Tails of Monkey - Adventure awaits!

[Catherine]

For inanimate objects, tumbleweeds are definitely animated. Definitely this one, zipping from tree to tree like some crazed timber tiger. Skitter, skitter, hide, skitter, skitter, hide, stalk and lunge at unexpecting victim. Growl! Okay yeah 'timber tiger' is another name for chipmunks  and they aren't too deadly unless you are a nut or seed, maybe a small insect here and there. Still the tumbleweed was like one, zip zip and zip.

I thought I had it trapped once, behind a tree. My tail even peeked around and saw it was there and it was, right there on the other side. Probably catching its breath or silently laughing at me. "I got you," I silently say to myself right before sneaking around the tree and jumping. To find nothing but root and some nature stuff, but no tumbleweed. It was here a moment ago. Where did it go? Quickly I look around, nothing to either side and I know I wasn't sitting on it, tumbleweeds have a distinct tumbleweed texture. Sort of like a hair ball but drier and bigger and not hair. Think of a snowball made of hay and you got it. Not really soft but not really hard. So yeah no tumbleweed texture so not below butt.

That is when a piece of tumbleweed fell from above and right in front of me. They can fly? Why didn't anyone tell me that. I look up expecting it to be floating there, unnaturally. But instead it is up there sticking to the tree, looking and contemplating its next move. They can climb, like a spider erm......Do I have to worry about copyrights or anything? No. Okay. They can climb, like a spider can.

How they do it I don't know. But there it was just sticking there. Maybe they use there straw stuff to stick like little claws. Leaving little holes all over the place when they dig in. Or....or... Maybe they expel a sticky substance like wall crawling things do. I don't think they are sticky, never hugged one and have never heard any wives tales of how to remove a tumbleweed after it sticks too you. Hmm.....

Or maybe they just don't believe in gravity. That could be it. *mentally smacks head* Tumbleweeds don't believe in Gravity like birds do, so they can just go anywhere they want. Rolling up trees, under things, over there, up there. Anywhere because Gravity has no meaning to them. That explains everything now, well everything dealing with rolling up, over, under and sideways up things. *nod*

If you don't believe, it will not effect you. New theory of gravity, mark the date on the calendar. The day Newton was raspberried. The apple believed so it fell.

"You are not getting away," I say gripping the tree,"you aren't the only one that can climb." Quickly I start to shimmy up the tree, not taking my eyes off the tumbleweed. Don't know what type of tree it is, other than a tall and fairly straight. In the way of trees, I would say it is doing pretty good. It definitely had those little car thingies you hang from the rear view mirror scent. Mmmm....Fresh!

Right when I am about to reach the tumbleweed it jumps. Not down but away into a another tree. Then another followed by another then another and so on. It was like watching those Japanese movies with the tree jumping ninjas. BOING! BOING! BOING! Through the woods and never touching the ground like it was so below them. Yeah the ground, ninja pfpht that is so yesterday.

Dropping from the tree, no way would I attempt the BOING thing until I got some practice, I start chasing after the tumbleweed as it disappears into the darkness.

******


The cat and mouse game continued, between me and the tumbleweed. Tree to tree, rock to rock, strange thing to stranger thing. Such a ugly saying, I am not a cat! Yes tail but not a cat. Monkey and banana game? Nah..... I don't plan to eat the tumbleweed, don't need the fiber. That and I hear they are bad on the gums. Before you say it and I know someone will, fiber isn't the other white meat. It is....whatever fiber is. So let's say a monkey girl and tumbleweed game.

On and on we went and a couple times I thought I had it. It was just right there and fwoom it was gone. Almost leaving a little tumbleweed shaped cloud behind. Then there was that one time where it was sipping water waiting for me. Don't ask me how, it just was. Cup in tumbleweed hand and a smug look on its tumbleweed face. Sip, oh there you are I have been waiting. Then fwoom gone. The cup hovering in mid air for a moment right before it spilled in my face. An angered grrr later while wiping my face and I am after the tumbleweed again. Again amazingly spry for something that doesn't think, well at least I don't think they do. But maybe.... Well they have been all over, unless I have been seeing the same one over and over. Which either means intelligence or just freaky coincidence. Or I am seeing tumbleweeds and they are not really there.

It hit a straight away and wow, I thought it was fast before. Yeah no, no where even close. I thought it might have strapped a rocket on to its back, but I didn't see any rocket and if it had one I would have heard it. Rockets aren't the most quiet things to be honest, loud when they start up and really loud after that. Wouldn't hear myself think. Definitely wouldn't be hearing the birds singing. Tweet tweet tweet. Yeah none of those.

Hands almost on it and zoom, it shot like a bullet down the pathway.  Going so fast it pulled me along with it, which caught me my surprise initially. Didn't really expect being dragged along by a ball of grass. But there I was being bounced off everything as the tumbleweed flew down the path. Yeah it made the easy almost nonexistent turns, me on the other hand started to find it strange that there was a tree in every turn. Which meant I kissed wood in every turn. Mmm...yum oak this time. A nice red oak but I can't place the year.

After a couple more bounces down the rail I could see that the tumbleweed was going for a ninety degree one. Oh no....no....no....[\i] It hit the turn and stopped, which meant I shot by it and nearly hit the tree. The bark was so close that I felt the texture as I shot by. Of course the large wooden sign thought otherwise and WHAM! All forward monkey girl movement stopped with one tail jarring moment.

Dazed, I turned my head as I started to get up to see if the tumbleweed was there. Up it hopped and off it took. Dragging me along with it. The moment I saw it hop I knew what was going to happen, I have watched Saturday morning cartoons and quickly rolled around and tried to grab anything solid. Pebble, useless. Leave, again useless. Root, maybe and too late.

"Sto," bounce. Bounce.

"I said...." Bounce. Bovine

After the first couple bounces I decided to keep my mouth shut, I had already eaten enough dirt and didn't need any for dessert.. Whap. Whap. Bounce and tons more whaps and bounces. Until I bounced into something metal. I looked up and smiled. "You are in trouble now tumbleweed."

Without taking my eyes off the ball of tumble I reached up and put my hand on the door then slowly picked myself up. "No way you are getting away now." I jump backwards, I so should have done one of those moves that those energy fighters do in those Japanese shows with the giant robots. Some dramatic move with light and a cool sound effect. Schwing.....Schwimg...I call upon the old beat up hotrod hoooooo.......

Quickly I adjust myself on the books as I pull the seatbelt across. CLICK! With a quick glance I can see the tumbleweed sitting there as turn the key in the ignition. Suddenly the air is filled with a mighty roar as the engine came to life.

"Let's see...."

Well I tried to tease the tumbleweed but POOF it took off. The sun glinted off my teeth as a smile appeared for a moment. Foot goes down and BOOM off I go.


******


The car explodes from the gate, well not literally a gate but from where I had parked. I wrench the wheel to the side and  I can feel the back end fish tailing around, gravel from the parking lot flying everywhere, as the car turns towards the exit. Over the roar of the engine I can barely hear the ricochetting of the gravel off of everything, I can definitely see the effects of the flying gravel as various signs bounce back and forth, little plants that had grown tall were cut short and a squirrel takes one to the forehead . "Sorry!" I yell back as my hands fly around the steering wheel, hoping the car will hit the exit and not make one of its own, trying to steer the car in the right direction. That way!

Wooooo.......going to far one way. Need to go the other........too far go the other way. If I could, I would rub the raccoon tail for good luck and I am not making any euphemisms either. Don't have the time for euphemisms at the moment. Even my tail has strapped in and wishing and praying. "We will make it...." I say though gritted teeth as I make a donut in the parking lot, again not a euphemism, no time. Car spinning around in a circle, URP!  I wondered what the other side of the parking lot looked like and now I know and knowing is not keeping me from urping into a paper bag. "Hey birdie," I say as I spin around it, "you are pretty photogenic. You don't have a bad side on you."

My hands go flying in the opposite direction and I hope. Hope that the car decides not to roll and flip and roll more. While it sounds fun and all, the whole image of supporting the car with my head doesn't well feel good. It outweighs me by a little. Well okay a lot, a couple more zeroes different and if anyone says different I will do.....nothing!  Too busy with the car at the moment.

Again the car fishtails and now in the opposite direction, gravel again free of its earthly bounds. Maybe that is how gravel gets their wings. If you fishtail your car after doing a donut a gravel gets its wings. If that is how it works, a lot of gravel were getting their wings that day. They can thank me later if they like after I get off this demented fun house ride. If I am going to make another donut I am going to look at breakfast different from now on. URP!

I think I got it... I tell myself, slamming on the brake for just a minute for the car to slow down for a moment then slam on the gas and hold on. Boom! The car starts to skid just a little and using the little hood ornament on the grill to aim and fingers that it is aligned with the exit and go!

One moment I am here and the other moment I am over there. The wind ripping at anything it can get a hold of. If I look back I might be able to see my tummy running to catch up to me, run faster tummy I like you. You don't have any weird tastes and generally like things I like. Except for those one things, that we will talk about later I don't know why you like them with hot mustard that burns like lava.

Looking pass the steering wheel with my hands at ten and two, white knuckles and all. I can see the exit coming at me quickly and the tumbleweed grr...... Tauntingly waiting for me beyond.

I blink and find myself almost at the exit sign and get to "ex" as I try to read it. If I didn't blink again I might have gotten to the end and seen how.....well how it ends. *Hands on the steering wheel dismissive wave* That was a stupid thought.

This blink almost takes me to the end of the drive, in the right direction too. I would have been mad if I blinked and found myself heading back into the parking lot again. Only to repeat the whole donut thing again. That would have been urpable.

My brain and tail both loudly hint at me to make a course adjustment when tire hits asphalt. Both don't want me to keep going that way and out into the dessert, where the cacti roam oh and the coyotes too.

Making course adjustments captains.

I wrench the steering wheel so hard hat the car goes into a sideways skid. The air is quickly pushed into a wall and the car rocks once as the sideways momentum. The gas pedal goes down and the gears grind as the car rips reality and heads down the road in massive show of acceleration. Warp factor five.

Somewhere out in the dessert some poor unexpecting lizard is quickly looking around as it tries to figure out what is pushing invisibly across the dessert.

*****

The road looks different when you are rocketing down it chasing after a tumbleweed. Everything is a blur on either side and the wind is whipping through your hair. I could see the tumbleweed racing ahead of me as we flew down the road. Again a mystery on how the tumbleweed was managing to stay ahead of the car. For a brief moment I looked over the steering wheel at the speedometer and it was saying I was going fast. But the odometer, for an older car it has a lot of ometers, hand was firmly planted in the red.

Red is never good, bulls don't like it and usually machines go red before exploding. I really don't need the exploding thing either. I listened to the whine of the engine as I sat there trying to think. Little nasally I thought. Slowly the arm moved further and further into the red and I was starting to get scared, what would happen if it reached the end. For a brief minute I pictured an explosion, car parts flying all over and a monkey girl gets her wings. Eep! Don't want that, harps are hard on the fingers.

What to do? Buttons? Push, pull, twist and one goes flying off. I might need that for later I tell myself as the button goes and fwoom it disappears when it is caught by the wind. Levers then, that one is obviously the windshield wipers, since now they are going back and forth. This other one is a turn signal which on a straight away is useless. Especially on a deserted straight away on the middle of the desert. Little pull thingie on the side of the steering wheel which looks like it doesn't really do anything.

What is left? Radio is a no go but there is something called an eight track. I press the button on one side and out pops something the size of an engine. With one hand on the steering wheel I reach down and pick up this thing. I have heard rumors of eight tracks, thought they were an urban legend really. Who would make something that could only hold a couple songs? Have they never heard of CDs or MP3 players. Heavy too! Ergh!

I slip it back in to where it popped out from and I heard a loud thunk then hissing coming from the speakers. Did I release snakes or something, I ask myself. Looking around to see if there was anything with scales or whatever snakes have slithering around. A snake won't be my co-pilot. Ick and no.

Is this the best of Snake? All the songs sounding the same. Hhhhhhiiiiiisssssssss.

Maybe it one of those language learning eight tracks, how to hiss snake in five easy lessons.  You want to do what with what? Oh you need to hiss not hiss. You had the hissing wrong. Hiss hiss hiss hiss hiss. That is how you hiss that.

Then it starts, the wailing. I thought the hissing was bad, oh my monkey this sounded old. Like ancient old. No auto tuning or anything. There are actually words and a beat. No dirty words or anything. This can't be music. Is my ears bleeding? Someone tell me, are they? I didn't even think they had music back then, well what they called music. Just to late you know if it isn't auto tuned so everything sounds electronically perfect it isn't music, well that is what I hear.

I hear the clunk clunk and another song starts up. Oh my monkey it is like the first one but with different words. I can't take it! I let go of the steering wheel and grab the eight track and start to pull and yank. Come out..... Come out..... I keep pulling and nothing as the car continues down the highway. Singing or what someone called singing wailing throughout the desert like some banshee. The coyotes will start howling any moment now, I just know it. Ergh! Nothing,the eight track has a death grip or something. I might need the jaws of life to save myself.

Volume, that might work. Just have to find the knob and.....Quickly I sit down and look.... It couldn't be! Of all of the knobs it had to be that one that popped off and....it is probably back there still spinning around.

"Not fair", I growl as I grab a hold of the stick coming out from the floor. Kerchunk.,.. Suddenly the engine starts to whine louder. What did I do, I ask myself looking around, noticing how loose the stick is in my hands. What the? I push the stick forward and I am answered by a ketchunk. The car jerks, tail almost over the end. No...no...no and I pull the stick back hard.

Ketchunk and the sound of gears grinding fills the air. Followed by the car jumping forward with a mighty leap as the sound of the engine deepened. Gears, I forgot about those. I push the stick forward again but shove it to the right. The sound of the engine deepens more as the car starts to pick up speed. Ketchunk clunk.

I can feel the car hug the ground with this last clunk and boom. If there wasn't a sonic boom there should have been when I took off. BOOM! Screeching down the highway. Two black tracks and a puff of smoke left behind.

"Yeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.........."


((What better place to end it than a cowboy thingie with no lasso though. I tried... but kept finding myself hogtied.))

[Catherine]

In a move that was surprising and well not really possible, the tumbleweed turns ninety degrees and shoots out into the dessert. I sat there slack jawed for a moment as I watch it....watch it going one way and then be going in the another. Nothing man made could do that, well and be going that fast really. Almost like it was running along some grid or something. Zip and zip. No I am not going to make any movie references on this one, it is obvious which one I would do,

I keep track of it as it kicks up dessert, mouth open until I swallow a bug. Ptow! Gripping the steering wheel I yank it to the side and the whole car groans as tires grip the pavement.  Errrrrrrrrrrrrr........................ You know driving a car is a mixed bag when it is going sideways at a really high speed. No windshield to protect you from the wind. No engine in front of you to keep you from rolling over. Tires not going in the direction you are going. You know the little things, but hey the blinkers work.

The car threatens to flip when it comes to a stop, pointing in the right direction. I slam my feet down on the right pedals and grab the stick. KERCHUNK. KERCHUNK. GRIND. KERCHINK. The car lurches forward when I let go of the one pedal for a moment. I push it down again and KERCHUNK and let go. The engine roars and dust kicks up as I accelerate.

I can see the tumbleweed in the distance as it crests a hill. KERCHUNK! "You aren't loosing me", I growl as I edge the gas pedal closer to the floor. When I hit the top of the hill I go flying and I can see for miles and miles. Okay I can't really see for miles and miles, just to over there. Right pass the cacti and everything. The one that has the one arm that goes like this and this. Don't make me get out and point to it.

KERCHUNK! The car squeals when it hits the ground, bouncing a couple times before finally staying on the ground where it is safe. One time I thought it was going to try a flip and thankfully it decided it against it. But it was ready now and it let the tumbleweed now when it roared. Whoops that was me, foot slipped. It let the tumbleweed know by it kept on running.

Down into an old dry river bed we went, little pebbles being kicked up as we went. The tumbleweed tried to loose me by feinting going up the side and then grinding the edge for a while or doing some spinning trick at the lip of it. I kept the car in the center, where I wasn't tempted to try any tricks and kept track of the tumbleweed. I knew if it tried I could probably pull off a tony mctwist with a half nail biter into a backwards penny head while ridding goofy. A medal would have finally been rewarded, I just know it, even that one judge would have voted high. But I was on a mission so the trick and medal  earning would have to wait  for later. I could have so pulled it off.

Of course the boulders randomly placed throughout the riverbed was making it more exciting. Swerving to miss those was tricky, sometimes I was up on two wheels and not always the ones that were easy either. Thankfully my tail was helping me with balance, pushing back the back end when we were up on the front wheels for example.  Super cute monkey girl agility there.

Towards the end of the river bed, I rounded the boulder and the tumbleweed was near. I could almost smell it. Phew it needs to take a shower. A little closer, I told myself as I pressed the gas pedal down and.....

Suddenly from out of nowhere a turtle stepped out. It was to close, I couldn't  swerve to miss it so I had to run over it. Sorry little turtle. *wipe tear* One of the front tires of the car found the turtle and well.... The phrase stop, drop and roll can be used here. Terrapins and cars don't mix sometimes and that leads to me in extreme bouts of rolling and 'What the......."

I could hear the sound of crunching metal all around me as I rolled. None of it sounded good, especially me being in the middle of it. It felt like some deranged merry go round especially with the eight track mysteriously kicking back on.

Roll. Roll. Roll and many more.

When the rolling finally stopped I managed to pull myself free. Thankfully one of the rules of the cute and adorable had been enforced and I had no cuts and I think one little scratch on my elbow see. I think there is blo............... Thump!

((Dramatic ending well a passing out ending with a thump. Nail bitter maybe.... find out what happens after the thump next time.))

[Catherine]

Why can't I pass out and see cottonballs? Sweet soft cottonballs. Falling into them would be better, it always seems that I am falling into something hard. It isn't the fall that hurts, it is the hard surface at the end that hurts. Thump! Ow! Never ah..... This is soft so very soft.

There I was laying there, just minding my own business. Maybe getting a good tan too, I have to remember to flip over soon. Don't want to get burned. Red and blistery on one side and regular on the other. That cuts the cute and adorable in half. I would get the ahhhhhh she is so adoraaaaaaaaaa.......,,oh my monkey, what happened to you. Yeah no, I don't want that. Maybe on Halloween, go out as a crispy zombie. But not everyday.

I am not a zombiest either. One of my friends is a zombie I think. Her skin is pale and she groans a lot before she gets her cup of coffee in morning. If that doesn't say zombie I don't know what does. Honest monkey,  If you want to walk around all slack jawed and moaning to a different tune that is fine by me. Just try not to nom my brain, I only have one.

Where was I, oh yeah I was laying there in a moment of close eye when I felt something taping me. "Hello friend, you shouldn't be laying in the middle of the riverbed or close to a car."

"Yeah I know...." I say opening one eye and then the other. Squinting a little because of the sun wanting to sit perfectly behind the strangers head. It always seems like it is one part of the sky one moment and the next right behind whomever I am talking too.

Slowly I start to sit up, putting my hand in front of my eyes to shield them from the sun. I saw the stranger's toes at first, bare and hey I think that one has a hang nail. I start to look higher and see the bottom of monk robes, slightly worn but still in good shape.  Higher I go, hopefully not catching a peek of what is under the robes. A friendly monk face looks down with a smile. "Hello again friend."

What the? It can't be! How the? "It can't be, how did you get here so fast?" I ask standing up, dusting myself off.


*****

"It does not matter the how, it only matters that I am," the monk answered back,"now come before I pull your tail."

 Immediately my tail went into the defensive, swinging behind me to hide away from the monk's hands. For a moment, I thought I heard rattling come from it too,  like a rattlesnake. A rattlesnake! Quickly I look over both of my shoulders, need to do both to be safe, to see if there were any rattlesnakes hiding behind me. Even though their butts rattle, loose change maybe, they can be quite silent when they want and deadly when others don't want.  I look and see no snake looking things, wait a second there could be one..... No just a twig. *Whew* Did that other stick move? It looks sort of snakish in a snake sort of way. No.,,. Just my mind playing tricks on me that is all. But I might have to keep an eye on that one. *mental putting stick on the spot* 

"Just kidding..." The monk says laughing to himself, "now come before the river decides to fill." Motioning with his hand as he turned to walk away. The monk paused for a moment after taking a few steps,"Come monkey."

"Okay..."

Off we went, leaving the car behind and the tumbleweed getting away, I think. For a moment I spin to see if I can spot the tumbleweed anywhere. You know sneaking up like tumbleweeds do. In the back of my mind I can hear the shark music playing. Du....duh duh duh du......duh duh duh and on and on. It is out there watching I can feel its tumbleweed eyes watching. So I do what is the best in the situation and blow a general raspberry in all directions. Can't be too safe really, might miss the tumbleweed if I didn't scatter shot the raspberry.

"You shouldn't do that too much monkey," I heard the monk say pulling my attention back around.

"Why is that?"

The monk laughed for a moment before answering, "Two little words, dung beetles."

My tongue rolled back into my mouth so fast at the thought of a dung beetle on it. Ick! No. No. No. Dung + beetle + my tongue is not a equation I ever wanted to solve for. Ick!

I heard the monk laugh again as I spun back around,"What is worse is armadillos,"

"What?!?!" I say stumbling, imagining an armadillo sitting on my tongue just staring at me as my my tongue keeps its bottom moistened. I start to shake my head trying to get that image out of my head and it fought too. The image of the armadillo on my tongue held on to my brain for all it is worth. Finally though, its grip slipped and off it flew into the desert.

Again the monk laughed, "I was kidding, pulling your tail."

"Not fair....." I growled for a moment as I cleaned the imaginary taste of armadillo off my tongue. Yuck. Imaginary armadillo is the worse. The taste just lasts and lasts. No matter how much imaginary mouth wash I use it is still there. Yuck.

On we walked the lurking monk and myself, pass cacti and something that looked like one. For a desert it looked nice. The sand was organized and the cacti was dusted. Probably by the little owl sitting over there. No that is a something or another, I am talking about the owl on the cacti over there. The little one carrying a feather duster. You see it now? Yeah the one right there. Dusting away making sure the desert is clean.

"So......" I say, arms behind my back and tail bobbing up and down as I look around.

"I have a needle and thread if you need them," the monk replied stepping over a large rock.

"What?" Pausing to flip over a cattle skull,"Oh no, no cuts or tears. What I wanted to ask is how and why are you lurking out here."

The monk didn't bother stopping to answer, he just kept going and going, "Every place has a lurker and I needed to cover this place, while its lurker was on vacation. How? I just walked."

"Just walked?"

"Yeah down the mountain and to here," the monk nodded.

"But that is really far away and..." I look a down at my wrist, "not that long ago."

