Tails of Monkey - Adventure awaits!

[Catherine]

AIf I took a moment and looked behind me I would have seen the grass wilting and everything from Beanie's stare, leaving a perfectly formed silhouette of me in the grass. Of course if I looked behind me, that means I took my attention away from Beanie and would have ended with a bang.

I can tell he is bean pissed for playing playing baseball with his bullets, which lead to one of his guns being knocked out of his hand and landing back in a violin case. I am still not sure how that happens all the time or even part of the time. It just happens. Gun goes flying and there is the case to catch it.

You know what would be interesting to see? An indie style flashback movie on what made Beanie, Beanie. It would be interesting to see where the whole mariachi thing came from. Maybe one crashed through a window one night when he was sitting there looking for a sign, I have heard others do that and everything. That doesn't explain the bean thing though. *mental head scratch* You know what, I gave a moment or two and that would give me a.moment away from 'the look'. Let's do it, I think I can scrounge up some popcorn.

SLURP!

Oh and don't forget the banana milkshake. Can't forget that. Roll of film! Shhh shh be quiet the lights will go down and the opening credits will start any moment now. So excited. Hopefully they have a short before the movie, I always love those.

"Let's go to the movies. Let's go to the movies," I start to him to myself. What? There is no indie style flashback movie? Drat! Fine let's get back to the now. *mental humph*


******

I don't know if it is honor thing or Beanie just won't shoot a person while they are daydreaming, but I had no new holes in me. Which is a good thing, since I hate waking up and finding new holes in me.

You see there  was that one time when I was at the mall with my mom, I was really young, I was having a lot of fun and passed out. When I woke up, my ears were throbbing and I had two new holes in my ears. I scowled at my mom the rest of the day but I got ice cream, so win win. That was the last time I fell asleep at the mall with my mom though. The last time!

In the blink of an eye Beanie has the gun up and pointing at me, I look behind me to make sure he isn't pointing at someone or something else though. Just in case, you know maybe Beanie was protecting me from someone type of monster sneaking behind me and unless it was invisible, he wasn't. 

I look back one more time, putting my finger up to tell Beanie to give me a moment, to see if there is anything invisible. Any odd distortions like the heat thingie on concrete? No. Any double image thing? Those flowers over there look a little doubled, but....no. There is a bee on one and not on the other. Lastly floating pixels. Unless I am in some type of video game and I don't see any health bars or hearts floating about, it would be a sure sign of digital stealthiness, well with a bad pixel. Easy to spot too. Look a floating pixel, that is not seen in nature. Get it! That is why I don't think you see to many pixels floating about, people would hunt them down. Get them stuffed and put them on the wall. That one was a fighter, it sat there and blinked.

I see no odd signs of invisibility, especially no foot prints in the sand since there is no sand. As I turn around I hear a click, a click that means one thing and I flip out of where I was, of course I do a little spin. Not for style, well if definitely did add some, but so I could actually be looking at Beanie and not blindly dodging things. Especially things that are metal and will hurt.

I can hear the gun firing so I keep flipping, but not in a straight line which makes it more difficult for the both of us. BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Isn't his finger getting tired? BANG! BANG! BANG! I am going to urp if I don't stop flipping soon. BANG! BANG! THUMP!

The THUMP! was me meeting a large boulder that was stinking out of the ground in a place that it shouldn't have been. It should have been over there with the other boulders, but no it is a loner and has to go it alone. I flip, smack and ow!

A bullets pings of the boulder next to me as I shake my head, another pings to the other side of me. I grab Boulder and flip over it, resting my back against it to bring my URP level down to a safe level.

"Want to call It a tie?" I yell back over the boulder to Beanie, moments later I get an answer as a bullet zips by. Then everything goes quiet, curious I peek over the Boulder and see Beanie reaching for his guitar case.

GULP! This isn't good. Need to think. *Mentally rubbing head trying to free up thoughts that are stuck at the moment.*

*****

*** We interrupt this story for something holidayish or just something something. ***


I didn't think this could actually happen, those things over there. *point* With the blank stares and mouths open, wondering around aimlessly. Yeah they show them in movies but come on. Who would have thought? You see that is it, they are in the movies and everything but I should have known really. Hollywood can't come up with anything original know-a-days, they probably saw a couple wandering about some movie backlot one day and thought 'Why not?!?!'

"Hey get back. Getting into my personal space here. So please step back."

When the reports first started coming in, people thought they were some hippies taking it one step too far. I mean *sniff* eeww, they do smell and that might be how hippies smell. How should I explain the not so fragrant smell to you. Okay one word 'blah!'

"I said personal space. Let me mark it on the ground for you so you know. In yellow  which is the 'this is my personal space' color crayon." *draw circle that is just big enough for personal space and point* "This is my personal space, so please respect it."

Anyways back to the hippie thing. Everyone thought it was hippies until they started munching on people, which I hear you do get the munchies if you are a hippy but I am not sure why. There was no "Peace man" or "Give love a chance", there was just munch. Which cuts straight to the point and isn't to hippie like. Although if you think about it is is hippy. Sorry bad joke and play on words.

"Hey what are you doing with your feet? Stop trying to rub out the chalk line. That is there for your knowledge and if you rub it out you will forget."

Then more started to show up. Where they were coming from no one knew, but we could tell they were good with math since they multiplied quickly.

"I said stop that! Read my shirt." *point and slowly spin* 'No noming the monkey. She wouldn't like that and really she isn't that tasty. In fact she doesn't taste like chicken and you shouldn't even try finding out if she does or doesn't. That and she doesn't like teeth massages so please turn around and find someone else to teeth massage. Like maybe that person way over there. Not that one, that other one. I would point but I am only a shirt so I don't have hands. Just trust me, he or she is way over there and is looking forward to a teeth massage. So just head in that direction and you two will meet. Nom in first sight sort of thing. Go ahead and go. I don't want to keep you.'

"If it is on a shirt it must be true so you can just stop rubbing the circle with your foot. So you can just stop.

Hey, Where did you come from? Didn't your friend tell you about the circle? Hey stop trying to nom my head. It doesn't tickle or feel good. I said stop."

POP! Goes the monkey girls head out of the mouth.

"Eew! Your breath stinks. You should consider breath mints. That and when was the last time you brushed your teeth? Have you considered flossing? I mean I think I felt something small kicking my head, a squirrel maybe.

Hey stop! I thought I told you to watch my personal space. Now get back. Both of you and your friends can stop looking at me with these blank stare hungry eyes. I said stop it, I am not nommable.

I saw you licking your lips, right before they fell off, which is gross. You really need to get that looked at, it isn't  normal. They look like little slugs sitting there. Someone is going to slip on them and get hurt. Don't you care about your friends?"

*shake head* No respect for others in the undead, I guess.

"I guess we have come to an impasse, I don't wanted nomed and munched and you do. So we have to...Hey what is that over there?!?!?" Exaggerated point in a direction other than mine.

 * ninja art of the distraction that saves my tail*

When the zombies turn back around they will see one of those Ching Ching monkey dolls with the cymbals and everything. Shhh..... Don't tell them. It will be fun to see the look of confusion in their blank stares from a safe distance. Like way over there and I don't want to ruin their surprise. So shhh...

*ninja sneak away without a puff of smoke technique*

*** Now back to the story. CLICk! Oh and Happy Belated Halloween. ANOTHER CLICK!**

((Yeah That last part is a little late but I am sure there is some Halloween candy somewhere...))

[Catherine]

"Come on brain," I whisper to myself, "that is what you are here for. Too come up with things and to pull the bacon out of the fire." I hear a thunk, chunk and some clinks. Okay last time there was none of that, there was just a click and then a really fast BANG! BANG! BANG! Something is up. Curiosity piqued I climb up to the top of the Boulder and see... What is that thing?!?!

Last time it was something like a machine gun or something. Small and handheld. Whatever Beanie has  now was not that. Far from that. Not even in the same ballpark as that.

I flip around and fall to the ground, landing on my feet of course. Ten point landing, well two, no three including my tail but that didn't matter. Not with whatever Beanie was fiddling with. If it was only a fiddle. I mean it was like this and like that. It had stuff that looked like they did nasty things. Things that made shooting the cute and adorable easier. It looked like it could shoot hippos out of it and I didn't want to get shot by a hippo. Even a baby hippo, even if those are cute, a baby hippo to the body would hurt.

But? I scurry back up to top of the boulder and peek. Okay this doesn't make any sense, whatever this thing is came from a guitar case and  yeah it was bigger. Not by a little by a lot. Unless Beanie was an expert on storage or some weird origami thing, there was no way. But there it was. Big and painful, certified to create an ow. Not owl as in hoot hoot, ow is in this hurts a lot.

KERCHUNK!

Kerchunks are never good. Oh my monkey it is getting bigger. How? This is just getting ridiculous, no one needs something as big as that. What is the saying again? It doesn't matter how big something is, it just matters how you use it. Looking at what I am seeing, I am starting to doubt it. Of course this could just be for show, maybe this thing shoots bubbles. Big ones but still shoots them. Pull trigger and BLOOP.

KERCHUNK!

This is getting ridiculous, too many Kerchunks even for a bubble gun. Quickly I scurry up to the top of the Boulder, "Hey Beanie!" I yell out and I see Beanie pause and look at me. Throwing a hand up to point at the big thing in an exaggerated way, "What is that?"

Beanie didn't respond, he just turned around and continued to assemble the big thing. Did he just attach a chameleon to it? That isn't good, hooking a chameleon to something takes it to the next level. Not that level you are thinking but the next one up. Do you remember the cookie jar that is just out of reach and no matter how much you stretch you can't get to, that level! Colorful too, but that isn't important. Well not really, okay sort of maybe it is. I mean different color bubbles would be cool.

"Oh come.... You can tell me, I promise I won't tell anyone."

Beanie just shoots me a look as he attaches something else. Then walks down the length of the whatever it is, grabs some handles.

*Warning! Warning! Warning!*

I hear the machine thingie start to hum at just the right pitch. Moments later, I see the end of the machine start to glow and light blips start to form. Oh and light streaks now too. No bubbles yet though. *mental sad face*

My head automatically follows the barrel as it moves, mesmerized by the prettiness. Wow Beanie is giving me a good view now.  The blips, streaks and everything else is so pretty.

I feel something tapping my shoulder, "What?" I ask without taking my eyes off the pretty. I feel another tap on my shoulder, more urgent now. "What?" Suddenly my tail appears in front of me snapping its thumb, which is impressive since it doesn't have a thumb. The snapping of a non-thumb wakes me up as the tail points in the direction of the blips, streaks and stuff.

Suddenly I feel an ice cube race down my spin when I realize that the machine is pointing right at me and is humming louder and louder.

Looking down the machine I see Beanie looking at me, without blinking. A wicked glitter in his eyes, not due to the machine though. The machine quickly starts to get louder and louder as more blips and streaks start to appear.

EEP, not good!


******

I freeze in place once I hear the click, not that I have anything against clicks. I am not a clickist. I just have a bad feeling about the machine now with all of its light blips and streaks, no matter how good it can keep a tune with its hum, it is up to no good. Of course I stumble a little when my tail bumps into me, it wasn't paying attention and thought I was still moving.

Okay I need to think of something.

Change into something? Something fast and get out of here leaving an 'I was just here' cloud behind. Maybe but can I outrun a light blip or streak. Streaks are probably really fast since they are streaking around. Something really small and hope the whatever the machine does shoots over my head. You must be this small for whatever the machine over there does to shoot over your head. If you are are too big, you might not be soon. Something armored? I can imagine light blips have a way around armor. Just a 'look I am here, was that suppose to stop me?' Sort of thing.

The only thing is, is to transform I will have to strip down and there is no where to do that in private. That is all I need is for someone to snap a photo or a dozen of me naked. Moments later I would be on the front of all of the tabloids with titles like, 'Monkey is going back to nature', 'Look it is a full moon!', 'We flipped a coin and tails it is!' or 'It looks like Monkey has gained some weight. The scandalous photos inside!' What? I haven't gained any weight. *look around* The photos were retouched, they added the weight. Let me see the photos, ppfftt that isn't me, that is a baby hippo with a Whig and a tail taped to its butt. You can tell here and here.

Then....turn to look up into the sky, the spy satellites. I hear they have really good cameras on them now and can read the newspaper that you are reading. Which is rude actually, looking over your shoulder to read the paper. You would get this strange feeling, look around and see nothing. The satellite would clip out the coupons as your read it and use its laser to finish the crossword puzzle. No manners. I can just imagine as I started to slip off my clothes all of the satellites gathering right above me trying to snap a photo, blocking out the sun. *Shiver* Creepy peeping tom satellites, I see you looking at me, well not really but still you are probably up there or aliens.

Let me check the Boy Scout manual it has had everything else in it. Lick finger and start flipping. FLIP! FLIP! How to hide behind a Boulder. I can do that. FLIP! FLIP! FLIP! How to give a porcupine a bath. Why would anyone want to? Can't they give themselves a bath? Maybe the bar of soap would get stuck on their quills if they do it themselves. FLIP! How to tell a storm cloud from a regular cloud. Useless, rain and lightening duh! FLIP! FLIP! FLIP! FLIP and FLIP! How to escape from a mysterious machine that has a lot of Kerchunks and now has light blips and streaks. Look to part two if it is humming. Pretty specific there but hey I am not complaining.

Whip out imaginary reading glasses and start to read page. Interesting.....'We have discovered that light blips and streaks are not good signs when humming can be heard. While the steaks or blips are not poisonous, which is good, coupled with the hum it usually means an energy style attack is about to occur. Such attacks usually hurt and no matter how much Bactine is used after the attack, it will hurt a lot. Screaming and yelling will occur during the attack and more than likely after too but that is part of the energy style attack so that should be expected. Also lose of limb, that is an unfortunate side effect of energy attacks. They sort of just vaporize or burn off whatever they hit, not caring that you or someone else might like or need whatever was just there and now isn't. How to defend against it, well hmmm.... Maybe a mirror but that might only reflect however big the mirror is, attack back. That is about a fifty fifty percent chance though. Oh and remember those fingers holding the mirror, they might be gone too after seeing the light. What we are trying to say is don't get hit by anything with light blips and streaks that hums. It won't be fun.' Great....

*mentally rub the bridge of my nose as I put the manual away*

Okay the short list of things to do getting shorter, really short since I don't want to get hit by it. Need to think and think fast since the glow is becoming brighter and the blips & streaks are making their way around the Boulder. The hum is nice though.

Need to think. I can't let the banana milkshake go to waste.

Think!

Hey that is a pretty cloud it looks like a ....... Wrong type of thinking.

Focus and think.

*Idea bulb boink* BOINK!

******

Now is not the time for me to explain my idea, not with the machine pointing at me with the light blipping and streaking. That and I am not a villain so that rule and others don't  pertain to me since I am a hero. *fists to hips and proud stance with a bright light behind me and jets flying overhead. Heroic Ha! Ha!* The rule books are kept separate, the villain one way over there and the hero one right here. Let me flip through it real fast, yeah no rule for explaining ones idea out when caught in a situation. It just says, 'Save your bacon!'

Oh shoot I need to stop doing what I just did, I can do it later though but the light blips and streaks are getting more blippy and streaky. The hum is getting louder too! Huh what did you say? I need to do my idea? That is what I am planning on doing.

I switch hats from professor to ninja and in one fluid move throw my hand down. *imaginary ninja smoke bomb* In a nonpoof of  ninja smoke I disappear, which is kind of hard to do if you are really cute and adorable. People just like looking at that stuff, not my fault.

I stand there invisible and preparing myself, quickly though remember the blips and streaks,  to tiptoe around and do the 'save my tail' technique. Which always works by the way, especially if you are invisible and stay quiet. No smashing your toes against anything.

Right when I am about to go all stealth I realize something, I am invisible and the keywords are 'I am' as in not my clothes. Which sort of makes the whole invisible and stealth things sort of blah. I mean others could easily see me and point, "Get the clothes!" At that point, I would have to take off like a monkey after a banana and run. Which would probably lead to tripping and falling since I couldn't see my feet.

"Ugh!" I say as I drop my shoulders. You and you turn around so I can take my clothes off in private. No photos either. Yeah I know I am invisible and all you will see is clothes but still, how do I know you don't have one of those thermal can see everything no matter what goggles. I am not an exhibitionist and I am not putting on a show. That is for other girls not me. Turn, I said turn around and stop peeking.

I point to the sky, "You too satellites and weird aliens. I am not putting on a peep show." I motion with an invisible hand for them to turn around,"Turn!"

Waiting for a moment, but not to long because of the blips and streaks, I start to take off my clothes and in moments I am naked as an invisible naked monkey girl. Invisibly censored of course, just in case. Standing there I shiver as a cold wind blows across the landscape. Why couldn't it be warm? I might catch an invisible cold and those are the worse. Cold medicine and doctors can't see them so you remain sick longer.

Quickly I fold my clothes and press them against my chest, a little fit of giggles hitting me. KERSPLAT! Giggle Giggle Giggle. Fun things pop into my mind as I take off. At the right second too, *whew* light blips and streaks filling the air behind me. Taking out the stone and some of the ground and some boulders over there and maybe part of that sheep.

Hiding my clothes behind a small Boulder, about this high, I put a rock on top of them to keep any leprechauns from taking them then do a dramatic spin and point and hey there was pigeons too. Invisible ones, so you couldn't see them. In fact there goes one now. Invisibly point to space in empty air.

*stealth mental giggle*

((Ohhhh a cliffhanger now you will have to come back to see what happens next.))

[Catherine]

I see Beanie standing there behind the blip and streak machine, a wisp of smoke coming from the end of it. Fun thoughts come to my mind, thoughts that I shouldn't be having at the moment really since I narrowly escaped experiencing the light show in first person. But the thoughts sound fun. Especially that one and that one. Not that one towards the end though. It would take too much work and I don't know where I would get half the items with this short of notice. I mean where would I get a monster truck out here? Can't go to the corner stone building and get one. They might carry the hundred glow sticks which would be useless without the albino jet black kiwi bird. Which is just plain hard to find by itself. Sort of collectors items I hear, they have shows where people show off their kiwi bird collections and they salivate at the most rare mint condition ones.

Best to go with that one idea, everything is right here and that is better than not easily being found. That and it would be fun. Can't pass up fun.

*Mental slurp of shake*

Carefully I began to sneak around, letting that one gnome pass before continuing so I don't create any commotion and draw attention to myself. Then I all ninja like start to...hey wait a moment, if I told you what I was doing you would be all yawn when it happens. Where is the fun, shock and awe in that? So all you need to know is that I went all ninja like and stealthy, tiptoeing  and staying low as I moved around. There was was that one time I tripped but I stealth fell and since I am invisible I am not sure if a stunt double stepped in and fell for me. I did see a look of surprise from a squirrel when something unseeable smashed it, eyes came out and everything. I really need to talk to the stunt double.

Let me see if I got everything done. Okay did that and then I loosened those then tied those together and then I ordered a pizza, hey I was a little hungry. Invisibility takes a lot out of you. Until you experience not being seen you can't deny it. Trust the monkey girl, my stomach was about to rumble which isn't too stealthy. So yeah and I shared with the gnomes. They have a hard time ordering them for some reason. I think it is because delivery people don't carry enough change for gold coins, so I ordered and shared.

Hop, skip and a jump and I am off. I stealth run to the blip and streak machine and jump, doing an invisible flip in the air. I think I flipped, it might have a roll or a spin, it felt like like a flip though. Tail over head or was it a bird. It was something, all I know was that I stuck the landing at the end of the machine. Which thanks to some loosening and tightening of some bolts did something fun. If there is a down there has to be an up, physics really. At least that is what they taught in class, although sometimes that felt like they were going by the textbook. So down went my side of the machine and up went Beanie's side of the machine which caught him in the chin.

I watched him flail his arms trying to catch his balance, you see I tied his show laces together. Shhhhh....... So he could only adjust his feet by a little amount and that never works and looks funny. Shuffle. Shuffle. Shuffle.

Beanie growls as he falls backwards and I jump with another I think flip and land on the far side of the machine. Which sends the um..... the beanbag, yeah that is it the beanbag up into the air. The gnomes gave it to me after I shared the pizza with them. I forgot to mention that didn't I? Oops I think the pizza got to me, I will tell you about it later.

