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Author Topic: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View  (Read 186744 times)

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Online Oniya

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1600 on: December 31, 2018, 03:23:19 PM »
Hey Oni...

What's a mix tape? >.>

Anyway, its just a nice feeling to feel that you're not alone, even if the artist doesn't really get it though I'm pretty sure Tyler Joseph does, it just helps to connect in a way you feel that is valuable.

It's how my generation was supposedly going to 'destroy the music industry'.  They couldn't blame millennials yet, after all.  ;D

Offline Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1601 on: December 31, 2018, 03:51:09 PM »
It's how my generation was supposedly going to 'destroy the music industry'. 

I'm pretty sure Napster did that.


Offline Giantmutantcrab

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1602 on: December 31, 2018, 06:54:08 PM »
I'm pretty sure Napster did that.

Yep. No one ever shared parts of their music collection to others before the series of tubes known as the internets.

Offline Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1603 on: December 31, 2018, 07:24:23 PM »
Sorry.  Sarcasm doesn't translate well over text.   :P

Offline TheLionKing

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1604 on: January 09, 2019, 04:41:52 PM »
I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety since I was a preteen. I was bullied tremendously in school and often felt like I was this abomination that no one could stand to be around. To this day I feel this way and can’t accept compliments without denying them. I find friends and I feel like a burden to them or I feel like I drive them nuts with my insecurities. I’ve been known to have panic attacks when friends don’t answer my texts or calls. In my mind they’ve had enough of me and this is their way of telling me Off. So I end up pushing them away on purpose and isolating myself. I’ve become akin to a turtle.

Most people have told me to go seek help and I can’t force myself to do so. So I try to use different media to get my mind off things. I try to deal with it on my own because I’m afraid of judgement. I’m constantly worried about what others think of me. Sometimes I’m successful at controlling both but other times it takes me weeks and some sleepless nights to get myself back to feeling ok.

Offline Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1605 on: January 09, 2019, 05:01:49 PM »
I can certainly understand, LionKing.  I think that our dysfunctional behavioral traits were created from trauma like the kind you describe, and are a kind of extreme over-reaction toward anything that reminds us of this trauma.

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1606 on: January 10, 2019, 03:00:42 AM »
I can certainly understand, LionKing.  I think that our dysfunctional behavioral traits were created from trauma like the kind you describe, and are a kind of extreme over-reaction toward anything that reminds us of this trauma.



+1 I agree wholeheartedly.

Offline TheLionKing

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1607 on: January 10, 2019, 10:27:14 AM »
Certainly makes sense to me. I’m trying to work on not driving my friends nuts.

Offline Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1608 on: January 10, 2019, 11:04:23 AM »
Well, self-awareness is a good first step toward this.  Also, pre-emptive communication can also help: "Hey guys, sorry if I've been acting moody or obnoxious.  I'm going through a lot right now.  If I do anything that annoys or upsets you, please let me know."

Offline colerie1974

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1609 on: January 11, 2019, 12:26:35 AM »
So here goes nothing...
  I am drowning and nobody seems to notice, or perhaps, to care to throw me a life jacket. I feel like the world would be a better place without me. I hurt from the moment I open my eyes until I pass out at night.
  Don't get me wrong...I am not contemplating suicide or even using self-harm to soothe. I am just in a very dark and lonely place right now and feel like I could completely lose my sanity at any moment.
  Thanks for listening.

         xoxo,
             ~Cole

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1610 on: January 11, 2019, 07:05:09 AM »
So here goes nothing...
  I am drowning and nobody seems to notice, or perhaps, to care to throw me a life jacket. I feel like the world would be a better place without me. I hurt from the moment I open my eyes until I pass out at night.
  Don't get me wrong...I am not contemplating suicide or even using self-harm to soothe. I am just in a very dark and lonely place right now and feel like I could completely lose my sanity at any moment.
  Thanks for listening.

         xoxo,
             ~Cole


Colerie I am so sorry you are feeling that way. Depression sucks. Darkness sucks. It is so hard to see how much people really care when we're in smack dab in it. It is hard to see how they even could, but they do. They do! Those people who care are around if we let them in, but it seems the hard part is reaching out when the day is dark. Please take care. You are not alone. My PM box is always available if you need someone to listen.