The monk paused for a moment on top of a boulder, "distance and time have no meaning to a lurker. We are just.....there."

"That really isn't an answer,"

For a moment, the monk stroked his chin. I so pictured in my mind a little green alien with big ears saying some backwards line. But all I got is "That is the answer that is given." Then he vanished out of site when he moved to the other side of the Boulder.

Running after him, I am stopped in the middle of what I am about to say when I see something that shouldn't be. Well it can be but not be here. It is hard to explain, it... *motioning to the unexpected thing* can be somewhere else and be perfectly fine. But here it shouldn't be, I mean look at it. A mound of snow in the middle of the here. It should be melting or something, but nothing. It is just sitting there like snow does enjoy it the sun.

"Okay how?" I say motioning towards the snow as the monk sat in front of a fire on the snow,  Rubbing his hands as he blowed into them, trying to keep them warm.

"What?"

"Snow. Here. How?" Asking as my feet crunched into the snow.

With a smile, the monk patted the snow. "Just because...."

I lift and hand to say something and I am stopped mid thought by the monk,  "That is the answer given. Now come join me by the fire."

((Ok....monk....desert.... It so sounds like the beginning of a ghost story. I was walking minding my business out in the middle of nowhere and this guy wearing robes appeared out of Yeah nowhere because he couldn’t appear out of somewhere since somewhere was not there since it was nowhere and no does not equal some. You don’t have to be good at math to figure that out. Anyways he invited me to sit with him by the fire and yeah um.... *shrug* it goes from there but you have to wait until next time to find out where but it won’t be nowhere. Well shoot I gave it away,))

[Catherine]

My mom and dad didn't raise a girl that had no manners so I accepted the monk's offer. Butt on cold snow in the middle of the hot desert. I just had to accept this I guess, the snow in the desert thing. Which I was fine with. Hey the stuff I had seen makes non melting snow nothing and really if you think about it, they can make chocolate not melt in your hands and only in your mouth. So non melting snow, fun! Snowball fights in middle of summer. Snowmen enjoying the beach. I hear the lemon snow takes a little off though.  Not that lemons taste good, I just hear lemon snow doesn't taste anywhere close.

"So what brings you out here?" The monk asks as he hands me a cup of tea. I nod thanking him, sipping it before I start to tell him what had happened since the mountain, I would repeat it here but that is a lot of words and I would think you are more interested in what is happening now. But if you must, this might hurt a little. Oh and if you start to get a tingling sensation in your toes, please let me know. It isn't bad, it is just....well let me know okay? *ninja art of telling a story without words* Okay you are now all caught up and you got the limited sighed edition too.
 
I take another sip of tea before I continue, telling the monk about the chupalupa & goatman and how I chased a tumbleweed out into the riverbed. Of course I told him my theory on tumbleweeds too.

The monkey nodded when I completed my story with "and then I blacked out."

"That is an interesting story and it sounds like you have been on an adventure."

"Yes," I say proudly,"the thing is, is that my car is wrecked so I am sort of stuck now"

The monk chuckled, " I think you will be surprised when you go back to the riverbed," nodding a little.

Slowly an eyebrow rises and my tail does the whole question mark thing, "Why would I be surprised?"

"I have learned, during my time here, that there is a very bored river spirit that likes getting her hands dirty. In fact she might already be looking at your car already."

"River spirit?"

"Yes what stories call a nixie I think. Since the river dried up, she had gotten bored."

"Um,,, Why doesn't she move to I guess somewhere wet?"

The monk turned in the direction of the river, well I am guessing towards the general direction of river, "She has her reasons, one being she Is stubborn and the other is she believes."

"Believes what?" I ask turning towards the direction of the river. Well back that way.

"Simply that the water will return."

"But it is dry,"

The monk turned back towards the fire, "Yes but there is always the possibility and she sees the possibility. You should know about possibilities monkey, especially with what you have experienced."

"Yeah," nodding,"So why take me away from the river?"

Chuckling the monk responded,"She likes to get dirty in private. Let's us enjoy the fire before we head back, to give her some time to enjoy herself."

"Sure..." I say before sipping the tea. Mmmm...... Herbal with a hint of mint.

******

The walk back to the river bed was nice, the monk and I talked here and there and over there too about things. I mentioned the tumbleweeds to him, how every place I have been and no matter how illogical it was, there was a tumbleweed. He couldn't explain it really, being a lurker of the great white and everything. If they were snowballs he could help but tumbleweeds,  he would be stretching and reaching for answers. Answers that might lead me in the wrong direction but he mentioned that maybe the nixie might know something.

"You think so?" I asked stepping over a sleeping scorpion. I hear they always wake up on the wrong side of the bed so..... Light step over and tip toe away leaving it to dream about whatever scorpions dream about.

"She might, her kind have been around since we'll forever. She is a spirit of the water, a stubborn one, an elemental in a way. Water has been around before everything you see and might be around after everything you have seen yet. In some way shape or form water has touched everything, so she might know." The monk paused,"If she doesn't, she might be able to point you in the right direction."

"That sounds good," I nod as my tail bobbed up and down, anxious to meet a nixie. "What is she like?"

The monk chuckled before he answered, "If I told you it would ruin your moment with her. Meeting something that only exists in tales shouldn't be ruined by loose lips. You should form your own opinion of her and well like water, she is always different. I have seen her well...I have seen and leave it at that."

In the blink of an eye we were there, well a long blink, at the hill above the riverbed
 Nothing exciting happened. Too keep myself busy I counted rocks? Who knew there was so many rocks in the desert. The monk stopped and pointed at the car which now stood up correctly like cars should, on their tires. "It looks like she found it, go on down and introduce yourself."

"Okay," I nervously replied,"Aren't you coming?"

The monk shook his head,"This is for you and not me. She won't bite."

"Okay, thank you for everything."

The monk nodded and smiled,"You are welcome, now go and say hi."

Quickly I turned and started to head towards the car, sliding down a loose section of the riverbank. For a moment I look back towards the monk and see nothing but desert. How the? Where did he go? I look around seeing no signs of the monk and I can hear the whistling of a spaghetti western in my head. Weird...

The closer I get to the car I start to see that parts have been taken off and a small set of light green legs dangling from the engine.

"Excuse me.." I call out and I hear "Give me a second," in reply.

((Time to meet a nixie. Well not now.... I mean come on if you meet her now you wouldn’t meet her later and then what would I post later? ))

[Catherine]

My tail swung back and forth trying to catch a glimpse of the nixie. Well more than a glimpse of her legs and back side. Okay yeah I was anxious to see what the rest of the nixie looked like, at this moment all I knew was that nixies had legs and that was about it. She would kick them out sometimes as she worked.

Every so often a nut or some other part would fly out quickly followed by some comment on how humans always over engineered everything or put something in just because they thought it made something look nice. That explained the small piles of parts that was accumulating all over. Kneeling down I picked up a spark plug. "Um...I think this is needed." The nixie didn't even bother to stop and look at what I was talking about before she answered,"Wrong!"

"But I am pretty sure it is. I have watched some car shows and they always mention spark plugs."

I heard the nixie chuckle to herself,"Wrong!"

"But I....." I started to say, stopping when the pixie quickly flipped around and sat a top of the engine, her feet kicking freely in the air. Her stare froze me for a moment, it was like staring at two dark green jelly beans. No white of the eyes, no pupils or irises. Just a solid dark green. I could see a small smirk starting to form as she sat there, "I have taken enough of these things,"patting the engine with the bottom of one of her feet,"too know that, that is useless. No rhyme or reason other than to plug a hole. Which didn't need to be there either."

I was just about to say something, about being pretty sure the spark plug was needed when the nixie stuck her hand up, "Stop, It isn't needed. In fact," the nixie paused to wipe her face with the back of one of her hands leaving a streak of oil and grease across her face,"as you can tell," motioning with a hand towards the ground,"there is a lot that isn't necessary. Honestly I think some coyote spirit whispered into the engineers' ears or something. Tricked them into believing that half of this junk is necessary." She reached down out of sight and pulled up a bolt and shook it at me,"Do you know what this does?"

"Well...." I started to say trying to think of an answer,"if I had to guess it was to keep something bolted to something else." *mental hand to face for that answer,*

The nixie just laughed and tossed the bolt over her shoulder,"You would think so, but a all it was doing was filling a hole. Not a hole that goes anywhere or does anything just a hole. Put there by a engineer to probably make the engine look more powerful. It doesn't work that way." I would say quickly but I didn't see any movement, one moment the nixie was sitting down with her feet dangling down off the engine and the next she was strolling down the engine.

You are probably wondering the whole strolling thing aren't you? Okay maybe I should describe the nixie too you. Picture in your mind a girl with light green tinted skin, of course the dark green eyes that I have already described. Her hair is long, pulled back in a pony tail. Brown roots that quickly change to a surprise green. A slight slender build made for slipping through the water effortlessly. It looked like she was wearing, whole ridden worn jeans, a red handkerchief stuffed into the right rear pocket and what looked like a very stained white if you can still call it that white bowling shirt. Nothing off there right? Right.... Now take the girl and shrink her to about the size of your hand in height and you can now imagine what I was seeing. Just have to warn you, I think if you call her in any combination of the words 'bell' and 'tinker', you might find yourself with a tiny hand imprint on your cheek as your head spins around.

I watched as she strolled from one engine part, I would say what it is but I don't know what it is. All I can tell you it is metal and sort of shaped like this and a little like that with a hole. Then hopped to another, again metal, to another then hopped up on the little bit if hood between well the hood and window spun and sat down. Folding one leg under while letting the  other fall down into the engine compartment to swing freely.

"This old girl has been fun to work on, they don't make them like this anymore." Nodding  a little as she patted the car,"Nowadays they are all plastic and computers, taking all of the heart out of car. Then you have the ones with lights under the car, why?  Just a waste. The cars don't even want that stuff, it weakens their dragon. Not this old girl, she is ready to roar!"

Out of nowhere, I watch the nixie pull out a toothpick and stick it in her mouth. "That is what so good with the older ones. They might be older but they are strong. Built to last. Yeah I had to hammer out some dings and take out all of art sculptures in the engine and everything. But she will roar when you turn the keys. Isn't that right girl?"

I waited for a moment just to see, see if the car would respond but all there was, was silence. "Thank you for fixing the car....." I ask as I give the nixie a look that says please continue.

****

"No problem. I like getting my fingers dirty," the nixie said kicking her leg up a rubber ring swinging from it. "Like I said I like working on the older girls. Always fun to get them up and running again and hear their hearts roar." 

I watched as she nodded happily as if she was agreeing with herself. Stopping for a moment to wipe her nose with the back of her arm. "There a few I won't touch though, Gremlins and Pacers. Little boxes on wheels to be honest. Now...." the little nixie's eyes light up,"the rods, those are the fun toys to work on. Simple but proud. I will tell you this, when one of those wakes up the sun shines a little brighter and the night is a little darker."

Without pause the nixie grabbed a hold of the edge of the hood and just sort of did some gymnastic sort of thing. Hands down on bare metal she flipped up and over to end up laying down on the engine itself. All in one graceful move, like watching water. "Just laying here, I can feel the power in this girl. Wanting to get out. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr" the nixie shivered as she grrrrr'd rolling over onto her stomach, kicking one of her legs behind her slowly as she put her hands under her head. "You are a lucky girl to have a girl like this.." pausing to swipe at a loose nut that was sitting there,"nothing plastic and fake here oh no. "

It felt wrong in a way to stand there watching the nixie, I could tell she loved the car By the way she acted. Rolling around every so often and not caring if she got covered in grease or dirt. Slowly she lifted an arm and pointed a hand in a casual way towards the side of the car,"I hope you don't mind..."

"Mind?" I asked back as my tail scratched the top of my head, trying to figure out what I shouldn't mind. Looking I dud anything strange, the car was in one piece and didn't look odd.

"Yeah.... I couldn't help myself when I started working on this girl. Just had to leave my mark."

Confused I got up to look for a mark, "Mark? What mark?"

The nixie laughed and lazily rolled off the engine catching herself on one of pipes coming out of it. "Can't miss it, I signed it right in front of the door hinge, really big and in white."

I looked again, nothing really big or anything that would stick out. Then I saw it, at first I thought it was the light catching a ding or scratch, but getting closer I could see the flourishes and flowing curves starting to show. I knelt down closer and felt something suddenly land on my shoulder,"Yeah, see.....I tried to put it in a place where others might see it but not stick out. Some get really fancy when they sign a car. I think that just steals from the dragon. A simple signature is all that is needed."

Closer and closer and suddenly BING the little nixie's signature was readable.. For not trying to be fancy it was fancy. Calligraphers would be jealous on how beautiful it was, I even started to tear up. *Sniff*

W.......I........N.........N.........I........E

"Your name is Winnie?" turning my head a little to ask the nixie face to face sort of in a way. Winnie nodded and as did another gymnastic move and rolled over my shoulder and slipped into the front of the seat of the car. Landing perfectly on her feet.

"Yes it is," Winnie answer as she walked across the set like some tightrope walker and spun around to look at me as she slowly curtsied, sniffing a little as she paused before rising. "Even the smell is perfect. So what is the owner's name of this old girl?"

I take a step closer and put my arms on the top of the dude of the car, lowering my head so it rested on my arms, "My name is Nichole Anne Marie Smith, my friends call my monkey." Pointing back to my tail that was in the middle of taking a bow.

"So what brings you out here, Nichole Anne Marie Smith," pausing to takes if again, "So good. I mean monkey."

For a moment I hesitated, trying to find the right words well really word and there was only one word really,"Tumbleweeds." *exhale* "I keep seeing them all over place and I shouldn't be."

Winnie was right in the middle of another sniff when I said the one word and she just stopped. "That would be the witch," Winnie said as she turned towards me, hands on her hips. "For some reason she decided that tumbleweeds would be her eyes and ears. Don't ask me why though. They sort of stand out anywhere other than the desert."

Quickly she spun and pointed that way, "She is that way the last time I saw her,  living in a big shiny mobile home that looks like a giant Twinkie. You can't miss it really. In fact she probably has the inflatable palm trees out wrapped in Christmas lights and everything right about now." The sound of a bubbling brook filled the air as Winnie laughed,"Probably out trying to get a sun tan too knowing her. You should drop in on her and ask her what is up with the tumbleweeds."

"I think I will...."

*****

"Want to go along?" I ask Winnie as I jump into the car and pull the seat belt across.

"Can't," the nixie replied,"need to stay in the river bed. If I leave it well the hounds will be after me."

"Hounds?"

"Yeah, nasty li...well big things. Dark as midnight with red glowing eyes. No way to escape them, their noses are actually more powerful than a regular dogs." Winnie answered as she started to get out."Will hunt me down and I get slobber covered when they take me back to the river. It happened once and I didn't enjoy being a chew toy."

"That sucks...." BOINK! *The sound of an idea bulb forming over my head. Before anyone asks yes it meets all federal regulations* With a smile I reach over to Winnie, carefully grab her and put her in my lap "You know what, this is a pretty big riverbed and everything. Don't you want to do a test drive just to make sure everything is running smoothly?"

I didn't need to see the smile forming on Winnie's face to know the offer made her happy. Quickly she scooted up closer to the steering wheel and took a hold of it with both hands, not in the ten and two position just in case you wanted to know. "Let's see what the old girl can do," Winnie growled.

Smiling I reached up and turned the key. Instantly the hotrod came too life. The engine didn't sputter or cough, it roared! I thought it was..*ninja art of the made up word * roary before. That was nothing, not even close oh no. Now it was more guttural with a big side of attitude. All around me I could see smaller and even some of the larger rocks starting to bounce. When I pushed down the gas pedal down just a little the engine growled even louder and i could feel it in my bones. That was just the whatever effects, there was an exciting visual display too. Fire and smoke of the extreme kind shot out of the pipes from either side of the engine and I could hear Winnie say something about the dragon having her breath and giggling to herself.

Sitting there I could feel the power coming from the engine and the force it was creating. The vulture that was flying overhead felt the force too when I turned the rod on. With the pipes pointing up and the whole wrong place at the wrong time thing happening. It might be hitting the surface of the moon any moment now, a little no a lot surprised and holding its breath.

"Are you ready?" I ask Winnie and she just nods and grins. "Three," I grab the stick,"Two," I push down the pedal," and one!"

KERCHUNK! KERCHUNK! KERCHUNK!

BOOM!!!!!!

The engine roars loud and we just don't take off we explode from sitting there to going fast, well faster than fast. There is fast and then there was what we were doing.

KERCHUNK! KERCHUNK! KERCHUNK!

For a moment the engine whines as I change gears then quickly deepens. I can feel the car lowering to the ground trying to become more streamlined, faster. Everything is starting to become a blur now as we pass things.

KERCHUNK! KERCHUNK! KERCHUNK!

Again the engine whines as I change gears, the speedometer kicking to the right for just a second. The pull of the engine gets stronger and we lurch forward. If something wasn't a blur before, when it passed, it is now and all I can hear over the roar of the engine is Winnie laughing.

KERCHUNK! KERCHUNK! KERCHUNK!

I can feel the car drop just a little as the engine roars louder. In my mind I can imagine hotrodders around the world looking to the sky knowing what the sound is as a tear rolls down their cheeks. When asked what the sound is or why they are crying, they would answer it is the sound of an fallen angel laughing and that they have sand in their eyes.

Down the river bed we tore in a blur and if you just happens to be on the bank of the riverbed and blinked you might have missed use as we shot by. "Brakes now and shift down!" I heard Winnie say as she wrenched the wheel to the right. Instantly the car spun and Winnie laughed as the car spun and spun doing a donuts in one spot. The last time I did a donut it was by accident and it was urpable, this time it was fun. Around and around we spun, the continual donut, leaving clear black marks on the ground as we did.

"Gas now!" Winnie shouted back to me as she wrenched the steering wheel the other direction sending us back up  the riverbed. Sending a small tornado in the opposite direction, you know because of the continual donut. Physics or something people, a car spinning and spinning at that speed will eventually create a tornado. I think Einstein stated that, now I can't prove that or anything but look behind the car, a tornado going that way, so the continual donut forming a tornado theory has now been formed just like the tornado,

KERCHUNK! KERCHUNK! KERCHUNK!

Back up the riverbed we shot, Winnie laughing all the way and this went on for hours. Back and forth down the riverbed doing all kinds of tricks. The one time we traveled the whole distance on just two wheels and I nearly thought we lost it a couple times and we went back up the riverbed on the other two wheels. Winnie said it was because she wanted to make sure all of the tires were worn exactly the same but I knew the truth and the truth was called 'fun'.

"I want to try one more thing and open the girl up."

"Okay???" I said questionably.

"Gas pedal to the floor," Winnie said as she pointed the car back down the riverbed. I did what she wanted and instantly we shot straight down the riverbed. All of the chains were broken and the dragon was released, the engine roared louder than it ever did and we hugged the ground closer than before.  I blinked and we were hundreds of feet from where we were pre blink and going faster.

Suddenly there was a KRAKA BOOM and I could feel the car rock for just a second as we continued down the riverbed. "Oh yeah we buried the needle and then some," I heard Winnie laugh.

"What just happened? Did we just? I didn't think that was possible on the ground?"

"Oh it is possible," Winnie replied as she held onto the steering wheel, her knuckles turning white. "Oh and you might want to slam on the brakes now or we will shoot off into the ocean."

"Wait, what? Ocean? I didn't bring my bathing suit!" I slam a foot down so hard the pedal hits the floor board and we skid for what feels like miles coming to a stop. The car rocking back and forth when it does.

"That was awesome, I knew she had it in her," Winnie's said standing up as I looked back over my shoulder to see the twin black skid marks leading off into the distance. Without pause she hugged my face and did some acrobatic move out of the car, "Thank you monkey for the fun. Now the witch is that way," she said pointing into the distance.

I pull myself up a little to look over the door to see Winnie, "How are you going to get back home?"  She laughed, "This riverbed is my home so don't worry. Go find out about your tumbleweed problem."

I settled back down into the seat,"Okay, be safe Winnie."

"You too Monkey." I heard Winnie answer back as I started to head in the direction she pointed.

((Witches in the desert..... at least they don’t have to worry about water being splashed on them but they must be all stinky from sweating. Find out how to prevent that next time.))

[Catherine]

You know what will be more dramatic? A far out shot, so let's pull the camera out so you can barely see the car. But you can hear the car's roar from even way over there. Kind of hard to miss it really. ROAR GRRRR................ Cacti are swaying and rocks are jumping like jumping beans. What is that, you might ask. Looking off into the distance, you can see twin plums of desert stuff shooting up into the air. Higher and higher they go as the roar get louder, if that is possible.

You see a shiny starburst effect for a moment as the sun catches the grill. Then VOOM I shoot right pass you. The wind from my passing pulling on your clothes, oh please say that you have clothes on. Don't be naked out in the desert please. You can get a sunburn all over and tumbleweeds might poke you and sand might get in areas and do the sandpaper things on other parts. Then don't even get me started on scorpions, those confused little things. They look sort of  like lobsters but they aren't and they like to poke things with their tails. Maybe to remind others that they are there maybe. * poke poke * "I am here..... Why are falling down?" Maybe they like poking things going "Hey," then  playing dumb by just looking around.

Now you can focus the camera on me, the dramatic thing is done. Hands on the steering wheel in the proper positions, ten and two & my tail wearing its googles as it quickly bobs back and forth in the wind.  The lone figure passed in the desert is quickly disappearing behind me, getting smaller and smaller as I race away from it. For a moment I wonder who I just passed in the middle of nowhere, a strange stranger out for a walk in the middle of a desert. You know, "Just out for a stroll" sort of thing. Looking into the rear view mirror I can see something or someone back there, maybe they are waving and maybe it is a cactus. They always look like they are waving or temporary frozen in a dance move. Can never tell with cacti.

Far off in the distance I see a glint of light coming from something and if Winnie was right it would be only one thing, the witch's giant metal Twinkie. There I would find out why I have been seeing all of those tumbleweeds. Slowly I turn the steering wheel and the car is soon pointing towards the glinting thing. "Time to find out some answers," I say, drowned out by the roar of the engine as I press down on the gas pedal and the car accelerates, fire and smoke erupting from its pipes.


((Doing a little set up for the witch. You can’t just say “Look a witch” and not expect people to scream, witches to be dunk in cold rivers and something with ducks and wood.))

[Catherine]

On and on I went, desert plumes to either side of me as whatever the shiny thing was came closer and closer. I was focused and had questions needing answered and hopefully the shiny thing held the answers that I needed and not ones that I didn't. You know sometimes you get to a place and find out the person you are looking for is over at another shiny thing. Grrrr.....

In moments, I could see the definite form of a large shiny Twinkie slowly taking shape as I got closer and closer. Then the tall tale silhouettes of inflatable palm trees slowly revealed themselves in the desert heat. Sort of hard to miss really, they don't look like cacti you know. What with the leaves and the sometimes relaxed lean to the side.

