You are either not logged in or not registered with our community. Click here to register.
 
December 16, 2019, 06:43:55 AM

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

Login with username, password and session length

Click here if you are having problems.
Default Wide Screen Beige Lilac Rainbow Black & Blue October Platinum Send us your theme!

Wiki Blogs Dicebot

Author Topic: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View  (Read 209514 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline marauder13

  • A Patient Male
  • Lord
  • Enchanter
  • *
  • Join Date: Jan 2013
  • Location: Waiting in the shadows to surprise you
  • Gender: Male
  • Always on the lookout for my next friend.
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 0
Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1525 on: February 03, 2018, 10:16:43 PM »
If there is one thing that this blog showed me, is that everyone is different. Everyone's path through their personal darkness is different to mine, and how they find their way out might be different to mine. What worked for one person may not work for me, and likewise, what has worked for me may not work for someone else.

I have been fortunate in some ways with my depression. I have an outlet that can keep my mood up, assuming that I don't sink too much. For me, that is writing, a lot of which I do here. Secondly, I have many family and friends who understand me, and more importantly, don't judge me. They also know that sometimes, I just need someone to listen, and show they have. A good number of those friends can be found here on Elliquiy.

But the biggest help was a little discovery I made a couple of years ago. I stopped having mood drops. I had mood dips. Sure, some of those dips were mighty deep, but there is a difference between a dip, and a drop. A dip has a down side, and an up side. A drop only has a down. So, when my mood starts to dip, I know it will come up again. I don't know when, but I know it will. For me, that made those events less troubling, and much shorter in duration too. I made myself believe that one little difference, and it made a big change for me. I no longer worried about if I would get out of the pit I had fallen into, because I will get out. Since then, I have come out of every dip I have entered. Some took a day or two, some took longer, but not one of them trapped me.

Never believe you are worthless, because there are some milestones others have reached that you haven't. Look at where you are, and compare it to where you have been. If you're moving forward, then you are succeeding. Don't bother looking at someone else and comparing them to you. That is a totally different "race", and not one you are in.

I have succeeding in a few things this year. I now regularly shower, once a day. Before that, I might miss a day, or more (yuck), and never worried about it. Now, this year, every day I have showered, and not missed one day. I have even done yard work once a week. There are parts of the yard that still look like a jungle, but each week, a little more of that jungle returns to being a lawn, or garden. I know people who do all of that stuff regularly and it is nothing to them. These are great achievements for me. If I compare myself to them, it would crush me. But I don't, because I look back at where I was, and I see how far I have come. I am doing more, slowly, than I was before, and I feel magnificent about what I have done. Plus, I am thinking of what I will do next when I get this stuff under control, and it is just another regular task I do. I am nowhere near what I was when I was diagnosed, but I am a little closer to it than I was at the end of last year. I also have plans on moving a little closer.

Gee, I think I am rambling now. At this point, I shall stop.


Oh, but before I do go, a big thank you to Rhedyn for starting this blog, and letting all of use share it, and a big thank you to everyone else who shared their experiences and lent their words of support to those who needed them.

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1526 on: February 03, 2018, 10:32:31 PM »
That was beautifully written marauder13~

I especially loved this:

Quote
...there are some milestones others have reached that you haven't. Look at where you are, and compare it to where you have been. If you're moving forward, then you are succeeding. Don't bother looking at someone else and comparing them to you. That is a totally different "race", and not one you are in

This is such an easy thing to forget, but it is very much worth remembering. Thank you for the reminder!

Offline Serephino

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1527 on: February 03, 2018, 11:24:07 PM »
If there is one thing that this blog showed me, is that everyone is different. Everyone's path through their personal darkness is different to mine, and how they find their way out might be different to mine. What worked for one person may not work for me, and likewise, what has worked for me may not work for someone else.

I have been fortunate in some ways with my depression. I have an outlet that can keep my mood up, assuming that I don't sink too much. For me, that is writing, a lot of which I do here. Secondly, I have many family and friends who understand me, and more importantly, don't judge me. They also know that sometimes, I just need someone to listen, and show they have. A good number of those friends can be found here on Elliquiy.