Anyways the beanbag went up as I went down. I didn't need to watch where the beanbag was going to land since it was going to land right there. *Invisible finger point to somewhere right there but you can't see so it doesn't matter* Bean goes the beanbag on Bean's head knocking him unconcious. A lot of beans there I could crack a joke but.... I just have to, I can't pass it up. So many bean jokes. Like have you head the one about why the bean crossed the.... No no I shouldn't. Okay a quick one. Pppffffhhhhtttt! Giggle.

The rest is kind hard to do being invisible since there is a lot of knots. Any mistakes and I could find myself tied to a mad bean. There would not be any dancing just a lot of jumping. Giggle. I should ask Beanie how he has bean.  Giggle. I am not Lima, I am concerned. Giggle. I really don't want to string him along. Giggle. Okay okay that is the last one it is starting to get chili.

Quickly I run over to my clothes giggling all of the way at the continual bean things running through my mind. Slip clothes on and adjust then poof I am visible again. For a moment I double check, just to make sure. Al fingers and toes. Two ears and nose. Tail check. Cute and adorable check.

*mental milkshake SLURP*

As I walk over to Beanie, who is still unconscious, I pull out a length of rope from my bag. The standard adventuring length of course, no person calling them self an adventure would carry anything less. Then click the timer on and then off.

Laying on the ground in front of me is a hog tied Beanie. I smack my hands together as I head to the motorcycle making sure any bean stuff is off. Wait you say? What just happened ? How did Beanie get tied up?

I think I can answer that. You blinked and missed it all. Nothing to see really, just a record setting hog tying maybe. Had to switch imaginary hats to a ten gallon hat though. Which was sort of big but streamlining and aerodynamic. What do you think the click click was? It was me timing tying the bean. Maybe a world record too!

Fastest time hog tying a bean - really fast - date this day - Nicole Anne Marie Smith

SLURP!

Just wanted to test to see if it was still good. Yum it is. Did I tell you it was good. I did? Ok. Well it is.

Off to the village since Beanie is all tied up at the moment. Giggle.

*****

Which means I am pushing it up a slight incline. Thank monkey there was a sidecar or I would have dropped the motorcycle and there would have been some screaming when it landed on my foot. Not a stealth scream either, a scream that everyone would hear.  When I say everyone, I mean everyone in the world. Ears would be covered and everything as people looked to the sky wondering where it was coming from.

After what seemed like hours but was only....let me look at my watch. What?!?! It has to be wrong! I just climbed all of that, motioning with a hand back down the slight incline. Grabbing for the motorcycle's handlebars when it looked like it was thinking about rolling back down the slight incline. More importantly it would have taken the banana milkshake with it and I couldn't have that. Shake head and wipe head.

Carefully I undo all the seat belts keeping the milkshake safe and SLURP yum . 

Looking towards the village two words comd to mind and those are  'fishing village'. Which is good since that is where the evil was staying. Maybe for the fresh salt air. Inhale and cough. Yeah definitely salty. Deers could lick the air and get their daily requirement of salt licks in.  If you needed a dash of salt on something, you would not come here. The recipe calls for just a dash, ppfftt ppfftt too salty. Even the salt probably has salt on it.

I take another deep breath and smell the other thing, the fishy smell. Not that there is something smelling funny around here. Okay there is, but that is fish. Which makes sense really since it is a fishing village and everything. I would be questioning the village if it smelled like chickens, yeah I know there is the chicken of the sea. I have seen little cans of them, but I have never seen any feathers on the beaches or anything. That and I don't think chickens know how to swim, no one has offered to teach them maybe. What would they do? Chicken paddle. Those little feet wouldn't be good in the water at all. They would just kick and kick and go nowhere, just bob up and down. Getting their feathers in a ruffle and getting them wet. Once you get chicken feathers all wet they matte and they are hard to dry. The chickens would catch colds and start sneezing and have you heard chickens sneezing, it's like a whistle.

So far I am not seeing any movement down in the village. Just birds flying above and that is about it. From here the village looks a little odd, I can't put my finger on it but on an odd meter it registers as odd. Not almost maybe odd, a definite odd. Maybe it is the colors, maybe it is whole the buildings sort of just, well just. Hard to explain. Maybe it is because I haven't seen anyone walking around too. The milkshake is getting a chill up its sides, which isn't a good sign. If a banana milkshake is scared something is up.

"Don't worry," I tell it as we start to descend towards the village." I will keep you safe."

SLURP!


((Down down I go to the village by the sea where it smells of fish and KERSPLAT! Ewwww Stupid bird. Be back soon.))

[Catherine]

From afar the village was a little creepy and I was hoping up close it would be better. An optical illusion in a way. Maybe due to the salt in the air or even a reverse tourism board type thing, keep the tourists away to keep the small village feel. That and to keep the coffee shops out, specifically that one. What is it called again? Something astronomical and woodsy.... Stellardoes I think, I can picture the signage and It would sort of fit in. You know with the whole fish thing.

As I get closer to the village the paved road slowly switches to cobblestone which makes the ride interesting to say the least. BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP all over the road. Driving in a straight line wasn't an option either, now in a sort of a straight line was more like what was happening. A little over there and then a little over there and then over there and then over there. Sometimes it felt like I was ridding a bucking bull and I considered switching my hat to cowgirl. But I had to keep my hands on the handlebars to keep the motorcycle on the road and more importantly me on the motorcycle. If it wasn't before or started to forget, there was definitely shake in the milkshake.

Throttling it down helped a lot, going from bone bouncing to something similar to bouncing on dad's knee when I was a little girl. The constant up and down though, reminded me of being on the ocean And my stomach was starting not to like it. URP!
 For a moment I catch my reflection in a mirror and I do a double take. Eep! A little green, almost like a sour apple lollipop. While nice looking, it isn't on the monkey girl. Time to brake and walk I guess. 

After I pull the motorcycle off to the side and grabbing the banana milkshake,  I press the key and go "beep" just loud enough that anyone nearby can hear. I promised Winter I would return his motorcycle and I don't break a promise. If I beeped correctly it should fool anyone watching who is considering taking the motorcycle. Just to be safe I beep again, just in case. Hey they, the motorcycle stealer people, might not have been paying attention or something. Just trying to be considerate, maybe they were in the middle of something like a crossword puzzle and missed the first beep, sitting there concentrating on a question, hmmm...... Two over. What is a six letter word for cute and adorable? It starts with 'm'. That is a hard one....

I stand there and stretch for a moment, my spine a little eeee-eeerrrrr-eeeeee-eeeeerrr, I take one of my hands and do a zig zag movement to stress the eeee-eeerrrrr-eeeeee-eeeeerrr of my spine. A SNAP, CRACKE, POP and a moment later and I am ready. For a moment I pause, I forgot about the other passenger.

*mental hand to face *

Straw to lips and SLURP! Mmmm..... All good. A hint of banana in shake form. Not to shaky either and I was afraid that thanks to the cobblestones, the milkshake would have gone to the next level. Something like a milkquake or milkubershake. It would be incalculable how powerful the shake in the milkshake would have gotten. It could have gotten so strong and powerful it might have sucked me down the straw in the cup. My lips.....ow owff, iph canter fits n theud strawph. Owf stoph thish isd af bwendy strawph. I'm notsh builz to owf....owf.....owf.

*shiver* Sucked in by a milkubershake. How would I fit in the cup? Don't tell me.

SLURP!

Mmmm.... Yum! Banana gold. Did I tell you that it is good? What I did? Okay, it is good. 

I look around for a moment and decide that way. The way away from how I came in, don't need to see that again. Heading down to the corner I look for any identifying signs so I know where the motorcycle is. Just in case I have to beat tail out of here. It would sort of be hindered if I couldn't find the motorcycle. No not in this alley. Not this one either. Come on where is it? Look back over shoulder towards something icky slobbering its way towards me as I frantically press the key, trying to find the motorcycle, beep beep beep. Not here either! No......slobber slobber slobber.

*monkey girl ninja tip - remember to find out where you parked. Just in case you have to leave in an accelerated pace with slobber monsters right behind you. *

I am on the corner of......Ewez Will Rd. and Dyes street, that will be easy to remember. Okay now which way to go? Curiosity answers that question when I hear the sound of water splashing to the right, away from sea. You see my curiosity wouldn't be piqued if it thought it was the ocean. Oh water splashing agains the shores curiosity yawn.

Milkshake on head I turn and head in that direction. The end of the straw bobbing up and down with each step.

((Time to play tourist and see the sites. Everyone please follow, on our right...))

[Catherine]

Down the street I go passing one shuttered window and locked door after another. Not to friendly really. It seems like the builders of the city had one thing on their mind, cobblestones. Must be a cobblestone mine or quarry around here close by or they got a deal on them. Twenty cobblestones for the price of one thing. Everything was made of cobblestones even the.... I reach for a closed shutter and tap tap with my knuckles. Okay not everything, shuttles are made of wood so I would guess the doors are too. Whew for a moment I wondered.

I noticed other little things, like how every thing looked wet. Almost like  little streams were running down the sides of the buildings, collect and run through the grooves of the cobblestones in the street.  Every building was like that, building stream building stream. On either side of the streams grew moss and strangely it looked like grass growing. If I was not standing up I would of sworn that I was floating there looking at a small slice of a field or something. Maybe if I just take a step I can..... No no that would be silky. I am not a spider, I can't walk on walls. Well I can if I am running really really really fast getting away from something with big nom teeth or towards a banana milkshake, one of those. It's gravity defying. *imaginary tongue out*

SPLASH!

Eep! That was a deep hole, almost lost my boot there. "I better not have any new friends in my shoe," I say as I go to put a hand on a building to pull the shoe off. Hand slipping a little when it touches wet moss covered cobblestone, imagine a fuzzy muscle bound slug and that is what it felt like. If a tongue licked my palm I would have screamed. With a yank the shoe came off with a sucking sound and about twenty gallons of water poured out of it, no new friends though. With all of the water I expected something aquatic, like an octopus. It's tentacles wrapping around my toes giving my foot massage, it's body all squishy. Ick! Or a lobster, which would have made walking and running if it comes to that, really hard and painful. Schump goes the shoe back on my foot and  little shake to get use to the wet shoe feeling.

SQUISH!

Squish foot, evil will hear me coming now unless I hop up and down on one foot. While possibly fun, it wouldn't be a good way to meet people. "Hi there... Hop hop Yeah hop I am look for hop evil, hop have you hop see it? You are hop wondering about the hop whole hopping hop thing aren't you. I am..... Hop playing pirate hop without a hop peg leg hop that hop needs to hop get around. " That and I have change in my pocket.

Let's go tail and check on the splashing, maybe we will find someone that can point us in the right direction.


SQUISH!


SQUISH!


SQUISH!


*****

I go squish down to the end of the block, the splashing of water getting louder and louder as I go. Still not running into anyone or anything. You would think there would be at least a cat or a dog roaming about or something. What village doesn't have a cat or dog? Apparently this one I guess. I pause for a moment a listen to see if I can hear anything. Nothing, just the sound of splashing water. No meows, no barking or anything else. Of course there could be mime cats or dogs too.

Wait a second that would explain why the village is so quiet. It is a village of mimes. That makes sense really.  *nod head* Do some hand signs and stuff to communicate with each other, like bats! The only thing different is that they, the mimes, paint their faces white and don't have wings as far as I know. I highly doubt the mimes hyper sonic screech to find their way around, although..... Hmmmm, no way to test it though.

But that would explain why the evil came here. Near the ocean where the octopi are and in a village of mimes. It would be worshipped in silence so not giving itself away to anyone passing through. That and mimes could set up invisible walls if the village was attacked and maybe they have other invisible things around, likes boats and planes. No way to see those but if I run into one I will know.

I take another step and peek around the corner of the building to see what is splashing and..... Flip back around and press myself against the wall.

Not a mime. Not at mime at all!


*****


Sitting there against the wall I try to run the situation through my mind, mime.... One image keeps flipping up; white face. Beret, white stripped shirt and gloves. None of which the creature at the fountain has. What I am seeing is a fish, not a cute little fish either. This thing I has legs and arms with webbed hands and feet. Scales all over in that are in moldy greens and browns.  A fin going down its arched back. It's face....yeah wow. Big white fish eyes that never blink, catching the sunlight just right that ups the creep factor. With a mouth full of sharp teeth that haven't looked like they have been brushed in long  time. Think piranha with a big case of the ugly that can walk and you are close.

I stay ninja silent as I watch the fish thing run its hands through the fountain's waters, bringing up handfuls of it up to its mouth which would just drain out through its teeth onto itself. Maybe it was hot and didn't want to get into the fountain, it wasn't that tall to be honest. It was just big, but not tall. You know hunched over and everything adds ten pounds I hear. So maybe it couldn't get in. Maybe it was thirsty, but the amount of water that was going out all over the ground was saying it was going to stay that way.

So enthralled by the scaled wonder I shuffled forwards a little and sent a pebble flying. I watched it in slow motion as it went flying, the whole time in my head I yelled a slow "Nnnnnnoooooooooo......." I thought for a second if I raced after it, I could maybe grab it out of the air and no one would be the wiser. A yoink and a ninja hide, but I think reality heard me and everything speed up and Whap!

Hello back of fish thingie's head meet pebble moving at an extreme speed. I watch as the fin mcfineson's body jerks forward right before catching itself on the edge of the fountain with both hands. Quickly it turns around to see if can spot something to take its pebble pain on.

If it was ugly before add a heaping side of pissed now. The look on its face was um.... Yeah I will go with um. What with the glaring, teeth and water dripping um fits perfectly well as a description. Luckily for me it didn't see me, hey maybe it can't see the cute and adorable. Yay for me! But I have to give it to fish nuggets it was determined. It looked at everything, slowly kneeling down to pick up the pebble as its other hand swept into the fountain's waters.

For a moment, I thought Mr. Gillyhead spotted me when it opened its mouth to pour water into it. Water quickly running through its teeth on to the ground below. Yeah I didn't need to see that. It continued to look around as it tossed the pebble up an down ready to throw it at something.

What to do? I don't mind eating fish sticks but with the teeth that I am seeing now, oh lord of the deep over there will be dipping me into tartar sauce and I don't want that. Monkey girls don't taste good with tartar sauce or in milk, I really don't know if either of those are true or anything. I just don't need to find out, a tmi thing maybe. That and that would be a very short and weird conversation.

"Hey monkey."

"Yeah?"

"You know you tastes good in milk, right?"

"What?" Followed by a nervous laugh as I start to walk away or just a faint, an adorable one though.

Fish hook from the roof? Nah, yeah it might fall for the power of the hook and everything. But like I said it has arms, where there are arms there are hands. Where there are hands there can be implements of ow. It would turn the whole fishing scene on its side if fish started carry swords or clubs. I think I caught a big one here. Let me just wind it in and.... Oh hey it has a THUMP THUMP THUMP!!!

What is left? Giant worm? Don't know where and if the bait shop would carry those? Bread crumbs? It has hands, it would want a sandwich and it might be picky. What you don't want a fish sandwich? Oh, oh yeah. You are a fish....so yeah it would be kind of odd and everything. A net? Fling and ha ha. You are powerless under the net. Again hands, it would pull the net off and probably wrap me up in it. Which would be embarrassing.

Hmm.... I can whap it with my stick. Probably wouldn't work since Mr. Hooks-a-lot looks like he has a pretty thick skull. Thump! Stare! Oh hi there my staff sort of slipped and whapped you. URGH! Hey stop! What are you doing? Stop! My staff doesn't go there. Stop! Stop! Stop!

I turn to look at Mr. Fish lips to see if I can get any ideas. Suddenly the silence, other than the splashing of fountain water, is broken by barking. A dog, that will take care of the creature from the ick lagoon.  The creature looks around, worried maybe, tilts its head up and starts to bark.

What the?

I hear the other bark reply and then several others off in that one direction.

Okay? Dogfish?

The thing of scales looks around one more time before tossing the pebble then awkwardly runs off down another street towards the other barking. Carefully I step out and then turn back the way I came, "I think I will go this way."

Of course I don't go to far since my tail has put its foot down. "Okay we will go that way." It always gets its way in arguments, I just can't say no to it.

So off that way we go. 



((Shhh we don’t want to be caught or seen. So going into ninja mode.))

[Catherine]

Hey if you ever needed to follow something and you get to choose. Pick a fish that walks on two feet. They aren't too fast and you can tell when they are about to stop and look back. No neck so there is no sudden head movement or anything. It is more, oh hey it's turning around so I better hide.

That and it is a fish and what do fish need? Water so even if they just happen to give you the slip, which they might with the scales, just look for the water bottles. They will be like a bread crumb path right to fishie fish, almost but not really guaranteed. It might like to recycle and everything.

But I stayed a safe distance behind fund and things. It doesn't take a mathematician to add one and one together and come up with two. I did hear barking and the fish barked so that meant there was other fish lips about. I didn't want to run into a school of them, suddenly finding myself surrounded by scales and fins. I can imagine their big eyes just staring as me as water drips out of their mouths. Yeah I could probably try and do some fancy moves and get away but with all of the water on the ground, I would slip and wind up on my back. Tail up in the air like a hook and that would just lead to trouble.

Could try and talk my way out of it. "Hey things..... You know we have somethings in common. Legs, arms and other body parts. All of which I love." They would just stare like fish do, mouths opening and closing. Nervous, I would rub the back of my head with a hand trying to think."Hey, I just thought of something else. I love fish sticks!" Eep, wrong choice of words and cower as the fish thingies jump or rush at me. Hey where did that one get the baseball bat from?

So safe distance away is safe.

Mr. Blub Blub went for a while, a couple blocks down then a right turn and another right turn followed by another. I paused as I turned the corner and took a step back, hiding in the shadows all ninja style, as two more fish fish appeared. They were built the same as the one I was following, one had slightly redder scales while the other had a scar crossing one eye. Again a what to do moment and the scales were on their side.

*mental hand to face* I can't believe I just thought that.

The only thing I can do is go back the way I came and I am pretty sure I would run into them again. "Oh hey things I thought I left you back....How did you get...... Okay...." Hands up and palms out towards the fish thingies as I back away. "It looks like you are busy and everything. I will just go this other way and leave you to what fish with hands  & feet do."  Fish jump and monkey overcomes.

I keep my imaginary hat in and add a light bulb for thinking. Ninja silent hmmmm.....

Suddenly out of nowhere a hand wraps around my mouth as I get yanked into a building. Whooza...Whatzaaaa....Howzaaa.... In moments the hands and yanking are gone and I am left in darkness.

Out of nowhere I hear a "shhhh....be quiet. They will go away soon."


((Always best to stop with a mysterious voice. Until next time...))

[Catherine]

"You know people don't like..." I start to say before being shushed.

"Be quiet. They will hear you."

"The fish," I say as I wipe a sliver of dust off a window to peek outside," they don't have ears. So kind of hard."

"They can and will if you keep jabbering."

"I am not jabbering, I am simply telling you that they are fish and everything," I reply a little steamed.

"Like I said jabbering or do I need to tell you the definition of jabbering. Yes they will hear you."

I look outside and can see the walking fish fingers standing there and in a weird sort of fish way it looked like they were talking and arguing. Barks ringing out every so often as they shifted back and forth, hands moving all over. "I still don't think they..." I started to say, stopping when the fishies stopped and looked in my general direction.

"Told you..."

It didn't take long for one of the fishies to come over to the window. Yeah from a distance they were well how I described them. Up and close and personal with only a little piece of glass between us that changed. It took it to the next level. Thank monkey,  the fish was fogging up the window with its breath as it stood there panting, trying to see what made the notice.

*ninja art of sounding like something else so the thing with teeth will just walk away technique*

"Squeak. Squeak. Squeak."

The key thing with this technique is to do just enough. There is a limit and if you go beyond that limit, you will know quickly. How you ask? Usually when the big sharp teeth start to separate, that is when you will know. Also key is to know what to sound like. If you do the wrong thing, you will stick out and you don't want that. For example, sounding like a moose is not good when you are trying to hide in a building. Know the limits and the surroundings.

I held my breath for a moment hoping I fooled the fish with teeth. Did it buy it, ninja style I asked myself. The fish exhaled once, fogging up the window even more before I think it joined the others. Kind of hard to tell through the fogged window and everything. Moments later there was some more barking and then the sound of webbed feet on the ground.

