It's actually a fun way to spend ten minutes.
Hello. This is the IRS. We need to confirm your Social Security Number before continuing this call. Please tell me your social security number.
What do you need my social security number for?
We need it to verify who you are.
But I know who I am.
No, you misunderstood sir. We need it to verify who you are.
If I know who I am, why do you need to verify it?
You don't understand. We need your social security number to verify that you are who we think you are.
Who do you think I am?
Uh ... that's not the point. If you'll just tell me your number, I can compare it to the number here on my monitor.
Oh, well I don't have my computer or smart phone here, so I don't have a monitor.
I said that I don't have my computer or smart phone here, so I don't have a monitor.
You don't need a monitor. Just tell me your social security number.
But you said you already had it on your monitor. You're confusing me.
I'm sorry, I'm not trying to confuse you. I have a social security number and I want to make sure it's yours.
It can't be mine, I have mine.
Wait ... what?
I said, I have my social security number, so you can't have it.
I don't understand. Where do you have your social security number? Is it written down?
Well, it was, but then Charlie ate it.
Charlie ate what?
My social security number.
Who is Charlie?
Oh, Charlie is my golden retriever and my best friend. Do you sell pets there?
What? Pets? No, I don't have any pets here.
You know, pets can help you feel happier when you're cranky like that.
I'm not cranky sir. Do you know your social security number?
Would you mind telling me what it is?
Oh, it's a 9 digit number assigned to each person so the Social Security Administration can uniquely identify that person.
Yes, I know that.
Why did you ask if you already knew? Is this a test? Because I'm really bad at tests.
No, it's not a test. I need to know the 9 digits of your social security number so we can continue this call and give you important information.
Do you want them in order?
That's only seven digits.
Oh. You want me to repeat duplicate values?
Do you want me to repeat duplicate values. Like if there are 2 threes in my social security number, do you want me to repeat the 3?
I have no idea what you mean.
Well, if I repeat duplicate values then my social security number in order is 2-3-3-4-5-6-8-8-9
Just a moment please.
I'm sorry, but that's not a valid social security number. Could you please repeat it so I can double-check?
That can't be right - that number is not currently in use.
You mean I was assigned an invalid Social Security Number? How did that happen?
No. I meant you couldn't ... I don't know. Are you sure you're reading the number correctly?
Well, I could get my reading glasses.
OK. Please get them and then read the number again.
I wasn't reading the number.
Wait ... what? Where are you getting the number from?
I got it from the Social Security Administration. I thought we already covered that.
No. I mean where are you getting the number from now?
I'm not getting the number now. It was assigned right after I was born.
OK. Let's just stop for a minute. I need to know your social security number. Do you know what it is?
You already asked me that. It's a 9 digit number assigned to each person so the Social Security Administration can uniquely identify that person.
Shit. Are you serious? Just tell me the damned number!
If you're not going to be polite, I won't help you figure out the social security number on your monitor.
I'm not interested in the number on my damned monitor. I want you to tell me what your number is.
This is the third time you've asked me what a social security number is. If you don't know by now, you need to go through your training again.
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