But the biggest help was a little discovery I made a couple of years ago. I stopped having mood drops. I had mood dips. Sure, some of those dips were mighty deep, but there is a difference between a dip, and a drop. A dip has a down side, and an up side. A drop only has a down. So, when my mood starts to dip, I know it will come up again. I don't know when, but I know it will. For me, that made those events less troubling, and much shorter in duration too. I made myself believe that one little difference, and it made a big change for me. I no longer worried about if I would get out of the pit I had fallen into, because I will get out. Since then, I have come out of every dip I have entered. Some took a day or two, some took longer, but not one of them trapped me.

Never believe you are worthless, because there are some milestones others have reached that you haven't. Look at where you are, and compare it to where you have been. If you're moving forward, then you are succeeding. Don't bother looking at someone else and comparing them to you. That is a totally different "race", and not one you are in.

I have succeeding in a few things this year. I now regularly shower, once a day. Before that, I might miss a day, or more (yuck), and never worried about it. Now, this year, every day I have showered, and not missed one day. I have even done yard work once a week. There are parts of the yard that still look like a jungle, but each week, a little more of that jungle returns to being a lawn, or garden. I know people who do all of that stuff regularly and it is nothing to them. These are great achievements for me. If I compare myself to them, it would crush me. But I don't, because I look back at where I was, and I see how far I have come. I am doing more, slowly, than I was before, and I feel magnificent about what I have done. Plus, I am thinking of what I will do next when I get this stuff under control, and it is just another regular task I do. I am nowhere near what I was when I was diagnosed, but I am a little closer to it than I was at the end of last year. I also have plans on moving a little closer.

Gee, I think I am rambling now. At this point, I shall stop.


Oh, but before I do go, a big thank you to Rhedyn for starting this blog, and letting all of use share it, and a big thank you to everyone else who shared their experiences and lent their words of support to those who needed them.

You said some things that I needed to be reminded of.  I have a bad habit of comparing myself to others.  I look at what I don't get accomplished in a day, or just the fact that doing a load of laundry takes most of my mental spoons for a day.  And I think about how thousands of people out there can do a load of laundry in the morning, clean a room or two, and then grocery shop (another big spoon item for me) and it's no big thing, so what a piece of crap am I?  But you're right.  They are not me.  They don't have my brain chemistry, nor have they been through the crap I have.  So yeah, the fact that I have clean clothes to wear every day because I pull my big boy panties up and go do that laundry about once a week should be celebrated and not used to tear me down.

Offline Mirrah

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1528 on: February 03, 2018, 11:54:55 PM »
I don't think I thank people enough for the encouraging things they post here. All of the vulnerable, relatable things that may be difficult to speak of and share, online or offline. All of the patience and understanding. All of the reminders, of the precious people who take the time to stop and listen, of the tips that were learned at a steep price.

The last few weeks have been difficult, and I started to hesitate, uncertain of whom to speak to, share with, trust. How to move forward, or if I even wanted to really move forward... but your stories are stark and you words are kind, and they eventually make me think, along the way, of all the important things. How to look back and forward and not just freeze and tear myself apart over things that I cannot control. Just coping, for now, is an accomplishment. If I tear myself down, I will always be stuck.

So thank you all, for all of your words and thoughts that you chose to share.

Offline thebobmaster

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1529 on: February 04, 2018, 02:22:19 AM »
Thank you for all your kind words, everybody. I'm planning on finding out if my college has a mental health counselor for the students on Monday. If not, I'll pull out that Medical card in my wallet, dial up the mental health number, and see what to do from there. I owe it to myself, if no one else, to get better. I can't keep sitting around, trying to tune out the fire burning around me. It's time to grab the extinguisher.

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1530 on: February 04, 2018, 07:48:04 AM »
Thebobmaster --

Good for you! Those are excellent steps to take and so worthwhile. Sometimes its hard to get to that place where action can be taken, but once you get there it can open up a whole new world.

*offers hugs* if you like them.