Quickly I exhaled, not realizing that I was holding my breath, as I turned around and with my back against the wall slide down.  After taking a couple breathes, I looked into the darkness trying to see who helped me.

"Thank you for helping me. Oh and I wasn't jabbering I was just talking."

"Same thing..." The person in the darkness answered back. For a moment I saw movement in the darkness and I squinted just a little to see if I could make out anymore details. That is all I needed really, to be saved from one thing with sharp teeth  by another thing with sharp teeth.

I could see a figure start to form out of the darkness as it got closer and close. Is that lobster claws for hands. Is that antennae? Am I talking to a walking lobster? Why is everything that tastes good dipped in butter, walking around here?

A hand slips into my bag and wraps around the Hyper Turbo Super Staff of whapping signed by Jackie Chan just in case. It is best to be in the 'just in case' mode then be caught in the 'flat on your butt' mode in a situation like this.

Closer the figure comes and I grip the staff a little more. I will only whap if necessary and it looks like it might be necessary. I swear I see claws, honest.

Any moment now and....

((Okay I must be dreaming or something. A talking lobster? Really? I mean I think the writer could have came up with something better))

[Catherine]

Well shoot, I mean whew. Not a walking lobster but a girl. Around five foot tall wearing pants and a shirt with running shoes, all worn and dirty. In fact one of the pant legs had duct tape wrapped around it. Another small strip of tape on her shirt.

The closer she got the more I could see of her. The darkness sort of does that, hides and makes things look like other things.  I swore I saw a walking lobster and I was preparing the butter. I really doubt if the girl would like me dipping her into butter. I could tell the girl had brown hair pulled back into a pony tail now and she was due fir a good long shower. With soap and shampoo too! Okay wow a little ripe.

She stopped out of arms reach, not that I would reach for her. "Then...." I started to say something before a finger touched my lips and the girl said "Shhhh......" Okay I didn't know where the finger has been recently but sampling the various tastes and smells I was getting from it, I would say yuck. Even all of my tastebuds and smellbuds said yuck, not a single one of them said let's try some more as I took a step back and spit.

Not on the girl, that would be rude. Yeah this is how we say 'Hi' from where I come from, formation of spit noise and spit on person. I spit off to the side to get all of the tastes and anything else away, away like over there away and not on my lips away. I know that it wasn't nice of me or anything and I do feel bad for doing it but it was nasty.

The look on the girl's face said it all and more. I tried to tell her that I am sorry for doing what I just did and got to about "Sor," when the finger started to come up and started to make a beeline towards my lips.

Quickly I raise a hand up and block the finger. *Defensive block!*

'Sorry...' I mouth to the girl as she pulls her finger away thinking. Suddenly a light bulb goes off over her head and I watch as the girl's hand starts to make weird well hand signs. Sort of can't do foot ones and definitely can't do tongue ones. That would be ick.

Okay,  I thought as the signs flew by quickly. Is she a magician? I shake my head, fighting off the spell and the girl repeats the hand signs again. Okay? I look around trying to figure out what the spell the girl is trying to cast and see nothing happening. Nothing floating. No rabbits popping out of nowhere. No cards flying about.

I turn back around to the girl who is repeating the hand gestures again. Behind me I can feel my tail bending and stuff. I look over my shoulder and can see it is contorting like the girl's hand.

Wait a second....

I have seen this before, quickly I look back at the girl and bring up my hand. Quickly my fingers start to dance, 'How much is the cheese? I don't not speak sign language.'

The girl stops and looks at me with a 'What the?' look.

I repeat the message , 'How much is the cheese? I don't not speak sign language.'

Eyes roll and the girl points at my tail, at that point I repeat my message , 'How much is the cheese? I don't not speak sign language.'

I can tell the girl is getting frustrated by the how red her cheeks are getting, "How do you explain that?" She asks pointing at my tail.


******


"Shhhh......." I tell the girl as I press with my own finger against my lips, I know where it is has been so all safe.

"Don't tell me to shhhh...." The girl growled as she scowled at me.

"But you told me to be quiet because of the fish."

"They were right outside and would have heard you. Then you did all of the things with your hands telling me about cheese and not speaking sign language over and over."

"Well I don't know how to speak sign language," I answered a little confused.

The girl pointed threw her hand up and pointed at my tail, "Then how do you explain that signing?" All I could do is shrug, "I don't know. Maybe it took a class or two on it."

"It is attached to you!" The girl growled again, slightly mad on the mad scale."If it took some classes, so did you."

I could feel my tail moving and gesturing behind me, what it was saying I don't know really. "I didn't take any sorry."

"Then," the girl said pointing at the tail again, "How do you explain your tail signing? It knows it and it is clearly attached to you." Crossing her arms as she smiled.

"It just does," I answer matter of factually.

The girl stomped a foot, "That isn't an answer. It is your tail so you have to know sign language."

"All I know is 'I don't speak sign language' and 'how much is the cheese'. She..." I say pointing back to my tail, "knows a lot. I am amazed sometimes, you know once I saw her Hotwire a car with my eyes closed. I still have yet to figure that out."

"That doesn't even make sense."

I reached and pat my tail gently,"Tell me about it, sometimes I think she has a mind of her own." My tail nods a little, "See."

"Ugh, it is attached to you. It is your tail. It is you controlling it." The girls says stomping a foot.

"I am just telling you what I know." My tail sweeps in front of me, without any thought I reach up and start to pet it like a villain pets a cat.

The girl brings up one of her hands and rubs the bridge of her nose, "Who are you and what are you doing here?"

"Well..." I start to answer as my tail sweeps back behind me, "I am Nichole Anne Marie Smith, my friends call me Monkey. For obvious reasons," I smile and point to my tail,"I was told there is some great evil or something here and I had to come here and stop it. Although what I have been told it has tentacles and bat wings so I am sort of iffy on wanting to see or touch it." Shivering a little at the image in my mind of tentacles and wings.


I watch as the girl thinks for a moment, "I ....."

BANG!

[bj((Leaving you with a BANG! Is it a gun? Is just a bangfish? Find out next time...))[/b]

[Catherine]

Something hard and heavy crashes outside the window and we both freeze. Quietly and all ninja like I sneak over to the window to see what caused the bang. I expected to see one of the fishie fish but nothing was there. "Um..." I quietly say as I start to turn back around to the girl and Ina flurry of action find myself being pushed down.

"What the?" I try to say and get out about "Wh" as a finger gets pressed onto my lips and then  into my mouth. "Shhh......" I hear the girl say as I reach up and pull her finger out of my mouth with a little pop, "It's a dog!"

"Really, what type?" I start to say but stop when I see the finger starting to come towards my lips. I pull away a little as I shake my head and do the 'zipped lips' hand motion, hoping that the girl knows about it. For a moment she falters, almost like once started a lip pressing can't be stopped. Luckily the girl puts her hand down, which I will have to remember later, just in case another finger pressing incident happens to pop up. Her finger already didn't taste good, now with everything on the floor mixed in. I would say blargh! It would be like tasting something blargh! I have no other words to describe it, there are some tasty ones but since it wouldn't be tasty I cannot use those to describe the taste. My lips would probably tingle and go numb too, with what might be on the floor. I don't need that, have you tried slurping on a banana milkshake with numb lips? It dribbles and drips down the front of you. A waste of banana gold! I can't have that. No no.

SLURP!

Mmm.... Still good. Have I told you that the banana milkshake is good? What? I have? Okay it is really good though. Banana gold....

Suddenly the sound of nails on a chalkboard fills the room, immediately every hair on my body and some that aren't stands up as I grit my teeth. What in the world is doing this? I don't know if I thought too loud or something but the girl points up towards the window.  I look back for a moment and immediately flip around because of what I see slowly going up the window.

Hands with nails, long sharp snails scratching against the glass. Who or whatever is is needs to get their nails trimmed. Those things could put an eye out the not fun way. Back rubs would be an experience too! Not a fun experience at all. Ow stop.... That doesn't tickle that POP! What was that ? It sounded like a balloon. Are you making ballon animals back there? Can you make me a giraffe? What, it wasn't a balloon, it was what? My lung? Why did you? POP! Please tell me that was a balloon...

We both sat there watching the hands go up to the tip of the window. Then the nails push into the seem at the top. What is it doing? Then with a tug it pulled the window down a little.

Maybe it was trying to let in some fresh air in to the building. Hey you girls look like you need some fresh air let me open this window, in a way. That would nice fresh air is always good. That is when I saw the little glowing thing slipping through the opening. It was so..... Pretty..... I just wanted to reach out and touch it. It looked so.... Glowie. Wow......

Mesmerized I start to push myself off the floor, a hand going out to touch the glowie thing. It looked so......wow...... Just a touch, I will be gentle. The glowie will like it. It looks so soft just sitting there glowing. It wants me to touch it..... Hi little glowie, can I touch you. It bobbed up and down, it says yes. I will be gentle, I promise little glowie.

I reach out and just about to touch it when I am pushed to the floor, "What are you doing?" The girl whisper growls in my ear. "The glowie wants to be petted," I answer back.

My head is yanked up and a silent ninja slap is applied  with a silent SMACK!

"What is that for?" I sort of cry whisper to the girl. The girl answers with a point to the glowie thing. So soft...... So glowie....

SMACK!

"That is the dog, it uses the glowing thing to lure things out and then...." The girl pauses and brings a hand up squeezes it together like a big mouth with teeth. "But glowie...." I said looking back at glowie.

"Glowie has teeth and knows how to use them," is all the girl said to pull my attention away from the glowie. "They have poor hearing and unlike the fishmen, their sight is really good. They use that thing...." The girl points at glowie,"to lure prey in. When it gets close they pounce. Think of them as big predator cats with a rave glow stick strapped to their heads and you get it. I lost some of my friends to them at first, now we know better to follow glowing things at night. Willow wisps are bad, thankfully most of them are sleeping at this time of day. The hunters never sleep, well we have never seen them sleep and they love the thrill of the chew."

I looked back up the glowie as it slowly withdrew, in a way still wanting to touch it but the whole teeth thing kept my hand still. The whole nails on chalkboard came back when the dog dragged its nails down the window and pushed it back up.

For a few minutes when sit there waiting. Just in case something else wants to stick something through the window or come through the door. If something comes through the wall or floor i will....I will....

NINJA NERVOUS SLURP!

Not sure, but it will be something. "So...." I say putting the banana milkshake back where it is safe. "What happened here? I know it is fishing village and everything but yeah... What is the 411?"

*****


The girl flipped around and crossed her legs before she started to talk.

"A couple of guys were diving off shore a couple months back and  found something chained up on the bottom. Covered with barnacles and stuff they tried raising it, but no matter what they did, nothing could lift it. I can't remember everything they tried but I do remember hearing they almost lost a boat once in one attempt. Nearly flipped when the ropes broke sending the boat to the other side. Several people had to learn how to swim real fast then.

You think people  would have given up then but no. A couple found an old hydraulic wench and took it down to the water front. After bolting it all in and reinforcing it, they started it up and brought the thing to shore. If you go down you can actually see deep gouges in the stone where it was dragged.

I did get to go down and look at it while the chains were still on. It was strange, all it looked like was a piece of rock with thick chains wrapped around it. There was no locks or anything, in fact there was no end to the chain as far as we could tell. No one could figure out how or why the thick chains was wrapped the rock. It really defied logic, something that thick wrapped around something, with no way to tighten it, didn't make sense.

Talking about the chains, those were old and  weathered. Rust was developing on all of them and they looked brittle. Again everything was tried on them; saws, metal shears, blow torches and someone actually came up with some acid.  Nothing could hurt or destroy those chains. We did manage to find a stamp on them, dating it to the founding days of the village but that was it. So there that thing sat.

We tried to do some research on it but found nothing. There would have to be some mention of it somewhere you would think. Especially with the stamp, but we found nothing. It was like it never existed or was erased from the village's history.

But strange things started happening around town. People started to have  fits of madness, dropping what they would be doing and going down to the thing and stand there until someone came and got them. All of the village's cats and dogs started to disappear without a trace. We thought a large predator might have been hunting them now, but we found no traces of any nearby. The final blow was the fishing, which the village relied on, dried up all of a sudden it seemed like all of the fish just left.

That was it, the people of the village meet one day in the town hall to decide what to do with the thing. The village's problems didn't start until it was brought to shore and everyone knew that. It would be easy just to shove it back to where it came but some people argued against doing that. People got louder and louder, harsh words were said and that is when it happened."

"What?" I asked, straw dropping out of my mouth.

"There was a loud sound of stone and metal shattering. We all somehow knew what it was but was to scared to go look at that moment. When we finally did gather up the nerves to go down, we saw the remains of the rock and chains laying there.

That is when the first wave of fish men and hunters arrived. Some of us fought back while the others ran and hide. That is what we have been doing every since, hiding. Praying it was all just a nightmare."

SLURP!

"Umm... Why didn't you just leave?" I asked without blinking.

"No matter how bad it gets. I can't leave the village that and a group did try and were never seen again. We did hear screaming though."

"Screaming isn't good," I replied as my tongue searched for the straw.

"No it isn't and that is where we are at now." The girl answered, "oh yeah if you want, you can call me Rachel. I don't like being called ‘Hey you’ or anything.”


******

"So I guess if I want to find what I am looking for, I should look down by the water. Which makes sense with what I gave told so far, tentacles and everything."  I say shivering at the end as I imagine tentacles slowly wrapping around me, the little suckers suckering on and everything. Leaving little circles marks all over my body and going POP POP POP as they did. Only one way to relievebt he shivers.

SLURP!

Yeah that hit the spot. Slowly I spun around as I crossed my legs, milkshake carefully nestled in them. Straw pointed up in the perfect slurping position. Not to forward, not to far back. Perfectly centered side to side so no incidents occur, like a straw up the nose. Ick! Booger straw! That would ruin the whole banana milkshake experience and I can't have that. No no. No booger straws for the Banana gold.

"Now have you seen a book about so and so, " motioning with my hands to approximate size of the book. "It is probably black and zaps you for some reason when you touch it." If Earl's horse and buggy was alarmed, I am guessing the book is to. It would be a good way to fight bookworms and deter reading. Mommy I want to read this black book it looks cool. ZAP! Ow! I really want to read it. ZAP! I really want to...ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! I...ZAP! Forget it, reading is for dummies. Written words are so blah. Libraries would go out of business if their books zapped. Kids would be scared to go there. No mommy, don't make me go to the library. Books could be used as punishment and not in the paddle on the bottom way either. Don't make me get the book young lady. Let me just slip on the protective glove and.... No.... I will be good.

Rachel thought for a moment,"Yeah I did see an old book like that right after   some stranger showed up. A guy dressed like a mariachi person."

"That would be Beanie. Where did you see the book last?"

Rachel got up and motioned for me to follow. We left the room and went to the far side of the next one over. With the side of her hand she cleaned a little spot on the window. "Over in the old church by the water," she said pointing at the glass.

I stepped up and looked through and could see the steeple pointing up to the sky, making sure everyone knew which way was up. Right at that very moment the bell donged or tolled, whatever bells do. I have yet to figure out how bells toll. How much do they charge and where do you put the change? Listen to a bell, does it sound like it is going 'tttttoooooooolllllllllllll'? Nope it sounds like 'dong', plain and simple.

*ninja girl definition time, donged - the past tense of the sound a bell makes. Not toll, they don't make that sound. *

The dong was well dong. It wasn't ding and really the best way to describe it was dong, Its sound reverberated throughout everything and I mean everything. It felt like the dong came from everywhere,almost like the bell rang the village. Low and mournful and the sound felt forced out and slow.

"Yeah I didn't need that," I said turning back towards Rachel, "Well I guess I have to go to the church first. I promised an Earl, I would get his book back and maybe it is tied in some way."

"How?" Rachel asked.

"Earl was special in a special sort of way," I answered.,

"Ooooookkkkkaaaayyyyyy?" Rachel said as she cocked an eyebrow.

"Kind of hard to explain really. Let's say Earl is rememberable. Once you meet him, you would never forget him."

"Ooooookkkkkaaaayyyyyy?" Rachel said as she cocked the eyebrow even more.

"You have to trust me on that. You will probably meet him someday maybe and when you do you can say, 'I have heard about you Earl.' and you can share some stories or something, just don't give him anything to eat."

"Ooooookkkkkaaaayyyyyy?" Rachel said as she cocked the eyebrow even more. I was amazed on how much she could cock her eyebrow to be honest. Never seen one go that cocked. World record maybe.

"Anyways," I say with a half hearted dismissive wave,"care to join? You know the village way better than I do and probably than fish sticks and water dog." Hey that sounds like a tv show. This week on fish sticks and water dog, they bust a black market gummy bear ring. Just in case anyone gets any ideas. STAMP! It is now trademarked, copyrighted and anything else, just saying.

"Sure," Rachel answered as I opened the door just enough to see if there was any scales walking around.

"Let's go!"   

((Famous last words. Oh wait they are for this time...))

[Catherine]

We hit the ground sneaking, Rachel in the lead. It would be kind of stupid if I lead. I don't know the village other than the streets I have been on and that is a not really really. I know there are streets and everything but that is about it. See there is one now *proudly point*.

We hit the corner of the building and peek around just to make sure, those fish guys can be pretty sneaky. Not ninja sneaky but fishy sneaky and sometimes that is pretty sneaky. Smelly though so not olfactorial stealthy, especially on a warm day. Phew!

There is some movement, but it is a couple blocks away and we aren't going that way anyways so no worries. We stay low though and hunch over just in case. From a distance we might be mistaken as a fishie and just to add an air of authenticity I do the whole fishie face thing. Hands to the side of my face and everything. Which I think did good enough that I might fool some up close, even the fishies.

As soon as we cross Rachel turns and immediately brings her hand to her face, "What are you doing?"

"What?" I ask answer as de hunch.

"The whole hands to the side of face and the lips thing."

Before I answer I do the fish face one more time and drop my hands, "I was trying to be as believable as possible and I thought if I did that I would get into the role better and fool more things."

"No....." Rachel whisper moaned as she dropped her hand down to her side.

"I am not too sure, look around. Do you see any walking fish sticks? No you don't, they probably saw me and thought 'Hey that street is being checked out by a new person so let's check over here from from over there'"

Rachel just shook her head as she turned away, "I doubt that."

"Maybe..." I said smiling

"Again, doubt it and let's go."

"Okay,"  I reply as I stat to follow Rachel, while accepting an award for best fish face in my head. *mentally blowing kisses at all my imaginary fans as I accept the award.*

What can I can say about the alley? Not much really., if you have been in one alley you already have an idea of the alley I am in now. Garbage cans and bins all over. I nice interesting smell. Papers blowing in a nonexistent and a smell that screams fish. Oh and that four legged thing with the glowing tail heading towards us.

Without any thought I toss myself against the side of the alley as Rachel does the same thing, thankfully against the other wall. If she threw herself against my wall and got me there would have been a loud gasp and hiding would have been really hard.

Fingers crossed, I sit there as the dog gets closer snd closer. Maybe we will be lucky. Fingers crossed since it has a lot of teeth and pointy things.


******


I have to look, Rachel said they have bad poor eyesight and everything, so a quick look won't hurt. I lean over just a little, not enough to be spotted hopefully and look. One question comes to mind when I see the dog, who comes up with these things?

I mean it looks like a mix of shark and feral dog, not pretty. Not pretty what so ever. Small beady eyes and mouth full of teeth, I am not even sure how it closes its mouth that is how full of teeth the dogs mouth is. I think its teeth has teeth. Its tongue, which keeps coming out like a dog, is constantly dripping. What is dripping from it is beyond me and I am not sure and how it is not being sliced up by the teeth. I will tell you this, I don't want to be licked by it. No way, no how. Nope nope. The tongue and myself will not be friends, there will be no tongue hugs today. Not like I would pet the dog anyways, like I said shark. So think shark walking on four legs that are webbed I think and clawed. Would you pet a shark that likes to nom? I think not and if you say otherwise you are lying and if you dare me I will block the dare with a defensive dare block.

The dogs tail is long and it looks prehensile from here. Maybe the glowie thing is fragile and needs to be kept from banging around. Can't be glowie if the glowie is broken. A little tap on something and CRACK, like a glass jaw but in tail form. There it was though, bobbing up and down calling to me. It wanted me to touch it, it would be really happy if I did.

