Sorry, no rabbit-themed porn here. Or even any Alice in Wonderland themed porn. I just needed to write this out, and I don't have a blogger's license here yet.
Life for me has generally been pretty easy. I've got no real complaints so far, not that I'm bragging or about to start some dramatic "my life is so plain, why oh why me God?" text.
I've always been able to put myself in a hypothetical situation, and guess which option I'd like to do, and which I'd probably end up doing. I usually pick the more heroic options for both, by the way. And I've even tried implementing this kind of thought in my day to day life.
The main thing I'm trying to say in this is that those people who do not spend all of their time doing serious activities think. And I've thought a lot. All these years, I thought I had a pretty good wrangle on who I am, or at least who I am in relation to who I want to be.
But, as I'm getting more out of the cage in the world, I'm starting to see that I'm wrong. Where I once thought myself to be a relentless optimist, I now find myself to be incredibly pessimistic. Where I thought I was a fair individual, I now see myself as judging, and harsh. I thought I was maybe a little paranoid, instead now I'm shocked that I'm not in a straitjacket.
I don't trust strangers anymore, not ones that I can see anyway (<3 Elliquiy!). I feel a knife in my back, and I think back to the man I thought I was, and I see that we are two different people.
And now I have to wonder: Was I always like this? Have I forever been this type of person, merely deceived in thinking those other things? If I'm aware of this now, how much more am I unaware of? How deep in the rabbit hole am I, really?
How lost am I?