Offline RhedynTopic starter

  • ~☆~~ Philocalist ~~☆~ ~~Friend of the Tome~~ ~☆~ Giggle Expert ~☆~
  • Dame
  • Addict
  • *
  • Join Date: May 2010
  • Location: Chasing rainbows somewhere in the UK
  • Gender: Female
  • Keeper of the Forest
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 2
Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1531 on: February 05, 2018, 01:22:57 PM »
When I am feeling my worst I try to remind myself that I'm still here. That in itself is a huge achievement and win.

~offers big hugs to all~

Thank you for all your kind words, everybody. I'm planning on finding out if my college has a mental health counselor for the students on Monday. If not, I'll pull out that Medical card in my wallet, dial up the mental health number, and see what to do from there. I owe it to myself, if no one else, to get better. I can't keep sitting around, trying to tune out the fire burning around me. It's time to grab the extinguisher.

I'm really pleased to hear that, thebobmaster. Go with it. Do what you can when you can and if you can, give yourself a 'pat on the back' for every step you take, no matter how small it seems. I can assure you that each of those 'tiny' steps are huge and I'm proud of you for taking them. So even if you aren't able to congratulate yourself for them, I, and I daresay everyone else here, will congratulate you until and after you can  <3

Offline Xandi

  • E's Resident Queen of HUGS .....Hugs
  • Dame
  • Addict
  • *
  • Join Date: Jul 2009
  • Location: Xandiland where everyone is respectful or they get their head chopped off.
  • Gender: Female
  • Light dispels darkness, Widsom dispels ignorance
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 1
Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1532 on: February 19, 2018, 03:25:31 AM »

Maybe this has been posted here before but I saw it and thought of all the brave and courageous people who post in this thread. I hope someone finds it to be a light the way I did.


keep fighting

Offline RhedynTopic starter

  • ~☆~~ Philocalist ~~☆~ ~~Friend of the Tome~~ ~☆~ Giggle Expert ~☆~
  • Dame
  • Addict
  • *
  • Join Date: May 2010
  • Location: Chasing rainbows somewhere in the UK
  • Gender: Female
  • Keeper of the Forest
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 2
Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1533 on: February 19, 2018, 04:42:00 AM »
That's a lovely message, Xandi. Thank you for sharing it here <3 ~offers hugs~

Offline Endorphin

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1534 on: February 19, 2018, 08:08:42 AM »
I don’t have a huge amount of empathy for those dealing with depression; though I do have loved ones who are undergoing that journey and I have experienced first-hand the impact it can have on life, family, relationships, finances, motivation etc.

So, if it helps, I’m available via PM and am more than willing to offer advice, support and a different (pragmatic) perspective for anyone anytime I am able. Always remember:


Offline Arianna

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1535 on: February 19, 2018, 02:09:53 PM »
Maybe this has been posted here before but I saw it and thought of all the brave and courageous people who post in this thread. I hope someone finds it to be a light the way I did.


keep fighting

Xandi, thank you. I... may have needed that today. <3 *hugs*

Offline Kaia

  • Playful Little Kitsune | Lagoon's Little Moon | Littlest Faeling | Little Blue | **Please ask before touching me unless you know you have blanket consent. Thanks!**
  • Lady
  • Addict
  • *
  • Join Date: May 2012
  • Location: Lost inside my head
  • Gender: Female
  • Disillusioned Optimist
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 7
Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1536 on: March 05, 2018, 11:06:53 AM »
It's brave to put yourself out there like this.  Go you <3

Offline Xandi

  • E's Resident Queen of HUGS .....Hugs
  • Dame
  • Addict
  • *
  • Join Date: Jul 2009
  • Location: Xandiland where everyone is respectful or they get their head chopped off.
  • Gender: Female
  • Light dispels darkness, Widsom dispels ignorance
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 1
Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1537 on: March 07, 2018, 11:46:54 AM »

Xandi, thank you. I... may have needed that today. <3 *hugs*
That's a lovely message, Xandi. Thank you for sharing it here <3 ~offers hugs~


I know what depression is like first hand. When I read that quote about fighting I knew I needed it and maybe others did too. I'm glad that it helped. Sometimes just knowing that you are not alone in the fight is a big help.