"Come touch me", It told me in glowie speak, "I am soft like a big cotton ball."

I nodded a little and started pushing myself off the wall. It was so close, I needed to... Suddenly I was snapped back to reality by a hiss, did I spring a leak? Looking down I didn't see any noticeable leaks then I heard the hiss again coming from across the alley. Did Rachel have a leak? When I looked towards her, I can see Rachel motioning with her head in a frantic motion.

"What?" I mouthed to her and she jerked her head forward. Is her head getting to heavy?. She jerked her head forwards again. Does she want to head butt me? That isn't nice. I shook my head just in case for the head butting. That is when i felt a tapping on my shoulder, quickly I looked to the side and saw my tail sitting there. Pointing past me and I turned my head to see what it was pointing at.

Oh Monkey!

I pressed myself against the wall as quickly and ninja like as possible, trying to blend in with the shadows  of the bricks. Taking in a deep breath I held it as the dog walked by, its class scrapping the ground as it did. I will tell you this, someone needs to take a bath wow. *imaginary fanning face to get the oh so not fresh smell away* I learned something in that moment and the many moments that followed. I can hold my breath for a long time and not really pass out. My eyes can water though, all thanks to the dog's smell.

The dog continued to walk down the alley and started to turn the corner when I exhaled. Red lights started to go off in my head as I did that and I didn't know why until I saw the claws coming back around the corner followed by the dogs head, mouth open of course. It knew we, well something was there and. It let out a low guttural growl to say hello followed by another to say it was going to nom.

Since I was the one gasping and since it was going to find us sooner or later, I pushed myself off the wall. "Hello my name is Nichole Anne Marie Smith, you smell like really stinky fish and you really need to brush your teeth. Can you maybe just..." I wave a hand in the air, "we aren't the people you are looking for."

The dog growls and continues to come back towards us.

"Well shoot, I thought it would have worked"

GROWL....

******

FINAL ROUND!

Wait what? How can this be the final round? There was no rounds before this and I did ask.

FINAL ROUND!!

I am thinking that some steps were skipped. Like the the first round and such. We cannot have a final without a first. That only makes sense, look it up in the dictionary. Final means the end and to have an end there has to be a beginning.

FINAL ROUND!!!

Okay, okay I get it. What with the three exclamation points and everything. This is the final round. I will be dropping a comment in the comment box after this is done though, about the whole skipping of rounds thing, there is a rhyme and reason to everything and this does neither.

The timer hasn't really started when the dog closes the space between us, mouth open and claws ready. With a slash of its claws it attacks, WOOSH and I jump backwards, dodging the attack. Before I can do anything it lunges for me, mouth open and teeth ready to do what teeth do best. I think for a moment since thar is all I have and take advantage of the natural inhabitants of the alley.

I stomp a foot and up flies a garbage can lid at just the right time and place WHAP! and the dog eats metal. It looked like it might have been low actually, a little thin and stuff. The dog scratches the ground as it comes to a stop, which is a hair raising sound like the window was. Ugh! Does it know how long it will take for me to get my hair done zand everything? I bring a hand up, trying to flatten some of my hair as I watch the dog crunch fight with the garbage can lid eventually just crunching it between it teeth. Eep!

For a moment it just sits there trying to stare me down. Wait a second I think it might be staring past me. Let's check real fast.

*imaginary run over to dog and put my head on top of its head to see where it is looking at. Okay maybe it was looking at me, can't be to sure though. Wipe my head with an imaginary wet wipe, can't be to sure about imaginary bugs or ick and then run back to where I was then take an imaginary breath of air. It takes a little out of you if you do a lot of imaginary things. Imaginary wipe forehead. Whew!*

I crouch down just a little, preparing myself for something and not expect the side thing that happened. For a split second the dogs cheeks bulged out like a little frog before it burps. Then....... I guess like a frog its tongue came shooting out at me. Tine slowed down for a moment as I told myself that I should have seen this coming. I promptly agreed with myself as time caught up and the dogs tongue came shooting at me.

"Oh, no...no...no..." I said shaking my head as I started to bend backwards, away from the oncoming tongue. I bend, bend more and even more as I watch the tongue luckily zip past. With my hands on ground and the top of my head touching, which I will need to clean now, my feet come up and both connect to the bottom of the dogs jaw slamming it shut on its tongue. The dog  yips in pain as my feet continue their upward movement carrying me back into an upright position and with a little jump and spin back on my feet looking at the dog.

*ninja tip - if you are getting up,make sure you are looking at whatever is nearby. If not well you might be in for a surprise. Not a good one either.*

You might be asking yourself, where is Monkey's banana milkshake. I might answer you with it is over there and point. It is somewhere safe and out of the way. No banana gold will be spilled this day.

I expected the dog to sit there crying, I know how much it hurts when you bite your tongue but nope it just opens its mouth and the tongue just shots back with a wet slap back into its mouth. Then with a snap the dog closes its mouth and for some added effect liquid drips from between its teeth.

"Okay doggie, please just go." I tell the dog and it responds with a growl. "I will take that as a no." Which the dog responds with another growl, I hope this one was a growl and not something else.

Carefully I start to walk backwards, away from the teeth, claws and growl. In a blink it is on me, well where I was at least. I spring up onto the wall and then spring to the other, away from all of this. *motion towards the dog* I continue this springing all over  off the walls hoping to get some advantage, the dog tracking me the whole time. I think I found an opening when the dog does something not dog like.

It springs towards one of the alley's wall and digs it claws in. "Hey that isn't allowed," I shout knowing it leaving holes which will need to be fixed later by someone.

Hanging there, using my cuteness and adorability on gravity I guess, I watch the dog slowly ascend. When did dogs learn to climb? I need to take the advantage, I tell myself and spring towards the dog. Shoving my hand into my bag quickly to pull out my super turbo staff of whapping out.

That is when the 'what the?' Moment happened. How big of a what the? Well the dog sprang of the wall  towards me, catching me by surprise. Before I could do something it wrapped its arms around me and flipped backwards.

AQUA SHARK DOG THINGIE WITH TEETH AND CLAWS PILEDRIVER ATTACK!

I could see the ground streaking toward me and all I could hear in my head was 'This is going to hurt', what I heard on the outside was the whistling of the air as we shot downwards at an extreme speed. I don't know how we got so fast, maybe the dog had a jet pack on or something but we were and like I said the end of the fall was coming up quickly and it didn't look soft.

((Fly like an eagle until I fall and hit the ground. Wait that isn’t how the song goes... until next time.))

[Catherine]

Two words were flying over and over in my mind as we plummeted to the ground, not good! Of course they were getting louder and louder the closer we were getting to the ground, so at this point they were being yelled and still getting louder which I didn't know was possible.

I tried to do something, getting free for example but the dog had its arms and legs around me tight. So all I could do is squirm, watch the ground getting closer and closer then imagine the headache I was going to have.  Looking at the ground it looked like a couple of aspirin, then a couple more, bed rest with a big pillow and banana milkshake will do the trick.

Okay this isn't good, I am seeing red flashing lights and hearing a siren now. What was that? Something just flashed in front of my eyes and it wasn't red. It wasn't my life was it? Can someone rewind the tape and play it back for me, my hands are sort of tied up at the moment. Cool, thank you. Wow I don't remember that part. Ok, I have never been there before but it looks like I am enjoying it. That isn't fair really a flashback gets to visit a place that I can't though. Humph!

Without warning my staff shoots out, one end of the super turbo hyper extending towards the ground. With a loud crack it hits the ground and immediately I am stopped, the dog isn't though. For a moment it is funny watching the dog realizing I am no longer there and it is still streaking towards the ground. Its beady eyes getting bigger as its arms and legs started to flail about trying to find me. Unsuccessful of course since I am up here and it is going down there.

It was like watching a cartoon when the dog hit the ground. WHAM! Its arms and legs shot straight out and everything. I am sure if the dog fell better, at a different trajectory or something,  there would be a dog shaped hole in the ground. I did see stars and aqua birdies flying around its head though.

Hanging off my pole I looked over towards Rachel, "How come you didn't join in?"

"I wanted to remain hidden, just in case." Rachel answered without moving.

"Just in case of wha...." I started to say as the dog pushed itself off the ground, looked up as it grabbed my staff and started to shake. Mouth open of course to catch any falling monkey girls.


"Hey stop," I said holding on with both hands as the dog jerked the pole back and forth and every other way. Around the alley I shot, almost hitting the walks sometimes, "You need to stop this. I am going to urp and you will have to clean up the alley!"

The dog didn't stop and I think I was starting to turn green. Suddenly there was a loud sound of breaking glass and the staff came to a rest. Looking down I could see a shattered bottle in Rachel's hands and the dog was now out again, this time hopefully for good or long enough for us to beat feet.

"That is the reason why," Rachel said again with a little smile, "it didn't know I was here and so I could get the drop on it just in case."

With a little bit of this and a little bit of that I sprang to the side as the staff collapsed. With one swift move I swung it around and shoved it back into my bag. "Tie it up?"

"Of course." Rachel answered as she snapped some extension cord, not sure where she got it since she didn't have it a moment ago but she had it. In moments the dog was hogtied and gagged. *click* New record set for hogtying a dog.

"Let's get going," we both said at the same time, "jinx!"

As we took off down the alley, milkshake on head of course, I look back at the dog and....

BANG!

Run into a garbage can. I really should pay attention to where I am going and not where I have been.

"Sorry," I tell Rachel as I pick myself off the ground and clean myself off. All she did was roll her eyes before taking off again, me following and paying attention to the right direction, forwards.


*****

We make fast work of the rest of our route to the cathedral. No accidental run ins or anything. For a moment we thought we ran into a fishie in one alley. From a distance. It had the distinct fishie shape, when we got up close though we saw otherwise.

"Pppfffhhhtttt," I said dismissively, not sounding like a mouth fart, as we got close and saw it was an oddly shaped pile of garbage. Strangely placed in just the right place so we could find it. Odd that it was shaped the way it is. Odd that it was placed where it is. Maybe someone sculpted and placed it here as a warning. This way be fishies or something like that. I have to remember if we run into the fishie garbage sculptor to give him or her something to clean their hands with. Some of what was used was let's say ick, I would never have imagined using them for that purpose. Of course it could have been a natural thing but it didn't feel that way, it felt garbage unnatural.

The closer we got to the church the scarier it looked. I don't know if it always looked like this but if it did, it wasn't somewhere I wanted to be. The church itself was made of stone, but the stone looked darkened. Like some great fire had toasted it on high. Everything about it said dark, even the shadows said they were darker than most shadows. Coming up to the back of the church, come on you can't have an alley at the front of a church, that it against something or another. Look at the rules if you doubt me, page thirty three article v section twenty one paragraph three sentence two. No alley shall run to the front of a place of worship, this we bequeath or something. Not like I have it memorized or anything.

Now being up close and not so personal with the church I can see it in its well it. "Wow...." Is the only thing I can say as I crane my head back to take in the outside of the church. Everything about it looks burnt in one way or another. The wood looks dark and burnt. The stain glass windows where soot covered and darkened. I would guess they were brightly colored once but now not so much. Someone should really get some glass cleaner , get up there and clean them.  Nothing that I could see, said house of worship unless you worshipped the dark and sooty. Which if you do, that is okay not judging you or anything I can't imagine you wearing white to church though. Hey maybe this is a church for chimney sweeps. Do you see the light, the preacher would say. The whole congregation would say yes...... Then the preacher would raise his hands, that Is the chimney opening go to the light.

"So how do we get in?" I ask,"the dramatic way and through the windows?"

Rolling her eyes, Rachel answered a "No." Then pointed to the front of the church, "Through the front doors."

"Ummm... Isn't there any other doors?"

"Yes, but they are chained and locked from the inside." Rachel answered.

"But won't anyone see us if we go through the front. I mean there are Windows."

"No one will see us and forget about the Windows. We are not jumping through the windows. Why would we jump through them in the first place?"

"They do in the movies and if we are going through the front door it will just be eh," I answer.

Before I could do anything, Rachel grabs a hold of my arm and starts to pull me towards the front of the church, "then we are going eh,"

"Ok........"

((Let’s take a moment and well take a moment.))

[Catherine]

From the side, the church looked bad but from the front the church looked ominous, that is ominous with a capital 'O' too. Which isn't good for churches, it gives the wrong message. Just think about it, but here I will drop a hint it is sort of a retro though. Lightening CRACK BOOM!

It felt like the whole church was watching you, a lone light glowing in the center of the large round stain glass window helping with that. I turned to Rachel, "Hate to ask but has it always looked like this."

"No, it changed after the stone shattered and the book showed up," Rachel answered matter of factually .

"Okay, just wanted to make sure. Didn't know if the village wanted to go with the whole vengeful God feel."

Rachel answered with an "Ah no," as she started to walk up to the church. Of course I was following, one eye on the whole eye of mordor thing going on with window. 'One ring to rule them all', kept running through my mind as I walked up. If a little short guy comes running out saying 'My precious' he will be whapped. He will get out 'my' and the whapping will commence.

Like all doors on creepy buildings, when Rachel pulled on the handle to open it up, the door creaked. Why no one considers oiling the hinges in old buildings is a mystery. Maybe they think the creaking adds to the whole feeling of old. All I can tell you is that it doesn't help when you are trying to be all Ninja stealth like. I will just sneak in crreeeeaaaakkkkkkk oh shoot. Oh hi guys in robes don't mind me I will just sit right here and watch your secret ceremony and not be a bother, so please continue.

We gave it a moment just to be on the safe side to see if anything ow related would come in our general direction. Like they usually do at the wrong times, just when you think you are in the clear something sharp decides to poke you. When nothing happened we slipped inside, instantly blending into the darkness within.

Like ninjas we hugged the wall as we looked around. Dust and spider covered everything even the pews that were strewn all over. In the center of the church stood a stand. On that stand lighted dramatically from a lone light streaming from above was a book.

I jagged Rachel with my elbow before taking a step towards the book. I got about a half step in before being pulled back against the wall. 'What the?' I growled with my eyes towards Rachel.

She answered 'shrimp'.


****


Quickly I turned go her, "That wasn't nice. I know I am not that tall but you don't have to rub it in. I mean you aren't that much taller than I am."

"No..." Rachel replied and pointed back towards the book, "shrimp!"

"Stop  calling me a shrimp," I started to say as I looked in the direction of the book. Little shapes about knee level appearing out of the darkness, "What are those?"

"Shrimp!"

"Will you stop calling me that," I said turning back to Rachel, quickly putting my hand on top of my head and taking it over to Rachel," see I am not that much shorter than you."

"No, those things are shrimp," she replied motioning with a hand towards the shapes again.

I turned to look back at the shapes. They did look like shrimp in a way but they didn't match the definition. Shrimp are usually small but these things were huge. It would take a lot of cocktail sauce to eat one, probably have to go to one of those warehouse places to get enough.

"Holy chicken of the sea," I said watching the shrimp march out,"isn't there anything normal here. You have fish that walk, whatever those dog things are and now land shrimp."

"Not since the rock shattered and the book showed up really."

"Great..." I say looking at the shrimp. I could see that these looked different from the shrimp that I have eaten before, well other than the size. Some had two massive claws , while others had one huge claw and one really small one. "Okay, I am hoping you can tell me about the whole claw thing because I don't remember shrimp having claws that look like they could pound nails into wood with."

"Well...." Rachel said pointing to the ones with twin big claws, "those are hammer shrimp. You can imagine what they do with their claws. I have seen them pound cinder blocks into dust trying to get to people. I would not recommend getting hit by one."

"Wasn't planning to, how about the other ones?"

"Those are called pistol shrimp," Rachel answered, "the big claw can be used to pound like the hammer shrimp. But....."

"That makes sense but there is a but and that means something special."

"Yeah there is something special. You see they can fire bubbles out of their big claw at high velocity and..."

"Shoot bubbles that, " I started to say before a finger started to come towards my lips which immediately got be to shit up.

"I wasn't done yet, the bubbles are at high velocity but when they burst. You know the sun?"

"Big glowing orb in the sky, yes."

"When the bubbles burst, they are that hot." Rachel continued with a little bursting hand movement. She turned around and pointed towards the stone wall behind us,"Do you see those circular indentations? Those are day see by the pistol shrimp's bubbles."

"So instant third degree burn if a bubble hits. Got it!" I turn to look at the shrimp as they encircle the book and start chittering. In a way it sounded like they were talking, no singing really. Slowly they would move around the book, raising and lowering their claws. When they got to a certain part of the sing they would fall to the ground and then start the whole song and dance again.

On and on they continued, their tune was catchy though and I actually caught myself starting to hum it. Then I stopped and turned io Rachel, "they are singing ring around the Rosie?" Rachel nodded. "Why?"

"We have yet to figure that out. There are stories that there is some secret meaning to the song but how the shrimp know about it is a unknown." Rachel answered as we continued to watch the shrimp dance.

"Do I want to know the secret meaning?" I asked. Rachel leaned over and whispered into my ear, "okay yeah I didn't need to know that."

"I know but it adds to the strangeness." Rachel reloaded and I nodded, "yes it does.."

At that very moment something landed behind us, a pigeon probably, they always find their way into old shadowy buildings that could be home to something weird. Quickly we turned and before we could do anything there was a sound of something going BANG!

Something streaked over our shoulders and hit whatever that fell. Instantly whatever it was vaporized in a hail of bubbles, a 'coo' was all that was left.

"Maybe they will..." I start to say when holes started to appear in the pew around us. "They are on to us! This is so going to ruin trips to seafood places."


*****

Back to pew, I pull out the Boy Scout manual. It might have something, it has before over and over. If I make it out of this I will need to look up the people who wrote it and give them a hug, they did an amazing job. That is an amazing with a capital 'A' too.

"How can you read at a time like this?" I heard Rachel growl as more BANGS filled the air, the pew quickly disintegrating around us sending toothpicks into the air.

"This might help," I answer as I start to flip through the book. How to read backwards when you are reading forwards. Well that is strange, I guess that helps you find the hidden meaning of words. You would never be able to finish a sentence, you would get so far and then kick your reading in reverse. Then you would start again a get a major case of Deja vu, I think I have read this before and this reverse stuff too. FLIP. FLIP. FLIP. Acorns, the other white meat. Maybe for squirrels and chipmunks but a mouthful of acorns would be hard on the teeth. Mmmm.... Stays crunchy in milk and everything else. CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH. Yeah just like granola but more natural. They can market it that way, one hundred percent natural grown on trees. Squirrel and chipmunk approved, two thumbs up if they have thumbs. Pass on that. FLIP. There is a reason why unicorns only have one horn, their deep dark secret. Interesting.... Quickly I read down the page. Oh my monkey. That explains everything. Especially the whole princess thing. I never imagined it was a symbiotic relationship, the princesses actually.... Quickly I look around trying to see if there are any princesses floating around. *mental wipe hand across forehead* Whew! If the manual is correct and it has been so far, once you get a princess attached to you they are near impossible to get off.

For a moment I am pulled back to the moment as mini explosions happen all around me. Come on..... I take the page flipping to the next level and remove any pauses. FLIP FLIP FLIP FLIP FLIP FLIP FLIP. Here you go, shrimp - don't be fooled by their name. Tiny warriors, fear them before they dip you in cocktail sauce. Well that isn't good, that would be hard to clean off. Quickly I run through the pages, enlightened by the end on shrimp. That and there is a recipe at the end that sounds yummy.

I close the book and put it back in the bag before flipping over and peeking over what is left of the pew. Through the flying of many bubbles, I could see that there was two shrimp firing at us. The two hammer time ones was behind them, towering over their pistol packing brothers or sisters.

Strategically they had us trapped. When the pistols stopped firing the hammers would come in for the ground and pound. Smashing whatever wasn't full of holes and even those that are full of holes.

"Have any ideas?" I ask Rachel flipping back around and press my back against the pew. Rachel answered with a shake of her head as splinters showered down onto us. Suddenly in a puff of non ninja smoke a lightbulb appeared above my head, "I think I have an idea," I told Rachel. In a shower of sparks a bubble takes out my thought.

"Grrr......."

I think harder and out of thin air a glow starts to appear where the bulb was, shaped like a light bulb. For a moment it sparks brighter and then is gone.

