You are either not logged in or not registered with our community. Click here to register.
 
December 05, 2016, 12:48:24 PM

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

Login with username, password and session length

Click here if you are having problems.
Default Wide Screen Beige Lilac Rainbow Black & Blue October Send us your theme!

Hark!  The Herald!
Holiday Issue 2016

Wiki Blogs Dicebot

Author Topic: Idiot Sighting  (Read 1673 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Demascion LycanTopic starter

Idiot Sighting
« on: February 01, 2011, 08:03:56 PM »
IDIOT SIGHTING:
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two...'     

Note: We haven't used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'You gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.'  She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said we're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back$1 and 75 cents in change.
 
Note: Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.
 
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!   I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

IDIOT SIGHTING:
My daughter went to a Taco Bell in Kansas City   and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate w hen an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded,
 'That's why we ask.'

Note: Happened in Birmingham, Alabama
 
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with a coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

Note: She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to 'downsizing.' Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

Note: This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

Note: A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.
 
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know. I already go t that side.'

Note: This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi

STAY ALERT!  They walk among us... and the scary part is that they VOTE and REPRODUCE and our enemies know it!!!

Offline Oniya

  • StoreHouse of Useless Trivia
  • Oracle
  • Carnite
  • *
  • Join Date: Sep 2008
  • Location: Just bouncing through. Hi! City of Roses, Pennsylvania
  • Gender: Female
  • One bad Motokifuka. Also cute and FLUFFY!
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 3
Re: Idiot Sighting
« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2011, 08:37:08 PM »
IDIOT SIGHTING:
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two...'     

Note: We haven't used Sears repair since.
 
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know. I already go t that side.'

Note: This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi

STAY ALERT!  They walk among us... and the scary part is that they VOTE and REPRODUCE and our enemies know it!!!

I think these two might be greater idiots than you let on....  ::)

Offline Saerrael

  • ~~~Seraph ; In love~~~ Do you like what you see? Let me entertain ya ’till you scream.
  • Champion
  • Carnite
  • *
  • Join Date: Aug 2009
  • Location: You don't know how you took it You just know what you got Oh Lordy you've been stealing from the thieves And you got caught
  • Gender: Male
  • Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me.
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 6
Re: Idiot Sighting
« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2011, 08:47:15 PM »
This has got to be my favourite ;

Quote
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate w hen an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded,
 'That's why we ask.

Thanks for a few good laughs, by the way. Much appreciated.

Offline Demascion LycanTopic starter

Re: Idiot Sighting
« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2011, 08:50:37 PM »
Anytme.I mean if you can't laugh, there's no reason to even live.

Offline Fae Brin

  • Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass. -Anton Chekhov
  • Deverified
  • Seducer
  • *
  • Join Date: Sep 2010
  • Gender: Female
  • convince me. persuade me. seduce me. parade me.
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 1
Re: Idiot Sighting
« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2011, 08:51:35 PM »
My god.

@.@

Reminds me of when I was taking driver's ed classes and we were talking about impaired driving, and the kid next to me mutters to me, (without my solicitation, I have to say) that he could chug 15 beers in an hour and that driving drunk wasn't a big deal-- easy even.

I wanted to scream, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS CLASS I DO NOT WANT YOU ON THE ROAD WITH ME!!!"

ahem.

Anytme.I mean if you can't laugh, there's no reason to even live.

PS, -hugs on-

Offline Shjade

Re: Idiot Sighting
« Reply #5 on: February 01, 2011, 09:00:05 PM »
This seems like a good thread for mentioning http://notalwaysright.com/ for anyone who hadn't already heard of it.

Good times.

Offline Demascion LycanTopic starter

Re: Idiot Sighting
« Reply #6 on: February 01, 2011, 09:12:39 PM »
lol. Very very nice.

Offline MomoPeach

Re: Idiot Sighting
« Reply #7 on: February 01, 2011, 09:37:24 PM »
Oh my god these are too funny. I especially love the first one.