It makes me sad that some people think it is as easy as just 'force yourself', or 'try harder', or 'stop sulking'.....If those people only knew that those are the things we do each day when we get up, shower, go to work, make dinner, or anything really. If they could just understand it isn't a matter of 'wanting to' be better, it is a matter of chemistry within the brain. It makes it so much harder when you live with, or around, people who have no understanding, or knowledge, of how hard life becomes when you are fighting depression. I truly believe that each person who battles depression and keeps going each day, those are the bravest, strongest people I have ever met. You people here, in this thread, you fall into that category. You all give me the hope and the courage to keep fighting and I just really wanted to return the favor in any way I can. Thank you all for sharing your stories and for offering your help and advice. You will never know how much you have impacted my life. *hugs for all of you *

Offline The Lioness

  • ♥ The One Who Wears the Crown ♥ Boi Crush ♥ BustyGermanGirl ♥ Baby Doll ♥ Lass ♥ Kitten ♥ Boo ♥
  • Dame
  • Enchanter
  • *
  • Join Date: Apr 2013
  • Location: In my field of paper flowers....
  • Gender: Female
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 1
Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1538 on: March 07, 2018, 12:21:24 PM »
As some of you may know, I lost my fur-baby to an unexpected and aggressive form of cancer. She was only 7 (was going to be 8 in a few days before her death), and I had only had her for about 3-1/2 years. I feel like I didn't have a lot of time with her, but in the time we did spend together, I was able to get off my depression meds, and only took my anxiety meds as needed for panic attacks. While she was in no way considered a "support" animal, she was my emotional rock when I got home and gave me something to look forward to when things got rough. Now that she's gone, I'm having one hell of a time trying to get my emotions straight. Some days are easier than others, and some days I wake up crying.

I've dreamed of her cuddling with me in bed. Last night I had a dream where I was half asleep on my birthday, and woke to see her there cuddled next to me. I kept telling myself "just one more day...please let me just see her for one more day." Waking to see she wasn't there again was like she had died all over again.

I'm trying to get through this emptiness I find myself in. I still have my other cat Robinson (aka Boo), but he's bonded with my husband and attached at the hip to him. I've tried to spend more time with Robinson, but I still feel empty inside. He's not the most affectionate cat, but he knows I'm his Momma and will occasionally sleep with me at the foot of the bed.

Will I always feel this empty, even if I get another cat of my own? I don't know. At this point I'm probably rambling, as I am extremely overtired and emotional as hell. Still, I try to push through, because I really don't want to go on meds again. I don't want to constantly feel this pain either, but I still feel like her passing was like losing a child of my own. Has anyone else relied on an emotional support animal and lost them? Depression is a demon in itself, but grief and depression is an absolute hell.

Offline Arianna

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1539 on: March 07, 2018, 12:30:03 PM »
Xandi, Lioness... You are both incredibly, amazingly awesome people. You can do this. You are strong enough to do it.

I have been through depression for no reason, and have dealt with adding grief to it as well. I think the worst was when my only friend in the U.S., my pillar, passed away suddenly, leaving me alone in a new country, with no real emotional support.

I pushed through, just like I am sure you have too, and at the end, it is still painful, no matter how you look at it. But every extra day is a small vicory I hope you both can celebrate, and every time you fight that stupid depression it is yet another battle won. Be it as simple as taking a shower when your whole being says "eff you, stay in bed!".

Online AcademicCuriosity9110

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1540 on: March 07, 2018, 05:23:52 PM »

I know what depression is like first hand. When I read that quote about fighting I knew I needed it and maybe others did too. I'm glad that it helped. Sometimes just knowing that you are not alone in the fight is a big help.