"Okay I think I got an idea," I lean in an whisper to Rachel for a couple moments. "Got it?" I ask leaning back and Rachel nodded.

"Ready....steady and go!"

((And go.... Have a merry Christmas everyone if you celebrate it.))

[Catherine]

We split up, well not literally spilt since that would be painful and messy. But I take off this way and Rachel takes off that way. We both stay low, don't need to take a bubble to the head. A friendly not going so fast that It zips through wood and when it pops can melt stone bubble would be nice but there is none of those around. In fact there is a lack of those around here, I would think with all of the fish based things around here there would be more fun bubbles floating about. Maybe they are being oppressed. I shall take up the fight for bubbles that don't incinerate you when they pop.

For a moment I stand proud, hearing the imaginary cheering of those innocent fun bubbles. Then I feel the bubble smack to the back of the head reminding me about the not so friendly bubbles whizzing pass me. I duck and weave as bubbles whizz by, I have to give the little shrimps something, they are fast. The hammer ones are moving just not as fast as the pistols.

I don't throw a ninja smoke bomb down since that would help to hide the flying boom bubbles, that and I don't have any on me. But I do streak forward, catching my shrimp by surprise. I would say the look on its face is priceless but shrimp don't emote, so I am going with surprise and if the shrimp says otherwise I will take back what I said.

It swings it little pincer at me, snapping at me as it does. Easily I dodge it, all it takes is a step back and then it brings its big claw around swinging for my head. Down I go into the splits at just the right moment and the claw whizzes over my head. Ba.....batter batter batter swing and miss!

Before the shrimpie shrimp can react I grab it with both hands and stand. I can feel it squirming in my hands trying to get free but I have it in a shrimp shell lock, no way it is going to escape. Thank monkey, I paid attention to my master when he was teaching the technique or I might have grabbed it wrong and lead to an embarrassing situation. Yeah sorry I didn't mean to grab you there.

As I stand I catch a glimpse of Rachel closing in on the other pistol shrimp, a worn but not so dusty candelabra in her hands. I watch as she swings it downwards as she approaches and then up, catching the shrimp under its chin which sends up and backwards.

My cue!

Quickly I spin around and bend backwards, throwing the shrimp with all my might. With a loud crunch the shrimp crashes into the other one mid air sending them both to the ground.  I continue the bend backwards flipping over Rachel as she drops an elbow onto the shrimps, shrimpi or whatever you call multiple shrimp.

I hear an exhale and crunching coming from the shrimp as elbow meets shrimp flesh. In my mind I imagine their eyes bulging out like a cartoon character's would and tongues if they had tongues. Which shrimp might but I am not really sure.

My feet hit the ground, in a perfect landing. Let's see how the judges score it, What they left? But I just. They missed. There is no way we could duplicate that again. I swing an arm back offering it to Rachel to stand up, I can feel my tail moving behind me in the standard 'here I will help you up' movement.

I expect some type of 'Thanks for the help' or something even Rachel grabbing my hand but there is nothing other than a gasp and a "Hey! What the?"

Is Rachel dropping another elbow onto the shrimps?

"Once is," I start to say as I turn around and see Rachel up in  the air, well specifically in the air all thanks to the gigantic shrimp claw she was being held in.


*****’’’"Let my friend down!!!!!!" I yell with a lot of exclamation points so the shrimp knows that I am serious. I stamp a foot and my tail joins in by expressively pointing in the direction Rachel should be put.

"I said put her down! Stop trying to crack her head, she isn't a nut," I look at Rachel hanging there making sure she isn't a nut. She could be one in disguise. She does sort of..... No. No. No. Just silly talk, that and she doesn't have a hard exterior like nuts have. Unless she is the next step in nut evolution, 'tunc step nucis' in a way.

I pull out my super turbo staff of whapping out and extend it. I have to check. Gently I poke Rachel in the butt, the soft extra cushiony part of it. She will deny she has it but my staff is poking something soft and cushiony.

"What in the world are you doing?" Rachel yells, jerking around trying to get away from the poking, her arms flailing about as she kicks at the staff.

"I am trying to see if you are an evolved nut," I answer back as I continue poking the soft area on Rachel's butt.

"I am not a nut!!!" Rachel yelled back with several exclamation marks.

I continue to poke, I hear nuts are masters of disguise and I need to make sure what I am poking isn't fake. "That is what a nut would say."

I hear a growl right before my staff is yanked out of my hands. What the? As I start to look up the top of my head meets the business end of my staff. CRACK! I said," CRACK! "I am not," CRACK! "a nut!" CRACK!

I resist the rain of staff blows by dodging left and right. Small cracks appearing in the ground around me from the blows of the staff. I dodge one last time as the staff comes down and stops, the sound of heavy breathing could be heard coming from the general area of Rachel's head In the claw. Mmmmm..... Yummy that sounds like a delicious seafood dish. I wonder what it comes with?

The staff comes up and back down cracking me in the top of the head, yanking me out of imagining what Rachel's head in a claw tastes like. A little salty I think.

"Wake up!" I hear Rachel growl.

"I am..." I respond as I rub the top of my head.

Rachel growls again, "So get me down!"

"I would," I answer ,"but you might be a nut and if you are then you are in a good place."

"Do you want me to pummel you again?" Rachel growls.

"No, but there is a lot of people with nut allergies and I have to consider them. Especially if you are an tunc step nucis and learned to walk."

I don't even have time to react before the staff shoots sideways and back, cracking me in the side of the face. It circles back around and in slow motion cracks me on the other side of my face. Queue slow motion hit and exaggerated hit face expression.

I stumble for a moment as Rachel yells again, "I am not a nut! Get me down now!"

"Fine, I will get you down ," I say through bruised cheeks. "You still might be a nut though," I mumble to myself.

Hanging there, breathing so hard that it would scare monsters, Rachel growled "what did you just say?"

"Nothing, " I answer, rubbing my cheeks.

"Good!" and with a jerk, Rachel tossed the staff to the side and I hear it clattering across the floor, "Now get me down ."




((What? How did I? I hate feeling like the nut in a nutcracker.))

[Catherine]

I am not sure why the shrimp sat there during the whole nut thing. Why both of them did actually, head scratcher really. They just did.

Maybe they were amused, entertained by the thumping of the staff to the top of my head and Rachel growling. Enthralled by the story and special effects. Trust me there was no special effects, no computer generated staff or stunt double. It was all real, my head can attest to that.

Maybe they were amazed at two people fighting, well one hitting the other on top of the head repeatably with a staff. Who just moments before were fighting together. Maybe they thought it was a double cross, that the one that they had in a claw was actually a shrimp in disguise, a shrimp spy!  That the shrimp spy's disguise was so good that they couldn't tell that she was actually one of their kind. They were sitting there waiting to see what would happen next.

All I knew was that one of them had a friend's head in a claw dangling in the air. Also she was growling a lot. Not a friendly growl either. It is kind of hard to tell  a friendly 'hi there, how are you doing?' growl from a 'get me down before I insert staff a into opening b forcefully' growl. Rachel's growl was easily identifiable be me, my tail and the shattered floor. She wasn't saying 'hi' she was saying more 'grrrrr, hiss and spit'. When a girl gets to that level of growling, it is best to do what she says before it escalates to 'you know the Death Star? You know what it did? That is tame in what I am about to do' level.

I thought for a moment and jumped up, grabbing ahold of Rachel's legs and started to yank.  "What are you trying to do?" Rachel yelled from above as I continued to yank with no effect. I even swung my feet up for leverage, pulling and everything. Twisting her around just made the growling louder.

Pulling with all of my strength, I answered that I was trying to get her out. "No," she growled, "I think you are trying to pop my head off! Stop it!!!"

"Fine...." I replied, pulling one last time before dropping to the floor, "it might have worked though. You are just intent on being stuck that is all."

"No I am not intent on being stuck," Rachel growled, "can you go get the staff for me?"

"Sure, why?" I said turning around to go get the staff. It was a good idea really. Push the staff in between the claws and pry them open.

In a real low voice, below grumble level, that I missed as I walked over to grab the staff and bring it back over Rachel answered "so I can hit you with it."

As I lifted the tip of the staff up towards Rachel I dinged, "Hey wait a moment, you were going to hit me with this and not use it for your other idea weren't you?"

Hesitantly I lowered the staff back down as Rachel swiped for it with a hand, "I don't know what you are talking about, now give it."

"No I think I like the other idea better. Not the rain in pain one."

"I don't know what you are talking about," Rachel growled.

"Yes you do, it is your idea." I replied as I shoved the staff up between the claws, "tell me if this hurts."

"What hurts? What are you doing?" Rachel asked as she tried to look down but thanks to the claws was unable to move enough.  Suddenly she started to flail her arms and legs,"Get me do... Umph!"

"I said not to move, didn't I?"

"No... Now get the staff out of my nose!"

"Ew....now I will have to clean it. " I said pulling the staff back and shaking it clean. Hmmmm... I thought for a moment. I can't get the leverage from down here and I don't want to booger dig anymore either. So that means only me thing.

I take a couple steps back and a hop, skip and a jump I am flying though the air. Doing a little slow full body spin and flip as I do. With mad ninja skills I land on top of the shrimp's claw and thrust the point of the staff down between the claws and hit something hard.

"OW!"

"Sorry," I said pulling the staff back a little before before working it to a good prying position that those trained in the art of prying would know. You see it right about here, no just a little higher and to the right. You see those that haven't been trained miss it all of the time. They just strain and Umph with all of their might and nothing.  But my master had the fore thought and everything, maybe someday I will have to tell you how I meet him and the training that I went though. Without him and the training I would be just all left tails.

I started to pull, gritting teeth and everything. Come on..... I told myself. If this didn't work, I would have to use the one thing and I am pretty sure Rachel wouldn't like that one thing. Nobody likes the one thing and once you mention the one thing people give you a funny look before taking a step back and nervously laughing. Come....on.... I keep pulling, using the claw as leverage.

Suddenly I heard a pop as I flew backwards and I silently hoped it wasn't Rachel's head.  Please don't pop like a grape. That would be messy and I am pretty sure you wouldn't like it. Quickly I flipped around, moments before head would have meet wall and feet did instead.

Four point landing; feet, tail and one hand in a cool pose I saw Rachel falling. The whole time rubbing her head and grumbling.

Success and no grape head splats! *imaginary forehead wipe whew!*


******

The shrimp didn't miss a beat, once Rachel started falling it was lifting its claw up to start playing whack-a-mole with Rachel. Quickly I shot forward, Rachel's eyes getting larger and larger the closer I got. "I said I am not a nut!" I heard her yelling as I swung the staff around and CHUM!

One big claw stopped by me and the staff. Well the staff really and it was holding too. Bending just a little as the shrimp was pressing down trying to get to the whack-a-Rachel it was trying to hit.

"Come on!" I said, motioning with my free hand for well Rachel to come on. Quickly I I offered her my hand and yanked her out of the way just in time too. I could see the staff bending more and more, praying to the banana gods that it wouldn't break. I mean it is signed and everything, oh yeah and Rachel was under the claw too. That is the more important of the two really, a near mint condition of Rachel with no folds or creases caused by shrimp claws, that is what I meant. *nod*

Out she came and I grabbed the staff and yanked. Which I didn't need to do really since the amount of pressure the shrimp was putting down on it was a lot for a shrimp and something in the staff was preventing it from breaking, bending most definitely thing. Once I gave it a yank, the staff went flying with me with it, shooting me across the room in a blink of an eye, dragging Rachel behind me.

If I wasn't in the air I would have felt the room rock when the shrimps claw hit the ground. But I was, so I took Rachel's word for it as she spit out pebbles and pieces of floor after I landed. Thank monkey that I had Rachel there, acting like an anchor, if not I would have kept flying and flying. Probably leaving a monkey girl hole in the wall and everything, but she thought of me as she got dragged across the floor and ate the proper amount of floor stuff to keep me fro reaching orbit.

"Thank you..." I said as I spun the staff around and slipped it back into the bag.

"You are..." [Insert spitting of rock sound here and then rock bouncing across the floor] "welcome."

These shrimp were completely different from the other two, a lot bigger and probably a lot heavier so no picking up and tossing these two any time soon. Unless we wanted to pop our backs out just to pop our back out. I got this one, pop pop pop pop pop pop and pop. Yeah no I don't, I think my spine parts are all over. Do you care to give it a try?

They got us on height. They got us on weight. Who is laughing? I do not weigh as much as a shrimp. They probably got us on strength too, although seeing the damage  that Rachel did to the floor with my staff, I am starting to doubt that.  I mean look at it and she did that with a wooden staff, I can still hear the floors crying.

That means, we have our speed and agility. I guess we do all lucha libre style minus the masks because, well just because. Quickly I threw up the sign of the time out. Hands go up in the shape of a 'T', uppercase 'T' by the way. Not a lower case one though because that isn't as powerful and I needed the shrimp to stop.

I threw up the sign and the shrimp froze in place as I discussed my idea with Rachel. She nodded once at the end and didn't suggest any changes. I think in the way of shrimp fighting she was as experienced as I was.

I reversed the sign of the timeout and "Go!"

((Playing the sign of the timeout for now bwhahaha))

[Catherine]

We split up, against all things that they teach you. Never spilt up, best to fight as one, they say. Well blah. That doesn't work if what you are fighting is bigger than you are and there is the same number of them as you. What would the other thing do? Sit there and wait, maybe stacking cards as his or her friend gets beat? Yeah I font think so.

So we split up to divide and pummel, in a good way though. Not in a mean or nasty way, that is for the bad guys not us. So no throwing sand in the face or poking of eyes out or lighting little paper bags of dog brownies, which are not edible, in front of a person for them to stomp out.

We both picked one, Rachel the one that tried to nut crush her head and I got the other which I will call, McShrimpalot. I ran up to the Shrimpster and stood there out of claw swipe range. Well I hope I did, there was a clear imaginary mark on the floor that said, 'On this side of the line you will get hit and the other side you will not, unless the shrimp moves then when we don't know.'

I stand there as the shrimparooni swipes a claw at me and WHIFF, misses me by enough. Then it tries the back hand, which is good with tennis when a ball is coming towards you but not when you are just the right distance away from what you are trying to hit. Especially if that something, me, doesn't want to get hit, which I don't. I guess it thinks that I don't notice its other giant claw, blinded by the size I guess. But another double whiff later and I am still standing there. I do what others do that just when through a set of double whiffings, I laugh and make fun. Calling the shrimp all sort of names that I can't think of at the moment, IOU on fun teasing names which the shrimpenstein can turn in later. No no, while that is appropriate I don't want to hurt the shrimps feelings so I give it the fingers, horizontal peace sign towards my eyes then at the shrimp in a quick twist. Now it will know that I am keeping my eyes in it and that I can make a 'V' with my fingers.

Quickly the shrimp drew its hands back and brought them down, hard and fast, like it was trying to drive a nail into the ground. That nail had a name too! Her name was Nichole Anne Marie Smith, she was quite cute and adorable too. So being pounded into the ground was a thing that was against the laws and bylaws in the cute and adorable book.  Page twenty three, paragraph four, section IX and sub section e.

Clear throat and 'Thou shall not pound the cute and adorable into the ground like a nail. It makes them lumpy and not so cute or adorable so it is a thou shall not.' See like I said it is in the book. I would point it out to you but I have a huge claw coming down on me and I don't want to whacked, monkey not mole. Hand to mouth, yawn and step back at rthe last moment.

BOOM!

For a moment, the ground shakes around me when the claws hit the ground. Cracking the floor of the church where the claws hit. Quickly I dive over the claws and through the shrimps arms, rolling once into a slide that takes me under the shrimps body and out the other side. Where I slide into standing position in one fluid move, spinning at the end as I pull the appropriate length of rope that all adventurers carry.

It worked on the four leggers on that ice planet in a galaxy far far away so maybe it might work on the multi-legger standing right in front of me. Without skipping beat I take off as low and as fast as I can towards the shrimp. Wrapping the rope around the nearest leg as I run by and the shrimpyshrimp starts to turn on me as I dive under its claws and do a u-shaped dive, I continue to do to this, circling the shrimp over and over and start to get dizzy. Almost stumbling once or twice when the circling got tighter.

"Gotcha" I yelled as I yanked what was of the rope and for a brief moment I though I had to take that back. The shrimp just stood there, topple free and I tugged on the rope again. Suddenly the shrimpzilla started to flail its claws about as it lost balance and started to fall.

CRASH! BOOM!

That is the sound of a shrimp falling.

I was about to give the thumbs up, my thumb was gong up when the shrimp reached down and snipped the rope a couple times.

"Oh poo..." Down went the thumb in slow motion as the shrimp started to climb back up onto its feet.

"Didn't you watch the movie, that happened in a galaxy far far away? You weren't suppose to clip the rope, you were suppose to fall and be stuck like a turtle." I said as the shrimp righted itself. Swinging its claws in sone type of defensive shrimp stance, one claw down a little and the other up. Good stance really, it could block high or  low and swipe at anything that would attack still. Maybe I misjudged the shrimp.

Standing there I could feel the camera circling the both of us. The shrimp lowered fine just a little to stay in the cameras view, no wait just a better defensive stance. I could go into the plink flamingo stance, one leg up and bent while my arms are up like bird wings. The shrimp shrimp would rush me and SMACK I would do a hop and kick him under the chin. I saw it in a movie once so it should work. The only thing is I might gave to do it I slow motion, since the shrimp probably isn't the fastest, that would cut down on the WOW factor. The foot coming up, the shrimp looking at it and saying "No......" in slow motion. That and if I did it in slow motion the shrimp could adjust itself stance, I would hit it & bounce off and go spinning backwards. Get all dizzy and possibly urp. Not worth it.

But I decide to try the nesting duck goofy foot stance. Which is to standing sideways, squat while kicking the front leg out, front arm pointing in the same direction as the front leg with palm up and other arm in the ready position.

Ready, I give him the two finger 'come and get me' power sign and wait. Maybe the two finger power sign is like a red thing to Bulls, they see it and grrrrr Rush. Because that is what the shrimp did, Rush at me as is brought a claw down trying to smash me.

Quickly I jumped up towards the claw, lucha dore style. Grab it with both hands and spin around it. I don't stop there though, using monkey girl ninja physics I reverse the movement of the claw to my advantage.

The look on the shrimpinator's face is priceless, well I guess it is. Like I said, Shrimp don't emote I think, so it is kind of hard to tell. Their happy face looks like their mad face and every other face there is.. Sometimes you just want to yell at them, What are you emoting?!?!

With little effort all thanks to monkey girl ninja physics, I swing the shrimp back over my shoulders and back to where it was standing, only on its back this time.

BOOM!

The shrimpzilla hit the ground and started to squirm just a little. In a blink of an eye, I do some crazy moves. Spinning down the claw, grinding the grooves and hucking the bumps. I caught some mad air at some points. At the last moment I let go and went into the banana crazed monkey pose. I would describe it but I am sort of in the middle of something right now. "Hiyah!" I shouted as I hit the shrimp, the sound of shell cracking and extreme exhaling filled the air.

Before the shrimp could react, I pinned it in a eight point hairy combed back Nelson. Pulling up on its head just enough so it knew I was there.

One...the imaginary referee tapped. Two...the imaginary referee tapped again. And Three. The imaginary ring bell rung. Quickly I threw up my arms as the imagery crowd cheered and roared. Are they chanting my name as the reference rewards me the belt. Imaginary blow kisses to my fans as they chant my name.

Proudly I stand up, placing one foot on the shrimp. Take a breath and come back to reality. Turning around I see Rachel finishing off the other big shrimp with something that looked painful from here, how she did it is beyond me. Maybe she is really flexible, has to be to have done that move.

As I climb down off the shrimp, I can see Earl's book still sitting there on the stand. Light still coming down from above in a most dramatic way, in a way the lighting reminded me of the ah lighting with Excalibur. Slowly Rachel and I made our way to it, looking for any surprise shrimp. You know the ones, the little ones that are sneaky and possibly hug faces. Once one of those get on you they are hard to get off. Pliers won't work and don't even think about crowbars, those are ow! Especially if they slip into your nose. Also once one of those hug, you start having stomach problems then BLARGH!!!!

Slowly we crept and right before we got to the light I put my hand out stopping Rachel.

"This where it gets tricky..."