Offline Remiel

Re: Idiot Sighting
« Reply #8 on: February 02, 2011, 07:57:12 PM »
This seems like a good thread for mentioning http://notalwaysright.com/ for anyone who hadn't already heard of it.

Good times.

I think this one is my favorite...
-----

(Note: our customer support number is close to a local driving school’s number.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?”

Customer: “How much for my daughter?”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “She’s 16. It’s her first time. She needs training.”

Me: “Sir, I think you want the driving school.”

Customer: “Oh, what do you guys do?”

Me: “Adult websites.”

Customer: “Oh…OH! Oh my God!”

Offline Saerrael

  • ~~~Seraph ; In love~~~ Do you like what you see? Let me entertain ya ’till you scream.
  • Champion
  • Carnite
  • *
  • Join Date: Aug 2009
  • Location: You don't know how you took it You just know what you got Oh Lordy you've been stealing from the thieves And you got caught
  • Gender: Male
  • Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me.
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 6
Re: Idiot Sighting
« Reply #9 on: February 02, 2011, 07:58:28 PM »
Hahahahahah!!! Oh my god, epic xD

Offline Elina

  • How am I supposed to breathe? I try to relax. I touch your still frame, so I can watch you closer and study the ways I believe I belong to you.
  • Dame
  • Carnite
  • *
  • Join Date: May 2010
  • Location: Entangled
  • Gender: Female
  • I'm drinking what used to be sin.
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 0
Re: Idiot Sighting
« Reply #10 on: February 05, 2011, 01:18:12 PM »
I think this one is my favorite...
-----

(Note: our customer support number is close to a local driving school’s number.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?”

Customer: “How much for my daughter?”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “She’s 16. It’s her first time. She needs training.”

Me: “Sir, I think you want the driving school.”

Customer: “Oh, what do you guys do?”

Me: “Adult websites.”

Customer: “Oh…OH! Oh my God!”
That made me laugh out loud.

Offline Shjade

Re: Idiot Sighting
« Reply #11 on: February 05, 2011, 02:09:00 PM »
I'm so proud of that employee for not taking advantage of the conversation.

"She needs training."

"Would you like to start her out in latex or leather?"

"Why does the upholstery matter?"

"Well, some people think leather takes longer to work into shape, but in reality latex is a lot harder on the skin when you're talking about that much body contact."

"Wow, you guys really take these classes seriously!"

"Oh, yes, sir, this is definitely a mature business."

"I'm glad to hear it! When can she start?"

Offline Funguy81

Re: Idiot Sighting
« Reply #12 on: February 06, 2011, 06:04:19 AM »
i got one, and anyone who worked as tech support or communications probably heard this story in some form as well.

there was an officer in one of my units in the army. he called for one of the members in the communications section to fix the "coffee cup holder" in his computer. he wanted to know why it was not coming out like it should when he presses the eject button.

Offline Rhys

Re: Idiot Sighting
« Reply #13 on: February 06, 2011, 01:37:58 PM »
Here's my personal favorite-

My friends and I were driving one member of our tabletop group back to campus one night when we got hit with a bad snowstorm. However, given that we live in Wisconsin, our driver was a friend who drives for a living, and the aforementioned student had time sensitive college stuff to work on, we decided to brave the elements. We were coming up on Fond Du Lac, WI from the east. There's a huge hill right there that we knew was going to be icy and dealt with carefully. What we didn't know is that firemen were sitting right at the bottom of the hill, blocking the road to Fond Du Lac due to an accident a mile up ahead, redirecting people to a side road.

We see these guys, barely, and one of them walks out in front of our vehicle to insure that we can see him while we're still coming down this hill. He sticks a single hand out and takes a 'Stop!' pose. But we can't stop because we're coming down an ice covered hill in a two ton tin can. So we beep at him, repeatedly. He doesn't move. So our driver swerves... not turns, swerves (we can feel the car weaving at this point. You'd have to be blind not to see it from the fireman's point of view) into the other lane. This moron of a fireman walks into the other lane and sticks his hand out again. Now he's only a few feet in front us, ignoring the out of control car careening towards him, our driver laying on the horn and me, in the passenger seat hoping he can see me motioning for him to get the hell out of the way.