It makes me sad that some people think it is as easy as just 'force yourself', or 'try harder', or 'stop sulking'.....If those people only knew that those are the things we do each day when we get up, shower, go to work, make dinner, or anything really. If they could just understand it isn't a matter of 'wanting to' be better, it is a matter of chemistry within the brain. It makes it so much harder when you live with, or around, people who have no understanding, or knowledge, of how hard life becomes when you are fighting depression. I truly believe that each person who battles depression and keeps going each day, those are the bravest, strongest people I have ever met. You people here, in this thread, you fall into that category. You all give me the hope and the courage to keep fighting and I just really wanted to return the favor in any way I can. Thank you all for sharing your stories and for offering your help and advice. You will never know how much you have impacted my life. *hugs for all of you *

Honestly, this thread makes it easier for me. Just to be reminded that I am not alone, that there are so many people who face the same struggle ... It helps me keep fighting. That's why I share on here sometimes, too. Because sometimes, what somebody says on here is just what I need to hear, and I try to repay that in kind. Here's a little something for everyone out there who needs a bit of support:



As some of you may know, I lost my fur-baby to an unexpected and aggressive form of cancer. She was only 7 (was going to be 8 in a few days before her death), and I had only had her for about 3-1/2 years. I feel like I didn't have a lot of time with her, but in the time we did spend together, I was able to get off my depression meds, and only took my anxiety meds as needed for panic attacks. While she was in no way considered a "support" animal, she was my emotional rock when I got home and gave me something to look forward to when things got rough. Now that she's gone, I'm having one hell of a time trying to get my emotions straight. Some days are easier than others, and some days I wake up crying.

I've dreamed of her cuddling with me in bed. Last night I had a dream where I was half asleep on my birthday, and woke to see her there cuddled next to me. I kept telling myself "just one more day...please let me just see her for one more day." Waking to see she wasn't there again was like she had died all over again.

I'm trying to get through this emptiness I find myself in. I still have my other cat Robinson (aka Boo), but he's bonded with my husband and attached at the hip to him. I've tried to spend more time with Robinson, but I still feel empty inside. He's not the most affectionate cat, but he knows I'm his Momma and will occasionally sleep with me at the foot of the bed.

Will I always feel this empty, even if I get another cat of my own? I don't know. At this point I'm probably rambling, as I am extremely overtired and emotional as hell. Still, I try to push through, because I really don't want to go on meds again. I don't want to constantly feel this pain either, but I still feel like her passing was like losing a child of my own. Has anyone else relied on an emotional support animal and lost them? Depression is a demon in itself, but grief and depression is an absolute hell.

I had a couple of cats a few months ago. They were really young, less than a year old, and both only kittens when I got them. I'd only had them for about six months, but they got me through some tough shit, just by being things I could love and that loved me back. I came home one day in mid-December, and they had both died suddenly. It nearly destroyed me. Then I got another kitty, and it's had the same effect, helping to bolster me emotionally. I won't lie and say everything's okay, and my heart is still recovering, but it's easier with another pet.

I can't speak for you, or say it'll work the same way for you, but I think it's worth trying.

Offline The Lioness

  • ♥ The One Who Wears the Crown ♥ Boi Crush ♥ BustyGermanGirl ♥ Baby Doll ♥ Lass ♥ Kitten ♥ Boo ♥
  • Dame
  • Enchanter
  • *
  • Join Date: Apr 2013
  • Location: In my field of paper flowers....
  • Gender: Female
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 1
Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1541 on: March 08, 2018, 12:25:34 PM »
I had a couple of cats a few months ago. They were really young, less than a year old, and both only kittens when I got them. I'd only had them for about six months, but they got me through some tough shit, just by being things I could love and that loved me back. I came home one day in mid-December, and they had both died suddenly. It nearly destroyed me. Then I got another kitty, and it's had the same effect, helping to bolster me emotionally. I won't lie and say everything's okay, and my heart is still recovering, but it's easier with another pet.

I can't speak for you, or say it'll work the same way for you, but I think it's worth trying.