((An ending that makes you think.... a cliffhanger without the cliffhanger ))

[Catherine]

I edge around the light checking, can't be to cautious especially since the book is just an arm reach or two away. But if something happens when I step into the light I would like to know before it happens. Especially if it alerts everything else in the village. 'There is someone stepping into the light. It looks like their being pummeled levels are low. Please go assist them in raising that. Oh and over.'

I carefully test the light using several different sense. Sight wise it looks like regular light, nothing special with it. Flipping over my vision to other spectrums, which. I can't do, I don't see anything extra. Sometimes they hide things in the other spectrums, like pickles. They don't look like they are there in a sandwich but they are, they are just hiding. Hearing wise, the light sounds like light. I stick out my tongue and edge a little closer, I hear Rachel saying something.

"I'm triding toad tastd id toad seed if id tastds ofd." I respond, edging closer and closer.

"Light doesn't tastes like anything. It is light not ice cream," Rachel replied.

"Had youd tastd lighd beford?"

"No...." Rachel answered, looking down a little as she shook her head.

Tongue out, I couldn't taste anything off. It tasted like light as far as I can tell, "Okay I think we are safe." Still cautious I step into the light waiting for the Ahing  to start or something else. Any moment now.....

*mental wipe forehead.*

I circled the book again, planning for the next step. I could only guess that if I took the book that i would be shocked. I was pretty sure if Rachel touched it she would get shocked too, then probably take it out on me after asking for the staff. Which I rather skip. Rubber gloves might help, but I didn't pack any and looking at Rachel I doubt she had any.

Could try two sticks and carry it that way. But that would open us up for other things. Pointing and teasing being one of those things. Sort of hard to defend yourself if you are busy holding a book up, you couldn't drop it since that would anger librarians everywhere. What with damaging the book when it fell and hit the grand. Open are butts up for kicking too. *kick* hey stop that! If I could put this book down, I would so grrrr... Then if we had to run, we would have to run at the same pace. If one fell the other would have to too. So that was off the list.

Wrap the book in plastic wrap or something. Still would have to touch it and I wasn't trying to keep it fresh.

"Any ideas?" I ask turning to Rachel and she just shrugged her answer. Time to think outside the box, I told myself. I don't know what is in the book but I know Earl wants it back. I know what Earl is, sort of hard to forget that what with the dark cloak, scythe and bones. Of course Earl could have been on some weird diet too, he didn't eat anything, but I doubt that.

"We can't touch the book. We need to get it to Earl, but he can't get to it either.mi doubt there is a pickup and delivery service that comes here either." I whisper to myself as I thought

Should I risk it? I really don't want my hair to stand up on end but Earl wants the book. Sitting here staring at it isn't doing anything.

"Wish me luck," I tell Rachel as I start to reach for the book, eyes closing expecting some voltage any moment now.

*****

Any moment now, I told myself as my hands got closer and closer to the book. Will the electric zap arc just out of spite? Knowing that I got zapped by the carriage and horse, so maybe it will just zap because it feels left out. Closer and closer. Slower and slower. I wasn't really looking forwards to getting zapped, once or twice is enough for me.

"It is just a book, grab it and let's go," I heard Rachel yell out. Startled I jerk my hands back, "I was just about too. Now I have to start again."

"Start what? It is a book, unless you are afraid of words, the book won't do anything to you."

"Well....  I have learned that Earl likes things zapping people. So I am a little trigger shy."  I said shaking my hands in the air preparing to start the process again. Rachel closed her eyes and shook her head, "There is no way for this Earl to have the book zap you. Just grab it so we can get out of here."

"Well yeah... I am not to sure about that, I mean have you got zapped by a horse."

"Uh no, why would I?" Rachel asked.

"I did, so yeah as far as I know the book will zap me when I touch it. I just want to make it as painless as possible. The last two times is still fresh in my memories."

"Fine.... Here's what you need to do since you are making it worse." Rachel started to say before I interrupted her asking what I need to do,"Just grab it!"

Questionably I tuned back towards the book, "fine but if my hair shoots up and I start to glow and dance around in a pop and lock style, you will know you are wrong and I will shoot you a mean look."

Rachel laughed once, "I can live with that, now grab it!"

"Okay...." I started the whole process again, hands edging closer and closer. Hair ready to stand up, in fact I think some was practicing right now.  "Stop that," I growl as rubbed the back of my neck. Slowly I take a deep breath and exhale, "Here is goes."

I jerked a little when I felt the book on my finger tips. Maybe the zap is time delayed. It will wait until I pick it up and ZAP!  Nothing so far as I swept a hand under the cover then gently lifted it up to close the book. Whew! Nothing so far. With one hand still on the cover, I turn towards Rachel and gave her a thumbs up.

"There are bookworms you know, they have teeth. Looking at the book there might be one in it." Rachel sung out. Quickly my eyes shot open and I quickly turned back to the book expecting to see some big worm licking its lips about to nom on my hand.

*mental forehead wipe*

I turn back towards Rachel, "That wasn't nice!"

"No, but it was funny to see the look on your face." She admitted as she motioned with her hand, "Grab the book so we can get out of here." I nodded and turned back as I swept a hand under the book, then the other.

It felt like I was trying to lift up the world and then some as I picked up book. I don't know what it was made of, but wow it was heavier than it looked. "Ergh, I got it." I said straining, slowly swinging around towards Rachel. Taking a step forwards my mind went blank for a very long moment and I froze mid step. Like mid step, one foot still in the air and everything..

Everything went black around me other than the light from above.

"This isn't good...."

((Who is playing with the lights or did someone forget to pay the utility bill? See next time...))

[Catherine]

I just stood there frozen and in that very long moment I got the feeling what a statue feels like. Ugh this sucks, I told myself and looked up and expected to see the straw in the banana milkshake nod in agreement, but no, it just sat there frozen too.

Earl should have at least dropped me a hint on what would happen if I picked up the book. It would have been nice. A heads up, if you pick up the book without protection you will be frozen in place. You would think that is  a definite need to know. But nothing, not even a little hint.

So yeah frozen with a light coming down from above and just about nothing else. I would call out, but the whole froze thing is preventing that. I even used my super cute and adorable monkey girl senses to 'see' if there was anything out in the darkness. Where the things that lurk in darkness well lurk and unless they are pulling full stealth; sound, sight, smell and taste, there is nothing out there. So all I would get if I could call out is silence and the sound of my voice echoing back.

Since I couldn't do anything else, I stood there. Yeah I know really exciting, so if you want too, skip to the next paragraph it might be more exciting there. So where was I? Oh yeah, there I stood and I started to get the one thing that all people who are frozen  hate, the itch! Duh duh duh! All you can do is sit there and..... It just keeps getting worse and worse,  not realizing that you are frozen. All it thinks about is itself and what it worse, it decided to park itself on the tip of my nose! So I could see it! I tried to twitch my nose, but frozen. I couldn't do anything to appease the itch since I was unable to move, pulling a statue some might say.  Imagine scratching the itch? No.... *mental cry......* Itches don't have an imagination so they can't be imaginary scratches or just stubborn and ignoring me. This sucks *mental cry....*, it can't get any worse..... *mental blow nose*

I shouldn't have thought about it that loud or reality heard me and it has a weird sense of humor. Why? Because I heard a bird call out from above and do you know what birds do to statues? Yeah white ick! That isn't snow either, when I say ick I mean ick of the ick kind. When you see it, you think ick and that is the only thing you think of too. Oh please..... Have a bad aim or something, please.....

The sound of wings flapping above me and the sound of circling too had me sweating. It was zeroing on me, i prepared to be Icked of the white kind. Any moment I told myself, SPLAT! The bird called out and and then in a flurry of dark feathers landed on my leg.

Looking down with my eyes only, I could see the large crow sitting there looking up at me. It's head shifting from side to side looking at me, reared its head back and POKE!

"Ow!" I shouted, my leg going to the ground as I used a free hand to rub it."Why did you do that for?

The crow called out again, "I forgot you don't talk and...." I pause to look down at myself, "I can move again.

The crow called out again, almost like it was agreeing with me. It's wings buffeting my face as the crow hovered there.

"Since I can move that means I can  get......oh now I understand," nodding a little as I looked around and finally resting on the crow. "This has been a vision or something. Telling me how to get the book out of village isn't it?"

The crow just called again as it landed on the floor.

With a nod and a smile, "I will take that as a yes. Now how to get back to the...duh!" Hand goes away and SMACK!

"Ow, I should have pinched an arm instead." Suddenly i feel myself falling forwards and I quickly catch myself.

"Okay what just happened?" I heard Rachel ask as I stood back up. Yay! Back in the not dream world.

"Kind of hard to explain , but I know how to get the book out of town now." I said with a nod.

"How?" I took a deep breath to answer, "CAWL!!!!!"

((I am the crow whisperer.... not really but desperate times call for cawling out. See the joke or pun or something?))

[Catherine]

Rachel cringed, "What in the? What are you doing?!?! How in the world is that suppose to get the book out of town?"

I shrugged, "I don't know, but it felt right."

"Felt right!!! How in the world does it feel right? You probably just called out to everything in a block or two, letting them know where we are at." Rachel said in a irate arm sweeping back and forth type of way.

I thought for a moment, "I just had a vision I think and I..."

"A vision? Did the shrimp hit you on the head or something?"

I blushed a little as I stamped a foot, "No, I didn't get hit on the head. Earl can't get here and we can't get to him to easy so....."

Up walked Rachel, stamp stamp stamp, "and how is calling out like a bird suppose to help?"

'Well I had a vision and there was a crow in it so...."

Up went Rachel's hand to bridge of nose, "So if a lemming was in your vision, what would you have done?"

"I don't know, not run off a cliff though. That is weird." I answered as I stood there pl

"And calling out like a crow isn't weir...." Rachel started to ask when the sound of wings flapping could be heard coming from above. If it is a pigeon, I so called out to the wrong bird and Earl really needs to consider crows. Especially since pigeons don't go with the whole color scheme he is doing. Sort of takes away from the whole dark and reaper thing. I am here to reap your cooooooooo.....

Quickly I looked up, blinded by the light I couldn't identify the exact bird type. It was definitely bird; wings, tail feathers and beak. That is all I could tell as it slowly circled, casting its shadow down upon on Rachel and myself. I watched as it descended, bracing myself with a hand on Rachel as the circling called out the dizzy in me as it got tighter and tighter as it got closer.

"See," I say as the bird, now identified as crow, when it landed on the book. Quickly it hopped around and called out. "I got it right, crow." *mental forehead wipe. Whew. If it was an ostrich I would have been in trouble.,*

"Yes yes, but now what?" Rachel asked.

The crow answered with a CAWL! I motioned with my head towards the crow, "I think it knows what to do."

"That is great, but what is it?"

"It is a crow, can't you tell?" I answered with a question, lifting the book up a little to show off the crow a little.

"Yes I can tell it is a crow " Rachel growled, "I meant what is planning to do." I answered with a shrug, "Don't know. I don't speak any bird, never got the chance to learn and I have heard crow is a little hard."

"What?" Rachel growled, which I am starting to realize she does a lot. The crow calls out again, raising its wings a little.

"I can't tell you what the crow's plans are since I don't speak any bird, specially crow."  I answer as the crow starts to flap its wings more, maybe it was irritated? Then grabbed the book with its talons and started to flap harder and harder buffeting Rachel and myself. "But I think it is doing it right now."

"Doing what? It can't lift the book, it is smaller than it and probably a lot lighter."

"Tell that to the crow then," I say as the book starts to lift out of my arms.

"This is impossible, common physics says the crow shouldn't be able to lift up the book."

The book slips out of my arms and starts to quickly rise, the crow calling out again maybe throwing a crow insult in Rachel's direction," Well.... I am thinking the crow doesn't care about physics."

Growl, "obviously..." Rachel replied as she watched the crow and book rise higher and higher, "still impossible though."

With one last CAWL the crow and the book was gone. The sound of beating wings quickly disappearing. "Well that should make Earl happy. So where to next? Shattered stone and chains?"

"Yeah, I guess," Rachel says shaking her head,"impossible. Let's get going. They aren't far from here."


*****


Before stepping out of the church, I peeked out just a little and my tail flipped all of its sensors to detect bad things that want to nom or do bad things. As an adventurer, I learned the hard way the first time or two to check before leaving a building or room to see if there are things outside with plans you might not like. The last time was the hardest and I vowed after that never again, who knew kola bears could do what they did then, I didn't! It took that to teach me to learn, peek before stepping out or else.

Spotting nothing and confirming it with my tail, I motion for Rachel to follow as I step out. Looking around again just in case, if there was fishies, dogs and shrimp who knows what else was out there. Maybe jellyfish! The slow ninjas of the deep with their poison tentacles, ick! Quickly I take a step back, making sure one wasn't sneaking up on me or I accidentally didn't step on one. They get you like that, just laying or floating about until squish! Then it is too late, they have squished you and soon the tentacles will do what tentacles do best, tentacle you.

Their name is a lie too! Jellyfish aren't made of jelly, they are just squishy and that is all. No taste, no nothing. No matter how much peanut butter you use, all you will get is a peanut butter and squishy sandwich, chewy and crunchy at the same time. Then I hear the only way to counteract the poison is to.... It is too gross to even think about it let alone mention it.  If one stings me I will have second and many more thoughts about doing it. I am not even sure how someone figured it out the first time. Hey I just got stung by a jellyfish let me zip, try this. Why would that even come  to your mind if you just got stung? Why?!?! There are countless other things I would have thought of first to be honest other than that. Ick!

Rachel stepped around me, looking down trying to figure out why I just stepped back. "Jellyfish," I told her before walking up to the curb. "Can't to be careful of them," I continue nodding my head slowly.

"Whatever..." Rachel answered, shaking her head as she joined me. Looking around I head off in that direction and I hear Rachel call out, "Other way."

I stop and slowly turn around, "Yeah, I forgot. Your village and everything. Lead the way."

Rachel just shook her head, gave me a look and headed in the other direction. From here it did look more sea-ish what with the water and everything. Carefully I reached up and took the banana milkshake from the top of my head, need to re-energize.

SLURP!

Mmmm....banana gold.

((What better place to pause then at banana gold? SLURP!!!!))

[Catherine]

Down the street we went keeping to the sides of the buildings just in case. There was a lot of just in cases now and probably several more that is unknown. Like that thing over there, that doesn't look natural and it is looking at me. "Rachel," I say trying to get  her attention, straw barely touching my lips as I nudge her with an elbow then motion with my head.

"What?" She asks, stopping in mid step to look in the direction I was motioning towards.

"Something unnatural at four o'clock," I said motioning  with my head again towards what I saw. Too make sure that whatever it is didn't catch on to knowing that we are onto it I take a sip of my milkshake, banana by the way. Banana gold. Have I told you that is good? I have? Ok, well it is good.

SLURP!

Rachel looked then squinted a little, "What did you see?"

"Ummm..... It looked like a little crab. Well bigger than little, probably two or three times bigger than a normal one."

"Nope not there."

"Are you sure," I ask as I turn to look and seeing nothing,"I thought I saw something. It was right over there," pointing to where I was motioning with my head.

Rachel shrugged, "either you didn't see something, which is probably the case or whatever you saw skittered off. I am voting for the first one." Then started to walk away.

"Well, that wasn't very nice but maybe I did see something," I replied as I started to follow Rachel again, pausing for a moment when I swore I heard the sound of fiddle music playing an ominous sound. "Nah.... Just hearing things," I whisper as I continue to walk away, my tail looking around for the source of the sound.

I kept my eyes peeled the rest of the time, lips to straw though. Can't forget the banana gold.

SLURP!

The view of the ocean opened up to us when we turned the last corner. A wooden dock pushing itself out into the water, firmly anchored into the stone paved harbor.while a lone boat bobbed up and down. Oh and birds flying overhead, can't forget them. Mine mine mine.

******

I expected to see a painter or three sitting there painting the scene. It was picture perfect what with the boat, ocean and dock with the birds flying above. But there was not a painter to be seen so....

*mental painting of scene time. The slip my imaginary hat off and put one  of those French hats on and puff my hair out. Now let's paint the pretty little waves. Shoot I don't have the right color blue to catch how the light filters through the clouds and hits the water over the large tentacle thingie right there.*

Of course maybe the fishies, dogs or shrimp chased them away or ick, ate them. That can't be good on their diet, what with the stuff in the paint. I am pretty sure there is a warning on the paint about eating or drinking paint, a simple warning 'Don't!' So if they ate the painters they would get sick and start urping burnt umber. Hopefully the fishies, dogs and shrimp thought of that and just chased the painters away.

Even from this distance I could see the shattered rock and chain laying there on the ground and a little bit in the wall here and over there. Whatever came out of the rock did it in a hurry. I would have hated to been here then. Yes it would have been as sight to see but I would have been in a world of ow!

"Um why didn't anyone clean this up?" I adidas I stepped over a large piece of rock. Rachel just looked at me, "Like I said the dogs and everything showed up right after the explosion. Cleaning up was the last thing on our mind at that moment if you think about it. Hiding snd saving our bacon was the most important thing then."

Nodding, "true, true." I stopped at the and looked at the gouges in the rock which I guess was the ones caused by the rock being pulled into land. Kneeling down, I could see how deep they went which sent up red flags and everything.  I put a finger into one trying to measure how deep it went, hoping what I was seeing was just a optical illusion but when half of my hand went in I knew better. "Okay wow, that had to be a heavy stone if it created that gouge in the stonework." Nodding a little as I stood back up, turned and scanned the scene.

"You think, I was across town and heard a scrapping sound when they dragged it in shore. Once they got it onshore it sat where it laid, it was a miracle or as I call it now a nightmare we got it to shore." Rachel said as she picked up a small rock and tossed it out back into the ocean,  I heard it skip across the water  a couple times before with a plonk sank below the water.

Quickly I removed the imaginary felt fedora and slipped on the imaginary investigator's sunglasses on, cool dramatic investigation music playing in my head as I started to go over the crime scene trying to piece everything back together. Since I suck at puzzles, it was going to take a while. Okay this piece goes with this piece and  this other piece goes here.....no it doesn't! The crack on one doesn't match the crack on the other, so close. Why do puzzles have to be so puzzling? This piece goes with this other.... No grrr..... I need to concentrate, I can't let the puzzle get the better of me. Let's try this piece and this other one, okay now these others. I got it! The stone was shaped like a stone chicken. That makes sense, the whole chicken of the sea thing. Wait a second, no it doesn't. Grr......

*imaginary had swipe to knock all the imaginary pieces apart to start over.*

As I start to assemble the pieces again in my head I hear Rachel, "That is strange...."

Strange? I can do strange? It is a lot better than a puzzle. Anxiously I turn around, "What?"

((Dramatic  pause mwhahaha ))

[Catherine]

"The boat in the harbor," Rachel answered me. I gave her a nervous look, "Um... That is where boats usually go or out in the ocean, lake or river."

I could hear the beginnings of a growl coming from Rachel, "I know that, but it isn't suppose to be there."

"Where is it suppose to be?" I asked as I played with a piece of rock with my foot.

"Well not there," Rachel answered and all I could answer is that it was."I can see it is now, but it shouldn't be."

"Why?"

"It sunk years ago. In fact, if I had to guess it sunk in that exact spot," Rachel answered as she turned to me pointing with a hand towards the boat or general location of the boat.

"Are you sure, maybe it just looks like the same boat. They do look alike sometimes."

"Well," Rachel said giving the boat a sideways glance, "I thought the same thing but the name of the boat is painted on the back of it and it is hard to forget."

"What? Why?" I ask as I take a couple steps to  get a better view of the back of the boat. My eyes getting big as I read the name, "Why would anyone name a boat that?" I asked unable to take my eyes off the back of the boat, not that I have anything for boat butts. I understand some people might but I am just a normal girl, well other than my tail and being super cute and adorable.

"I don't know, but that proves that it is the boat that sank. Another person wouldn't name their boat that."

I nod as I try to avert my eyes, "What was the owner thinking?"

"Well he went down with the boat so it is kind of hard to find that out. But something brought it up to the surface, barnacles and all."

I squinted for a moment. "I wondered what those were," I say as an octopus or something fell off the side of the boat. "I guess we should go out and take a look."

"Um no...."

"Why not?"

