paper work far more better and finish it less than a month!

Offline jstarz

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #990 on: September 12, 2008, 03:40:31 PM »
Granted but you get nailed for plagiarism.

I wish it wasn't raining today.

Offline Idej

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #991 on: September 12, 2008, 03:56:14 PM »
Granted, but it will never rain throughout the world for the rest of eternity.  The world dries up with now moisture and eventually bakes.

I wish that Istanbul was called Constantinople again.

Offline Inkidu

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #992 on: September 12, 2008, 04:08:49 PM »
Wish granted. You walk into a spacial anomaly and are warped back to the third crusade. You're standing on the battlements of Constantinople at the pillage of the city by the European knights.

I wish I had a grilled fish sandwich.

Offline MusicNeverDies

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #993 on: September 12, 2008, 04:55:17 PM »
Granted- but you get food poisoning from it.

I wish my house was clean.

Offline Idej

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #994 on: September 12, 2008, 05:29:36 PM »
Granted, a Repo Man comes in and repossesses your house and all of your belongings.  You now don't have to worry about a clean house.

I wish that Abraham Lincoln and JFK were not assassinated.

Offline MusicNeverDies

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #995 on: September 12, 2008, 05:33:53 PM »
Granted- they tripped down stairs and cracked their heads open- so much for the image of American intelligence.

I wish I could find the safety pins.

Offline jstarz

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #996 on: September 12, 2008, 08:37:31 PM »
Granted, but you're now involved in a BDSM scene and those pins are being used in unspeakable places and in unspeakable ways...

I wish I could clothe the naked.

Offline Red Dawn

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #997 on: September 12, 2008, 09:22:04 PM »
Granted. However, you find that while you could clothe the naked, a very fat, very ugly, and very angry middle-aged man would not stay dressed and you spent the remainder of your years getting beatened by him for dressing him.

I wish weekends come faster

Offline Inkidu

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #998 on: September 13, 2008, 06:19:59 PM »
Wish granted. Weekends come faster because all the other days of the week have magically vanished. So now everyone has to work extra hard on the weekends.

I wish I could find my drawing software.

Offline jstarz

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #999 on: September 13, 2008, 06:37:39 PM »
Granted but you're stuck with a demo version of PS that expires in 10 minutes.

I for a table saw.