Well, I hope that'd help make me feel better. I've already put down a deposit on a new kitten, but she won't be ready to come home until June or July (she will be born in the next month or so). Normally I adopt (I have my entire life) but this time I wanted to go with a ragdoll kitten that was a purebred with parents that were genetically tested for their heart conditions, etc. She will already come spayed and microchipped, so I found the price to be worth it. Still...it means I have to wait until the summer to help ease the pain I'm still feeling. As I've said, the pain comes and goes and is easier on most days. Yesterday was hard, but I felt better once I was home and with my other kitty. He's not much of a cuddler and has bonded with my husband, but just having him around has made me feel better. I think he can sense I've been sad, and has slept with me for the past couple of nights, which makes me feel a little better too. Still, there's that emptiness that was left when my little girl left, and I can't seem to fill that void. My husband has suggested we go to the shelter and pick up a cat there, but since we've already put in a deposit for my new kitten, I don't want to be responsible for a 3rd cat. At least, not when we are planning on having kids of our own in the next couple of years...as tempting as his offer was, I'm also trying to think ahead. Until then, I'm going to have to find other ways to cope. I guess that in the long run, having to wait so long for the new cat will help bring me a comfort where I won't be thinking I'm replacing the one I've lost. I suppose that is one of my biggest fears when getting the new one--a fear that I'm replacing my baby girl, and a fear that I won't have the connection with the new one like I did my lost one.

Thank you everyone so much for your kind words. It has been harder getting over her passing than I thought, and I can't thank you enough for your kindness, sympathy, and understanding as I try to battle the dark things that lurk in my darkness.

Online Nowherewoman

  • 3 parts empathy to 2 parts don't give a f**k. Stir gently.
  • Oracle
  • Carnite
  • *
  • Join Date: Aug 2014
  • Location: Unmolested language surges towards knowledge- T. Morrison
  • Gender: Female
  • The rabbit hole went thataway.
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 3
Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1542 on: March 09, 2018, 02:47:53 PM »
It makes me sad that some people think it is as easy as just 'force yourself', or 'try harder', or 'stop sulking'.....

This, right here, is why many depression sufferers don't the help they need. Either they are 'convinced' by others that there's something wrong with them for feeling the way they do, some character flaw, rather than a biochemical/situational issue; or they are afraid of being judged as a slacker or whiner for trying to get help.

Anyone who told a cancer victim to just 'suck it up and stop sulking' would get byotchsmacked across a room, and rightly so. Depression is an illness and  while yes, there are things you can do to help control or alleviate it (when it leaves you rational enough to do so), you can no more wish it away than you can a missing limb or a tumor.

Offline Kaia

  • Playful Little Kitsune | Lagoon's Little Moon | Littlest Faeling | Little Blue | **Please ask before touching me unless you know you have blanket consent. Thanks!**
  • Lady
  • Addict
  • *
  • Join Date: May 2012
  • Location: Lost inside my head
  • Gender: Female
  • Disillusioned Optimist
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 7
Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1543 on: March 09, 2018, 04:54:06 PM »
This, right here, is why many depression sufferers don't the help they need. Either they are 'convinced' by others that there's something wrong with them for feeling the way they do, some character flaw, rather than a biochemical/situational issue; or they are afraid of being judged as a slacker or whiner for trying to get help.

Anyone who told a cancer victim to just 'suck it up and stop sulking' would get byotchsmacked across a room, and rightly so. Depression is an illness and  while yes, there are things you can do to help control or alleviate it (when it leaves you rational enough to do so), you can no more wish it away than you can a missing limb or a tumor.

So much this. 


"People only want to be around when you're happy."
"Why don't you just get over it already?"
"No one likes you when you're not happy."
"You're not trying."
"You're lazy."
"It's all in your head..."

So many things get tossed around, some dealing with depression, some not.  All of it hurts.  *offers hugs*  Depression is hard.  Depression sucks, and no one would chooseto live with it. 

Online Cryptic

  • Indescribable, indecipherable, incomprehensible
  • Legate
  • Enchanter
  • *
  • Join Date: Feb 2014
  • Location: In-between the couch cushions
  • Curiosity is the Lust of the Mind
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 0
Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1544 on: March 16, 2018, 10:08:51 PM »
Popping in again for that little bit of pick me up from the current emotional wreck to read the words of encouragement from people and perhaps to share a bit of my own. Even though it's hard at times, to read through my own words of encouragement, and pick me ups from people. It helps a lot, so perhaps it's about time to peek into my own head and put down into words what exactly it feels like sometimes what I'm going through.

Not just ranting or complaining about life, but just that whole thought process of why it's so hard for me to socialize with people. I keep hiding behind these masks I set up for myself, happy go lucky Cryptic, the wise, comforting Cryptic, the happy to help Cryptic. It's a constant hide and facade I put on over myself to keep people out of my head, to not really wanting to talk about what's going on in my head when I am suddenly not that person.