Well, we were able to avoid genius by nearly putting ourselves into a nearby ditch. This guy comes walking over with a flashlight, glaring and motioning for us to roll down the window. Our driver is about ready to tear him a new one, grumbling under his breath as he puts the window down. Then this fireman looks him straight in the face and says 'What!? Were you gonna run me over!?' Stunned the driver speechless.


I have dozens of these. Years in customer service and the fact that my group of friends seems to attract morons like moths to a flame have lead to many humorous, if often annoying, moments.


Offline Shjade

Re: Idiot Sighting
« Reply #14 on: February 06, 2011, 01:47:28 PM »
Jeebis. Did someone chew him out for trying to stop a car going downhill on ice through sheer force of will?

Offline Rhys

Re: Idiot Sighting
« Reply #15 on: February 06, 2011, 01:53:51 PM »
I chewed him out a bit but it was little more than 'We couldn't STOP! You almost got yourself killed!'

Beyond that, we just thought it was best to drive on. We had places to be and as I said below, we encounter A LOT of idiots. And in our experience its best to just keep going and hope they don't follow.

Offline Shjade

Re: Idiot Sighting
« Reply #16 on: February 06, 2011, 02:03:12 PM »
Well yeah, if he were only in danger of getting himself killed I'd say get out of the way and let Darwin do the rest, but that kind of behavior...he could've gotten YOU guys seriously hurt just trying so hard to avoid hitting him. That's not just an idiot to avoid, that's a public hazard. Something needs doing in those cases. :|

Not that it's your responsibility, obviously. Dude needs a boss to notice him fucking up and be like, hey, you, THE HELL are you doing?

Offline Rhys

Re: Idiot Sighting
« Reply #17 on: February 06, 2011, 03:00:09 PM »
Yeah, would've probably said and done more had it not been for shock, the weather, etc.


Another  one that comes to mind involves someone acting both like an idiot and a total ass.

I was working in customer service, as a cashier at a grocery store. One day, I was working our express lane and a woman came through with a few items. First, she opted to write a check (Not really supposed to but the store always turned a blind eye to that). Her total came to $8.76. She asked to write the check for ten dollars over and the transaction turned into this exchange:

Me: That'll be $18.76

Customer: 1876. That was a big year in US history. But you probably don't know about that since you work at [store].

Me: *after a moment of stunned silence* ...$18.76, please.

Customer: It was the 'War of 1876'! With the British. God! *appears frustrated by my apparent ignorance*

Me: That would be the War of 1812, mam. If you want something historical to cite for 1876 you could go with the Great Sioux War and the Battle of Little Bighorn. Or the patenting of the telephone. Might want to look those up though. I could be confused since I work at [store].


She scoffed, took her money and went to bitch to management. Thankfully they were used to people like her and told her like they'd told many others that she needed to acknowledge that most of the people doing part time work at [store] were also students at the local university and don't have to tolerate having their intelligence called into question.


Offline Oniya

  • StoreHouse of Useless Trivia
  • Oracle
  • Carnite
  • *
  • Join Date: Sep 2008
  • Location: Just bouncing through. Hi! City of Roses, Pennsylvania
  • Gender: Female
  • One bad Motokifuka. Also cute and FLUFFY!
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 3
Re: Idiot Sighting
« Reply #18 on: February 06, 2011, 03:15:25 PM »
I'll admit to making note of dollar amounts that come out to be significant dates, but only to the extent of nodding and saying 'a very good year' or the like as I hand over my payment.  If the cashier gets it (and chooses to acknowledge it), we share a grin.  If not, it's nothing to get my panties in a bunch over.