Blinking, something I forgot to do as I ripped across the desert and is not good to miss, I could see it better now. The oasis in the middle of nowhere, well an oasis without water but still an oasis. Some oasis's lack in the water department but really it not their fault, they are trying. It is just that the water is particular sometimes and doesn't like to be seen in some oasis's, I guess it is a whole reputation thing maybe. 

Honestly I didn't bother slowing down, letting the engine roar until the last second when I wrenched it to the side. Brakes squealing as the car skidded sideways kicking desert stuff up into the air as it came to a stop. Leaving definite marks on the ground, sort of like a 'I have been here' signature. As desert stuff ran back down covering the inflatable palm trees and other things with a fine layer of desert stuff I waited, no need to get dirty really. That and I heard coughing, I don't want to get sick.

Slowly I let go of the steering wheel, placing a hand on the door jamb to hop out. Another perfect landing and the crowd goes wild, I tell myself when my feet hit the ground. One arm swings out as the other crosses my body, bowing full tilt. I was always told if you bow make it a good one and nothing blah. So I do a bow with a flourish and a thank you thank you.

Deep into the bow I heard girl, a girl who didn't sound to happy. "What was that all about?"

Quickly I looked up to see a girl sitting there dusting the desert stuff of her face with a hand as she sat there. Her skin was the color of sand, her long straight hair was too and strangely so was her bathing suit. Maybe she liked the color desert. *mental note look up desert in crayons and see what it looks like just to make sure.*

Quickly she stood, desert stuff falling off of her as she stamped a foot. "What was that all about?" she repeated angrily motioning to all of the desert stuff covering everything,  her eyes starting  to glow a bright red.

"I am a looking for the witch, Felicia Hextus."

"Well you found her," the girl responded, her long blonde hair finally revealing itself from under the desert color.

"What?" I start to laugh,"You aren't Felicia, she is a witch and really powerful."

"I am her!" The girl growled stamping her foot, knocking more desert stuff off of herself.

"Nope..."

With another stomping of her foot the girl yelled "Yes! I will show you." She brought a hand up and snapped her fingers. Suddenly the little girl was gone replaced with a woman in a string  bikini. The woman snapped her fingers and she was gone, replaced by a cat. Who snapped its fingers, don't ask me how though I am not really sure. I didn't think they had fingers. To be replaced by a mirror copy of myself, who snapped her fingers to be replaced by the girl again. "See I told you I am Felicia Hextus," she laughed.

"No....no......no..." I replied, shaking my head,"that was done with smoke and mirrors. I can even see the strings." *Pointing to a spot somewhere to prove and not prove.*  I watched as the girl turned her around to look at where I was pointing, "I don't see any strings." Everything got real quiet when she quickly turned and glared at me as a little storm cloud formed over her head. From here I could see the cloud flash as tiny lightening bolts shot down and was that a little kite floating above the girl's head? The silence was shattered by a roll of thunder coming from the storm cloud. KRACKABOOM!

"I am not happy," the girl growled as lifted a hand,"you won't like me when I am angry."

Yeah I should have held back the laugh and witty remark, come to think of it. "What do you turn green and want to smash things?"

The girl screamed for a moment,"Nnnnnnnooooooooo!!!!!!!!"

Yeah I realized I shouldn't have said that when I saw the ball of energy starting to form in the girl's hand. Ummmm..... Can I retcon  and take it back? No, it is already in words and everything, ok fine.  But I offered, remember that later if there is a later. Eep!


*******


I watched as the ball of energy came flying towards me. Flashbacks of watching some japanasse cartoon, what was it again?  lizardorb  S or something followed by memories of watching people playing avenue fisticuffs appearing in my mind.

The ball of energy flew by harmlessly, other than making every hair on my body stand  up, which is annoying. POOF! I could hear the witch laughing already as I got my brush out and started fixing, "Not funny," I growled.

"Yes it is," the witch laughed as another ball of energy quickly formed and came hurdling towards me. This time I dove and rolled. No near misses for this girl. Learn from your mistake, especially when it concerns static electricity or something and hair.

"Is that the only thing you can do? PCHOW! PCHOW!," Doing a  finger gun in the air"  Energy ball"

"No!"  the witch yelled as twin snowballs quickly formed to either side of her head. "I hope you like slushies," she said with a smile as both came hurdling towards me. I dodged one of them but the second had a spin on it that made it act like a boomerang. I was standing there mocking the witch on her aim and suddenly there was a SPLAT on the back of my head which sent me reeling forwards. Oh I have a math equation for you, Surprise impact plus back of head equals bite tongue. Ow!

For a step or two I stumbled, laughter filling the air until I caught myself. When I looked up I found the butt or something end of a snowball flying towards me. SPLAT! Right in the face, forcing me to fall backwards onto my butt,  thankfully my tail rolled out of the way so she wasn't hurt. 

With a hand I wiped the snow away from my face as I started to get up, the witch standing there proudly, "It looks like I can do more than energy balls doesn't it?"

"Yes it does," I answer back, flipping a little bit of snow off of my nose.

Suddenly the witch threw up her hands, almost like she was scared. "Oh no look out behind you!"

Quickly I turned to see what was scaring the witch and SPLAT! Knocking me off my feet and back onto the ground. Well I was on the ground, you know on my feet but now I was back on my butt.

What in the world just hit me, I asked myself as I laid there slightly stunned. The witch had been throwing snowballs and whatever just hit me felt bigger than a ball.  It was about this by this by this. I did some rough jumbled calculations in my head, bringing up charts and everything. By my rough estimates, I just got hit by.......let me check the charts. Not a ball and not an ice planet where guys with glow sticks cut open llama thingies so they can live in them. URP! I don't know where they even would come up with living in a llama thingie. It isn't my first choice and not even my last, it isn't even on my list.  I mean you would have to....then do.....followed by scooping....don't even mention that you......a little under the nose. Looking at the charts it looks like I got hit by a.... snowman's butt!

Oh my monkey! I shot straight up. Ick! Snow falling off of me making little snow piles as I brushed the snow off of the shoulders and my tail brushed it off itself. I could see the witch standing there smiling, happy with making a snow monkey girl.

"Two can play that game," I grinned a grin that said so much but said nothing.

A questioning look appeared on the witches' face "Oh really? Do you know magic?"

"Nope, but I know..."


((Find our what monkey knows next time. Dramatic pause))

[Catherine]

I can feel the cold whip pass my face as the snowball whizzes by straight on target. Arming snowball bay one and fire! The look of surprise on the witches face right before the snowball hit was so selfie good. "Oh...." Look of surprise *no...." Face going splat! I so should have pulled out my phone, could have posted it on the web and everything. It would have been viewed millions of times, liked, tweeted, put to music, auto-tuned, photoshopped and everything else. I might have been asked what inspired me to take the photo too. I would say the impact inspired me. It spoke of anguish, of love, of fighting against that what beats you down. *mental giggle * Who am I kidding, I took them because they were fun. The kerpow expression on the witches face would have made milk shoot of my nose if I was drinking milk.

There I stood and there the witch stood, enjoying the taste of snow. "I told you..." I sung out, turning around and tapping my butt as my tail bobbed up and down joyfully. This sound of hissing pulled me from the tapping, looking back I could see the snow melting  and quickly turning  to steam. The witches eyes burning a bright red.

Out of nowhere mini meteors shot towards me. ZIP ZIP ZIP ZIP ZIP. I go all bullet time on them and showed the meteors who is boss. Dodging one after another after another. Am I in the Matrix? No, I am in the middle of the desert standing next to a giant metal Twinkie.

Another batch of mini meteors came flying toward me and I cartwheeled out of the way. I looked back as I rotated and could see that the meteors would have hurt bad, especially the one that would have hit me in the forehead, that would have slowed me down for a while, trying to brush away the stars and birds flying around my head.

As soon as I land I flip backwards, crouching in a low stance. My tail ready and waiting, prepared to go this way when I go that way. I take a deep breath and wait, not holding my breath since I don't know what or when something is going to happen. Don't want  to end up face first on the ground. No THUMP!

I didn't have to wait long though, suddenly a large light brown snowball looking thing erupted from the ground in front of the witch and launched itself towards me. Quickly I sprung to the side and sat there in a one handed hand stand waiting for the next move.

Sitting there, upside down, the air around me started to tingle like I was standing in the middle of a electric storm or I have my hand in one of those big metal balls that do the lightening. I could feel the hair all over my body begin to stand up. What was going to happen, I ask myself when suddenly a little brown ball floated in front of me, then another and another and another.

What the? What is happening? I tried swatting at the little brown balls only for them to move out of the way. What? I swiped again with my free hand and even my tail got into the action. Nothing was working. The little balls dodged and swerved everything.

"Get away! Get away! Get away!" "

The witches' laughter filled the air,"Dust Bunnies of the Apocalypse!" Suddenly everything went dark and I started to feel dirty. Keep mouth closed. Close ears. Don't open eyes. "mmpphhh mpppppphhhhh mmmmmppphh."

I fell to the ground as the laughter continues. 

*****


I struggled trying to get the dust bunnies off of me,  but they had a grip on me that said we aren't letting go. Everywhere I rolled there they were hugging me., invading my personal space. Being suffocated by dust bunnies wasn't on my bucket list, let me check. No..,no....no...finding out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop...no...no......no.....ride a merry-go-round until I URP so yeah no suffocation by dust bunnies.

So I did what I remember in case of dust bunnies, stop....drop and roll. But these little guys were holding on for dear life and I think having fun, dId I just hear cheering and the chanting of "more...more....more..."

Whoever heard of death by dust bunny? I mean death by chocolate yes but not by bunny. Oh by the way that is delicious, the chocolate one not the bunny one. I needed to do something, the bunnies were getting a little to personal and the rolling wasn't doing anything. Too repetitive maybe and the dust bunnies could compensate, you know hold tighter on one part and everything. I mean if you roll one way you will have to roll the other, common knowledge really so let's try.....

So up I sprang, then over into a cartwheel and into some acrobatics. Flipping and spinning and twirling and even popping and locking. Everything and anything my body could do and some that I didn't know it could do. I mean that one move I did was awesome, I wish I could have seen it. But yeah the whole covered in dust bunnies prevented that.

So I continued, jumping over a lawn chair, spinning like a top around an inflatable tree, flipping off the metal Twinkie. Ever so often a dust bunny would fly off. So up I jump and landed on my butt, my tail quickly shifting into a better position. Mentally I pull the ripcord and I spin. Not just spin I mean really spin. Like a boat propellor or something similar. 

The world is blur to me of course I can't see anything so I am guessing really. But I can feel the pull if the wind as I keep spinning. Over the sound of the spinning monkey girl, I could hear the laughter slowly  start to die down.

I could feel the feeling of dirtiness start to disappear and I spin like some crazed ballerina. Dust  bunnies flying off me of her with every passing moment  Come on...

From spin to flips and cartwheels across the well you know. I am going over there. One last....[/I. I hand and turn away from the witch. Time to show her how magic works. So I turn and start to yell. Hey it worked on anime!

"Here it comes," I growl as I bring my hands around in front of or is it behind me. "Well let's go...ahhhhhhhhh!"

From where the witch was standing I would imagine it looked all like I was powering up or something, just like they do in the lizard orb's cartoon. I could never figure out why others in that didn't realize what was happening when someone was screaming. It wasn't because they were scared or mad, it was because they were powering up. I would think that would be a clear sign to poke the other person with something pointy or something else to stop the screaming. They always looked surprised too, even if they just did the same thing just moments before. Like "oh no they can scream to, so they can power up."

Of course at the same time my tail was holding a flash light up, quickly flicking it on and off, getting a cool strobe light effect. The witch was probably amazed, especially when the sparkles hit the hair catching the flashing light. Any moment now my hair would fly straight up and go blonde, ultimate super monkey girl mode! Wacha! Should I do the poorly dubbed, mouth doesn't match what I am saying thing too, that could freak out the witch even more.

I could see the 'Oh! Oh!' look on the witches' face as my lips started to move and then my voice played catch up. "You dust bunnied the last person witch! Super A-one awesome unregretably powerful extremely flashy and awe inspiring hyper monkey girl energy ball of kerpow!!!!!!!!"

The witch closed her eyes more and more with each word preparing for my attack, no one could defend themselves from a attack with that many words in it and she knew that. Slowly I swung my hands around to release the no energy I was building up, "Prepare to go to the light!!"

I could see the witch had her eyes closed so shut it was funny, any more shut and they would be open. Monkey quiet I snuck up, so quiet even ninjas would be jealous. The witch was ready for the never coming inevitable. Slowly I reached out with one hand and touched the tip of the witches nose.

"Boop!"

((Ending with a boop. The best type of ending until next time. Okay not really... a banana milkshake ending would have been so much better. Until next time.))

[Catherine]

Slowly the witch starts to open her eyes, one at a time, as I stand there with a finger on her nose. Please don't have allergies or a runny nose. I don't want an icky finger. "Hello..."

"Hello," the witch answered back as she stood there, my finger still on her nose,"so...." I watch as she looks down at my finger, you know the one on her nose.

I laugh as I pull my finger away from the witches' nose,  Ick free by the way."You were close, that attack usually flattens everything for miles no matter what. I have seen it drop a Mastodon once. One moment it was there and the next cooked mastodon burgers were falling from the sky," I say trying to sound serious. Since really all I did was boop her nose, the only way I would have hurt her was if I had a hang nail and I take care of my nails so......that won't be happening.

"Good..." The witch replied quickly glancing at my finger and for a moment I flex it to just tease her. Smiling just a little when I see her flinch.  Without taking her eyes away from me, the witch takes a couple steps backwards and puts one of her hands on a lawn chair. "So...yeah, why did you come here for? I mean I am in the middle of nowhere and you can out of nowhere throwing up dirt everywhere."

A hand goes to the back of my neck as I start to rub it, "Sorry about getting you all dirty and everything. The old girl has a little....no a lot of power and well I was excited so errrrr, dirt thrown up and Whalaah!" The whole time I imitate shooting across the desert, sliding to a stop which is followed by the Whalaah move, hands out and everything.

"Yeah I know you are here," the witch answered, "but why?"  I thought for a moment,"Before I tell you, can you tell me your name so I don't start calling you witch. I know some people like that kind of stuff, but it doesn't look like you are one of those people."

"No I am not," the witch said shaking her head,"I am Felicia Hextus, that is with a 'T'. Some drop that and I am not sure why and you are?"

I curtsy just a little as I answer, "I am Nichole Anne Marie Smith, my friends call me 'Monkey' for obvious reasons." Motioning to my tail who just happens to pop up at that moment to wave at Felicia, which makes her giggle.

"That looks like fun," Felicia says snapping her fingers. Instantly a tail matching mine appears behind her swaying side to side. It pauses for a moment then slowly turns towards me, almost like it is peeking around Felicia's body and waves at me. I do the only thing that makes sense at the moment, I  giggle, "That is cute."

"So.....what brought you here?"

"Oh yeah. I had a question on all of the tumbleweeds that I have been seeing and I hear you have the answers."

Felicia starts to nod,"Yes I do," she motions to another lawn chair,"Care to sit while I tell you?"

With a smile I answer I would love to as I head towards the lawn chair. Carefully sitting so  my tail didn't get stuck. Once your tail gets stuck in a lawn chair, specifically ones that have straps, it takes a tail-o-octopy to get free and I am sort of attached to my tail. Ankles crossed I swing my legs back and forth waiting for Felicia to start.


******

"Okay, where should I start..." Felicia said as she slipped on a pair of mirrored sunglasses,"probably would be best back at witches school. Which isn't like pigdimples or whatever that school is called in those books. You know the one with the boy with the zig zag on his head. Which I think he got when a paper airplane hit his forehead to be honest.

Anyways in school there was a class on familiars, which everyone knows is the witches assistant. Some are just plain moochers, just laying about saying or thinking the first thing that comes to mind. One had their witch stacking Oreos thinking it would give her more power if it got up high enough. Every time the witch went to get more cookies the familiar snagged some of the cookies so the stack never got to this make believe height. The familiar got fat and I don't think the witch ever caught on, in fact if you look somewhere in that direction you might see the stack." Felicia lazily pointed behind her somewhere and for a brief moment I swore I saw a line up in the sky.

"Anyways most of the witches got your standard cat, raven. frog, snake and whatever else. Which is nice and everything but so dated and last years fashion. How can it be stylish if it isn't original and I wanted something unique. Something that says wart free. Something that says my master won't melt with water. Something that says doesn't like to be crushed under falling houses. I don't want to be another story, I am Felicia Hextus not another floor. Anyways I wrapped my brain around it for days, weeks even. Looking in witches fashion magazines and everything. The same old same old. You know what they say is the in familiar for this year is?"

My head does the left to right and back to left movement for a moment, "No..."

Quickly Felicia bolts up and looks at me, "A lemming. A furry little lemming. Those things run off cliffs for fun and without a parachute. They call them...." She pauses for a moment snapping her fingers and POOF a magazine appears in front of her floating,"they call them the extreme familiar because of that. It isn't extreme at all, they jump off and fall to their death. Once and done. Kersplat! That isn't extreme that is stupidity. Unless you are a witch that likes falling, followed by the sudden stop, the lemming isn't for you." Felicia points to a part on one of the pages, which I can't see since I can't see it,"Their stats aren't any good either. The only thing a witch could use them for is either a doorstop of furry paper weight."

With a snap the magazine disappeared and Felicia settled back,"After a while of not finding anything I thought I had to toe the line but then I saw a nature program, 'Run they are coming! When tumbleweeds attack' I think. Sitting there watching it and seeing how truly powerful a tumbleweed it was amazing. You know they can heal themselves and multiply because they are good at math. When I announced I was going to have a tumbleweed as a familiar the other students laughed and the professors said it couldn't be done. Having an inanimate object as a familiar was stupid they said. It added nothing to the relationship they said. It stays dry in milk, they said. I proved them wrong though, well other than the stays dry in milk thing and had a tumbleweed by my side. Still they mocked me, having s ball of dried grass as a familiar was worthless but when it came to the familiar trials they learned, they all learned the power of the tumbleweed. If only they had watched the show that I did, they would have known better and be saved from the beating that their familiars had gotten."

Felicia paused for a moment to spritz herself as her tail fanned her,"As I went through class after class after class  I got more powerful, which makes sense really since most of the students did, so my bond with tumbleweeds grew and unlike the others who had only one familiar, I had more which grew every day. Now I think I am bound to all of them, except for that one in the Sahara desert who is being rebellious."

SPRITZ!

"So that answers your question?"

"Yeah, but why are they all over?"

((Now it is getting to the good part.... Tumbleweeds!!!!))

[Catherine]

"Yes why are they all over," Felicia repeated, picking up a glass then taking a sip,"Long story short. In my studies, I just happen to come upon some information that outlined well a growing evil. There was really no information on what this evil was or what it looked like just that it was evil. So I started sending tumbleweeds out to look around, to be my eyes since I can't be everywhere at once. You know it is amazing where tumbleweeds can go and as you already have noticed, they can get anywhere.

I continued my studies and started to find little bits and pieces here and there. Just telling you, It would have been so much easier if they put it on the Internet. Could have done a search, some videos and everything. You know put some effort into it. Anyone could put things in old books in a language that was only spoken thousands of years ago in some little village in the Himalayas. A person with a quill and a bottle of ink can do that and it so seventeenth century too. Hello we are in the twenty first century now, ancient tomes of lost knowledge and scrolls of great power really need to catch up. Look at this." Felicia paused to snap her fingers again and in a poof of power a smart  phone appear floating in mid air."See now this is twenty first century. All of my spells are neatly stored and with a quick search can be found. I also can contact others and check my visagebook posts. Can't do that with a dusty tome and scroll.

So after countless hours of searching and researching I found some interesting things, things that helped clear things up a little. The evil that was going to consume the world was some tentacle faced thing. By all of the drawings I found, it didn't look like it liked to work out. In fact it didn't look like it has ever stopped in at a gym ever. It didn't like push or sit when they were combined with up. That and it had little bat wings too. Those are creepy on bats so imagine them on something that isn't bat. Creepy factor times a thousand. If the drawings were even close the evil also had a face only a mother maybe might like, maybe... Not sure.

So I sent my tumblesweeds out to scour the globe after showing them a drawing of the evil, which caused some to faint by the way. After months of looking, one of my tumbleweeds caught a glimpse and it was scary. "

"What are you talking about?" I said bolting upright,"I am not scary!"

Felicia laughed,"I didn't mean you."

Slowly I settled back down, "Ok, good."

"I was watching you for another reason," Felicia said nonchalantly which got me to ask why. "That is for later," she responded before continuing,"I found the evil somewhere I didn't expect and if the couple of stories I found are true there is only one who might be able to take care of it."

"Who? John Waynesidding? Spectralsplatters? A god fallen to earth with a big hammer? Who?"

The witch looked over to me with a sideways glance,"That is where you come in."

"Oh I am suppose to go get the person maybe test them? That would be no problem," I say nodding my head.

"No..." Felicia said taking a sip,"it is you."

Okay bolting upright is a little hard on the back but it needed to be done in this occasion, also added the spitting of liquid but had no liquid so really I just boosted upright. "What? No. No. No."

Another sip and Felicia nodded and said yes, "That is why I was watching you. You seem to persevere through things. In a way you take a licking and keep on ticking."

"Dumb stupid luck," I say trying to stay calm. Maybe if I make a run for it...

"No.... I think it is something else." Felicia said standing up and walking over  to the metal Twinkie and opening the door,"Here I will show you."

"Show me what?"

Felicia motioned with a hand, "I have a banana milkshake in the fridge."

((Okay give me a moment to enjoy some banana gold. Then we will back with more words. slurp.))

[Catherine]

Once I heard banana and milkshake I scrambled over to the doorway to the shiny Twinkie as fast as monkey girl possible. If I had to time it, it could have been less than a blink, maybe close to a bl. Excited I stood there, bouncing up and down just a little, "Okay I am ready for the banana milkshake."

Out of nowhere a clipboard appeared,"First you need to sign this." Felicia said offering me a pin.

"What is this?" I ask looking at the clipboard as I imagined sipping on the banana milkshake, so yeah not really focusing on the here and now. More of the banana and shake.

"Oh it is your standard nondisclosure agreement. It basically says that if you squeal like a piggy about anything you see in my place, if you do, you agree to be turned into a piggy with a curly tail. Sign please." Felicia said with a smile.

"Okay....." Is she serious or just pulling my tail? I give Felicia a look and a little laugh as I sign the form. As soon as I am done the clipboard disappears with a little poof.

"Thank you and now you may enter."

I nod and step into the shiny Twinkie and see all sort of stuff. Stuff over there and over there and over there and even over there tucked away. "What does that do?" I ask pointing to a cast iron skillet.