The masks I keep using feel like they're breaking, though I know they're not, because people don't see the screaming mess I am inside. Those masks I keep putting on to hide the issues I'm going through are just becoming so heavy, so tiresome to keep holding up that I just... Want to explode. I want to scream, cry, and just have that total release of emotion. Though because of those masks...

It makes it hard to find that person that I can just unload on, would they hate me for it? Though, recently, it honestly hurt, when I'm trying to rant and rave, just to complain and cry about something so insignificant, I'm told "It could be worse." Well, I know it can, and don't tell me that, I want to hear.. "It's going to be okay, you've made it this far, you can make it a few more steps. There is that silver lining, you just have to look for it."

Is that too much to ask for at times? Or even for someone to see that screaming trembling mess of a person behind the mask to just give me a hug. A hug and say, it's going to be okay. Sometimes, that's all it takes, to know that you aren't alone, that someone is there to just hold you while you cry over the milk being spilled. I know that's a terrible analogy, but sometimes, that's all it takes to hit that emotional overload that sends you spiraling into that pit. That pit of, "am I cursed?" "am I worth it?" "What the heck is wrong with me?"

I don't know, I just know that sometimes it gets so tiring repeating those lines to yourself, wishing it was someone else saying them to you. Letting you know that it'll be alright.

Anyways, thanks guys.

Offline Giantmutantcrab

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1545 on: March 17, 2018, 12:50:43 PM »
Remember - The light at the end of the tunnel... may be you.

Goodnight.

Offline Ziether

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1546 on: March 18, 2018, 01:12:13 AM »
Is that too much to ask for at times? Or even for someone to see that screaming trembling mess of a person behind the mask to just give me a hug. A hug and say, it's going to be okay. Sometimes, that's all it takes, to know that you aren't alone, that someone is there to just hold you while you cry over the milk being spilled. I know that's a terrible analogy, but sometimes, that's all it takes to hit that emotional overload that sends you spiraling into that pit. That pit of, "am I cursed?" "am I worth it?" "What the heck is wrong with me?"

I'm sitting here with (oh God fucking dammit my eyes are doing that fucking shit with the liquid in the corners. What the actual fuck?) an odd smile on my face, one that wants to frown but also wants to stay upright in acknowledgement that so much of the human experience is shared with other individuals. I should be in bed, but I'm a fellow depressed person, and my coping mechanism is to stay up way later than is good for me in order to have a few hours that are mine in order to not go completely bonkers catering to the needs and whims of others all day every day without a break. So, from that perspective, I'm your neighbor. I may not live in the house of your exact challenges, but I'm on the block in a house built by the same goddamn suburban planning idiot. They decided to make all the houses wonky.

I'm not trying to make you feel like your problems are any less with what I'm about to write. No. I mean to tell you that they are completely valid. You are far from the only person I hear the exact same sentiments from on at least a weekly basis. Sometimes you have so much small shit piled up that you can't avoid sweating it. It's not any one little thing that really matters, it's the amalgam. It's the weight of it all. And when you can't hang, having someone who is just there to hear and reassure, to remind you of where you've been, where you are, and where you want to be can be the most valuable thing in the whole fucking world. We don't see all the aspects of life and the individual experience that affect any person. We can't. They can't even express them all because they might not be aware of them all, so that spilled milk is a crisis in the moment. You have every right to desire to cry over it with someone you trust. It's how we support each other.

I'm not suggesting you bring these things to me. I'm only hoping to echo your thoughts and make you feel less alone in that one facet. You aren't alone. And you can always poke me if you want a reminder of any of that. Because I've seen awesome sides of you, and I want others to get that chance for a long, long time.

You're bring smiles to my face all the time. I hope that someone can do the same for you.

*big higs*

Offline FroreQueen

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1547 on: March 18, 2018, 02:19:35 AM »
Take it one day at a time.

This is a bit of a rant.
This thread topic caught my attention and I felt the overwhelming need to share. To rant or rave for a bit. Everyone has their own demons, I know that. But today has been especially trying on my end. Today has felt like a day that doesn't seem to have an end - even if I could end it by trying to get some sleep.