"I have had my fill of sea life today and that," Rachel pointed towards the boat again, "looks like it would be sea life central."

"Yeah, but isn't your curiosity piqued?"

"It is and that is where it will stay. I will stay here just in case you need help, that and the sea kayak," Rachel pauses to motion with her head towards what I thought was a log neck to the dock,"is built for one."

"Fine.... But how will you get out if I need help?"

"I will find a way and think about it this way, don't get into a situation that you need help."

I laughed, "okay, but I think you are just being chicken." I bring my hands to my sides and cluck twice before quickly getting into the kayak and out of striking range as a growl started to form.

"I am not a chicken," Rachel growled as I pushed away, safe unless she picked up something heavy and threw it at me, then I was sunk literally.

"Like the cyborg said, I will be back," I said as I started to paddle away. 


*****


Slowly I start to paddle out to the boat, my ears on high alert listening for a particular sound. You see there is one sound that you don't want to hear while you are on the water, duh duh duuuuh duh duh duh duuuuuh. Usually when you hear that sound it means something with a lot of pointy teeth, aka shark, is coming to nibble on you or something even worse. Usually from right underneath you too!

I don't know how the sound is made, maybe the shark carries a string instrument with it which would be kind of hard to play underwater. I would think it would be more swish then duh. Maybe a gurgle, but that is really pushing it. That and how would they play it, no hands! If it used its fins, how could it go up and down? There would be no way. As it played it would wiggle up and down, missing what it was going for.

Of course, the shark could be making the sound using its gills, similar but not really to how an alligator roars. It would take some training and a lot of practice but I guess it could do both as it swam around.

For a moment,  I thought I heard the beginning of a duh and stopped paddling so I could listen. Was it one there? It sounded like one. It was a little watery but that makes sense. You couldn't have a land duh in water, that only makes sense. If you hear a duh duh in the middle of a large body of water. It is either really loud and it is good you are in the water or it will sound muddy, more like a Blub then a duh. I think I just... Quickly I look around trying to find where it was coming from, so I could paddle in the opposite direction. Which is always a good idea.

I was getting desperate with my next idea, I could look and see if there is teeth streaking my way in a extreme way. It would help identify where the duhs was coming from but did I really want to see teeth of the sharp variety coming towards me? Just thinking about it caused me to shiver which almost made me flip the boat. Quickly dropping the paddle to grab onto the side of the kayak as I rocked back and forth.

I knew if I fell overboard I would be falling into something that wouldn't be pleasant. I have seen the movies, fall into the water and you come back wet and missing a limb or more. I don't mind the wet part but the missing part was what I was trying to avoid. That and if I fell overboard and the shark nibbled me and I got stuck in its teeth, what would it use as a toothpick? If you are going to be nomed by a shark you have to think about these things, especially if it entails the dental care of the shark. If it cones through a boat to get to you, it can use the wood of the boat as toothpicks and if you are in a rubber raft, then it can floss. See that makes sense now doesn't it?

But curiosity got the better of me and I had to look. Peeking over the edge I expected to see teeth coming closer and closer. They should have been here now unless it was a slow shark. Looking over board all I could see was the bottom of the harbor and a fish with a surprised caught in the act look on its face.

For a very long moment our eyes locked, the fish and I. Unblinking we just stared at each other. I watched as it open its mouth slowly and a bubble slipped out, blorp!

Was the shark hiding? Quickly I look around, looking fir anything that would identify something as a shark, like rows of teeth! But nothing, unless it was invisible then I would never be able to see it. It would be sort of cool though. I would be able to see myself inside the shark.

But nothing, just that fish who is right.... Where did it go? I look around trying to find There it is! What a second, I am hearing duh again. Is it the fish? It ,use have sensed my thoughts, look back before beating fin into wherever.

"What is the hold up?" I hear Rachel yell from the dock. "Faux shark," I answer without even thinking as I pick up the paddle.

"I have never heard of a faux shark."

"Nasty little things," I say before I start to paddle again, "the butt heads of the faux  family." I look over into the water as the kayak starts to slice through the water and I whisper to myself "definitely a butt head."

"Okay?"

((Needed to stop there for a reason. Reason seen next time.))

[Catherine]

The next is a creative burp. If you read the very first post of this topic you would see that Nichole Anne Marie Smirh, aka Monkey, originated in a rp here at the haven. Getting bored she decided to wander off and explore the world, thus leaving the rp and experiencing the world. A world well worth experiencing.

Like I said above I got a burp one day. You see the group is now in middle earth on a mission, my character is about to take some darts to the butt to knock her out. How do I know that? I am talking in the past tense and the gm told me it was going to happen. Anyway darts to the bottom, you know those hurt right? One isn't too bad... You feel a pinch and then the poison gets you but my character took like five and has the holes to prove it. I still haven't figured out why there was so many shot either. Maybe because she has a cute butt? Maybe her bottom is like a magnet and when the darts were shot, they were meant for others but were attracted to her derrière instead. Maybe she was subconciously protecting the rest of the group and took the darts meant for them, like butt kungfu. The world will never know, well I do actually. The story called for it. The darts to the butt were summoned using a powerful set of words,'the darts flew from the orcs' blow guns and found their target. She was surprised at first but sleep claimed her as the poison did its job'  . So why the burp? I don't know really, but burps are hard to explain anyways. After posting, I removed it since it it didn't really fit so I post it here since there are elves and Santa is mentioned.


******

I stay low as I follow the group from a safe distance. I know if I didn't  stay low,  I would have been caught by now and be leading a pony. That is a mistake done by many who find themselves in a strange land, make noise and be noticed. Not me though, I hit the ground and stayed low like going under a limbo stick and unnoticed. Okay there was that one time when I stubbed by toe, but that hurt and doesn't count.

Silently I switch hats from adventurer to spy, something is up and a spy always knows which way is up. That way. It is the  'guards', they look a little fishy with their pointy ears and that whole smell like air fresheners shaped like trees thing. I pick one of the slow ones that is off by itself and take him out, easier than I thought really since it looks like he has taken one too many pine combs to the head as he lays there unconscious. All it took really was a pinch on the neck and he crumpled. Dream well and dream of whatever pointy ears dream of.

Standing there inspecting the pointy ear, I notice something is off. Since I am a spy and I have been trained, I sort of can see things that are off and there is something off.  Let's see if I am right, Shall we? I reach down, pull the pointy ears cloak open and nod. What I see laying there proves everything.

Laying there, I can see that there are three of Santa's elves standing on each other's shoulders. All unconscious due to my nerve pinch. How do I know they are Santa's elves, kind of hard to not know. Green hats and everything and you can smell the hint of hot cocoa and cookies if you get close enough, which is masked by the air fresheners taped to the inside of the cloak.

What are they up too, I ask myself in stealth mode. I need to find out. Quickly I wrap the cloak around myself and lower my head. To help blend in I bring my hands up next to my head, under the cloak of course, to imitate the effects of pointy ears on cloaks. As I start to get closer to the group, I am finding that my disguise is nearly perfect and that no one suspects anything odd.

For a moment, i think my cover is blown and I am caught, when one of the pointy ears comes up to me and says something in a strange tongue. I think fast and being a spy I have an answer for him, "blah blah blah". There is no need to hold my breath, I am a spy and that answer works with a lot of things. The pointy ear shrugs and walks away and I am in. Let's see what happens, I tell myself, maybe their leader isn't so jolly this year.

((Sorry I just had to do this. There is no guards missing and Santa isn't trying to take over Middle Earth. Back to the story *click*))




Belated Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone. May your new year be amazing. May you smile and not one of those creepy smiles either. There are some other mays but I can't think of them at the moment.

I raise a banana milkshake for all of you. *clink* SLURP! Yum, Have I told you that banana milkshakes are good? What? I have.... Well they are, like banana gold.

Happy Holidays to you. Remember hands to the side of your head if you want to blend in with elves. The story will continue well next week.

[Catherine]

"Row, row, row your boat gently to the the strange boat that sunk and now isn't. Merrily, merrily, merrily hoping you don't get nomed by a shark."

I sung to myself as I continued to paddle out to the boat, listening for duhs and looking for fins. Other than the butt head fish, it has been quiet other than the lapping of water against the side of the kayak. Fin wise, I haven't seen any of those either. Wait a second, might have to change that. Nope just a seagull saying 'Hey' to a friend or something.

I continue to paddle out to the boat, I think I under estimated the distance really. I thought it was a couple hundred feet off shore but wow, I was wrong. For a moment I look back and see Rachel standing on the dock watching me probably just in case something happens. I am not sure what she could do really, other than yell really loud or throw a rock. It is not like she can run on water or anything ninja style. I can tell she doesn't have the proper training, since she is not wearing a black outfit or face mask or throw ninja stars or go poof in a cloud of ninja smoke. I understand if she didn't carry ninja throwing stars since if you forget about them and stick your hand in your pocket it would hurt a lot. So I give her a pass there but no black outfit, while gothie I think she might look good in or any ninja smoke bombs, pfft not a ninja.

Come to think about it, I have at least one of those, I should have tried running on water. The worse that can happen is I get a little wet behind the ears. I am doing it! Sink gurgle gurgle gurgle. I could try it now, run the rest of the way and everything, just it is deep here and I have never really given it a try, so maybe I should hold off. I don't need Rachel yelling out asking why I just stood up and looked like an idiot trying to run on water. If I need to, I will run back from the boat as something big, tentacled and pointy teethed chases after me.  More than likely frantically swinging my arms at the same time telling Rachel to run!

For a moment I consider I am being punk'd since I am not getting any closer to the boat. I mean I have paddled from back there to right here and the boat is right there, so I should have reached if by now. But nope, it is right there and I am right here. Dig deep little monkey girl. So on I paddle, the water erupting around me as a thing; group, pride, flock or whatever of flying fish erupt out of the water. Arching over the front of the kayak. It was really pretty to see the rainbow that was formed from the water droplets as they flew over. I was gong to check to see if their was a bucket of gold on one side and a dancing leprechaun since they are at the ends of the rainbow, but when I looked something special happened.

My face meeting the face of a flying fish. I would say the look on the fishes face was priceless, the look of shock and awe. But it wasn't and I think one of us screamed right before impact. SMACK! The cold sound of scales meeting flesh reverberated off the water around me as the boat rocked from side to side. Stupid fish, I growled as I tired to stop the boat from flipping, spitting scales out of my mouth. I could see it sitting there stunned, before shaking its head, blurping and flipping into the water.

Reaching for the paddle again, I looked just in case there was anymore flying objects of any sort. One fish was fine. Two fish not so much. A squid, I will pass. A whale and I will go splat. The air was clear so I paddled on and soon kayak meet boat, the dock way over there and I started to climb up the rope ladder slung over the side.

As I started to crawl onto the deck, I heard the snapping of fingers from below. Quickly I turned around to look and saw what looked like a tentacle slipping back into water. For a moment I flashed back to the ick monster back in the woods and the cricket bat. Without taking my eyes off the water, I climbed onto the deck and turned around. "Stay down there, especially if you have a cricket bat. My properly padded butt doesn't want to be bat hugged over and over." I said pointing down to the water, standing there just long enough to name sure there was no surprise cricket smacks in the my butts near future. Satisfied I turned around and tried  to come up with a plan.

Hmm...let me see....


*******


The boat was biggish so something was here unless bubbles brought it up to the surface, which I really doubt. Bubbles don't work that way as far as I know. No big bubble conspiracy, boo the bubbles are here to take over the world boo. They will pop right in front of you, spraying you and making you wet boo. They will dance up your nose and make you sneeze boo. Soon the sky will be filled with them raining bubble pain on all of us. Beware beware you can see it in their bubble exterior.

*giggle*

No no. That is funny though. I can imagine the saying on the posters 'POP! Goes the  revolution.' Run! The bubbles are coming!

*imaginary laugh and roll on the deck just in case something is around*

Okay to funny, I whisper to myself as I wipe my eyes. I hope that doesn't start to spread. The whole bubble bath industry would crash when people think that they are cloning bubble warriors and then don't even start me in the bubble blowing industry.

"Why are you making them stronger for?"

"So they don't pop."

"Right....Why are trying to make an indestructible bubble, you are secretly doing for the bubble overlords aren't you?!?"

"No, just trying to make it so they don't pop so easy."

"Right, I Bet that is what the bubble overlords told you to say."

"There is no overloads!"

"Right" *wink*

"There isn't"

"Right' *wink*, "viva la bubble."

"Viva la bubble!"

"I knew it! "

So unless there is a bunch of evil power hungry bubbles out there planning to take over the world one boat at a time or something. Which is sort of  air headed, ugh bad bubble joke. I needed to look for something non bubble on the boat. Not sure what it could be but I have a funny feeling once I see it I will know it is that. 

Looking around the deck, I could tell it was up here sunning itself. No chairs or umbrellas set out. Nothing moving really other than that squid over there, poor little um guy? Not sure how you can tell the difference from a little boy squid and a little girl squid.

Slowly I walk over to the little squishy thing as I pull out the Boy Scout manual. Let's see if it can help.... Flip flip flip. Ladybugs , don't be fooled by their name. No flip flip. Bears - what do they do in the woods and do you really want to know? Ew no. Flip.

There it is, Squids - how to tell which bathroom they go in. Okay and well interesting. Enlightening in a non enlightening kind of way. So this is a.... Carefully I pick up the squishy squid, flipping it over several times and comparing it to the diagrams. Not measuring it though, you don't pull out tape measure and put it up against a stranger unless you are a seamstress, that is just weird. Okay it looks like it could be a...suddenly the squid squirmed and SQUIRT.

"What in the?" I yell as I brought a hand up and with  one good wipe could see again. The squid still in hand, giving me that puppy dog eyes that only squids could do, which don't really work on a person that just wiped ink from their eyes.

"Let me help you," I growled as I pulled my hand back and let the squid fly. A little black trail tracing its path back home. KERSPLASH! A ink spray thank you later, at least I think it was a thank you and the squid was gone. Free to do what squids do.

Time for a tour, hopefully not a three hour one either.


*****

So far I can't say too much with what I am seeing, barnacle and see anemones. So I am thinking who or whatever brought the boat up to the surface wanted to keep the ocean theme. Well under the ocean theme, any carpet is going to be ruined definitely. Especially with the water still sitting around, you would think they would take the effort after raising the boat to maybe get a wet dry vac or a sham wow and get all of the water up, but no. Puddle of water here and puddle of water there, in fact there is a starfish in that one. I have to remember that if something is chasing me.

Little known ninja secret, starfish can be used for make shift throwing stars if you are in a pinch. Especially if that pinch includes be chased down by something with tentacles, beak and claws and bat wings. Then starfish are great, anything is to be best at that point, even the kitchen sink. Although I have found that kitchen sinks don't keep their aim to good. They doing spin or anything, you throw and they most of the times they hit the ground. Not to cool looking when you throw them, especially if the faucet spins around and hits you in the back of the head when you throw the sink. Hiyah, eat this! WHACK! Although the chrome would catch the light just right, maybe if they.... Now that would take the throwing stars to the next level, chrome them! They would sparkle, twinkle and a couple more nkle type words as they flew. The target would be amazed and bedazzled, standing there and staring at the stars as they flew right at them. Maybe I will need to look into that later.

I walk around looking;steering wheel, disks, pull things, the little Hawaiian dancing girl Bobble doll with some stuff growing on it. It has bobbled its last bobble I say. Some seaweed covering up a calendar that is...... Say it is puppies that would be cute. Carefully I push the seaweed out of the way and quickly draw my hand back. Eek! Okay definitely not a puppy calendar, key word is definitely. Puppies don't look like that, there were.....

*mental bar of soap to clean out the last thought that was interrupted.*

Okay not sure why that didn't dissolve away or anything. It makes sense that it didn't though, in a strange way. I don't  know what that way is but there is a way.

Not to much else in room number one, time to hit the stairs over there and see what the bowls of the boat hides. Please don't let it be beans, I don't need boat phpt.

((boat phpt is the worse. Seagulls land on your tongue and their feathers go up your nose.))

[Catherine]

Squeak! Squeak! Squeak! Goes the steps as I go down them. Stepping over various inanimate sea life, which really shouldn't be kept on the stairs since it creates a tripping followed by a falling hazard.

Nothing special with the stairs other than that. I am not sure what I was expecting really, after the maze of madness other stairs pale in comparison.  No way others would match those at all, the endless up and down. Feet hurting, begging for it to end and when you think you have reached it, there are another flight of them. I actually became an expert that day on stair identification.

Quickly I turn and point to the stairs that I just descended and mentally announce stairs. *proud pose * I still have trouble with escalators though, they look like stairs but they aren't. It doesn't help that they move which prevents proper identification of them.  Since they are usually made of metal you can't dart them either, darts just go flying off of them and well..... Okay there was that one time, I did the whole blow dart thing and I thought I had it and well I still feel really bad. The nun was in the wrong place at the wrong time and poke, dart in the butt. She looked happy as she fell, I heard that her sleep was peaceful too. Honest it wasn't my fault! How was I suppose to know that, that would happen. A million to one shot, okay the last part was not appropriate since it is still to soon. I just don't get in the habit.... Ugh that one wasn't good either. Anyways those are stairs over there so let's move on.

Now comes the tricky part, which since I haven't got any training in the aqua art of where to go or how do I get somewhere is going to be kind of hard. Let me see, only two ways to go really other then back up the stairs. Towards the front of the boat or the back of the boat, I know they call them something else but front and back work just fine. Not like I am going to confuse myself or others.

Go to the front if the boat.

Which way is that? I get confused sometimes. Is the front the back on boats?

No! It is the front. Go to front. That way towards the front.

Which is?

That way, the signs are pointing that way. Ignore the weird word, it means front just follow where it is pointing.

Eye, eye captain.

Yes I have two now get going.

Okay there was an exception but I won't get confused. It is that way, in the direction I am heading. Towards the door with skull and crossbones painted on it, which isn't a good sign but maybe just maybe there will be parrots instead of pirates. Please let there be a parrot, no hook arms or peg legs or eye patches please.....


******

Slowly the door swings open, so slow the movement of it isn't noticeable. I could do the whole foot to door and hiyah thing, but something flashes into my mind. The scene of the door flying open, me standing there, the door swinging back and BANG! Door meets face! Not anyone else's face but mine and since that doesn't sound like fun, slow and no banging is good.

As the door swings open I crouch, I am already a small target but being a smaller one is even better. Any pirates or parrots on the other side would never expect that and would fire over my head before adjusting.

The room beyond was what I expected, the ocean motif carried throughout with barnacles, see anemones and water. If I closed my eyes it would feel like I was under water, realize I am under the water and running out of air and try to swim to the surface. Failing at that due to gravity. Yeah I would try to jump, but jumping under water doesn't do to well even if the water doesn't exist. Of course if I closed my eyes I wouldn't see the ocean motif and just stand there giving something an opening to sneak up and possibly nom a leg or worse.

Looking around it looked a normal room decorated with ocean stuff and a large pile f sand in the middle of a room. Which isn't normal to see in boats, well the sea stuff too but I meant the large pile of sand. Not to many captains allow sandboxes in boats, unless they are manned by cats, then maybe yes. But cats and water don't mix, I think they float on the top like oil maybe, not sure though and I really don't want to test that.

"What are you doing young lady?"

"I am testing a theory," I respond as I pull back a hand.

"Which is?"

"If cats float in water like oil," I answer as I throw a cat really far. Away from any possible obstructions that might dirty the findings.

Yeah that isn't a conversation I want to be part of, cruel and unusual. Although I  have heard of catfish so maybe.... No no they don't have fur and they blurp not meow. Well there are those one fish I saw once on tv that had fur but those didn't look catlike, more trout like with fur coats if anything.

Without blinking I switch from the imaginary adventurer hat to the imaginary detective hat. Playing an imaginary black licorice pipe in my mouth. Not the best tasting imaginary pipe but it was either it or a bubble gum one and have you ever tried to get imaginary bubble gum out of your hair, almost nearly impossible. It's like it isn't really there but it isn't. I have seen it trap mimes and that is impossible to do, since they can carry just about everything without you even knowing it.

 Slowly I circle the sand pile looking for any signs, you know the ones that would quickly identify the purpose of the sand. So far no go, no pail trails or little shovel tracks. No paw prints or even fin prints. Is that a hoof print?