"That cooks eggs and other things, like flat waffles which are called pancakes," Felicia responded.

"Nothing magical?"

"No just cooking, that is all." Felicia said stepping into shiny Twinkie.

"And that..." I ask pointing to something.

"That is a tv," Felicia responds.

"I know, but is it magical? Do you use that to scry or something?"

"I use it to watch tv, that is all."

"How about that thing over there?" I ask pointing to something just sitting there trying to find something anything magical.

I could see that Felicia was about to say something as she looked to see what I was pointing at. As soon as she saw it her cheeks went red. Magic? "Yeah.....no" she said as she snapped her fingers and towel appeared above the thing I pointed at quickly covered it.

"Magic?"

Felicia coughed as she turned to face me, her face still bright red "That isn't magical either."

I bring a hand up and tap a finger to my nose,"Nothing too magical so far. I thought there would be more.....you know... Ew.....ah...... Look at things wide eyed." Felicia just shook her head slowly, "I don't keep those things out anymore. You see the last time I did, something happened and no matter what I do now, I can't wipe it from the history books."

"Spell books? Ancient grimoires? Scrolls?"

Felicia chuckled, "Those are so retro, I use them for decoration and other things." Motioning towards a small table with a glass on it, under the glass was a really old looking book. 

"But that looks important and you are using it to keep you glass from staining the table."

With a dismissive wave, Felicia started to walk towards me and the back of the shiny Twinkie, "Yeah, I think it was. Can't remember, I think it was about world domination or something. Anyways what I have to show you is back here."

"Other than the banana milkshake of course." I say as I follow Felicia pass the fridge, looking at it as I do.

"Yes other than banana milkshake, in fact..." SLURP! "...you can get it if you want too."

"Too late," I say happily as I suck on the straw, happily following Felicia, "So what is back here?"

Felicia stopped and spun around a little in front of a folding door, "Oh it is something magical, a portal actually."

"That sounds cool," SLURP!

"Want to see it?" Felicia asked as she started on pushing on the door.


((Okay short post but nail bitting what is behind the door ending. Until next time.))

[Catherine]

SLURP! "Of course I want to see it but..." I say looking around for a moment, trying to figure out what the room could be. Kitchen check, livingroom type room, bedroom and hallway so that leaves....

"But what?" Felicia asked as the door started to folding.

SLURP! With my free hand I point to the folding door, "Isn't that bathroom?"

"Sort of yes...."

"Well I am allergic to toilet spiders so...." I say taking a step away. SLURP!

For a moment a look of confusion swept across Felicia's face, "What? I have never heard of those."

"You haven't?" SLURP! "Nasty little things that hang around toilets. Sort of porcelain colored, well if they are clean. They wait until you are bare bottomed and sitting there," SLURP! "then all sneaky like they sneak up and pinch a cheek.   Whoever gets pinched jumps up scared with toilet paper flying all over the place and the toilet spider sits there and laughs" SLURP! "So toilet spiders yeah, no...... Allergy to them."

"Well I am pretty sure I haven't seen any toilet spiders and I know I have never felt any either and look," behind her back, Felicia snapped her figures as she motioned with her other hand at the door,

SLURP! Quickly I look up  "What?"

"See a toilet spider free zone," Felicia pointed at a sticker with a spider and a toilet on it, both marked out.

"Okay, but toilet spiders can't read so they might have just walked by that." SLURP!

Felicia laughed as she opened up the folding door or is it folded up the folding door? Anyways the door was open and the folding was folded.

I expected to see the standard shiny Twinkie bathroom. Small and tight. Toilet, sink and shower in an area no bigger than this by this. So tight, like really tight. But I didn't see any bathroom appliances. What I saw was a room as big or bigger than the shiny Twinkie. AMAZED SLURP! "It is bigger in the inside...." I look back at Felicia,"How?"

With jazz hands Felicia answered magic and told me to get inside.

SLURP! I enter amazed. Unlike the shiny Twinkie this room is decorated all modern like. With fresh new paint well except for part of the wall over there that has a silhouette of a person burned into it. Felicia saw me look at it and looked nervous for a moment, "That is a modern art piece, an installation yeah. Had the artist come in and create it. It is call 'Oh my god there is a fireba.......' Or something like that."

We walked pass tables filled with beakers, test tubes and other breakable things so I was careful near that. Puddle a potion, break a beaker and instant frog or something. I prefer to stay monkey girl thank you very much. I will leave frogging to someone else. One did blurp though which sort of startled me.

Everything else was pretty much sparkling, I guess a witch needs something to go oops on, all thanks to the animated broom and duster that flew around. "No roomba?" I ask pointing to the broom.

Felicia laughed, "Had one once. It well....... Let's chalk it up to a potion incident and if you hear something howling out in the desert, it might not be a coyote.

SLURP! "Okay....."

We continued walking pass some portraits hung on the wall. That gave me the creepy feeling of being watched. You know that feeling right? Where you think the eyes in a painting is following you? That! Six paintings so thirteen sets of eyes and no my math wasn't off Sir Muffy the albino hairy hairless cat was in one of them. Half way through I turned just to see and I swear I saw movement in the paintings. Like they were trying to get back into position or something close to it. Then the last one sneezed I think when my tail went by. I turned and it looked like the person in the painting nose was red. Was it red before?

Suddenly Felicia stopped in front of a large mirror, "Here you go."

Looking at it, it wasn't really anything spectacular for being a portal. Just a mirror with no frame sitting against the wall. SLURP! "This is it?"

With just a nod, Felicia answered.

"I expected something more portally." SLURP!

With a smile Felicia brought a hand up and rapped on the mirror. In that instant the surface of the mirror started to swirl. Colors going this way and that like in a tunnel sort of pattern, "Better?"

I nod. SLURP! "Where does it go too?" I ask stepping in front of it.

"By my calculations somewhere close to the evil," Felicia said as she brought up a foot.

"So probably should not go....." You would think I would learn, but no..... One moment  I am standing there and the next I have a foot impacting my butt sending me into the mirror.

"In there..........." SLURP!


*****

Nothing like falling through a void to make a person appreciate a banana milkshake. SLURP! Not like I have anything to do really but watch the cool effects flying and swirling by. Whoever thought of this effect did a really good job, I can tell they put a lot of effort in it. I mean most just do light streaks, which is overused I think and don't put anymore effort into it. You are going by really fast so you would only see streaks, blah blah blah. Then there are others who do the whole void is just darkness thing, easy on the effects but yawn. Confusing too! Am I falling? Am I flying up? Going sideways? Going forwards or backwards? Like I said confusing. But this void is top notch. Nothing to complain about it or anything, especially since I have a banana milkshake. SLURP! Which is banana-rific by the way.

Like all voids, there is a beginning and an ending. I know what the beginning was and I was sort of a little excited to see the end of the void, well other than the evil thing at the other end. That well....I wasn't exactly looking forward too. The whole taadah followed by a chomp or squish thing wasn't winning any points in my book. Had no choice though, voids are sort of one directional. Yes they are two way streets but you can only head in the direction that you are going in, so no u-turns or scrambling back the way you came when you see the giant mouth full of a sharp pointy teeth welcoming you at the other end.

SLURP! Mmmmmm....... Just the right amount of banana in the shake. Just the right amount of milk too. It is hard sometimes to find the right balance between the two. You want it to taste like a banana but not the peel too. Same with the milk, kind of hard to have a milkshake without milk but know the limits. Too much milk and really you have a cup of milk with a lump or two of soon to be sort of like milk stuff. SLURP! But this one has it just right. SLURP! Yes it does, yum. SLURP! Okay back to the now, so where was I? Oh yeah....

One ways in voids, you go one way and to come back you hop back in and come back. Sometimes screaming as you come back. There is no enforcement of the one way rule, it is just is. You go this way and to go back you have to run the whole thing. There is no void cops, hidden behind the swirling colors or anything. Ready to jump out at the first sign of violation. No tickets to be handed out. No red lights flashing, other than the occasional void traveler. No accidents jamming up the void lanes either. Okay there was that one time but that was during a super moon during a eclipse when the statues on Easter Island sung reggae. But they posted signs after that, see there goes one now.

SLURP!

But it looks like by ride is coming to a end, what with the big glowing doorway coming up fast. The one with 'EXIT' above it. I see no hints of teeth. No red glowing red things that could be eyes saying, 'Come feed me.' No hints of evil so far, which is good. No tentacles. No thorns. No lava. No screaming swirling thingies.

Here it comes.......Hey it tingles. SLURP!


((WHAT IS UP WITH PEOPLE AND PUSHING ME THROUGH THINGS WITH FOOT TO BUTT!! Find out where I end next time.))

[Catherine]

...and a perfect landing! The crowd goes wild. I look towards the judges and I see 8 - 9 - 7 and a 0. Boo....... What do I have to do to impress that judge? He always gives me low numbers. Ah who cares, I am good with the landing. Two feet on the ground and my tail tapped the floor too, light tap though. Don't want to alert any munching teeth, which I don't see yet. Is that..... No that is a banister. Easily mistaken and everything.

Slowly I look around, interesting interesting, time to do some exploring. That and it isn't recommended that you stay in front of voids, you know just in case something comes through. Oops I forgot, curtsy. Always best to end a good landing with a curtsy. Helps stretches the muscles that you just used for a landing. Cute and adorable Monkey girl ninja tip there - limber up after traveling through a void with a curtsy.

SLURP!

I slip on the imaginary explorer's hat and start to look around. The first thing I notice is the lack of colors really, there is a theme being carried out everywhere I look and that theme is drab. There is no bright colors, everything feels muted in way. I reach into my bag and pull out some nail polish, carrying it just in case and wasn't going to apply it to my nails, this is an adventure after all. Yes it would make my nails look nice but still, it isn't recommended and I agree. A boulder trying to roll over you won't stop if your nails are polished. A tribe of giant pygmies won't care either I think, really don't know there. That and you would constantly be worrying if you scratched them to, so plain Jane nails.

Carefully I unscrew the top of the nail polish and dab a little bit on a piece of paper. Super Atomic burn your eyes out green, if you must know. It sort of glows in the dark too. Not that I have applied any and danced in the dark for fun. *whistle*

*ninja art of distracting* "What is that over there?"

Looking down at the dab of nail polish, after screwing the top back on and everything, I can see it sitting there glowing in the drabness surrounding it. Like a little firefly butt in the dark. Then click and it is drab, just like someone flipped a switch turning the color off. So out comes the nail polish again and dab. One moment bright and the next click drab. Okay this is new.... Third time is a charm then and no, the third dab is click drab too.

Okay.... This is different, enforced color theme and everything. Didn't see that coming. But it explains somethings now. For a moment, I turn to see where I came from, an old silver mirror, then look around to see where I might be going. Kind of hard to decide though, everything looks Victorian with a lot of wood and..... I wipe my finger down a small table and come back with a dusty finger, dust and spiderwebs.  As I start to walk around I notice a theme, other that the colors, being carried through every room. The theme is books and I don't mean one or two books. I mean bookcases full, books growing in stacks from the floor. Books on tables and even a book or two on the various stuffed animal heads that are hung on the walls. If it had a mouth, there was a book stuffed in it even. There was even a stuffed book hanging on the wall.

SLURP!

Standing there it felt like I like was in a book jungle and where there wasn't books there was old stuff. Creepy old stuff. Paintings of people who didn't look really comfortable. Photos of women at the beach with some type of strange outfit on, I mean who would go to the beach with almost every inch of their skin covered. Even ankles and wrists! How are you suppose to get any sun? Your face, hands and feet would be the only things getting any and it looks hot too. So blah. Don't want to even start on the guys in the photos. Ick! Stripped I guess shirt shoved into super long board shorts does not shout style, barely says I can swim too. Definitely retro and that is cool.

SLURP!

Now would I wear the full body sweat lodge at the beach? No, unless I want to lose a little weight and.... I hear someone laughing. I am perfectly proportioned for my height. So raspberry blown.

There was other old stuff, stuff that looked fragile and said in a friendly way 'If you touch me, I will break. Not just break, shatter and fill this entire room with glass. It will take a lot of time to clean the glass up too!' So I skipped those and pushed on through to the next room and if it is anything like this last room, stuffed animal heads, the portal will be used.

SLURP!

Creeeeekkkkkk........ Well that isn't a good sign.


((Creepy house check. Creaking floors that creek and not creak check. This is so not going to end well. ))

[Catherine]

Don't judge the next room by the room you just lef......oh jeez. Yeah no heads on the walls but still creepy. Books growing out of the floors, dust and spiderwebs. Like ruins, unknown spots you reach by taking a portal should be kept clean too. I understand that the dust and spiderwebs add to the atmosphere and the feel of a place. Giving it that proper unkept feel, but this is a little ridiculous.

There is no longer dust bunnies, there are dust hippos. A quick dusting every so often wouldn't hurt, now would it? Just a light one to keep the dust from getting to hip level and the webs from getting thick enough to stop a 747. Just in case you didn't know that isn't a couple numbers, well it is, I am talking about a big airplane.

Looking pass the the dust and the webbing the room was your standard...if I had to guess living room of the classification really old? You had your standard couple chairs that were old and looked painful to sit in for longer than a couple minutes. What with the minimal flower printed cloth, which looked rough and sandpapery, then a lot of wood. They didn't look soft at all, must have been made before cushions were invented. The couch was the same but roomier.

A little tired, from void swimming, I walk over and sit down on the couch. Clouds of dust kicking up all around me. * Cough cough cough * you know the place is old when the dust tastes old and the dust tasted ancient, BLARG. Coughing a little more, the dust holding on to the inside of my throat, I turn my head a little to look around and..

In a blink of an eye, I shoot to the fair end of the couch. Ok, Where did the doll come from? I sit there, in the ready to bolt position number two, looking at the freaky doll, sitting very all porcelain faced with its dress all nice. It wasn't there before I know it.

SLURP!

If it is hiding a dagger, I will so....

SLURP!

Slowly my tail snakes out. "Be careful now," I whisper to it as it taps the doll on the face. Specifically on the cheek, nowhere close to the mouth or nose. Both danger places for very different reasons. One could nom and the other could snot. Neither one I want happening. I also stay on alert, just in case. I have seen horror movies, dolls always have meat cleavers or knives. I don't know where they keep them but they always have them. While washing movies, I would roll my eyes when someone was surprised when a doll pulled out a knife. Now I would be surprised if it pulled out like a big giant sword or a flamethrower. Any moment now.... TAP!

I watch as the doll rocks back and forth for a moment and then falls to the side. *Mental wipe hand across forehead* Slowly I begin to relax as I laugh to myself, I was just being stupid the doll was there.

SLURP!

Ah.... Good banana milkshake. Banana-Rific.

One moment I go from sipping to spitting as the doll pops up and hisses. Instantly I flip over the end of the couch. Quickly grabbing the banana milkshake out of the air. What? I am not going to let the doll have it.

I peek over the arm rest to see what the porcelain hisser is doing. SLURP! All I see is couch. No doll just a throw pillow and maybe a Dollie or something similar hanging on the back of the couch.

Maybe I saw the whole thing. Caused by the dust in the air. That sounds.....iffy logical.  I will accept that.

Slowly I begin to stand, looking around and not seeing anything doll like in or around this area of the couch. Slowly I let out the breath of air that didn't want to come out as I go to step around to the front of the couch, when suddenly I feel a tapping on the back of my leg.

Do I need to look? It feels dollish. It feels porcelain. It feels like I have a meat cleaver in my hand and I need a place to put it. It feels like I need to be on the other side of the couch!

Hop, skip and a really good jump away, without spilling a drop of banana shake gold and I am standing there on the other side of the couch. Quickly I turn to see the source of the tapping tapping on my do.... that would have been so cool if I could have said door. But the tapping was on the back of my leg, blah.

There it was, the doll, standing there. Hunching over slightly, I would say breathing hard but dolls don't breathe I think. I can imagine it though and it ups the creepiness of all of this.

"Hey there...." I say taking a step back as the doll stood there. Suddenly there is a flash and surprise surprise, the movies were right! I don't know where the doll got it, the meat cleaver, but it had one now. The light glinting off of it and it looked painful. Very chop chop chop painful. *Camera zooms in to the meat cleaver and catches the light glinting off the edge of just right. Light ping*

Time to think fast, distinct allergy to meat cleavers. *Ninja art of saving my tail* Withiut thinking anymore I point behind the doll and in an alarming way, "What is that?!?!?"

As the doll jerks around to see what 'that' is, I disappear, out of the room and away from the meat cleaver. Far from both, well as far as the hallway....hmm stairs. Stairs are good. Well some are, others that go on and on aren't. But these take me away from chop chop chop too.

******

Foot goes up and CREAK! Yay musical stairs! I wonder if I could do Mary had a little lamb on them. That would be fun, maybe. I would have to find the three right stairs and everything. Also..... I look back towards the room to see if the porcelain meat cleaver is creeping towards me, no traces of either so all good.

Hmm.....

SLURP!

Should I? I mean a drab blah  house isn't the best place to practice ones squeaky stairs playing skills.

SLURP!

But why not! I test the stairs, trying to find the right ones. Luckily I find three fairly close towards the bottom. I have heard  about some nasty accidents from stair playing, moment of silence for those we have lost. *head down*  Carefully I put the bottomless banana milkshake down and....

SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

SQUEAK!         SQUEAK!   SQQQQUUUUEEEEAAAAAKKKK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

SQUE! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

SQQQQQQUUUUUUUEEEEAAAAKKKK! SQUEAK!

SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

SQQQQQQQQQUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEAAAAAAAKKKKKK!

SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

Thank you. Thank you, please no clapping,

A little winded and sort of squeaked out I sit down. Of course the step squeaks tauntingly. I swear it is almost groaning, almost like it is saying 'You have a big heavy butt please get up and go to another. You are hurting me. Breaking my spirit.' *Dismissive wave* Phfpt..... Whatever, my butt in neither big or heavy. Double Phfpt! Stupid step.

SLURP!

After a while of relaxing and daydreaming I feel my tail poking  me. "Yes?" I ask turning my head a little bit, while keeping my eyes at the bottom of the stairs. I know it had my butt, so not worried about anything coming down the stairs. That and 'Miss Chops a lot was downstairs. I watch as it motioned up the stairs, like a tail can do. "Yeah I guess it is time."

Boop and I am up. Time to fi...SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! Someone really needs to oil the steps. SQUEAK! Do something about this, just SQUEAK!

*******

And another perfect landing at the top of the squeaking stairs. For a moment or two I bounce up and down looking around and of course there is a squeak. Maybe it is telling me to keep going. Cheering that I was successful in climbing them. Maybe squeaking is the steps way of clapping, you know for the stair playing skills. 'I have no hands, so I shall squeak' in a way. Wow that sounds a little bumper sticker catchy, need to write that down. *Mentally licking mental pencil and jotting notes down on mental paper.* Maybe get someone big to play the part of the sticker in the movie. It is too sort of catchy not to be made into a movie.

SLURP!

Okay, what do we have here. Door number one, door number two and some creepy paintings, books growing out of the floor and everywhere else like usual and another door. Hmm.... Decisions, decisions.

Only one way to decide on what to do first. I stop bouncing up and down and the squeaking stops, which makes sense. SQUEAK! Other than that one. I inhale and take a deep breath, my master always said this technique would be dangerous if not done correctly. I take another deep breath and close my eyes, coughing a little due to the large quantities of dust fluttering about. *secret art of door selecting*  Slowly I take a step forwards, feeling with one hand so I don't walk into something and ruin the whole thing.

Okay it is time. I raise one hand and form the correct hand sign, pointer finger out and the others closed. Opening my eyes just a little to make sure I have the correct hand sign, if I don't, this whole thing would look ridiculous.i take another breath, oh wait you were wondering where the banana milkshake is probably since I am using both of my hands. It is sitting on the safest place I can think of, the top of my head and talking about brain freeze, eep! *mental SLURP* Okay that was good, let's get back to the chanting.

"Eenie, meanie, minie....uh..." Okay out of things to point at. Let me think.... BOINK!

"Eanie, meanie *cough* moe. Catch a monkey by her tail. If she hollers let her go. Eanie, Meanie  *cough* moe."

Curious, I open one eye and see that my finger is pointing to that one door and I open my other just to make sure, yeah same door. Let's see what is behind door number this one.

Quickly I open the door, surprising the dust playing in the air. Quick glance of the room and it looks like it is a rinse and repeat of what I have seen. Books growing all over and the drab blah color scheme. Creepy painting on the far wall and two windows with white curtains drawn over them. From here it looks like the curtains are two giant ghosts trying to cover the windows. Boooooo giggle. So scary. Although come to think about it, what with all of the dust and cobwebs and color scheme, this probably is a good place for ghosts. Ha ha ha just bored or something. There can't be ghosts in here. For several good reasons.

The first reason, if there were ghosts here the books would be floating and flying about. Ghosts like playing with books, everyone knows that.

The second reason, I hear no "boos" or "get outs" or chain rattlings. Again everyone knows that ghosts say 'boo' first, it is like their way to say 'Hi!' The 'get out' comes if they are having a bad day, if you are a door to door salesman or if you are telling bad jokes. The chain rattlings? I guess they like heavy metal maybe.

The third reason, nothing oozing from the walls. Ghosts are known bad interior designers. Leaning towards the ick. One ick they insist on using, beating it to death, is the liquid dripping from the walls almost like the walls have runny noses.

The fourth reason, no roving cold spots. Ghosts are cold. Roaming around looking for something to warm them up. Be it a fire, a light bulb or even a Christmas sweater. You know one of those really ugly ones, that make you itch when you wear it. Not because they are made from burlap or anything, but because they are just that ugly.

The fifth reason, they smell and sniff sniff. I don't smell anything other than dust and old stuff. Ghosts smell because they can't see themselves to put deodorant on and that is really it.

Or course there are other reasons but yawn. They beat those senseless in all of those ghost shows. I don't think I need to repeat those. Oh and that one that one show insists is true, it isn't! Ghosts actually make fun of them because of that. They just play along just to see what the 'investigators' do,

The only thing of interest in the room is the artist's easel with a canvas on it and a small table in front of it with a vase surrounded by dry flower petals, oh and dust. Curious I walk up to the canvas to see what was on it. Of course it was a painting of the vase, instead of dried flowers the vase was filled with fresh flowers. Quite beautiful really and it was a nice touch with the petals too. They added some color to balance the whole thing out.

SLURP!

Standing there, enjoying the painting either my mind got bored and decided to play with me or whoever painted the painting was really creative. Because I would  swear the petals were laying just right to form letters and those letters formed words which formed an ominous message. One of teeth crunching and red stuff. The horror! The horror!!!! Why would the artist do this? Leave this message in flower petals. If not him, why is my mind so bored it is playing with me. Making me see this message. I can't take it....