Offline Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1611 on: January 11, 2019, 08:03:15 AM »
So here goes nothing...
  I am drowning and nobody seems to notice, or perhaps, to care to throw me a life jacket. I feel like the world would be a better place without me. I hurt from the moment I open my eyes until I pass out at night.
  Don't get me wrong...I am not contemplating suicide or even using self-harm to soothe. I am just in a very dark and lonely place right now and feel like I could completely lose my sanity at any moment.
  Thanks for listening.

         xoxo,
             ~Cole

I've certainly been there, Cole.  The world can certainly be a cold and lonely place sometimes.  My heart goes out to you.

Offline Mirrah

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1612 on: January 13, 2019, 01:11:28 AM »
So here goes nothing...
  I am drowning and nobody seems to notice, or perhaps, to care to throw me a life jacket. I feel like the world would be a better place without me. I hurt from the moment I open my eyes until I pass out at night.
  Don't get me wrong...I am not contemplating suicide or even using self-harm to soothe. I am just in a very dark and lonely place right now and feel like I could completely lose my sanity at any moment.
  Thanks for listening.

         xoxo,
             ~Cole

It's difficult. Depression is difficult in so many ways. It can make one pull inward, it can make it difficult to share things like thoughts, emotions, and the pain can feel so strong. I'm sorry you're in that dark place right now. Like others who may have reached out to you, you're always welcome to message me as well, even just to vent or chat, if it'd help you in any way. I can't offer anything, but if a stranger listening is enough, you're welcome to my internet shoulder and ear.

Online Oniya

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1613 on: January 14, 2019, 02:30:32 PM »
'That's your anxiety talking.'

On a gut level, I feel this is the wrong thing for someone to say, but I'm having a hard time verbalizing why beyond a simmering, seething sense of 'How dare you say that!' 

Online AcademicCuriosity9110

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1614 on: January 14, 2019, 06:38:53 PM »
'That's your anxiety talking.'

On a gut level, I feel this is the wrong thing for someone to say, but I'm having a hard time verbalizing why beyond a simmering, seething sense of 'How dare you say that!'

I hope this isn't too presumptuous of me, but, if I may, perhaps it's because such a statement feels like it's robbing one of their agency, making them feel less in control and at the same time trivializing what is actually a serious condition. It's dismissing one's feelings and concerns as invalid by attempting to attribute them to the anxiety. It's disrespectful and belittling.

Offline Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1615 on: January 14, 2019, 06:52:39 PM »
Exactly what AcademicCuriousity said.  It's on par with "you're just feeling that way because of your PMS." 

Online Oniya

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1616 on: January 14, 2019, 09:41:23 PM »
Thanks guys - that puts a good 'technical' phrasing on it.  I was trying to find it in those 'what not to say to a person with _____', but that one seems to have been missed. 

Somewhat to be expected from a broham who thinks that 'being introverted is just something edgy you've held onto since middle school.  You just need to socialize more.'  (I can't wait until June....)

Online AcademicCuriosity9110

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1617 on: January 14, 2019, 10:33:05 PM »
Thanks guys - that puts a good 'technical' phrasing on it.  I was trying to find it in those 'what not to say to a person with _____', but that one seems to have been missed. 

Somewhat to be expected from a broham who thinks that 'being introverted is just something edgy you've held onto since middle school.  You just need to socialize more.'  (I can't wait until June....)

Glad to be able to help.

Offline Curves

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1618 on: January 28, 2019, 08:50:31 AM »
This Monday, I’m having a really difficult time keeping it together.  More difficult than I can ever remember having prior to this.

 The pretty, smiling mask I’ve become accustomed to wearing has been worn ragged and needs to be replaced, but currently I have no desire to replace it, as I’ve done countless times before.

I wish there was a switch to turn this monster off, a sort of panic room to shove her into when she decides to push through, though I wonder if I’d even have the strength to do that today.

There’s no one thing that gets me ‘here.’  At least I can’t pinpoint any ONE thing.  I just know the tears are burning right behind my eyes constantly this day and I’ve already wondered how the people in my life would feel if I just ran away. 


Today is the closest I’ve come to doing that, too.

At work, I have the pretty smile on my face, but I wonder if anyone notices my eyes are just a bit shinier than normal.  At home, I’m snappish and just want to be left alone.  When you have a husband and kids, that’s impossible, as I’m sure so many people here know.

The feelings of being a failure, a mess, a disappointment, are all front and center in my mind.  A blinking banner set to ‘repeat’ to remind me of all my flaws, from my body to my mind.

Depression leaves no stone unturned when reminding the person it’s inhabiting of just how inadequate they are. 

This disease, this monster, this horrible menace has me in its palm today, squeezing tightly.  I need it to go away.  Forever.

If only.

