Oh! Oh how the wedding was wonderful!
Ink looked so much better than that skanky Swan girl ever did. And Remiel well.. just look at him. No, seriously, go look. I’ll wait. The most glorious and handsome devil of them all, am-I-right-ladies-and-fellas-of-a-certain-persuasion? Hell yeah! And he was all Ink’s.
MintPrincess was ravishing as always. Being the Sheriff of the land she was both Maid of Honor and Officiator for the wedding. Oh and the bridesmaids!!! The lemur medium had outdone himself conjuring both Myobi and Amber who had accepted the invitation gladly; after all, being angels now they knew there was only one word to describe the love between Remiel and Intimate Ink: Heavenly.
Ink and Remiel kissed and the people cheered; the music soared, and the entire town forgot their differences and began to dance. For one magic moment, no one cared any more. There was, dare I say it, world peace.
It was only as Remiel finally held Intimate Ink in his arms, against his chest, Intimate Ink began to cry. At first Remiel simply thought it was because of the skilled music of pop mistress Adele, whom the leemurs had tracked down to perform at the wedding. Adele, of course, hearing of the intensity of Ink’s love for the pirate gladly performed for the pair of lovers for free.
“What… what’s wrong, my sexy and sweet and absolute-perfect Intimate Ink?” The pirate spoke, his eyes finally aflame with the truth that his heart had denied for so long!
“It… it… it’s just so beautiful,” Ink sobbed, “I don’t want it to end.”
“It won’t. Of course it won’t! Is this because of that little lover’s quarrel we had? When I said you were a werewolf and must die? You know I never actually meant any of that! It’s forgotten.”
Remiel stood like the proud and protective husband he now was. “You hear me! Anyone who wants to harm Ink must come through me first! I withdraw my vote a thousand times!”
Yet Ink still sobbed, his tears inconsolable, even when touched by the pirate’s perfect mouth.
“But... but my dear pirate. I am a wolf and must die. You know that! Or do you? I just can't say one way or the other because the game is going on still!! After being told that you would never love me by Madame Professor
I began experimenting in werewolves. You know, as troubled teenagers do. I… I became addicted to being a werewolf as a teenager because of that! I can’t stop. I want to, but I can’t quit it… I can’t quit it… just like I can’t quit you, Remiel! That’s right, I can’t quit you!”
Remiel kissed his beloved’s cheek, now crying himself. “It doesn’t matter! It doesn’t matter anymore! The town and the wolves can live in peace now, it’s okay! Ink: You complete me. You think I don't love you after hearing this? I STILL DO.
Ink smiled softly, sadly, “Oh, but it must matter…” And that’s when Ink held out his hand. The bottle was unmistakable. It was Vera’s wolfbane that she always laced in the coffee; Ink must have taken it when he stole her beans
! It was empty now, though, drunk before the lovers' dance even started.
“Doctor! Doctor!” Remiel cried.
But no, Ink had known his love would try to stop him. The act was done too long ago for him to be saved.
In true drama-queen style Ink’s feet began to give way, his beautiful, beautiful face (so much more beautiful than Emma Swan’s…) growing pale and diaphoretic. Remiel tried to support him, taking Ink in his arms and holding him to his chest, “No, no love…”
And Ink looked up into those beautiful dark pirate eyes for the last time, and offered his final breaths with an uneasy gasp. “You… you… beautiful bastard, at least hold me lower against you when I die. I’m still a gay male… let me feel your famous Helmeted Crotch Pirate just.. one... time…”
And Remiel did. And Ink died a happy
The village all cried. Sure, they were saved another night
... but at what cost?
AT WHAT COST I ASK OF YOU?!!!
Still, even though the town unanimously decided to rename their fair hamlet Intimate-Inks-alot they stuck Remiel’s poor and only love one on the gallows anyway, ‘cause they can be jerks like that.