Quickly I leave the room, closing the door behind me. Which is only but good manners. Then take the few steps across the hallway to the next surprise.

One....Two.....

For a brief moment the camera pulls away. Slips under the door back into the room with the painting. It is interested in what the message says. Slowly it pans around to see the painting. The camera slightly bobs as it reads the message. 'EAT AT JOE's!' the horror! The horror! I mean have you had their hamburgers Ick!

Now back to the monkey girl.

and three....


((Stairs That creak check. Floors that creak check. Creepy dolls check and now a door number three. Smells like *cough cough* dusty. Until next time.))

[Catherine]

I should have known really, what with everything I have seen so far and the color scheme of the rooms, there was going to be a room with a pipe organ in it and I just found it. Even from here the organ itself looked spooky like most but not all pipe organs look like, especially ones that are in what feels like an abandoned house what with all of their pipes going up into the ceiling and everything and their abnormally large keys.

Standing there I shivered a little, imagining the sound of the organ like a sad owl that can't hoot. WOO WOO WOOOOOOO WOO WOO. Even imagining the sound is something not happy. Poor little not hooting hoot owl, I cry for thee.

* Mental finger snap *

Is that how they get the haunting sounds by placing non hooting hoot owls in the pipes? Tying up their little wings and stuffing them in the pipes, no that is the C minus owl I am looking for the D flat one. Then when they press the keys it tickles the not hooting hoot owl's feet.

*Mental finger snap * Ow, that one hurt!

That explains it all really, why didn't I realize that before. All those times in church listening and wondering. Then when I asked Mom and Dad, they would tell me it was the size of the pipes that made the different sounds. That is just physics or some sound thing that was made up to cover up the truth.

Quickly I cross the room and climb up on the organ, careful not to press any of the keys so not to torture the not hooting hoot owls tied up in the pipes.

"Hello?" I say as I tap on the pipe, hearing nothing in response. I choose another pipe, a bigger one and tap on it as I put my ear to it listening  for any movement inside. All I can hear is a taping taping on the pipe. Was it a not hooting hoot owl responding wanting to be freed? Taping its beak on the inside of the pipe?

What could the tap tap mean? Was it morse code? Quickly I pull out the Boy Scout manual and flip through it trying to find anything in morse code. Knew it! Right behind the use of squirrels for signaling. Hmm.... Wow I didn't know if you swing one to the right and put a little spin on it, it means 'run away there is an angry squirrel being  swung  around.' Interesting use of found animals for communication purposes. I can see the squirrels urping a lot though. Especially with some of the longer ones with the more difficult moves, like this one where you have to flip mctwist ollie the squirrel behind your back.

Let's see tap tap means..... 'I'? I what? I am trapped inside? I want a burger? What? A sentence would help. * Monkey girl ninja tip. Remember if you are trapped please use full sentences when you are communicating to an unknown person or thing. One letter messages do not help. Unless you are just saying 'O' and if you are just saying that over and over, consider blaming yourself for the predicament you are in, just saying. * 

Slipping the manual back into my bag I find myself back at the pipe, listening for movement. "Tap to me little...." I pause for a moment to look at the pipe then continue whispering, "yeah little not hooting hoot owl." Nothing. No tapping. No wooing. No music from the owl's headphones. Was it in trouble?

Quickly my tail swings into action, slipping into the hole in the pipe. Which freakishly looks like a little mouth. "Don't bite my tail little owl. Just gently grab it with your fett and I will pull you out, okay?" Again I heard nothing in response and my tail went into search and rescue mode, minus the blood hounds since those are hard to keep in a tail. Due to budgetary cutbacks, everything else was out to, so just my tail was searching. Finding nothing but the inside of the pipe. What happened to the not hooting hoot owl?

With a little pop my tail pulled itself out and shook itself out to get the pipe dust off. I heard something tapping, but there is nothing inside the pipe. *hand to face moment* Realization sets in and I climb down off the organ, legs swinging back and forth as I sit on the bench. Erg, the banana milkshake....where was it? There and still full.

SLURP!

Okay what was I saying again? Oh yeah, good milkshake by the way. The banana milkshake must have frozen my thoughts. Put icicles on my brain and prevented me from realizing it was my tapping that I was hearing.

There was no not hooting hoot owl stuck in the pipe. Which is good. Maybe it flew the coop not hooting 'FREEDOM!' Free to not hoot hoot, free from the pipe organ. Free!!!

SLURP!

Okay what else is in the room. There are books growing everywhere, which isn't really surprising. Some freaky candelabras with tons of melted wax dried to them. With piles of wax under them, which will be hard to get clean up I would think. Not like you could light it on fire without burning the house down. Well you could try, but I think the fire fighters would shoot you dirty looks as they break down doors and run hoses and climb ladders and everything.

SLURP!

Nothing else is really in here but the coat stand with the cape and half white mask hanging off of it. Just looking at those, I am getting the urge to spin around and play the pipe organ and sing opera. Quickly I hop up and walk over to them and point, "No! My fingers don't want to tickle the ivories and I am not built for operaing. Bad cape. Bad half mask."

Raspberry and on to the next room.



******

What do they say about the third door? It always hides the secrets? Monsters with big teeth love hiding behind them? They are always unlocked because hey it is the third door and people have gotten bored and turned away after trying the first two. If that one game show is right, the big prizes are behind here. Something like a popcorn maker, that would be awesome.

Reaching for the door I quietly chant "No whammy," to myself over and over. The door knob turns in my hand and the door swings open with a slight push. Opening to a..... Wall and a painting of cat hanging off of a wire, the words 'Hang in there' come to my mind. Odd room to put on the other side of door though sort of expected more, it was barely big enough for the door to swing open in and wait a second there is another door and  a doorway to another. So not a strange odd room but a hallway. Either the person set this up as a master suite or they love doors. You know what will look good here, a door and why not throw a door over there to. Here a door, there a door everywhere a door door.

Curiosity called out and therefore I will check out the open door. Which leads to a bedroom, with a big canopied bed with tons of pillows. The bed looks unbelievably soft, a nap wouldn't be bad but I can imagine being woken up by a nudge then a shake. "Just five more minutes," I would mumble doing the whole bleary eye sleep thing, barely open looking up to see whoever it was before dancing back to sleep and everything, I would probably look and see three different size bears standing there, one tapping its foot. At that point I would be awake and not be dancing back to sleep hopping the Bears just wanted to give me a gentle bear hug and not ones that included the sound of crunching bones and me going "Umph!"

While a bear hug would be nice the crunching one wouldn't be, I prefer the less extreme type hugs thank you. I will leave the extreme ones to the professionals. So skip the nap even though it looks like it would be a really good one on the bed. A half sheep bed at best. Which is really good.

Sitting to the side of the bed is a large filled dresser, a shirt sleeve sticking out between the doors at the top and a sock relaxing out of the top drawer. I could tell if I opened the doors there would an explosion of clothes and in a blink of an eye I would be covered in all different types of clothes with the room filled with them behind me. Nope that is a skipper.

There is another door leading to a bathroom, everything clean and in its proper place. Bathtub, sink, toilet with its seat up in the upright position and of course books. Pretty nice for being in a house like this. Oh and forgot to mention the books growing in the bedroom, starting to get use to them and forgot to mention it.

Nice nice but the door is calling and I must answer.

((Another door! How many doors does a house need? Haven’t they heard of open concept? See ya next time.))

[Catherine]

This next door was different, well not so different but different. It didn't look different well other than a little more wear near the doorknob. More side of the hand rubbing on wood I think, forming a little curved mark on the wood. But the door felt different, it felt warm, welcoming in a way. It even looked subtly warmer, it's had more color in it I think. The browns of the wood looked brown and not blah drab brown. Unlike the other doors that I have opened so far.

Slowly I opened the door and a warm breath of air and the sound of cheering & chanting & some hideous sound welcomed me. I could see the stacks of books all over the room, some as tall as me and others much taller. I would have to get some climbing equipment to get to the top of them, their tops disappearing into the clouds.

Standing in the center of the room was a high back chair, hiding who or whatever was on the other side. I could tell from here it was loved. Slightly worn in some areas but nothing bad. Every so often the chair was ringed by a flashing light.

To the right of it was a small table, wooden of course. Beavers would have a field day in this place and so would termites. They wouldn't go hungry for years. Woodpeckers would smile too! A veritable smorgasbord of wood. Walnut and oak and some other type of wood oh my.

I watched as a hand revealed itself from the other side of the chair, a tea cup in hand and a pinkie up. With a gentle plink the tea cup was put down and the hand disappeared behind the chair again.

"Excuse me," I ask stepping into the room.

A gentlemanly British voice responded, "Yes?"

"I just stepped.... Well was pushed through a portal to face evil. Are you evil?"

The man chuckled in a British way, "No I am not evil. Please step around so we can talk face to face."

"Okay...." I say as I start to walk around. If I see tentacles I will be so mad. Suddenly the soul wrenching sound called out and I cover my ears and cringe, "What is that? Is that you? Are you sonically attacking me? It sounds like a moose farting."

The gentleman chucked again, "That horrid little thing you heard was a vuvuzela and it wasn't me. They are becoming more and more audibly visible in footie matches. Please step around."

Slowly I let my hands drop, Did he mean football? as I circled the chair, a small TV sitting on a stack of books revealing itself. I could see that one of its  antenna was bent to the side and  the picture wasn't the best. But I could see that it wasn't football it was clearly soccer. Suddenly the sound of a farting moose grunted from the TV and I cringed as I turned to face whoever was in the chair, "That isn't football that's soccer."

"No in Britain we call it proper, it is football or footie." The British looking man sitting in the chair responded. Sitting there he reminded me of that famous British spy in the movies, Jeremiah Oath or something like that. Standing there I expected him to pull out a pen and it would turn into a jet pack, you know something spysy and mysterious. "Hello my name Winter. What is yours?" The man said with a slight bow of his head.

Wow a name that is mysterious too! Named after a season but not a season. I don't see any snowflakes flying around so he can't be a season. He has to be a spy, just has too.

Slowly I curtsy, "My name is Nichole Anne Marie Smith, my friends call me 'Monkey'" my tail slowly curling around and curtsying like a tail can do.

"It is a pleasure to meet you Nichole," Winter said with a bow of his head.

"It is a pleasure to meet you to Winter." He has to be a spy. Just has to be.

SLURP!

"Care to join me and watch the game? " Winter asked motioning with a hand to the far side of the chair.

"Sure..." I answered stepping out of the way of the TV and sitting cross legged on the floor.

"You know you could have grabbed something to sit on."

"I am fine." I replied. That and I don't know if there are any ejector seats around and what they would be disguised as.

SLURP!

*****

Sitting there  enjoying my banana milkshake, did I tell you it was really good, I realized the game I was watching on TV was nothing like soccer. Okay it was similar but way different. The people ran and kicked and butted heads and stuff. This was a game!

SLU

I stopped mid slurp which is something rare for me to do, especially with a banana milkshake. Sitting there enthralled with what was on the tv,  the straw slipped from my mouth a little. "Did that guy just kick that other guy's foot off?" I asked.

"It happens sometimes with footie," I heard Winter say as the game continued. My mouth fell open a little more as I watched someone's foot slip into a another person's mouth with extreme velocity, "Okay is that why it is called footie? I mean...Ow!"

With a chuckle, Winter responded, "No that isn't the reason, but that is where they got the idea of cleats from."

"From a person's foot going into a guys mouth, how?" With one hand I covered my eyes as the one guy pulled his foot out from the other guys mouth, teeth sticking in the shoe. "Gross....."

I watched as the tooth guy shook his foot and took off after the ball. I expected the toothless guy to lay there crying as tooth fairies picked up his teeth around him. Nope he just got up, wiped his mouth off, spit out some teeth and took off after the ball. Like it was nothing! I mean come on he just ate leather quite forcefully and he is un-phased. In fact, "Did he just....I mean...how did...but he....will they be able to reattach it?"

"Yeah," I heard Winter say as I lowered my mouth to the straw,"They have doctors there. They will get him off the field and he will back in a little bit."

SSSSSSSSLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRPPPPPPPP......

"Not playing right?"

"No, he will be right out there in the middle of it all like it was nothing. A flesh wound at best."

"But...look what he lost. That is a very important part the last time I heard."

"It is, but football players are built of stronger stuff."

SLURP!

I winced again as one of the players ate the ball almost completely and another helped him from choking on it with a foot to the back of the head. "I would say." On and on this went. Even the crowd got into the action several times, not like soccer fans at all. They cheered, they screamed, they fought and everything. That and you can't tell me that the stadium can hold like a bazillion people in the stands. No way that is safe. Unless the cameras add like a hundred people per camera or something. I could feel the enthusiasm in the crowd from here and when they did a wave, I placed my milkshake down and lifted my arms along with the fans.

Sitting there watching the game. I was getting tired. My arms and legs ached and everything but the players kept running and doing things with their feet. No resting for footie player I guess.

When it came to the end I heard the announcer mention 'Sudden Death Match!' and the crowd went wild. Chanting and jumping up and down. Yelling at the referees for the stupid calls they made.

SLURP!

"Does that mean," I pause to take a slurp of my banana milkshake,"What I think it means?"

"Yes, next point wins."

"Well, pooh bear I thought it meant something else," i said staring at the screen looking for anything weapon shaped. The game was started and if I thought it was exciting before, it palled in comparison to what was happening now. After moments of high octane non stop action one of the teams was declared a winner after scoring a sock or something like that.

"Wow!" I said as the TV clicked off, "I never imagined. Thank you."

"You are very much welcome. So what did you want to talk about?"

((Saving the talking for the next time. Mwhahahaha ))

[Catherine]

"Well...."

SLURP!

It isn't like I get up or anything, I am just there siting in front of Winter now. Banana milkshake in hand and tail slowly swaying behind me. How you may ask. It did just happen in a blink of an eye. Let's say cute adorable monkey girl mad ninja skills. One moment here and the next moment whacha I somewhere else.

"Okay where was I? Oh yeah well..... Do you remember I told you earlier that I came here through a portal?"

Winter nodded like a British gentleman, "Yes I do."

"Well on the other side of that portal is a witch, named Felicia Hextus. She told me about some great evil and for some silly reason she thinks I can do something about it. I don't know what though since it sounds disgusting with tentacles and bat wings. Neither of those I particularly want touching me.  Tentacles have little suction cups and will leave circles all over my body which I do not like. I prefer to stay circle free. Then the bat wings with those tiny little hands," I pause picking up my non milkshake holding hand and claw the air adorably, "Once those get in your hair they are like gum. Really hard to get out. Might even have to cut them out too."

SLURP!

"Now I have nothing against either tentacles or bat wings but Felicia didn't really know anything. Then the whole foot to properly padded butt didn't help either. I am not sure why, but it seems like people like pushing me through things with their feet. Which is kind of disturbing, Here let me help you and butt shove."

I take a breath and a sip of the banana milkshake. Mmmm.... It is really good. Have I said it is really good yet? What I have? Okay. It is really good though.

SLURP!

"Felicia said the portal would open up near the evil and everything. Then shove and I am here with a banana milkshake, which is good by the way." I said tipping the milkshake a little towards Winter, just enough though. Not enough for spillage, no spillage of liquid gold. Angels would cry with that lose.

Slowly Winter brought a hand up into the standard gentlemanly thinking position, adjusting a cuff link as he did. Quickly My gaze falls on the cuff link ready to see what it would do or was. Laser that would be red...no blue? It would start glowing any second now and then Piew! Portable sub orbital satellite? When pressed would launch and scan the world. Or...or maybe some type of communication device? I think I just saw him whisper into it, computers are firing up all over and agents are storming places. I don't see any flashing happening so it must be something stealthy cool.

For a moment Winter thought, "It looks like you are enjoying it. So it must be good."

Quickly I nodded as I half circled the rim with a finger, looking at the milkshake dreamily .  There is no way I could do a full circle, what with the straw and everything. That and I hear if you circle a shake enough you stand a slight chance of creating a milkshake style black hole. Which does sound yummy,  but You see, I suck on the shake and really didn't want to feel how it would be sucked on by one. Accidentally taken  to a parallel world or half away across the universe,  to a place ruled by milk based life forms who could be lactose intolerant. "Yeah it is really good."

"So I guess you need information on who or what this great evil is?" Winter asked and I nod, straw in mouth. With a gentleman's grace, Winter stood, "I have heard rumors about some evil nearby. I have not gotten the chance to look into it yet but I have something that might give you more information."

"What?" I ask back, rocking back and forth a little excited. Its going to be something really awesome. Maybe he has some device that allows him to see through the eyes of any pigeon. Those are everywhere so they would have seen something. Or a computer that is hooked up into the earth somehow, I don't know really how but it is and it knows everything or close to everything, some things you really shouldn't know. Like where do hamsters come from or how many licks does it take to get to the center of a lollipop.

"The Agrippa," Winter answered back as he walked over to a book case. The sound of his shoes could be heard echoing off of everything.

That sounds spysie.


******

Approaching the bookcase I ran through all of the amazing spy things that something an Agrippa could be. It could be anything really and if the the bookcase was a secret entrance then that anything could be anything. This is so cool. Okay acronym wise what could Agrippa stand for? Let's see Automatic Global Righteous Internationally Phonically Powered Autodohickythingamejig, that has to be it unless it isn't. There will be buttons saying 'Don't press this unless you want people to be really angry' maybe and flat screens and cool sound effects and weird error messages.

Gentlemanly, Winter crouched down and reached for two knobs. Oh here it is.... Then swung the doors out revealing the really cool spysie high tech....no wait it is just a book. I looked around at all of the other books, then exhaled. A little disappointed at the not spysie thing. Unless this Agrippa is hidden in in the book, this is blah.[/I

I take a step closer so I can see what happens next and see something peculiar. The book is well chained, bound, gagged and everything else. Something you would expect to see done to someone in a gangster movie, not done to a book! I mean come on what is so bad with a book? With this book? Can it hurt you with its words? Its descriptions so boring that you just want it to end but it drones on and on page after page giving you useless instructions on things no one wants to know. Explained in the littlest of details that is unneeded. Maybe the commas are fighting gang style against the periods and to keep the fighting contained, the book was forever chained so no innocent bystanders would be hurt. Does it have forbidden knowledge, like does the light bulb stay on in the refrigerator, that is forbidden to know? Maybe it is chained because someone colored outside the lines, keeping in the lines is hard to do sometimes. Or ick, a bookworm. I will just say ick on that.

Carefully Winter undid the gag and let it fall to the floor as he lightly shook the book. Almost like he was trying to wake it up.

Mouth drops open when I hear the book start to talk. Yes all books talk with their words but this one had a mouth and was using it.  "Am up. Am up. Whad do ya want?" It said in a voice sounding like it was gargling pebbles.

SLURP!

"Did that just talk?"

Winter nodded as he knelt there. His hands never leaving the book. "You heard right, this is an Agrippa, a demon spawned book.  There are others like it all over the world. I know of several in America in fact. This one I watch over, making sure it doesn't do anything bad. Like others have done before." For a moment looked over a shoulder with a sideways glance towards me, "It likes to talk and tries to trick you into doing evil things."

GULP! "Okay so how will we get the knowledge from it? Good librarian and bad librarian? Tell us the truth or you will be fined!"

Winter chuckled and I think the book spit, saying something that I couldn't understand.

"How then?"

"We ask it and listen to what it says," Winter answered.

"Youd know I'd can hear ya right," I hear the gravelly voiced book say as it flips a big thick cigar from one side to the other. Ok where?

For a moment I heard Winter clear his throat, "My friend here," with one shoulder he motioned towards me,"has been sent here to find a great evil. Yet she only has the briefest of facts. Can you assist on this?"

"Of course I can," I heard the book say, "Just ask."


*******

"So whad do you want to know?" I heard the book say right before the sound of a rather disgusting spitting, think llama spitting and add disgusting with a side of ick, then something splashing near my foot. Looking down I could see the messy black goober sitting there and quickly shifted away from it, just in case it decided to reach out and touch someone. That someone being me! My toes like massages but not from black slime goobers.

Looking over Winter's shoulder I could see the book sitting there in his hands. Mouth slightly open revealing its stained teeth, a dark gap between the two front teeth, as the cigar bobbed up and down. For a moment I saw a tongue slip out of the books mouth, slowly licking its lips before disappearing back into its mouth. Okay....

Without thinking I blurt out,"How do you floss?"

I watched as the cigar slipped to the other side of the Agrippa's mouth,"Don't, what I eat is like celery. It sort of cleans as I chew it."

"So brushing?"

"I do brush. Want to keep da chompers strong." To accent this the book snapped its teeth hard. CLACK! The sound reverberated through out the room, sending s shiver down my back and my tail to stand up.

Stupidly curious since I just had to know, remember curiosity killed the cat and I was hoping that it didn't kill the monkey girl either, "What do you eat?" Yeah I know a stupid question, I mean look at it. A talking book chomping on a cigar. It probably ate vowels with ghost pepper hot sauce and a bottle of lava to wash them down.

The book didn't even think it just stated, "souls" matter of factually. Whew I thought it was going to say brains. Hey wait, I like my soul and would rather keep it. Although it is getting a soft here and there. Suddenly my head jerks to the side as my soul smacks me for the last comment. Okay okay you aren't getting soft, you are just really relaxed. *whisper* Soft, getting soft. It hasn't exercised in a long time and I have been trying to get it to at least walk. Shh..... I don't want another soul face smack. *End whisper* "Hey wait," I start to say before taking a SLURP of the banana milkshake,"You aren't hungry now are you?"

The cigar bobbed to the other side of the books mouth, "Nah...just ate."

"Good because I am sort of attached to mine. It sort of makes me.....me and I like being me. Soul and all. So please no soul diets."

SLOW SLURP and the straw falls away from mouth as I wait for an answer. Mentally running through checklists to make sure everything is in order.

"Yeah, yeah. Don't worry. So what do yah want to knod?"

*mental wipe across forehead* Relieved I gently nudge Winter with a knee, hoping he will ask while I fish for the straw with my tongue, wanting to bring it back up to my mouth. Like a gentleman, Winter explains why I am here and asks if the Agrippa knows anything. I hear the book chuckle in a stuck up book type of way, "Of course I do."

Full of itself isn't he, I mean he is full of pages and everything but still. The book could have lost the chuckle and it would have helped. Need to test the book. Quickly I ask several questions.

"What is the color that can't be seen?"

"It can't be seen, so why does it matter."

Grrr, "If a light bulb will last twenty years, what is its life expectancy?"

"You answered yourself there."

Grrr....."Last question, What is my middle name?" Ha ha I didn't tell the book so it won't know.

"Can I see your license?"

"Sure," I say reaching for my bag to get my license out,"Hey wait a minute. No you can't see my license. What is my middle name?" Close call there, the book almost had me on that one.