I want the quiet right now, I want the click of my keyboard as I type. I think it’s for the illusion of a connection, that this will go up and maybe someone has had the exact same moment. If they can firmly fit that mask back in place, why can’t I? It’s easy, in the dark you can have your moment and then when you step outside you show the world that everything is fine.

My brain has always been funny, a little unbalanced. It takes the smallest of opportunities to give me a myriad of horrible outcomes. My bad brain days, as I call them, hit me in the most unexpected ways. Sometimes my day is wonderful, it is full of reasons to smile and yet at night I cannot breath because the darkness of my own mind is drowning me. That's what it feels like for me - that there is no anchor. I'm suffocating from everything I feel or think and there is nothing to ground me to the -now-. Pain was my key when I was an emotionally unstable wreck of a teenager. It is still something I think of when the bad days hit. It was for that sense of control; I had control over what hurt me in that moment and therefore I could face everything else.

Back then, and now, I very carefully hide my reactions so that I am perfectly fine on the outside. I think most of us do that. Tuck those broken pieces close so that we cut our own souls instead of holding them out, for fear they might catch the light. We are all beautifully broken in some way, it’s just sometimes we fail to see what a wonderful mosaic we make. Sometimes I wish I could reach and remind people of that. Sometimes I wish someone would remind me.

Instead, when we ask or are asked of our days, it’s usually an answer of Fine.” Everything is fine. Everything will be fine. You will be fine. I will be fine. In the long run, you have to be.

My favorite word, however, is not ‘fine.’ It is “Dandy.” When someone asks me about my day, or my life in general, I answer it with: Dandy. It usually invokes a smile, or a chuckle - though that could be the upbeat voice I use (the customer service voice, as I call it). Dandy is a fun word that is simple and easy to move on from. Admittedly, I don’t use it for that reason; I use it for the reference that no one really picks up on.

Dandy Boy Apples - from the Fallout Games. Therefore, to me, “Dandy” means I am fine if not a little irradiated. Parts of me are alright. Parts of me are toxic. In small doses, my day is good and I am good. If you look a little closer, I am perhaps not as good as I may seem. Unless you want to grow a mutation, then hey, more dandy boy apples all around!

Offline RhedynTopic starter

  • ~☆~~ Philocalist ~~☆~ ~~Friend of the Tome~~ ~☆~ Giggle Expert ~☆~
  • Dame
  • Addict
  • *
  • Join Date: May 2010
  • Location: Chasing rainbows somewhere in the UK
  • Gender: Female
  • Keeper of the Forest
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 2
Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1548 on: March 18, 2018, 05:15:37 AM »
~leaves hugs for Cryptic and FroreQueen if wanted~

Quote
Dandy Boy Apples - from the Fallout Games. Therefore, to me, “Dandy” means I am fine if not a little irradiated. Parts of me are alright. Parts of me are toxic. In small doses, my day is good and I am good. If you look a little closer, I am perhaps not as good as I may seem. Unless you want to grow a mutation, then hey, more dandy boy apples all around!

I like that reference  :)  You're always welcome to rant here. I think that part of depression is a learned behaviour to hide it for a myriad of reasons; because we don't want to 'infect' other people with our darkness and sadness, because it makes us even more vulnerable to let other people see what's going on, because letting other people see makes it even more real, to name a few.

Thank you for sharing how you are feeling right now, that takes a huge amount of strength and awareness. I hope that tomorrow is not as tough for you, FroreQueen.

Offline Mirrah

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1549 on: March 18, 2018, 08:20:26 AM »
~leaves hugs for Cryptic and FroreQueen if wanted~

I like that reference  :)  You're always welcome to rant here. I think that part of depression is a learned behaviour to hide it for a myriad of reasons; because we don't want to 'infect' other people with our darkness and sadness, because it makes us even more vulnerable to let other people see what's going on, because letting other people see makes it even more real, to name a few.

Thank you for sharing how you are feeling right now, that takes a huge amount of strength and awareness. I hope that tomorrow is not as tough for you, FroreQueen.

So much that right there.