Offline Braioch

  • Devil. Mad Scientist. King of Debauchery. Brat Prince. Duke of Snark. Warlock of Orgies.
  • Knight
  • Enchanter
  • *
  • Join Date: Nov 2009
  • Location: Michigan
  • Gender: Male
  • Imfinewhydoyouask? Canyoutastetime?Ican
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 1
Re: Idiot Sighting
« Reply #19 on: February 08, 2011, 02:07:40 AM »
Me: “Thank you for calling, how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah. Do Xbox 360s come with cup holders?”

Me: “Uh…”

Person in the background: “IT’S ON FIRE!”


The idea of being the person hearing all of that made me laugh

EDIT: Also

Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I came in a couple hours ago to pick up my pictures, and my wife says we’re 17 pictures short! This always happens when we come here! Is it really so hard to keep track of one f***ing order?”

(The customer continues to rant for several minutes, getting louder and more obscene. The phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [store], how may I help you?”

Caller: “I was in there an hour and a half ago and the dumb*** in front of me left 17 pictures on the counter that I accidentally took home with my pictures. What kind of moron leaves pictures on the counter?”

(I hand the phone to the irate customer.)

Me: “It’s for you.”
« Last Edit: February 08, 2011, 02:48:29 AM by Braioch »

Offline NiceTexasGuy

Re: Idiot Sighting
« Reply #20 on: February 08, 2011, 08:59:08 AM »
Here's my personal favorite-

 There's a huge hill right there that we knew was going to be icy and dealt with carefully.
...
 But we can't stop because we're coming down an ice covered hill in a two ton tin can.

Yeah, I think this just became one of my favorites, too.

Offline tayyerr

Re: Idiot Sighting
« Reply #21 on: February 08, 2011, 10:12:13 AM »
All right, so this happened a few years ago, when the Snickers bars first started saying "Satisfies" on the back of them.  My mom, my sister, who was five at the time, and myself were all in line.  Mom said we could get a treat, so I got a Kit-Kat or something and my sister grabbed a Snickers bar and put it on the counter.  She pointed at it and said, "Mom, what does that say?"  Before me or my mother could answer, the clerk says:

"I think it's Spanish.  Maybe they're imported or something?"  And then stared at the Snickers.  Trying to read Spanish.  Which was English.  I busted out laughing and just went to the car, haha.

Offline Oniya

  • StoreHouse of Useless Trivia
  • Oracle
  • Carnite
  • *
  • Join Date: Sep 2008
  • Location: Just bouncing through. Hi! City of Roses, Pennsylvania
  • Gender: Female
  • One bad Motokifuka. Also cute and FLUFFY!
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 3
Re: Idiot Sighting
« Reply #22 on: February 08, 2011, 10:19:48 AM »
Was she trying to reconcile the word 'Satisfies' as the brand name or something?  O_O

Offline tayyerr

Re: Idiot Sighting
« Reply #23 on: February 08, 2011, 11:04:59 AM »
I think so... 'Satisfies' must be the Spanish name of Snickers, haha.

Offline Remiel

Re: Idiot Sighting
« Reply #24 on: February 08, 2011, 01:42:50 PM »
I work in tech support for a very specific field, and while most of our customers are industry professionals, every once in awhile you get the one who probably should've chosen another career path.  This didn't happen to me, alas; this was my co-worker, Thad, who is usually as cool as they come.  I just happened to be listening in on the call by pure coincidence, and yes, this actually happened:

Thad: "Thank you for calling (company).  How many I help you?"

Customer: (in broken English) "I have a (product).  It no work!"

Thad:  "Hrmm. Did you try (troubleshooting procedure #1)?"

Customer: "Yes."

Thad:  "Did you try (troubleshooting procedure #2)?"

Customer: "Yes. It no work!"

(this continues for a while. Finally...)

Thad:  "Well, sounds like you have a defective panel.  Can you read me the serial number? It's on the back."

Customer: *pause*  "...oh."

Thad: "What? What's going on?"

Customer: "It NO PLUGGED IN!"

Thad: *muffled swearing*