"Youd really want to know?" the book asked and I nodded back. "Fine you don't have a middle name, you have two. One is Anne and the other is Marie."

"How did you?"

"Like I said, I know everything. Everything written, whispered or sung. Even that one thing you did once and don't want anyone to know."

Slowly the straw feel from my mouth when I heard the Agrippa mention that one thing. It was just a thing. Nothing special really in the way things go. *Ninja hand sweep of forgetting. You will forget about the one thing, it isn't the one thing you are looking for. Your one thing is over there in fact*  "How do you? Never mind. How about the evil?"

The book laughed a laugh  that sounded like gravel laughing, "The evil is located in a small fishing village to the west of here. It is ancient and has been there before the village and now it is mooching off of the villagers. Can't miss the evil too, you will know it when you see it. Trust me there. Oh and...." The book grunted and strained for a moment right before a piece of paper slipped out and fell to the floor. "There you go, a map to the evil."

"Thank you," I say reaching around for the map, keeping my eyes on the book just to make sure there was no soul sucking happening. There are signs posted you know, one is over there for no soul sucking. It looks like a guy holding a straw with the not sign. You don't see them to often and but I can give you a hint, well one I heard from my Grandpa. He kept saying the "X" was a should sucker. Now I have seen the letter 'X' many times and no sucking of souls occurred. So maybe he was trying to pull one over on me, pull my tail in a way.

"Putting you away now," I heard Winter say as he carefully warped the gag around the Agrippa and put him away. As the doors closed I waved at the Agrippa and I think it waved back in a book sort of way. Slowly Winter turned and walked over to the high back chair, exhausted looking. I could hear him whispering that it always took a little bit out of him each time as he passed by.

SLURP!

I watched as he sat down and exhaled before going over to him. "Are you okay?" He nodded and said he was okay. With shake in hand, straw to mouth I gently place the map into Winter's lap."So how do I get to the big X?"

((Okay can mark the big ‘X’ off of the things needed for a story. There are other things but yeah just needed a marker for something that is coming.))

[Catherine]

Winter looked down at my finger and the 'X' it pointed at. All maps have a giant 'X' when they are pointing at something. If it was anything else it would be confusing, especially if it is a 'Y'. Because then you might ask if it is the map asking you why. Why do you want to go there? Why are looking at me? Why?!?

"Well that isn't within walking distance. I could let you borrow something so you can get there."

Hypersonic sub orbital vehicle? Vroom eeeee wow I can see everything from here. Jet pack? That would be cool but I would have to be careful with my tail, don't want it to light up. Some type of transforming vehicle? Hey what does this button do? Stop! Stop! Stop changing I don't bend like this, I will pop. Stop!  Please stop. Ow! Ow! Ow!

"Could you? I will bring it back I promise." I say nodding. I get something spysie. This will be cool. Need to change hats though. Mentally I change hats from the explorer, which is now covered in imaginary dust to hmmm..... A bowler hat! That just screams British spy. Quickly I run my fingers down the rim, adjusting it slightly before flashing an imaginary smile. Which is just as adorable and cute as the real one with a little light flare at the end. Oh oh and imaginary light sound effect, PING! Whachaa. In my head I can imagine myself saying, "Call me Monkey, double 'O' something or another."

"I could, as long as you are careful," Winter said as he stood up all gentlemanly.

"My middle name is careful, okay not really but I will make sure nothing happens to whatever you let me borrow," I say nodding with a smile. Unless there are evil spy henchman chasing after me, then of course I can't promise anything.  I am sure whatever spysie Winter is going to let me borrow will have armor and some invisible shields and really can't be scratched. Oh this is so cool.

I watched as Winter nodded, turned and started to walk away, "Follow me."

To your secret spy layer of course I will. SLURP! "Okay" I follow him over to a door, not the door I used to enter the room but another. One that didn't notice before, maybe it was hidden behind a secret panel. This is so cool. The door will open and wow.... All gentlemanly like Winter opened the door, opening without a hiss which probably only happens with really good spies, then said "After you."

SLURP!

Carefully I walk by him, shake in hand bad to mouth ready to be amazed. I can see a set of stairs heading down and point to them, "That way?"

"Of course," Winter answered.

Underground base so cool!

Curious I hopped down the stairs wide eyed ready for the spy stuff to flip out of the walls as I descend . So cool.... Any moment now I am going to be face to face with some spy device. Like a hypothermic towelette that makes anything it is covering invisible to thermal detection while keeping it clean or some cane that shoots tasers to disable foes, which I couldn't use since the whole cane monkey girl thing really doesn't go well. I might be able to pull it off, you know with a smile and a whistle. Don't fear me and my cane, we are just out for a walk. It had to piddle. We mean you no harm *whistle*, spin cane and zap! I didn't know it could do that honest. *inner smile*  Zap! Zap! Zap!

Hop. Hop. Hop down the stairs and into an old dusty room. Sitting in middle was something covered. Here it is and it is covered too. That makes it extra spysie and cool. Carefully Winter passed me, like a gentleman saying "Pardon" as he did. I watched as he walked over to the thing under the blanket. Jet pack. No to big! reached down Hydro-fluorescent powered unicycle. No glowing wet spots on the ground and they are known to leak. and started to pulls it away. I can't stand this. It is like Christmas! With only a flourish only a gentleman can do, Winter pulled the sheet away revealing the old motorcycle with a side car hidden underneath.

Without any warning or anything. Surprise, awe, glee and any other word meaning happy, overjoyed, ecstatic or something similar hit me at once. BLAM! Overcome I adorably fall to the floor, in a clean spot not in the puddle of oil right there.


******


Ah darkness, how you welcome me in your embrace.  Especially with the night light glowing to keep the bad things away. Especially that one thing, ick! With all of the...and this...then it sort of..... Thank monkey for night lights....

Anyway back to laying there, in the darkness, I can feel my body begin to rock back and forth.  "Five more minutes mom," I say, well try to say. The whole sleep thing sort of made it sound like, "I've mork inus on," I think. Slowly I roll over, my tail slowly swaying as my body rocks back and forth again.  I swat at the air, then pull up the imagery blanket and I smile feeling it warm my body.

Again I feel my body rock again, this time a little more urgent, "Okay, okay I am waking up.  Slowly I open  my eyes and see Winter, kneeling there,"Are you okay?"

"Yes, sorry...I just got overwhelmed," I say as I stand up wiping my mouth just in case any slugs decided to crawl in while I laid there. It would be a clear sign of slug stowaways in my mouth if I feel anything moist and......Nothing. Whew! Slug stowaways are the worse. They don't fly out when you spit and they don't clean up after themselves, I hear and this is a loose hear really, slug stowaways was what killed off the dinosaurs not some silly meteor. They got in and the dinosaurs tried to spit them out and with all of the spitting it caused the water to rise and all of the dinosaurs drowned. The slugs just floated away all moist.

Standing there I looked at the uncovered spysie thing and it looked like a motorcycle with a side car. Old to by the look of it, what with the olive drab color paint job that has seen better days and everything. "Are those bullet holes?" I ask pointing towards the front of the side car where there what looked like bullet holes running across it.

"Uh, yes I have been meaning to get some work done on the old girl."

So cool. He must have been thwarting some plot to take over the world or something. Racing towards the bad guys fearlessly as they fired at  him. Pow! Pow! Pow! He did some secret spy move and took them out without messing up his hair. Then he said some cool spy line and continued with the mission.

Slowly I swing up on the motorcycle, it would be silly to swing up on the sidecar side. What would that accomplish? Unless....it is a spy thing, it could have the capabilities to do that and that and it would be interesting if it did this other thing. No..no...no.,. Need to stay focused. "Don't worry about it. They give her character." I say patting the side of the tank as I scoot forward reaching for  the handlebars and I can see the buttons on one of the sides. I wonder what they do...Press one now just to see? No, no, no. We are in a enclosed area and if it releases knock out gas Winter and myself would be knocked out. Then if it triggers missiles BOOM! You can wait Nichole. Breathe.

"Now I should warn you about a couple things," Winter started to say when I lost all focus and imagined myself zipping down the highway. Bad guys giving chase, firing lasers, guns and ninja stars at me. Of course everything is just firing harmlessly around me, it works that way when you are a spy you know. I can see that the highway is coming to an end at some cliff, highways do that for some reason. I don't know why, but they do. You would think they would plan a little better. As I go launching off. I press a button and I am flying away. The bad guys either zipping off the cliff or shaking their fists at me. "and if you keep all of those in mind. The old girl should get you to where you need to go."

"Sounds good. I will have to keep those in mind." I say nodding my head,  Did I just miss something?

SLURP!

Carefully I lean over and put the milkshake in the sidecar, buckling it up to make sure it is safe."Can't be to safe you know" Pulling myself up I grab the goggles hanging off the handlebars and slip it on. Adjusting them as I watch Winter go over to a large set of doors and swing them open with a loud creak, the doors not him. Just want to clarify that.

"Are you ready?" I hear him ask as he walks over to my side of the motorcycle. I shoot him a smiling nod and a thumbs up.

Pulling out a set a keys from his pocket, Winter hands them to me, "Good!" Taking the keys I slip them into where the keys go and get ready. What will happen when I run the keys? Something cool I bet, something spysie.

"You be safe, okay. Remember everything I told you."

I nod and tell him I will as the henchmen chase after me in my head.

"Oh and one more thing." Winter says as gentlemanly flips a hand over.

"What?" I ask looking towards him.

"Let me see one of your hands?"

"Why?" I say rocking back and forth a little.

"Let me see one, please"

*****

"Okay...." I say letting go of the handlebars. What is he going to do? Another spy thing? A watch that tells time and shots darts that knocks people out? Thwip! Oops sorry I thought that was an alarm. A ring that hides a laser. Hey your ring sparkles. ZAP! Ow!. A bracelet that does something cool. Like..... Being a harpoon gun or a boomerang type thing. I could toss it at evil henchmen and it would come back to me.

I place one of my hands in Winter's and watch as he leans down and kisses it gently. Okay..... I look at him trying to figure out the whole....what just happen thing. Slowly pulling my hand away as Winter rises. "What was that about?"

"That is the proper way to greet a lady in my country," Winter answered,"I forgot to earlier because of the match on the tele and wanted to before you left."

Slowly I shake my hand waiting for whatever Winter applied to his lips to take effect. Spies wear things on their lips, they are like another weapon to them. If they don't have a weapon they use fists and feet, all being martial art experts even though they have no training. If they can't use those, then lips. Lip fu or something like that. "Okay.... Kind of weird but I can't complain. Better then....."

The world starts to go dark as I pass out. My body crumpling to the floor adorably. When I wake up I find myself strapped to a big metal table and an equally big laser slowly cutting its way up the table, ruining the table by the way. I can see Winter standing above me laughing maniacally in a gentlemanly way as he pets a cat. Ending the story of me as I become my own twin in a painful ow it burns sort of way. Well I hope you enjoyed reading my story, not sure how I am writing it though. Maybe my better half is, she was always good with words.

Okay, okay none of that happened. I am just pulling your tail and everything. Let's get back to reality.

"Thank you," I say as I lean over and place a kiss on Winter's forehead. Not sure why I did that for. Although it did feel like the proper thing for a lady to do or slap him across the face with a white glove. Saying how dare he or something similar.  I wouldn't have done that anyways. One reason is because I don't have any white gloves on me, can't do a white glove slap across the face without a white glove. I think others have tried different colors and it just didn't feel the same. The second reason , I am not in to the whole white glove slap thing. Some people are and you can tell really. * ninja girl hint - look at their cheeks. If only one side of them is red, they like the white glove slap thing.* Finally, Winter is a spy! Do I have to say anymore? He probably would sense my movement before I moved. Take the glove from me using some weird pressure point thing where I go "Ow!" Then feed me the glove, which I wouldn't enjoy. You see I am white glove intolerant, quite embarrassing. When I eat them I get a little pppfffhhhtttt! Don't ask me how I found out, it was a dare and everything. It was late and I just got done drinking a banana milkshake and oops I forgot!

SLURP!

"I will bring her back," I told Winter as I patted the top of the motorcycle's gas tank, "and in one piece too!" I thought I needed to clarify that a little. I will try my best really but if there are evil henchman I can't guarantee anything. They might have screwdrivers and wrenches! Oh and things that could poke holes in me and the motorcycle, which I am hoping there is a shortage of.

Smoke erupted out of motorcycle's tailpipes when I started her up. The engine roaring then sputtering and then roaring again as I twisted the handle telling me it was ready. It just had to clear its throat in a way. I did the whole changing of the gears thing and slowly the motorcycle started to pull forward. "Be back soon," I shouted over the sound of the engine as I cleared the doors and I heard Winter answer back that he was looking forward to it.

When I thought I was clear of any obstacles, like the end of the doors for example, I did the whole gear change thing and gave the motorcycle some gas, not of the pppffffhhhttt kind either and the motorcycle shot forward. For a moment I looked back and saw Winter giving me a little wave and I waved back with a smile. I glance up for moment and see the porcelain chopper in a window, sun glinting off the blade. From here it looks sharp, the blade not the doll, especially with the light ping on it. Should I stop, I ask myself, nah Winter is a spy and can handle the doll? Probably a sparring partner even. I turned my attention forwards, which is important when you are traveling in that direction.

As the road races by I lean over a little and tell the banana milkshake something. The words ripped away by the wind as so as left my mouth  I can't remember what I was saying really.

Lets see where the road leads us. Well I know where it goes, towards evil with tentacles and bat wings, but still let us see.

((On the road again with the wind in my hair and the ptoo ptoo the bugs in my teeth. See you next time...))

[Catherine]

The road flys by as the wind rips though my hair, giving it that natural wind blown look that professional hairdressers try to mimic but never do. The type of look that says I like to catch bugs, birds and small fury things that were in the wrong place at the wrong time thing with my hair. Definitely need to brush it out when I stop, don't want to give them the wild woman impression. Booga Booga Booga..

The land on either side of the road is beautiful, a low mist hovering just above the ground. Rolling hills going on forever and ever. Every so often stones would erupt out of the ground forming low walls on either side that never blocks the view but keeps short things like turtles from wondering out into the road. Unless they have climbing equipment of course.

I can see why they call this a magical land. Any moment now I expect a unicorn to come galloping out of the mists, sparkles and glitter flying off of it and everything. Which would leave a sparkling glitter path behind it that someone would have to clean up. That and the pond that i just passed, there was an arm sticking straight out of it with a sword. If that doesn't say magic I  don't know what does other than rabbits coming out of hats. Of course it could have been someone that can hold their breath for a very long time to and that the person likes holding a sword up out of the water too. Which is just ridiculous. I just hope they put a warning sign up, 'No running. No diving  and no jumping onto swords. Those hurt!' Oh and the standing stones up on the hill right over there, not those over there with the guys in the white robes, I mean the ones over there with the green skinned women dancing around and I use the term 'dancing' very loosely. They should really consider taking a lesson or two. It looks like they might be trying to pop and lock with their broomsticks.

*hand to face moment*

The green women are cleaning the stones not dancing. That explains why they are green, so they can't be seen. Like commando maids, they slip in and clean then slip out leaving no signs of ever being there. This is team blazing feather duster over. *queue radio garble noise* We are entering the target zone and it looks really dirty over. *radio garble noise* The dust bunnies are fighting back, we are taking heavy.....

I nod as I ride on, "Yo Commando Maid!" May you keep the stones clean and......something something something. Well I sort of lost my train of thought there at the end. I blame the pothole back there  and THUMP that one there too and that one right......whew missed that one. THUMP! But got that other one.

Out in the distance I see the landscape starting to be speckled with white. What could it be, I ask myself looking from side to side trying to figure out what it is. There are just little patches of it here and there on everything. "Whoa......" I say shifting the motorcycle down and easing up on the gas to see if I can figure out what the white patches are.

Whatever they are, they are alive since they are moving around slowly.  They look fluffy, I tell myself as I start to approach one next to the road, another laying  on the sign behind it and another on the other side of the road.

What could they be?

I throttle the motorcycle down a safe distance away from the white fluffy soft things, it could be a trap, I tell myself. Predators are known to disguise themselves as cute fluffy things that look innocent until the last second when they spring teeth and  nom you. These could be fluff lions as far as I know and those have claws and teeth. Slowly I watch as one turns to me and I see its beady little eyes and....oh sheep!


*****


I consider for a moment to just maneuver around the sheep. They are not blocking anything and I can just.... change that now. Almost like they can read my mind, the sheep move to  block my direction in the way I want to go and I can't remember any turn offs anywhere close. There was that one miles or is meters from here? I can never remember. Anyways it was a ways back, back in the other direction. Away from the direction, well sort of, want to go. That and it looked scary with all of the fog, trees that looked like claws and that sign that said 'Don't go this way!' I got a clear impression, cute and adorable monkey girl sense tingling, when I passed by it that I shouldn't be heading on that direction. Which I paid attention too.

Thanks to the impression I now have a sheep problem. One that...you see I usually count them when I am trying to fall asleep but I am not trying to fall asleep. So not really sure how to handle this. I could try to fake them out and fake that I am having a hard time falling asleep. That way they would have to jump the fence, to help me fall asleep as I count them. But they can see that I am on a motorcycle so that might not work.

hmmmmm.... I could try the horn. It might startle them and they would just move. Press and BEEP! I would say that I didn't get any response from the sheep but it did. A slow moving of their heads, followed by bah and then chewing.

Press again and bah. Again and bah. Over and over I pressed the button and the sheep would just bah, no movement other than their mouths. After a while it felt like they were preempting the horn with a bah. Almost like they were getting a bah credit or the that the horn was responding back to them. Maybe I am not making myself clear , I am sort of rusty on talking horn.  How did it go again? How does someone press a horn so it clearly says, "Move out of the way so I can get to some big evil thing with tentacles and bat wings. That sounds really ick but supposably I can do something about but not really sure what to do since people have forgotten to write that information down. Which is kind of important really." Oh yeah, bbbbbbbeeeeeeeeepppppppppp!!!!

The sheep just bah. Do they not know horn? What do they teach them  in school? Obviously not horn. Maybe if I just ask them to move, they will move. Shoot them the puppy dog eyes and move move move.

Quickly I turn the motorcycle off and slip off of it, looking back to the side car to make sure the banana milkshake is safe. It gives me the straws up sign and I nod.

SLURP!

Just had to make sure real fast. Can't be too careful you know. "Now you be careful, I will be right back," I tell the shake as I tuck it back in, "don't be getting into any trouble while I am gone."

I could feel the sheets beady eyes watching me as I walked up. Judging me maybe or trying to figure out if they could chew me. One of those, hoping for not chewing though. A few feet away, out of the chew zone, I stop and clear my throat. "Hello,my name is Nichole Anne Marie Smith, my friends call me monkey. I would like to go in that direction," pausing to point,"could you please move?"

Standing there I was hoping for the best and got a bah. I guess it was time to get more hands on. Maybe with a friendly nudge to the bigger ones they will just move, the little ones I can pick up and move.

Carefully I push into one of them,  "I am sorry that it came to this," I tell the sheep. I can feel my hands sucking and sinking and sinking. What is going on? In moments I am up to my elbows in sheep and going deeper. I start to yank and pull, even putting my feet up onto the sheep as I continue to sink into the sheep. "I don't want a wool sweater, those are itchy."

I continue to struggle as I sink further and further into the sheep, like some weird itchy fuzzy fluffy quicksand type thingie. The last thing I see before sinking under the surface is a sheep climbing up onto the motorcycle then glub or something of wool breathing sound. Gluff maybe.

The camera zooms and swings around catching the scene in some dramatic sort of way. Catching the sun glinting off the sheep eyes but not any sign of a cute and adorable monkey girl.

Bah!



******


Bah! Bah! Bah! Goes the sheep with not a  monkey girl in sight. Suddenly one of them wiggles a little, just a little though. Then out of the mounds of wool something erupts like some alien, minus all of the teeth and hissing and try's to grab something, anything really. Luckily it finds a stone and starts to reverse yank whatever it is attached to.

I feel the pull on my butt as I continue to sink in the wool. My skin itching as I keep falling into the fluffiness. Is there no bottom to this thing, I ask myself. Sheep have bodies right? I mean they walk, run and breathe. So they need to have a body. Can't move without muscles and the last time I checked, wool didn't have muscles!

There is a tug and my falling motion stops and I float suspended in the mass of wool. Eyes squeezed shut and mouth firmly closed. I know once I open my mouth I will be tasting wool and I really don't know when the last time the sheep took a bath. That a once you get wool stuck in your teeth, it takes forever to get it out. Don't ask me how I know that I just do. *ninja art of distraction* What is that over there?

Just when I thought I would turn a rather unpleasant shade of blue I went flying backwards, back to the light. Pwoosh! Like some volcano made of cuteness
 I erupted out of the side of the sheep, gasping for non-wool filled air.

Unconsciously I did a flip, rotate  and landed perfectly. Huh huh huh, should I see what the judges score? I did land pretty good and that whole erupting out of the side of the sheep was definitely a wow thing. Maybe a gold medal wow thing too! Slowly i look over to the judges 8-9-7-8 and a one from the final judge. You got to be kidding me. I almost died there! Boo hiss for the final judge. Boo hiss.

Standing there trying to catch my breath, my lungs silently thanking me for fresh air. I can feel my my tail untying itself from whatever it used to pull me out before it swings around to check on me. "Huh huh huh thanks for saving me. I am glad you got my butt. Huh huh huh."

"Now...." I say trying to push my hands off of my knees as I try to point at the sheep, "huh huh huh. Wow a little winded here. Huh. What was I saying again oh yeah. Now!  You sheep need to move so I can go that way. Huh huh. Please...."

I watch the sheep slowly look at each other, then look at me and bah. All without even blinking or showing any emotion, not even blinking an eye.

If I push on them I get sucked into the wool. While it is soft and comfortable it is just plain itchy. As far as I know, if I nudge them with the motorcycle, that will be sucked in. They didn't budge when I honked the horn at them and they are sheep of few words, well one word really, 'Bah!' Time to.....huh huh huh.

"You leave me no choice sheep," swinging my arm in the air trying to get all of the sheep in one motion. I know I missed a couple of them but their sheep brothers and sisters can spread the word to them, "after I get a drink."

Slowly I walk back to the side car and SSSSSLLLLLUUUURRRRRPPPPP!


*******


Sucking shake I do the whole putting you on the spot hand sign of power to all of the sheep. So they know I am watching them. Especially the one with the beady eyes. Yes you, don't give me that look.

Without even looking I reach down into my bag and pull out ole faithful, I did not want it to come to this but the sheep forced my hand. With a flip of my hand the book flips open, it has never failed me before and hey why not something about sheep. Don't let me down Boy Scout manual, I whisper to myself as I start flipping through the pages.