I lean in and kneel down, picking up some of the sand a letting it fall between my fingers. Definitely feels like sand. I would taste it but I dint know where it has been. Listen or talk to it? I am not a sand whisperer so that is a no go. So that is confirmed, it is sand.

So not a cat box and not a sand box, so what is it?

Hmmmm.....

Maybe the sandman urped here after a night of nightmares. That makes sense, but the sand didn't feel right. Nothing dreamy about it, more itchy and scratchy if it gets in your bathing suit.

Pulling out an imaginary magnify I started looking for smaller clues. Maybe whoever made this pile of sand used small pails and shovels. Nope no signs of those, just some grains of sand leading off towards the back of the boat.

"Let the chase commence," I whisper, "or however the saying goes."


*****


The trail of fine sand leads me out of the room and down the hallway. I pause for a moment at the bottom of the stairs, that is the logical place where it would have come from. Up there above deck, brought in from a beach or the bottom of the harbor. Still don't know why though. Maybe they collect it? This flake of sand is from this beach I visited once and it was really rainy that day. Now this one is from a little beach, the crabs were practically mean there. Okay and  that one over there is from a beach that I found one day, it just got done raining and I followed a rainbow to it. Need to get better organization if they do though, some type of filing system. Maybe a bar code on each or an rfid chip.

Scanning the stairs like only a detective with a magnify glass can, I didn't find traces of any sand bits heading up. "Strange.." I said to myself as I do the standard detective thinking pose, one arm across chest as the other hand rubbed chin. Unless sand can appear out of thin air, there was only logical source indubitably. Had to throw in that last word due to wearing the imaginary detective hat, rules or something.

Slowly I lean per over, imaginary black licorice pipe in mouth. PUFF PUFF. Hmm.... Now knowing what to look for, sand under foot, it becomes clearer now. The path leads that way, to the butt of the boat. What lies behind the door? Is it the killer? Will the murder weapon be found? Will I finally find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?

Slowly I take the doorknob, the chill in the metal doing what chilled metal does. I could feel my tail slow its sway and peek over my shoulder, interested on what drug the sand all over the place and made a mess. Turning it, the doorknob, I expected a squeak or something but it just turned and then I heard the pop of the lock.   

Now in the movies this is the time that whatever is on the other side of the door, will give it a good yank. Pulling the cute and adorable heroine causing her to tumble into its grasp or into something sharp and pointy, wood or possibly metal. I prepare by bracing myself and taking the doorknob in both hands . There would be no way that I was going to be a monkey on a stick, no way.

The door edged open more and more revealing the room on the other side. I don't know what I was expecting really. Something sandy maybe, even something big and sandy with red glowing eyes, nothing says monster other than red glowing eyes. Yeah a machete does a little when it is dripping blood but that could be ketchup really. Bit all there was a room. A room with walls, ceiling a floor. Nothing interesting in it, no signs of why the whole thing with the sand. Just a hole I the floor and nothing else.

Maybe my sleuthing is rusty, I told myself as I closed the door. I haven't done it in years really and I have been meaning to shine the magnifying glass and blow the dust of the hat but got busy and well you know. Time walked, no ran away as fast as possible. Maybe whatever did the sand, covered its trail and gave me a fake one to follow. It's hard to know when you have found a real trail and a fake one sometimes, the counterfeiters now a days do a really good job at making them. Taking extra care to wear them just right so they look legit. You see most people faking trails doubt put the extra effort into them and they look too new compared to the surroundings. If all of a sudden you find a trail that looks old and then it looks new, so new it looks like it was made five minutes ago, red lights should be flashing and horns blaring. You are on a fake trail.

Oh well, I guess back to the sand trail and see where.... Wait a minute! I threw open the door and looked again, hole! In the bottom of the boat! But how? Holes usually mean water gushing in but it isn't. Quickly I run over and look, then poke it with a toe. It is a hole alright and that is water, but something is preventing it from coming in. Looking closer I can see something under the boat, down towards the bottom of the harbor. Something fishy duh duh duh. Three duhs mean it is more interesting, curiosity piqued.

There is only one thing to do and that is to take off the imaginary detectives hat and put on a imaginary swimmers cap on. Those things are always so tight and give me a headache. Moments later and a snap, swimmers hat engaged.

*ninja art of holding breath a lot so I don't  go glug glug under the water*

As I prepare, taking a step toward the edge and throwing my arms straight up, I hear the snap of another swimmers cap coming from my tail. Looking back it gives me a thumbs up like tails do as it strapped on a tank of oxygen.

Giving my tail a nod, I walk to the edge of the hole and sorting ceiling ways, bend and slip into the water.,

Brrr....someone should have told me it was cold.

((Turn around please and give a girl some privacy so she can get changed. Jeez....until next time.))

[Catherine]

Down I go through the ocean no, sea no, harbor yes that sounds good. Down I go through the ocean depths like monkey to water. Nichole Anne Marie Smith, unofficial sea monkey. Don't try to find me in those little bags of things you can buy in magazines or find in museums. Those aren't really monkeys, but we are related in some weird sort of genetic way. After their ancestors came on land then  turned back around and went back to the ocean depths, they sort of evolved in a sea sort of way. Not sure why their ancestors turned back around, maybe it was too hot or dry for them.

I would say it was pretty, swimming down, but everything was so wet and blah. Looking around everything was so dark and I had to stay in full know everything that was swimming around and possibly come out of the dark and give me a teeth massage. I was out of my environment and in theirs and all I would be able to do is blurp if let's say a great white shark decided to say 'Hey, I am going to eat you now' to me.

There was some stuff swimming around, the usual sea and water stuff. Nothing dog like, fish on two legs like or shark like. So I keep monkey paddling down wishing I had packed a mini sub after a while. I think if they had one of those 'you are here' maps, I would be all my monkey seeing where I was at, how far I had to go and that there was a palace made of seashells not by the seashore over there.

You can't keep a monkey girl down, well you can but she is going to be kicking and screaming quite a bit, so down I go. Down, down and more down. Down to where the fish have flashlights on their heads because it is so dark. Down to where the bottom is and the stone I saw from way above.

Looking at it, I can see there is some strange markings that look particularly old and ancient engraved on it. The barnacles and stuff add just the right feel of being there for a really long time to the stone. To me they look like a bunch if lines, squiggles and circles but to someone else it might mean something. I could pull out the boy scout manual, but paper and water don't mix to well. Gets all mushy and pulpy. Makes it hard to read. Hey look I finally found that book I have always wanted to read, well pooh bear it is starting to run through my fingers.  Let me see how it.... No! I can't flip the page, the ending will never be known. I won't know if..... Or if...... Or how this other thing was done. No......

*imaginary cry under water which is useless*

Only one thing to do, mental Polaroid and hope it develops. Then hopefully the manual has something or I can find someone who can read ancient. I stop paddling for a moment, framing the rock just right and SNAP! There is a flash of light, startling all of the fish swimming around and the red headed mermaid over there. Then I blurp a bubble and watch it race its way up to the surface. Away from water since like cats air doesn't like to be wet.

Like a monkey after a banana I race to the top. It has no arms or legs I am so going to win.

****

I paddle and paddle hard to get to the surface , no bubble is going to stick its tongue out at me because it won. No way no how. It might try too, but nope. No sticking tongues out unless it is mine. I mean once it got around that I got beat by something without arms and legs, people would point a giggle and I would think there is a sign on my back or a booger  swinging from my nose or I got a bit of something in my teeth. None of which I would have; back is sign free, no booger friends ranging down and I make sure there is nothing between my teeth. Especially after that one event. I would tell you about it since it was an event but if I stopped swimming to tell you, one I would let all of the air in my lungs out. Which wouldn't be good for me , I sort of like having air in my lungs. It keeps my lips from turning blue for one reason. The second. Reason is air keeps me from passing it. Which I don't mind doing in a bed  but not underwater. The second thing that would happen if I stopped swimming is I would sink back down towards the bottom,p and I am going in the opposite direction. So,,..yeah. Don't want that then.

Let me confirm it with my tail, yeah it is saying up is right and down is a draw of the tail. So my ascent continues and I star to catch up with the bubble. Closer and closer and I can start to see the light.

"I got you," I gasped as I broke the surface, water going all over as I threw my arms up. I would have done my happy dance but I was in the water, making dancing really hard and I am not a bad winner. No rubbing in a victory, just throw up the sign of the 'V', smile and say good job to the others. That is right I didn't say the not winners or anything, we all win in our own special way in this race. If you think about it, We could have both suffered the Jonah syndrome, which neither of us wanted I think. I know I personally didn't want to be swallowed by a whale. That is just......ick! Who knows what is in a whale? Who knows when was the last time it brushed its teeth or used a breath mint? The bubble just bobbed there for a moment before just popping, maybe it was mad for loosing the race. I told it good job and it will  beat me the next then it just POP!

With a little bit of a frown, I pulled myself up out of the water and stood there thanking for the cute and adorable rules.

Cure and adorable rule #69. -  the cute and adorable will be dry as they leave a liquid. Unless it makes them even more cute and adorable then it can stay.

I blink once as my body immediately dries, Time to get to work!

Well hopefully it is time.


*****

I grab my bag and take a couple steps away from the hole before sitting down, that should give me just enough time if something tentacle related or arm with claw related come out of it. You see most people get comfortable after getting out of the water, just look at the movies which proves that.

"Oh I am safe now, I am out of the water and the bad old monster can't get me. I will just stand right here just inches away, while it sits there watching and hoping that I will slip and fall back into the water so it can eat me. Ha ha you can't get me. " and smack butt in a teasing way at the sea monster.

Yeah no, sea monsters aren't limited to just water. If they want to they can reach out and touch someone with hand, tentacle, mouth or whatever else they have. So I will sit over here, facing the water too. That is important too, facing away allows for surprises and I don't like the tentacle wrapped around the body and being dragged back into the water type of surprises. It sounds fun in the claw the ground sort of way but no. Line drawn in crayon here.

Sitting cross legged, I pull out the book of all knowledge or as some call it 'Boy Scout Manual' and start to flip through it. 'How to open a bottle with your big toe', ok why? Who tested that and why can I imagine the scene.

A man is thirsty but just can't get the cap off his drink. "Here let me get that for you," another man says as he starts to take off a shoe and sock, wiggling his toes a little to stretch the muscles. "What are you?" The first man says as the other raises his foot towards the bottle. The other man answers with, "I am going to open it for you," as his foot edges closer and closer. In shock, the first man just stares as other man wraps his big toe around the cap and gives it a clean jerk. Pppfffftttt goes the bottle and the sound of the bottle cap hitting the ground can be heard ringing in the mens' ears, "uh thanks."

That would make everything taste like foot. Simply disgusting. I don't want to taste foot when I am thirsty, don't want to really taste foot when I am not either. FLIP FLIP and more FLIP. How to see in the dark with your eyes closed. Okay, Sounds a little batty to me. Might have to try that it out. I read a little bit, yeah definitely batty since it calls for screaming and listening. Also a lot of banging into things too.  FLIP FLIP. Poison Ivy - The three leaves of itchiness. Tell me about it, I have had enough experience with that stuff. I could probably write a.... Oh look I did write the article, interesting since I don't remember putting words to paper. FLIP FLIP FLIP. Squiggles, lines and circles - How to decipher the ancient. "Now this should help I think" I whisper as I pull out the mental snap shots I took, giving them a little shake to help them develop a little more.

Hmmmm these old mental Polaroids are the best. They give just the right feel to everything, classic and ageless. No way they are going digital mental anytime soon, people would complain I think. Yes the digital mental would be crisper and everything but the nostalgia would be lost and that is what you want with mental photos.

Okay it looks like there is somethings that are a little off with the photo, little wonky color things happening here and there but still quite useable, but it should work. Let's get deciphering. Let's see what is first, it looks like a squiggle. It could have been a fish that flipped on its side, but I will go with a squiggle since I see no bubbles or fins.

I start to scan the page, finger running over the page to keep me focused. It looks like a squiggle means this, interesting I would have thought it would have meant something else. Mentally I flip open a notepad and write what the squiggle kit mean and move to the next symbol, a series of three lines that are stacked on top of each other. Which is good, it keeps the symbol organized and everything simple, well as simple as an ancient written language that no one writes anymore can be.

Again my finger flies across the page in search of the three lines on too of each other. It was easy to find the single line one, which means something else if it is at an angle. Two lines probably means two lane road maybe and no, no it doesn't. Okay which makes sense now really. On to the cat looking thing, thar should be easy to find since that is quite unique, got it and it isn't a cat?

It looks like a cat but it says it is really suppose to be a pig. Looking at the imaginary Polaroid again and even using a imaginary magnify glass I am just not seeing it. No snout or curly tail and it definitely not built like a big as in round. Someone should should have studied pigs more, maybe put one up on a pedestal or something, so they could capture pig instead of a cat. Unless something happened and we are now calling cats pigs and pigs cats. Which would change the whole hamburger industry if you think about it. Can I have a McMeow with cheese meal please? Ick! It tastes fun but ick.

Someone would find the cookbook and run out into the street yelling how the McMeow is made from cats and everything. Some would lick their lips, addicted to the taste of the McMeow. Riots and protests would happen, cities would burn. Finally an army of purple things would come out and well..... Not so pretty.

So pig, oink oink....Interesting. I pause for a moment to rub my chin wth an imaginary hand as I think of the interesting then write a note down in the imaginary notepad and continue to the donut. This one is difficult, it could mean so many things, especially if it is glazed or has sprinkles. If it is a yeast donut or cake one, is it gluten free? Maybe it isn't a donut but the black sheep of the donut form, the bagel! So many options, this is going to be the hard one to translate. Okay here it is. *point*

So now if I look at my notes and make some assumptions and connections then of course make it into a sentence and not a lot of gobbly gook, words thrown down on a page or something like that. Then read in and out of it, looking for secret meanings between the lines and letters. A message starts to form, one that hopefully points me in a direction not on this boat, which is would be good since if evil was on the boat it wouldn't be that big and menacing.  More like..... A poodle or chihuahua trying to be menacing. Just pat it on its head and go 'you are just the cutest little thing.'give it a little pinch on the cheek and move on as it yips at you. I was a getting a little disappointed.

Let me see the message says..... Sheep have wool. What the? Why would the ancients leave a message like that at the bottom of a harbor? Oops forgot to carry the one and let's do some little additional work and now this makes sense, little more ominous top and explain the cat pig.

*clear throat*

Evil will come from the sea. Which  I sort of figured out, bringing things with it that man has never seen before. Knew that to, jeez the ancients like telling you things you already knew. It will venture on land bringing screaming and that one expression, you know the one with the hands to the side if the face and "aaaahhhh!" Sort of figured. It will be found in a building of meat and potatoes cut into shapes. Okay..... Never saw that coming.

Carefully I put the mental Polaroids away as I stand, slipping the manual into my bag as I walk back upstairs. Rachel will probably have a good guess where the building of meat and potatoes cut into shapes could be. Just have to get to shore and ask her.

What is the worse that can happen between here and there. I am here and I can see there and it looks peaceful other than that one bird circling about with the funny look on its face.

"Don't even think about it," I growl as I climb down the side of the boat to the sea kayak tied along side.

((bird dribblings are the worst. No respect and they just ignore yelling and scream. Until next time))

[Catherine]

I get the feeling that I have done this before as I paddle back towards the dock, but this time in reverse. It gives me time to think and strategize for the unknown. Which is kind of hard to plan for really, so many factors to take into consideration and stuff. What if the evil has big bat wings? What if they are small? What if the bat wings are paper mache and the evil is just one giant piñata? What about the tentacles? Which are ick since they have those, well just everything says ick with tentacles. But with there is just one tentacle? What if there are a bunch of them that glow in the dark and beep when you touch them? That stuff sort of matters when you strategize. Especially if they beep, that throws off the hold thinking and speaking thing.

Stop BEEP I BEEP like BEEP hugged BEEP this.

It would sound like you are being censored all of the time and you would start questioning what you just said and you would start second guessing everything. Then third and fourth guessing. It would just be a mess. Basically a finger up and down over lips moment.

Not wanting a headache and knowing where my hands have been, in the dirty water where the fish poop, I stop strategizing and let my mind go blank. It doesn't take to much thinking power to paddle so why not, I just stare at the destination and enjoy the peace and quiet. Not realizing at first, that Rachel is waving at me.

Being polite, I raise a hand and wave back. "Hey, I found a clue," I shout at Rachel. She doesn't respond with a nod or an ok. No she responds by waving her other hand at me. I think she missed me and us just happy I came back.

"I missed you too, I will be right in." I shout to her, getting closer and closer, not realizing how frantic Rachel's waving is. It isn't a friendly 'hey, how are you?' Wave it is more of a something really important is happening wave.

Rachel starts to insert new things into the waving, like a lot of pointing in my general direction. "I know," I say with a smile, "it's me. I am coming."

"No stupid!" Rachel yelled, "look behind you!"

"Hey that isn't...." I start to say as I turn to look back, the last word I was about to say stolen from my lips at what I was seeing. Not good, I tell myself as I watch tentacles wrap around the boat I was just on. Which means whatever is the owner of said tentacles is not small by any means. From here I could hear the cracking of wood as the tentacles wrapped around the boat and started to crush it.

It brought up so many questions, one being why. Why in the world bring the boat up to the surface to only crush it? It could have been easily crushed under water, even at the bottom of the harbor really. They, it or whatever could have taken their time with it then and kept the birds from getting it dirty. Really poor planning on someone's part. Let's bring the boat up, let it sit there for a little while and then crush it while we drag it back to the bottom where it was. Couldn't we just crush it down here? QUIET! Do not question me, I am the evil thing that came from the rock. BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! Bare beak hidden under tentacles and flare out wings in a menacing way so minions know I am not kidding, hopefully it isn't windy though.

I just float there for a moment, captivated at the destruction until I saw something quickly make its way through the water at me. I thought it might have been an eel at first, but then I connected the dots snd those lead me back to the boat. "Oh no no," I said I quickly turned back around and started to paddle. I would say I had a thing for tentacles, but I don't. They have a thing for me! In fact they liked wrapping themselves around me and doing things to me that usually hurt, my properly padded bottom could attest to that.

I don't what it is, that attracts the tentacles to me, but I wasn't going to wait and ask  either. That and I have heard tentacles are notorious  non-talkers, so off I shot. From sitting there to going as fast as possible. I dint need to look back, my tail told me that the tentacle was keeping up. Which is good, the not looking but being told part, since if I looked I would more than likely run into something. Be it a bird, fish or a boat snd I preferred to steer clear of those. Bird. Dodge. Fish. Dodge. Dolphin jumping out of the water. Oh pretty and dodge.

What do I need to do to lose the tentacle, I asked myself. Quickly I did a ninety, kicking up some water as I did and took off across the harbor with the tentacle on my tail. I tried a couple more turns and some other things and the tentacle stayed with me as I shot from one side of the harbor to the next. Every so often I would glance over to the dock and see Rachel standing there entertained, which didn't help the situation whatsoever,

I scanned the landscape, well waterscape in the harbor, and didn't see too much I could work with other than water, some seagulls which I could throw at the tentacle, the dolphin I passed up or the buoy sitting right there. BOINK!

* idea bulb goes off over head *

Quickly I do some fancy turns, not to lose the tentacle just to steer him, she or it to a certain point. Now if I am lucky the tentacle won't realize what is about to happen. At the last moment I monkey hop the kayak and grind the edge of the buoy, doing a mctwist half Nelson with a squirt of lemon and a biscuit on the side. Behind me as I caught air I could hear the distinct sound of tentacle hitting a very heavy buoy. THUNK!!

*imaginary smile with white of light glints and thumbs up*

I  kick the kayak sideways as I hit the water and start heading towards the dock. In my mind I could see the stars spinning around the tentacle, "Sleep well and dream what tentacles dream of. Just don't tell me what that is okay. That is definitely TMI."

As the boat approached the dock, I gave Rachel a look.

"What is that for?"

"Yeah you just stood there watching as I rowed back and forth across the harbor with a tentacle on my tail. You didn't raise a finger to help at all." I answer intensifying the look.

"Yes I did and it was entertaining."

"Thanks..." I said stepping out of the kayak, almost loosing it and falling into the water.

"You are welcome. So what about the clue you found?"

((A clue? Duh duh duh...))