Thank you all for ‘listening.’  I’m hoping giving voice to it, even through type, will scare it enough to leave me alone, even if only for a little while.


Online CrownedSun

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1619 on: January 28, 2019, 09:29:43 AM »
I understand those feels all too well, Curves, having felt many of them myself,-- both right now, recently, and in general.

I hope things get easier/better soon.

*offers some hugs*

Depression sucks. :-(

Online AcademicCuriosity9110

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1620 on: January 29, 2019, 07:07:53 PM »
I've been dealing with a lot of shit lately, and that made me start going over some of my old writing, where I found a poem I wrote a few years when I was in a similar spot. I'd like to share it here. First, this was heavily influenced by listening to Shane Koyczan, to the point where I read it in his voice. Seriously, go check him out on YouTube if you haven't.

Without further ado, I present:

Cancelled Download

Suicide is a cancelled download of life
Someone who got so tired of waiting for the next update
That they just cancelled it halfway through
They may have been troubled but they didn't deserve that fate

When everything you see is the viruses trying to get in,
It’s hard to see what you’re really getting in your machine
But talk to your friends, they’re your tech support team,
They’ll show you the file labeled life.exe is still clean

Turn on your antivirus, scan the ones and zeroes,
Troubleshoot and see just how much is working right
Have faith that any virus can be removed, any malware deleted,
Clean your hard drive, but don’t cancel your download tonight

The truth is, it’s always a struggle to run your life files
You have to remember, it’s horrid hardware, sloppy software,
But it's unique, because it’s yours, to love and to hate.
And when you can’t make it work, tech support is right there

You can’t reboot when you abort the operation,
You’ve erased your operating system.
It’s gone blue screen of death on you, and
Anyone who says it’s the only way, fuck ‘em

Don’t cancel the download, let it finish
Get the help you need, but you can get that update
Talk to someone, they’ll know your pain,
They’ll help you click the right icons, just you wait

Don’t Ctrl+alt+delete, don’t end the task
I’ve seen too many friends make their machines crash.
It’s never fun to find out the fact that
So many machines can be turned off with a flash.

The blue screen of death can be a relief,
To some, it’s the best thing they’ve ever seen,
Because their software’s stuck in a loop of pain,
And they just want to see the end come on the screen.

But they don’t need to do that, they don’t need to crash it.
They need a debugger, someone to troubleshoot,
They need the help, they need tech support.
But they’ll crash it without someone to help them reboot.

Ignoring the problem, ignoring the security alerts,
Just ruins the machine, lets the problem grow,
Pretending the virus isn’t there doesn’t make it disappear
It lets it ruin everything you know.

Accept that there are things that get through the firewall,
That anything could be the trigger that makes someone crash
Their machine, that an invisible virus is still a virus,
That sometimes a listening ear stops the abort, prevents the flash

You may not know how to fix life.exe,
But that doesn’t mean it can’t be done
Let a fresh eye look at the situation,
Let them tell you, “Hey, I know this one.”

But sometimes, they don’t do that,
Sometimes, the red flag emails are called spam,
And they get ignored until it’s too late,
And then nothing can help them get out of their jam.

Not everyone can fix every error, even when they see it
But they ignore it because they think someone else can.
But we’re not all the same tech support people,
We don’t all have a book that says, “Here’s the software plan.”

Offline Mirrah

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1621 on: January 30, 2019, 03:59:07 AM »
Thank you so much for sharing that poem, AcademicCuriosity. ^^ I will definitely be bookmarking that post so I can come back and read it again whenever I feel I need to. It also reminds me of something I ran across a while back on Tumblr that I remind myself to read through when I am going through a rougher time than usual. It helps me. Maybe others will find it useful as well.

« Last Edit: January 30, 2019, 04:00:46 AM by Mirrah »

Offline Meatboy

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1622 on: January 30, 2019, 06:39:16 AM »
I feel this way a lot.

So much loss, so little gain.

RP'ing, at least for me, has helped a bit for me though.

I hope it's the same for a lot of people here as well and that RP'ing with anyone or even alone can help relieve some of that depression.

Online AcademicCuriosity9110

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1623 on: January 30, 2019, 07:06:19 PM »
Thank you so much for sharing that poem, AcademicCuriosity. ^^ I will definitely be bookmarking that post so I can come back and read it again whenever I feel I need to. It also reminds me of something I ran across a while back on Tumblr that I remind myself to read through when I am going through a rougher time than usual. It helps me. Maybe others will find it useful as well.



Glad you liked it and that it helped. And thanks for sharing that post; definitely good advice.