Okay let me see...how to thumb wrestle something without opposable thumbs, okay interesting but sadly no. How to throw starfish like a ninja, sort of cool in a leaping dolphin angry shark sort  of way. Little Mermaid the silent but deadly edition. She loses her voice for love but gets it back at the sharp pointy end of a katana, badly dubbed whachaa! Flip, flip and flip. How to drink milk out of the carton without leaving any tracks, useless. They can't track lip marks and I am a ninja so I would just go poof afterwards and not be followed as I take a cookie from the cookie jar.

Flip, flip and flip again. Let's see...'Sheep - If you only knew the truth'. Well that isn't too re-assuring. I mean other than being walking quicksand like things and almost being swallowed up by one, they can't be that bad. If you are soft and cushy you aren't saying 'I am evil, fear me grrrr.....'

Slowly I start to read and I start to consider that  I am being punk'd. I pause and look around for cameras. There is one, no that is a bird. How about that one up in a tree, no another bird. How about...no a bird. There is something that looks like a bird over...no that is a bird too.

Okay there are  no cameras, unless they are hidden. Which they could be, but hidden cameras are hard to find because well.....they are hidden. Making it really hard to find theme  since they are really good at hiding. Even in plain site, I hear some are masters of disguise and they can look like anything. From can openers  to cars and even other pens. Which is kind of tricky, is this your pen? No? How about this one? No? How about this....is this your pen? No. Is this your pen? No these all look the same. Grrrr...

My mouth drops a little as I continued to read. They can do.... But I thought dragons ate them but... How do they.... How long do they.... Really they can.... This is horrible. Why aren't they warning people about sheep? It sounds like sheep are the answer to everything. Crime...sheep. Accidents....sheep, sometimes they even use tools for this. Taxes.....obviously sheep, have you heard the saying, 'I am being fleeced,' guess where that came from, sheep!

This is horrible, why didn't anyone report the truth about sheep or is the governments keeping it secret?    Are we being herded along, any moment now we will be shaved and shaved to the extreme, when I say extreme shaving I mean no hair. Eek no, u would loo funny hairless and my nose would get red,

On and on I read, my mind reeling from what I am seeing until I see something, something that brings a smile to my face. Slowly I close the book and put it back into my bag.

"I know your weakness now. Now I...."

SLURP!

Hey the facts made me thirsty.

((banana milkshake break! Slurp!))

[Catherine]

One last little slurp and back in the sidecar the banana milkshake goes. Where it can be safe and secure. "There you go..." I tell the milkshake giving it a little pat on the top before turning around and facing the sheep. For a moment the wind blows and it feels like one of those showdowns in a old western movie. Monkey vs. the Bah gang on a road to somewhere. If I had Spurs I would have chinged them on the ground just for effect. Slowly I inhale preparing a little, since this could get dirty fast.

SLURP!

Pause, *imaginary hand timeout*  I need to take one last little slurp, just in case I get thirsty. Don't need to dehydrate while moving sheep do I? That and my hands will be dirty with sheep stuff and that might ruin the banana shake experience. Which I don't want to do.

Okay back to the moment that has passed and needs to be restarted. Slowly I turn, adjusting my imaginary cowboy hat. I would spit like all Cowboys did in the movies but that is ick and I just had a little bit of banana gold, why would I spit and waste that.

The sheep swing their heads to look at me as I approach, *ching ching ching*'with the look on their faces I know they aren't impressed since one almost smothered me in its wool. If only they knew, I tell myself, if only they knew that I knew their weakness. But they don't know I know so something like that, just to many knows and knees there. With only a step or two away I stop and put my hands on my hips, my tail proudly standing  strong behind me. Ready to react just in case the sheep decide to jump me. "You have until the count of three, " I announce and with a flair of the dramatic minus the light and doves, I point off the road, "Move!" The sheep casually blinked and I think the little one yawned.

"One!"

Bah!

"Two!"

Bah!

"Three!"

Bah!

"Fine! I warned you,,," I yell as I walk up to one, "I told you to move and you didn't. Now you will..." Quickly I reach out with a hand and grab one of sheep's ears. Then give it a little tweak. I could see all of the other sheep' eyes open up really big. Like big but only bigger.

"I said get off the road now look what you are making me do," I said leading the sheep off the road. Every so often it would try to jerk away but it was powerless in my grip. Powerless I say!  Queue the dramatic lighting, flashes and  a little of the smoke machine. Not to much though okay? Mwhaha. The power! The power! *cough cough* Too much smoke. *cough cough* Too much evil laughter and gloating. *cough cough* Someone turn off the smoke machine it is going to set off the smoke det.... Too late! It is going to take forever to wring everything out and my tail likes to wear a shower cap with little ducks on it, which I forgot to pack. Can I retcon? No? Oh pooh....

*Mentally wringing everything out*

Okay, the whole grip of power wasn't really anything. In fact I remember my mom doing it to me when I misbehaved when I was young. Not that it happened to much, I would say maybe once.

Who is laughing? I hear laughing. It was only once..... I mean those other times it wasn't really my fault. It was someone else, honest monkey. You know wrong place at the wrong time and everything. The cookie jar flew across the room and onto my hand and the crumbs threw themselves all over. I was framed! Framed I tell you....

To this day, I still remember my mom's grip on my ear as she lead me upstairs to my room or I like to call it the 'Trail of ow ow ow'. It wasn't painful it was just ow. Like her fingers knew the secret pressure points in my ear that could easily control me.

I guess I learned 'the grip' from experience. Years of painful experi....that one time. Yeah I am just a fast learner I guess. Mom would just fake grip from across  the room and my ear would start crying. Seeing the diagram in the manual must have brought that long forgotten pushed to the back and I mean way back almost out of my head knowledge  back to the front.

Of course I couldn't go with 'the grip' and I jazzed it up a little to....two fingers and an opposable thumb monkey paw grip! Queue the explosion and doves for that announcement, not at the same time though since that would get messy really fast. Hey look someone released the doves early it is so beaut...BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!...I full. Oh my...quick cover the kids eyes! Cover the kids eyes!

So yeah, I did the newly named grip on the sheep ears and problem solved. *Mentally clean hands* Of course there were dirty looks shot at me and everything but I warned them.

Getting back on the motorcycle after I clearing the road of sheep debris, I reach for the keys and find something missing. Something important and for a moment I flash back to when the sheep climbed up onto the motorcycle. It took the keys![/]

Quickly I looked around for the sheep thief and spotted it on the fence. Kind of easy to spot what with the keys hanging out of its mouth.

"Get back here!" I growl, jumping off the motorcycle. Ten point landing! The crowd cheers.

Bah!

*******

"Listen...." I say as I start to cross the road, "you really don't need a motorcycle. You don't have hands and I think it would be really hard to drive wth your mouth. Just think about it, would you enjoy riding if you had to keep switching between one handlebar and the other? You would get dizzy and miss everything."

I give the sheep a little smile as I continue to cross the road, it isn't a big road I am just taking my time. Don't want to startle the sheep and have it bolt. At that moment an old song I heard my dad listen to all of the time starts to play in my head. I hum at first and then the words come to me, 'Wool on the run. Da da da da da da. Wool on the run. If you aren't careful you will.....' something like that. Once I heard the snapping and popping from Dad's what did he call them again? They looked like ancient CDs, probably made by pilgrims or something. Wax....no that wasn't it. Um..... Rancids? No, records I think. Anyways once I heard that noise, I covered my head with a pillow. Not really sure if you can call it music since it was pre auto-tune.

"That and it would be hard on your tongue. One little wrong move and squeeze, tongue pinched and you would cry." I take a breath, which is good. Breathing is important. "Now you could get it modified and get everything moved to one side. But I think that would cost a lot. Unless you have it saved up it would take you a long time to get enough. By that time you wouldn't be able to enjoy it or anything. That and the cost of maintaining it, gas is expensive you know."

Slowly I put one of my hands out, Palm side up, "Do you want go trough all of the trouble with owning a bike? Will you be responsible enough?"

******

I stood there watching the sheep as it sat back on its butt and brought a hoof up in the air, almost like it was doing calculations. Was it trying to figure out if it could afford the motorcycle? It kept doing this for a while. Poking and erasing the pokes in the air. It's head bobbing up a down as it mouthed something. Bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah. It stopped and shook its head and did the air erase thing and started the whole process over again. The whole time the keys dinged off each other.

If I had a calculator I would have offered it to the sheep, you know to help it. I mean if you think about it, it can only count to four maybe eight at the best. No matter how trigonometrical you got, there was a limit on what you can count on hooves. I got a chart here I think, let me check. I know I put it in my bag. How to identify colors with yours closed. No. Clouds....soft huh. No. Ah here you go, what are the limits of counting with hooves - four pair and tons of confusing equations later. See look diagrams and everything, you can't deny the facts of diagrams. No matter how much you want to argue, everything is drawn out for you.

I could tell that the sheep really wanted the motorcycle on how hard it was working. But after a while it shrugged and got back up. Was it going to bolt? Slowly it started to walk towards me, okay this is a punking isn't it? It won't give up the keys this easily. Wait a moment, I got it! The sheep is rubbing its legs together. Sheep are made of wool. Almost entirely out of wool, well other than the rest of the stuff. But for this, that other stuff doesn't matter. Wool equals sheep. Simple math. No fingers or hooves needed. The sheep is rubbing its legs together and it is wool. So rubbing will produce static electricity. It is making itself a walking bahing joy buzzer, minus the joy and add fluffy.
 
I will reach for the keys and ZAP! My arms, legs,tail would go straight out and if the cartoons were correct my skeleton would glow. I can't have that, I don't want to show my bones to just anyone. I want to make sure they are the right one and everything. That and I am not that type of girl. Just showing my bones to just anyone. Modesty girls. *ninja girl tip - the less bones you show the better. If you can hint at the bones, you can keep the boys interested longer.* That and if a boy judges you by your bones and not interested in getting to know the person on the outside. Maybe he isn't the one. Bones don't make a girl beautiful, yes they allow her to move and give her form but they don't give her, her beauty. That comes from somewhere else.

That and if the sheep has built up a big enough charge, my arm could go numb or my hair stand up on end. I can't have either of those. A numb arm is a floppy arm and you can't drive with a floppy arm. Then if my hair stands up on end I would be a porcupine head and have to worry about impaling small birds and animals by accident. Finding a pigeon or chipmunk stuck to the top of your head just ruins the day. That and it is a fashion no no. No matter what the designers in Paris say, small animals with their tongues sticking out and x's across their eyes stuck to the top of your head does not say I am hip or anything. Is says ick. If someone tries to tell you otherwise tell them 'no!'

Closer and closer the sheep came, I needed the keys though or I would be walking and I don't think evil would wait or accept me saying I had to walk. Any moment now I will be shocked and thrown back and the sheep would bah laugh. Three....two....one and plop.

I got a shock alright, just not the one I expected. Which is good. "Are you sure?" I ask the sheep as I relaxed, getting out of the 'I will be thrown back with an arm smoking' pose. The sheep nodded and motioned with its head,,

With a hug, I tell the sheep thank you and head back to the motorcycle. Double checking if my milkshaky passenger was still there as I turned the keys. In moments the motorcycle said 'hi' as the engine started and we pulled away. I gave the sheep a little nod as I passed it.

Why it let me have the keys back I don't  know. Maybe it figured it couldn't afford the motorcycle. Maybe it sensed great evil on the horizon and knew something that is should tell me but couldn't, sensing great power in me or something. Which if it did, it was sensing the banana milkshake. Did I tell you it was really good? What? I did? Okay. It is really good.

All I know as I pulled away and went in that direction. Was that I hoped the sheep on the wall was one of the sheep I counted at night.

((sheep handled!! No longer feeling sheepish, okay that is a bad one but look what I just went through.))

[Catherine]

Sheep free, I zip down the road. Hitting every pot hole possible. Now that I think about it, maybe the potholes are safety things, purposefully put into roads so people are kept awake by all of the bouncing around. Why put in speed bumps when you can put speed holes. BAM! Like that one. BAM! That one too!

I guess that is why they made the roads so small width wise too. To keep you on your toes and awake. You see the roads are only so wide and they really should be so so wide. That extra so is there for safety purposes. You see if anything comes the other way, someone has to ride the walls, literally on a so wide road. Not so on a so so wall. Know how I know? Because there is a bus coming up!

What is the rule again? If it is bigger and can flatten you, it has the right of way. If you need to be cleaned off with a windshield wiper like a splat bug, the other object has the right of way. Splat! Look we have a cute and adorable monkey girl splatted on the windshield and she has her tongue out. Just use the windshield wiper and brush her off.

Since I wasn't interested in playing chicken or pushing my luck. Luck usually favors the big metal things and I am not a chicken girl. Monkey, remember the tail? See! *mental point towards tail* Tail not tail feathers. If I had feathers, I would be sneezing. So as the bus honked its horn I did a hop, jump a grind down the wall. Sparks flying as the sound of grinding metal on stove caused every hair in a few miles to stand up on end. Down the wall I went, grinding like I knew what I was doing. If I wasn't gritting my teeth and trying to keep the motorcycle from doing something bad I could have so taken a selfie. It would have been the selfie for other selfies to bow down too. Or selfies would dream about being that selfie, what with all the Sparks and stuff. Wow factor times something amazing for selfies.

As the last bit of the bus passed, I hopped the motorcycle  up on a a large stone and balanced on the back tire. Like the cowboys always did with their horses, well they didn't grind them on fences or anything but they did the whole rear up on the rear legs thing. Thank monkey the horses had good balance or there would have been a lot of flattened cowboys. Just saying, the Cowboys were lucky they didn't a clumsy horse. Hi ho [insert name of horse's name here] away! What no no stop! You are suppose to go the other way. Onto your hooves and not....... COWBOY SPLAT!

Up on one tire, "Woooohoooooo!!!!!", bunny hop off and on my way. In the distance I could see a building coming up quickly., I turn to the milkshake. To make sure it is still safe for one and another to ask if it is okay if I stop, that I am getting GRUMBLE GRUMBLE GRUMBLE hungry and the straw nods.

mysterious building in the middle of nowhere nom time!

******


"Let's see what an old building, built of stones and wood in the pub style might have," I say to the milkshake as we pull up. Other than the coal black carriage sitting there with an equally coal black horse attached to it, there was no one else here.  Small, family owned and only the locals know about it. This will be good.

I hop off the motorcycle and hurry over to unbuckle the banana milkshake. Carefully picking it up, making sure it isn't hurt.

SLURP!

Ah....still good. Banana gold! Did I tell you that the milkshake is really good? What? I did? Ok...it is really good. With a little spin I start walking towards the door and pass the horse and carriage.

Getting closer I could see everything on the carriage was coal black, they should really consider cleaning it to be honest. A little soap and water will bring a little bit of the color back. Half tempted I reach for the carriage with a finger, maybe if I write 'Clean Me!' on it or 'I am not allergic to soap and water. Give me a bath!' The owners will clean it. The closer my finger got to the carriage the colder the tip got, almost like I was putting into a freezer. Did they have AC on the carriage and have it turned up really high? Closer and closer. Is my finger turning blue? Then ZAP an electric charge jump from carriage to monkey finger and OW!

Quickly my finger throws all engines in reverse and shoots backwards away from electrical shocks. Well shock but where there is one shock there are always more I have found out. You see there was this time and I sort of...what am I doing? TMI! You don't need to know about that hair raising moment, it took cans of hair gel and weeks and weeks of working with a hair specialist for it to finally lay flat with just enough body.

Standing there I shake my hand, trying to get the feeling back in it  before sticking it in my mouth. That a to make sure nothing was sucking on my finger before sticking it in my finger, you know like leeches or vampire bats. One is squishy and the other is squeaky, neither I want in my mouth.

I shoot the carriage a dirty look as I give it the I am watching you sign of power. "Stupid security system," I mumble to myself, "couldn't be a horn. Had to be a shocking experience didn't it? I know you are a carriage and don't really have a horn but one of those squeeze ball horns would work. Honk! Oh no someone is someone is trying to steal the carriage and likes to honk the horn. Honk! See I told you."

Finger in mouth I walk by the horse, "You could have warned me, you know. A hoof stomp on the ground would have been nice." Slowly I reach up to stroke the horses mane with my non being sucked on hand. "That is okay, you are a pretty..." Pausing to look, "girl aren't you?" ZAP!

Captain the horse is armed. Repeat the horse is armed. What should we do? Full reverse private. Full reverse!

My hand jerks back in an instant and into my mouth, after shaking it of course. Can't be to careful with leeches and vampire bats. Oh I forgot, the banana milkshake is balanced on the top of my head where it is safe.

"E tu. horse a?" I try to say with a lot of fingers in my mouth. Which sounded more like "Eph ew hord aph?" Really didn't expect an alarm system on the horse. Is there a large number of horse and carriage thefts here? Did the criminals got bored stealing cars. Stealing cars is so last century, the new thing is stealing horse and carriage. It is extreme!!!! Throw the sign of the horse and carriage. Which looks like this! *Origami finger style* Ow, ow, ow fingers shouldn't bend like that. Ow, ow, ow. Maybe we need to figure out another hand sign. One less ow!

The horse doesn't respond at all it's red glowing eye, well eyes but I can only see one at the moment, just following me. In a creepy no blinks sort of way. Like the carriage the horse is black, let me look, yes all over. Even its teeth is black, which means it has been eating one to many apples or sucking on coal. Whew, with its breath I would say coal. Definitely coal or something else.

"You should have your teeth looked at." I try to tell the horse through the fingers in. My mouth.  Motioning with an elbow towards the building, "I will go mention something to whoever owns you. Good dental care isn't something that shouldn't be taking lightly. You have a major case of gingivitis and other itises. That and..." I motion with the same elbow down towards the horse's hooves,,"You have a really bad case of athletes hooves. With the flames and everything., it shouts pain and burning. If I had a fire extinguisher I would help but I don't.. I will check inside. Be right back."

My tail whips around as I approach the door. Twisting the door knob land pushing a little. A cool breeze blows out as the door swings open. Looking inside I see the lone figure dressed in a coal black robe sitting there at the table in the center of the room. He must be the owner of the horse and carriage. Doing the whole matching thing.

"Hello," I say stepping into the building, "Have any food?" At that moment my tummy decides to grumble, stressing it is empty.

((Time to fight the grumbling. Well next time actually.))

[Catherine]

Hands in mouth, trying to suck the ZAP out, I walk into the room. Looking around I would say it dark leaning towards the dark. With things hinted at in the dark. Like that thing over there on the wall, which could be something but not really sure what. Then there is that thing over there, who knows what that could be. It could be anything really, from a tray to carry stuff on to a hatchet that has stuff dripping off of it, so hoping for tray, I am GRUMBLE GRUMBLE GRUMBLE hungry. The only light was coming from the well light above the table in the center of the room.

Wanting to see what I eat and not eat something that just happens to scurry up onto the plate. Not that it will happen, the place looks clean. Well what I can see of it. I walk up to the table and the black robed man. Not seeing any news papers, a clear sign of wanting to eat alone if there are any, I clear my throat and ask if the robe minds if I join it at the table.

Slowly the robe motions with an arm towards the empty chair, the whole time I hear something scrapping against something else. "Thank you," I say pulling my hands out of my mouth so I don't have to pull the chair away with my mouth. Don't know where the chair has been and well ick.

Sitting down in the chair, I pull myself closer to the table,"My name is Nichole. My friends call me monkey for obvious reasons." Motioning with a hand to my tail who is oddly hiding behind me for some reason now.

With a smile I look up at the black robbed well robe and really can't see anything. Hands are covered in the sleeves, there might be a hint of white things but can't really tell. Looking up I can see twin red glowing spots where eyes should be inside the cowl. Not cow but cowl. One goes moo and would be really hard on a person's neck while the other not so much. Unless it is made of something itchy of course.

It was hard to pull myself away from those twin red spots since they never blinked or anything. Sitting there I could feel them bore into me, then through the wall behind me outside and maybe through a sheep or two. After that it runs off like all red spots that bore through things do. Hopefully they miss Miss Mathew's mug though, she would be so crossed if it started piddling coffee into her lap. "So yeah, okay. This might be a weird question and everything, but could you blink. Just once would be nice."

For a moment nothing happened and the room got quiet, even the crickets were told to stop. Sitting there, I started to think I might have insulted the black robe. Maybe it can't blink and I basically just teased it, slapping it across the face. Ha Ha take that. Then I saw it, the dimming of the twin red spots. For just a moment, they blinked out and then they were back in. Whew! Mental forehead wipe.

"So......" I say looking around looking for someone anyone to see if they might help with fighting off the stomach grumbles. All I can see is darkness darkness everywhere, as I spun in the chair, which is good if you are on a diet since dark is low fat. "Do I need to ring a... Oh hi. Didn't see you there." I say jerking back a little when the short balding man appeared.

Sitting there I watch as the balding man pushed a menu in front of me and just stood there. "What about him?" I ask pointing to the black robe, hopefully it was a him. Never can tell with robes.

Slowly the balding man shook his head, "Doesn't eat. What do you want?"

GRUMBLE!

"Okay, okay I will look. You don't have to yell. Jeez! Okay hmmm," Looking down at the menu I see a bunch of new words and words mixed together in strange ways. Crisps? I don't want to even know what cockles are, I think grandma always complained hers hurting when it got cold out. Black pudding? Didn't know there was black pudding. I wonder what it would taste like? Yorkshire pudding? How can pudding taste like a place? Mmmm....this tastes like that one place on a warm summer day. Gammon? Sounds like a video game villain. High tea? Not thirsty and I got my milkshake. Toad-in-the-hole? Ick, I don't want to eat a toad, it would burp in my mouth. Bangers and mash? That sounds like a rock group to be honest. They have to be making this stuff up. Shepherds pie? Why would I eat a pie made from a shepherd? Is that why there is so many sheep running around, the shepherds have been eaten! A sheep conspiracy! Eliminate the shepherds so they can bah freedom. Bap? That isn't even a word and what is a rarebit?

Then I see it, words that I know and sound good together. "Fish snd chips please," I say with a smile as I hand the menu back to the balding man. He nods and then suddenly just blinks out. Okay that is strange. I peer into the darkness seeing if I can find the balding man. Maybe it was a trick of the light and being hungry that gave the illusion of blinking out. It had to be that. Unless, I can't see him out there in the darkness, he slipped on a ninja suit and blinked away. Using the darkness to his advantage to sneak up on the fish and chips, catch them by surprise snd everything. Your meal didn't know it was a meal until it reached your tummy all thanks to balding ninja cook.

"While we are waiting, do you want to talk?"


*****

For a few awkward moments there was silence, the red glowing points brightening and dimming over and over. Okay a robe of few, okay no words. "Hey, yeah about the horse and carriage. That is an interesting security system, I didn't know there was a lot of carriage and horse thefts. Can't be to safe you know. Don't want to go outside and be stuck out in the middle of well here." I say trying to break the ice but all I get is glowing spots.

"Really didn't expect the horse though. Well I expected the horse with the carriage but not the whole zapping thing. That must have been hard to wire up. I didn't see any wires or anything so they are hidden pretty good too." I pause to take a breath and a thought pops into my mind POP "You don't have them all tricked out do you? You know with neons and everything. That would be cool going down the country road glowing all hmm.... red or maybe some green. Don't do blue though. it gives the wrong message. I don't know what that message is but it gives it. Oh maybe do a black light to go with the whole black thing, things would be glowing." I say nodding thinking about how the sheep would look  as the carriage passed them.

"Could do a smoke generator. Now that would be cool. Releases smoke when the carriage and horse stop, maybe. Pppfffhhhppppttt...." I say doing a smoke hand sign in front and around me, "People would be amazed. You would have to be careful where you put the smoke generator at though. Put it in the wrong place and people would be asking you if you feed the horse beans all of the time."

SLURP!

Mmmm....banana good. Yum. Have I told you that the milkshake is good? What? I did? Okay, it is good though.

Thanks to sampling banana gold my mind races back to the carriage."Now I couldn't really tell since I don't know horses or carriages and how they are built. Was ether of them set up for hydraulics? So you could go all lowrider." With milkshake in hand, so it doesn't escape, I lower it to the table for an example. Then raise it up then back down while doing hydraulic sounds. "I hear you can hop with those, also do three wheels. Okay legs for the horse but you get the picture."

SLURP!

"Sound system? You look like a...robe that enjoys the heavy metal with bass. People know you are coming hours before you arrive when things start to shake, rattle and roll. Gothic would be cool with the landscape and everything. A low fog and out you come all low to the ground with moaning and stuff. Maybe as you stop the carriage and horse does a little hop, right before you step out."

SLURP!

I tilt the milkshake a little towards the robe before continuing,"Now all of that takes a lot of power I would think. Probably several batteries and the carriage didn't have a place to hide them so where are they......" I stop mid  sentence as my eyes fly open, "Don't need to know. Don't need to know."

Thankfully the balding man showed up out of nowhere again with food. Quickly I take  a deep breath in, smelling all of the goodness sitting in front me. "Thank you," I say to the balding ninja cook who was already swallowed by the darkness. I imagine him cooking all ninja style for someone before turning back to the food.

"Are you sure you don't want some ?"

****

I sort of expected chips in fish and chips not fries. But my tummy commands to be feed and it doesn't care about words. Words have no meaning to eat only 'yummies' and 'ew gross, hey you have to try this.'

But mom and dad didn't raise a girl without table manners, so napkin in lap and milkshake in its proper place. Which is within arm's length at all times so I don't have to lean all of the way across the table to get to it. You know just in case I get really thirsty and can't make it to it before dehydrating if it is to far. Like over there, that is just to far. That and if it is too far away, it ,if he get lonely and start to cry. A crying milkshake is a sad milkshake and that isn't good. Not really a milkshake anymore, more like a milk with maybe milk icebergs in it. So proper distance away. Of course I fine tune it several times. Here. No here. Okay here. Sit down and test.

SLURP!

Okay that felt good. I think I can do this. Can't be too safe so I test it again.

SLURP! Mmm.... Good.

Okay, I think everything is a go. Oops I almost forgot something and if I forgot that stuff would happen. What stuff I am not sure, mom and dad never really told me. They just said stuff would happen and that was enough for me.

Quickly I bow my head, close my eyes and sit there the required amount of time to give thanks for what I about to eat. Okay I cheated every so often and opened my eyes just a little to make sure no one was taking my food or more importantly taking a sip of the banana milkshake, especially with my straw.

At the correct amount of time, I opened my eyes and mouth. Nom time! Quickly I reached for a fish and took a bite. Followed by several more. Mmm.... Fishy goodness. Now this is what I imagine fish taste like, not like chicken and not really fishy. Just fishy good. You see some fish are bottom feeders, vacuum cleaners of the deep in a way. What do vacuum cleaners pick up? Dust and stuff, which I am sure wouldn't taste good. Especially if it is mixed with what I hear is at the bottom, fish poop. Ew gross! But this fish wasn't a vacuum fish, unless they cleaned it of course, it was good. Just the right amount of crunch too and not really greasy.

As I reached for the second fillet, I paused for a moment. I felt bad for the black robe sitting there watching me eat. "Are you sure you don't want anything? A fillet or some fri....chips? There is plenty."

For a moment nothing happens then slowly the black robe shakes its head. Shaking might not be the right word, it looked more like hmm.... Something on a swivel dropping then raising back only to repeat over and over. The sound of something grating against something else, like fingers on a chalkboard but worse was filet dropping. Which of course was quickly picked up.

"I hope you don't mind me asking, have you seen someone about you know eeeee errrr eeeee errrr, " motioning with a hand, "I have heard fish oil is good for joints." I watch as the twin red points brighten, dim then brighten again as robe picks its arms up. Bringing them up to pull the hood back.

In a couple blinks of an eye, the hood is back and the filet is dropped again. "Uhhhhhh..okay."

((Like you didn’t see the pause coming now, I mean a hood being pulled back calls for it!))

[Catherine]

For a moment I avert my eyes, not because what I am seeing is disgusting or anything. I avert them because it would be mean to stare that and I needed to know what I was reaching for. Filet not fork, forks are not easy on the whole digestion system. What with being like a trident plus one and everything, it would get stuck in my throat and the Heimlich thing would have to be done. The fork would come flying out and stick something small or a balloon.  A scream or pop would follow and I couldn't have that. Not to mention the high metal count, which would weigh me down if I went swimming. Can't have that either, I have an allergy to bubbles escaping from my mouth at the bottom of a lot of water.

So look at what I am reaching for and not the skull with the twin points of light for eyes. CRUNCH nom nom nom.

"Are you sure you don't want anything to eat?" I ask as I take another bite, "You are looking a little thin. All skin, okay not skin but bones."

I watch as the skull slowly moves back and forth and...... the grinding sound. This time I came prepared though, earplugs! Okay not really, but I was ready and no filets fell from my hand.

CRUNCH nom nom nom

Oh and SLURP! Nothing like eating some fish & chips and talking to a grim reaper or someone dressed in a really good costume to get a monkey girl thirsty. Let me check real fast to make sure it is not a costume. Hmmmmm...... Using my super cute and adorable monkey girl senses I can tell you with maybe fifty fifty percent chance that it isn't a costume. * ninja girl tip - to tell if someone is wearing a costume look for one of the following. One, tags that say whatever is being worn is made from a foreign country. Two, whatever they are carrying is made of cheap plastic. * That  and I wanted to make sure that my milkshake's soul wasn't taken. You can tell if something's soul is taken if it tastes flat and blah. Which makes it sort of hard to test on living things without being mistaken for a vampire or a zombie. Which I can guarantee you I am neither of those. I can so pull those off on a hamburger though, noming it until it is gone. Then with a smile say it's soul tasted really good, although some pickles would have been nice. A hamburger's soul always tastes better with pickles, oh and ketchup  & mustard.

Thankfully the banana milkshake's soul was still intact. Did I tell you it was good? What? I did? Okay, it is really good though. Two opposable thumbs up. Yum!

Spinning a chip around a finger, I look up at the reaper and give it a smile. I don't think reapers have sexes so I think saying 'It' is safe. If I find out later I can always try and retcon, fixing any mistakes. "So what should I call you? I know I can probably call you Mr. Reaper or something close to that, but that is so formal. So what do your friends call you?"

Nothing happens at first, well other than the red spots dimming and brightening. Then the reaper opens its mouth, with the grinding sound and emits a sound that is....that is.....that is, hard to explain. Think of a thousand cats screaming at once and you come close.

All I heard was "Eeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa............."

"That sort of fits, so Earl. What brings a reaper like yourself to a pub like this. The food is really good by the way but doubt it is that. Before you answer let me get something. "

I give Earl the finger sign to wait before turn and start to root through my bag. "Ok...here you go," I say putting a pad of paper down with a marker.

"So you can save your voice for more important things. Draw why you are here, don't worry about not being a good drawer either, this will be fun." I say nodding my head.

CHOMP! Nom. Nom. Nom.

Oh and SLURP!

Earl picks up the marker and starts to draw.

Nodding a little as I watch it draw. "Kitty? Lollipop? Someone took your pet cat, since you can't have a dog what with the bones thing and you have a lollipop you wanted to share with it:"

Earl shakes his head. "Well I thought I had it with that one." Intently I watch as he starts to draw again, "Stick figure. Some 'L''s and box. Hmm... A teacher attacked you with letters from the alphabet and did something with a box." I say giving Earl a smile.

Skeleton hand comes up to skeleton forehead as Earl slowly shakes its head. "Hey I am trying my best,"  I respond as Earl points at the stick figure.

"Person," I say and Earl nods before movingly finger to the 'L'-shaped things. Before I could say anything, Earl draws some lines and triangles coming from them. "Hmm... This one is sort of hard but fun:"

Quickly Earl puts a finger up to an nonexistent nose. "Sounds like fun?" I ask and Earl nods.

"Hmmm..... Run, bun, gun?" And Earl shook its head with grinding noise for added effect..

"A man with guns took a square?" I ask questionably and Earl shakes its head and points at a new drawing that look a lot like a book, maybe a folder. If he as a better drawer it would be easier.

"A man with guns took a book? Are you some sort of a skeletal librarian?"

Earl shook it's head and wrote down a message, then flipped over the notebook so I could read it.  "You know writing is cheating right? It makes it too easy." Earl responds with a jab on the paper and I look down to read it.

"A man with guns took your book. Yeah I know that part. He took it to a fishing village down the road and for some reason you can't enter the village to get the book back."

Earl nods and grinds.

I think for a moment, "I am going in that direction, I can look for it for you."

Earl I think smiles and nods, in a thank you sort of way.

"Consider your book gotten right after I finish noming, okay?

Shake head.


((Okay I didn’t see that coming at all. Well I sort of did since I was there duh. Until next time.))

[Catherine]

It was kind of odd eating in front of Earl, felt bad really, I offered food but he turned it away. Maybe he was on a diet, no fat and calorie sort of thing. The alpha paleo food diet, you can't eat anything or the calories will go right to your hips. You can look but not nom. When food was invented, calories were too! Forget food and forget the calories.

Maybe Earl is trying to be cutting edge, you know noming  is so last year. Now we just think about eating and be content on the growling tummy or maybe Earl thinks it oppresses the tummy, tummies have rights too!

Then it dawned on me, Earl was a reaper. A reaper is only bones so.....food could get chewed but then it would just fall to the floor or something. Never to be digested like food dreams it wants to be. He is thinking about others in a way too. The food and the people who would need to clean up after  think about it, how menacing would Earl be if he appeared, about to take your soul and out rolls a carrot or something else from under his robe. Not to menacing. I am here for your soul, blah! Thump. Um yeah this rutabaga just rolled out from under your cloak. You know I am not a vegetarian right? I think that person over there is though. They might be scared. Beg for your soul for I bring a rutabaga thing.

"So...." I say right before slipping a chip into my mouth, "where is your sickle or scythe ?" Nom nom nom  oh a SLURP! Chips are a little tongue drying. From out of nowhere and I mean nowhere, out pops a stick about so long . "Cool....but there is no blade."

Without a pause, Earl spins the staff around and raps the end of it on the table. Out springs a blade again from nowhere., hitting the light causing it to dance around. The blade is long and curved, with the little light ping telling me it is sharp. Sharp enough to cut a can probably. A few cans by the light ping.

"I always wondered about that, easily identifiable and everything. Not easily transportable either. I bet it would be really hard to find a case for it. Then don't even start with customs and the airport, there is no way you would get either through. Now I can see how it can be done. Ah don't worry this just a walking stick. What you need that can of beans opened up. Stamp and whoosh and stamp. See just a walking stick, nothing with a blade or anything."

Out of the darkness, the short balding ninja cook appears slowly shaking his head at Earl. Quietly he slides a little tray across the table at me and stands. "Oh yeah," I say picking up the bill, shaking my head a little when I see the bill. I can't complain the service was excellent and the food was good. I would recommend the place to friends. So if you are in the middle of somewhere and you come upon a old,stone building. Stop and get their fish and chips, which are really French fries, I rate them five out of five noms. Quickly I pay, leaving a good tip.

"Let's go find the book, " I say bringing a hand up to my mouth as I well do something. Okay burp, not to adorable or cute, you didn't see it so it doesn't count. Stretching a little to make sure the food settles in the right places, I point to the scythe, "you might want to put that away. So no one, okay me, gets their eye poked out." With another stamp of the walking stick, the blade whooshes away. "That is cool and thank you." Earl nods and pulls his hood up, maybe he is sensitive to sunlight and gets burned easily.

"Ready?" I ask and Earl answers with an after you hand gesture with the sound of two things grinding fir that little extra touch.

SLURP!


***


Earl followed me outside and it felt good feeling the sun on my skin and the birds singing. Well bird, the one that had a nest right above the door. "Hey little bird, I am coming out so no grunting please."  I could hear something, almost like a little voice coming from the nest, "Hey little bird, I am coming out so no grunting please."

What the? An echo maybe, bouncing around the surface of the building? Trapped, it will just keep bouncing off things doing what echoes do.

"I mean it, no grunting I am on a mission," I say stepping out. I take a chance and look up, silently praying that I won't be grunted on. For a moment I see a head pop out, a head that looked distinctly bird and then I heard the voice again repeating what I just said. Great one of those types of birds. "Stupid," I start to say and the bird quickly repeats. "Mockingbird," and again the bird starts to repeat what I just said but it comes out a little different. So different it sounds more 'monkey' instead of 'mockingbird'.

Grrrrr..... It had to be a mockingbird. Of all of the birds in the world it had to be a mockingbird. Why? I look up again and watch as the  mockingbird turns around and...... No! No! No! We have been detected caption and the enemy has lock on. Corporal evade and fire evasion measure. Evasion measures? What could that be?   For a moment. I flash back to watching tv with dad and all of those war documentaries he enjoy. How the airplanes would shot stuff out to evade the.... Oh no... Quickly I cover my butt, I prefer no tinsel shooting out of my butt in a cloud of pppfffhhhtttt please. I look up one last time, tempting fate, I swear I can hear a tiny grunting coming from the nest. I tense up preparing myself to dodge. Left? Right? Back or somewhere in that direction over there? I see the bird's butt tremble. Here it comes!

"Watch out Earl," I call back to Earl as I stand there, ready and the mockingbird repeats.

"GRUNT!"

Any....

"GRUNT!"

Moment.....

"GRUNT!"

Now.... Suddenly the bird hops up on the edge of the nest, sticks its tongue out and smacks its butt at me. Grr..... "You stupid bird!" I say shaking a hand at the bird, which of course the mockingbird bird repeats but with a slight alteration to it. Grrrr.......

"I need to get out of here," I tell Earl as I walk over to the motorcycle. Placing the banana milkshake in the sidecar carefully.

SLURP!

What it has been a while and needed to make sure it still was good. It is by the way. Have I told you that? What? I have? Okay it is good. For a moment I catch a glimpse of the mockingbird sucking on a twig, what the? That isn't how twigs work. That is when I realize that is mocking me again. Grrr......

I start to tell Earl that I will be back soon with his book, which of course the bird mocks. Grrr..... Earl gives me a slight nod with bonus grinding soon added, which the bird somehow imitates. Quickly I climb up on the motorcycle and look sat the bird, which is climbing up the side of the nest. Grrrr.....

"See yah," I call back as I gun the engine and start to pull away. For a moment I look back and all I see is empty field with sheep. What the? I consider stopping for a moment, maybe it is an illusion or something but the memories of the mockingbird sits fresh in my mind.

"Time to find a book, face wings and tentacles and get away from the mockingbird."

Gun engine and zoom.

((Leaving at zoom lets the mind wander. Don’t wander too far though be back later....))

[Catherine]

As the road whips by I start to catch hints of salt water in the air. Unless there is a salt place around here with a a leaky pipe that means only one thing, the ocean is getting close. Well I am getting close to the ocean really. No way to move a ocean as far as I know. That explains the ever increasing numbers of sea gulls overhead too, I was asking myself, if they might have smelled the fish on my breath and was coming inland to see what the tasty fish looked like.

*Mental note - remember breath mints next time I eat fish.*

None of them have swooped down yet to smell by breath, so it wasn't that. That would have been so annoying too. Seagulls only inches away from my nose sniffing. What if I had to stop quickly? What if they stopped quickly !?! I would of had birds up my nose, their feathers would constantly be tickling  and everything. I would be sneezing all of the time and my nose would have felt like a downy pillow. People would ask about the feathers sticking out, it would have so embarrassing.

"You got something here."

"Where?"

"Right there, it looks like a feather."

"Yeah *embarrassed blush* I sort of have a bird problem."

"Oh my god, you like to snort birds. Isn't that dangerous?"

"What? No I am not into birding. I would never do that."

"But what about the feathers and beaks. Both are signs of snorting birds."

"No..no...no... I said I am not into birding."

"That is what people who are into snorting birds say. First stage is denial."

"It was an accident. The birds were sniffing my breath after I ate some fish and for some reason they slammed on their air brakes and whoosh a nose full of bird."

"Uh huh, that sounds made up."

"That is what happened, honest."

"Sure it did. Bird snorter."

See I told you it would have been embarrassing. An intervention would have been done snd for what? Feathers and beaks from birds who like to sniff fish breath. There the ones who need an intervention or be of those groups. Hello my name is Awk and this is my first time at fish breath sniffers anonymous, I am addicted to smelling fish breath. Hi Awk.

But it, the growing horde of birds swirling about above, wasn't caused by that and it was just being in close proximity to the ocean that was. I could see the tops of buildings starting to appear over the top of a hill as I drove.  Closer and closer I got and more of the buildings came into view, weird buildings to be honest. How weird? I will tell you in a moment since someone just came into view. He looks familiar somehow, what with the twin violin cases he was carrying and the mariachi outfit.

Oh my monkey! Is it? It is!

I slam on the breaks and wrench back the handlebars to the side. The motorcycle swings sideways kicking up road stuff as it skids sideways down the road. The figure stands there, not moving or flinching as I come closer and closer. Road stuff harmlessly shooting pass and bouncing off of him.

As the motorcycle lurches to a stop I throw myself at the figure and wrap my arms around him, "Beanie, I missed you."


******

"It is has been such a long time since I have seen you." I say taking a step back. "You are looking good. You got the burrito guts off your face. Hey wait a second...." I put one and one together and get two, didn't need to use my fingers or toes for that either. "By any chance do you have a book?"

Beanie doesn't look down at me, in fact he doesn't move at all. He just stands there as a dramatic wind blows and some dramatic lighting lights, that type of light like a setting sun that sets even though it is in the middle of the day. Always setting right behind someone. Like it is trying to sneak up on them, blinding you in the process. I bring a hand up to maybe shade my eyes a little and hear a clicking and popping coming from Beanie.

 I know what sound, check that sounds, that come after the clicking and popping. A lot of continuous banging as bullets make a beeline right towards me. I feel a tug in my butt telling it is time for me to become harder to hit. I pay attention to the tug and dive to the side, moments before the banging begins and bullets start to fly.

Diving through the air I do some acrobatic stuff; a spin, a roll and something with a twist lemon that makes time slow down. Maybe it is shocked and in awe at my moves or maybe it is stunned by my cuteness or knows my allergy to bullets. Something made it stumble and I got to turn around and watch Beanie in action as the violin cases fall to the ground, somehow they are already closed too. How I am not sure since he has his hands full with the guns, which he is holding upside down again. BANG! Bright flash! BANG! Bright flash! BANG! Bright flash and so on and so bang.

Okay.... This slow motion stuff is starting to get me sick. URP! Can we get back to real time? I mean URP this might get slow URP time messy really URP fast or something. Time hears my tummy gurgling and preURPs, that and since it doesn't have any URP bags, it decides to speed things back up. I spin, I flip and I land.

As I start to turn to face the bean man, I can see the guns turning their attention in my direction. Evasive action! Quickly I threw myself into a cartwheel and spin free of a bullet crossing zone. PCHOW! PCHOW! PCHOW! Bullets ricochet around me as I spin and flip. 

Without looking,  I reach back when I land and undo the seatbelt for the milkshake. I swing my hands around and form the hand sign of the 'T' and call time out for thirst. Hey the proximity of beanie and my bullet allergy is making me thirsty.

SLURP!

*****

Standing there taking a sip, I can see the steely gaze of Beanie and I remember hearing that others have given it a name, 'Mirar del grant de la muerte!' if the Boy Scout manual is correct and so far it has been, it roughly means 'Stare of the death bean!' Oooooo scary.  *giggle* Death bean? That is so scary. What is the worse a bean can do to you? Boo.... Fear me or I will make you pphhffppttt! * mental laugh*

SLURP!

Have you never seen someone sip on a banana milkshake before? A really good milkshake too. Have I told you that? What? I have ? Okay, it is really good. Without taking my eyes of Beanie I slip the milkshake back into the..... SLURP.....okay I had to take another sip just in case before putting it away, making sure it is safe.

"I am not here to play good librarian/ bad librarian you know. If you could give me the book back that would....." Before I can finish the sentence Beanie bullets start to fly. Eep! As I dive to the side, I can hear the bullets singing like all bullets do as they fly to where I was,  "Freedom! Bang! Pow! Pow! We are coming to tickle you in an ow sort of way!"

Personally I think the lyrics are blah and they should be quitting their day jobs to start a band anytime soon. That and you can't really dance to it, well you can but not the fun shake your booty type of dancing. PTOW! PTOW! I hear the bullets ricochet off of the ground as I fly through the air. Hand goes into bag as I hit the ground, roll and dive again. PTOW! PTOW! PTOW! It looks like it was a good thing I continued too, EEP! I rinse and repeat with another roll and huge dive.

PTOW! PTOW!  Goes the bullets. Time to be spontaneous. I roll and stop. PTOW! Then spring backwards! PTOW! PTOW! Bringing arms and legs in as I flip. PTOW! Land in another perfect landing and bring back my hands. PTOW! PTOW! PTOW! PTOW! I sing my arms around as the super turbo staff of snapping extends and. CRACK!

Staff meets bullets just right of course and back go the bullets. It a long drive to whatever base .  This is a close one people! So and so is running to catch it as so and so another is running to the base. It's! It's! It's!

BING! Goes the bullets on one of Bean's guns, sending it sailing away. IT'S GOOD! The crowd goes wild!!!!

For a moment, Beanie tracks the gun as it flies away before looking back at me. If looks could kill, sheesh.



((What better place to pause than right now? Next time more Beanie action.))