Tails of Monkey - Adventure awaits!

[Catherine]

I guess the answer is ‘no’  when two white robes rush me from either side. The olde grab a person by their hands so they can't do anything tactic. The standard move by those wanting to grab a person. Yes that would work on most people but not one trained in Hou Quan, oh and has a tail. Now who would that be? Hmm.... Oh yeah me!

* big monkey girl smile *

At the last very second, before I hope that hands can grab me, I drop! Feet going out in the splits, which of course catches them by surprise. A "What the?" followed by the sound of thunk could be heard as I roll out of the way and into a handstand. "Hello," I say spinning around to face them, still on my hands, as my tail waves to them.  I watch as they get down, wait no get up. Some things are a little confusing when you are upside down, up is down and down is up or is that up is up unless down is up on everything third Thursday in months that end in a letter. Well they stand up or is that down, so confusing, they get up or is that ergh..... Okay I can fix the confusion swirling about with a simple little flip. The world does the vertical spin as hands fly out and Tadah!

"That was amazing," I hear myself say as I curtsy. That last part was pushing it though, which was confirmed when I felt the icy grip....please let it be a hand and not a tentacle. Please....Please....Please.... I don't want suckers on the skin. Okay I am feeling a finger and a finger and a finger and a finger and an opposable thumb. Yay, it's a hand!

Of course in the ruins of madness it could have been a tentacle and it would have fit. What with the madness and everything. Oh mighty Cthlu.....oops I should stop there, copyright infringements and everything, oh and accidentally summoning an ancient God isn't on my to do list today. See I can show you, see not on the list.


***

But hey since I am being held I should try something fun. Of course I should. SPROING! Up I jump and I can see the robe tracking me with its opening.Don't worry I am not going to fly away, I tell them in my mind. At the highest part of the jump I remove my boots, what did you think I was walking around without something protecting my toesies? Ick gross unless it is a grassy field, then I have to watch out for cow brownies or slugs. Let me tell you, you don't want to step on a slug bare footed. Ick and ick! It squishes and not in a good way either.

Where was I? Oh yeah shoes coming off and stuff. With agility and a side of adorability I do like a twist and something in mid air and grab the robes arm with my feet. The look on the robe was priceless, like 'What? What are you doing? How? No. Stop.', I should have taken a photo for memories. Pause mid move. Pull out smartphone. Take a not selfie, I so should have thrown up the bunny ears behind him. Put it all away and continue.

In one fluid move I bend backwards and down, ergh.......Come on gravity let me have this one.

In the corner of one of my eyes I can see the other white robe, who got thunked, trying to sneak up. Need to time this, I tell myself.  Ergh.... I bend back more and put  my weight into it, I don't want to hear anything about the weight either. I weigh just the right amount for my height and adorability. So blah!

* tongue out *

I hear a "What the?" coming from white robe number one, the one my feet are holding on to, as I flip him up in the air and THUNK right on the top of the other white robe's head. Of course I let go and do a little spin and dance in the air, slipping on my shoes and double knotting them so shoe goblins can't untie my shoe lace, then land.


***

"That was fun..." I laugh looking around to the other white robes. Yeah there are more of them than me but it feels about right.

"Are you going to get the last lock?" Dee calls out.


"You will have too," I answer back,"the manual should help. I will hold off the white robes."

***

I hear the sound of a hand slicing through the air, the way it sounds it has the unique sound of heading towards my head or neck. Interesting choice of hand slicing really, only those trained in the martial arts decide to do the hand slices or some call them 'chops'.

Quickly I play it in my mind, the whole turning the head and chop. I don't want to give the white robe the satisfaction of the look of ow on my face. He or she will get all smug and everything, head will inflate and the robe won't be able to stay upright and over they go. Head too big for slapping the monkey girl.

* Dismissive wave *

That I can't have happen. No..no...

I can sense the hand coming closer and  I start to estimate the time of impact and come up with, any moment now! Tail to block! Not a fancy parry though, so the hand just goes sort of  bouncing off. It would have been really cool if a ‘use the movement of the hand against itself’ and have it chop the stone at my feet move was done. But nope, my tail did the whole absorb the movement a little and just stopped the hand. Maybe it was afraid of the robes nails, they did look like they needed to be trimmed.


"Oh hi there Mr or Mrs Chop someone when they aren't looking," Quickly I bounce up onto the tip of my tippy toes, like a ballerina. Then start to spin around, again like a ballerina, behind the white robe.

Don't ask me how, the tail is a mystery to me sometimes too. Many of nights I spent talking to it, it sits there telling me stories of its adventurers and I sit there amazed and a little lost. Aren't you attached to my butt? How did you do all of those… Anyways the tail pulls or pushes back on the man's hand, SPROINGING it back at white robe's face I think. As the hand goes back, one of mine goes forward in the standard ninja art of the shoulder chop. Wacha!

* Double twin two hand, but not the same person's hands, chop!?*

Down goes the white robe, crumpling into a pile of unconsciousness. My leg swishing over the robes head umm..... let's go with head. I spin one more time like a cute ballerina. If I had a tutu that would have added some flair, but look at my outfit, does a tutu go with it? Nah...Okay maybe, but tutus and ruins don't mix. Bad things happen when they get together. What you want an example? Umm....the Minotaur.

You see, it has long been forgotten, that someone wore a tutu into the ruins they call a 'maze'. Really not too much to a maze, I hear. A bunch of turns and that is all. But I hear someone wore one in and the gods didn't like it so blam! Minotaur create to keep the tutus out of ruins. Honest monkey with that one, I think I made it up somewhere. Seriously have you seen a Minotaur wearing a tutu, nope. So that means..... Minotaurs don't like tutus, so they  enforce the no no tutu rule in ruins. Makes sense, that and they probably can't find one in their size either.

But down the robe goes, crumpling to the floor. I spin once and freeze, staring at the other white robes, well. In the place I am staring at, there are others of course.  I wiggle my toes at them, a foot hi, "Next."


((Next? What is next? A banana milkshake? Have a told you that those are really good? Like banana gold. Find out what is next Well next time.))

[Catherine]

Nothing, they don't come running or nothing. I know I just took out three of their friends in moments. But come on.... There is only one of me and.... Quickly I look back over one of my shoulders towards Dee, who is still working on the lock, then back at the white robes. It makes sense that she doesn't have the lock open yet, what with explosions at the molecular level and everything, just being careful and that is good. I can handle the white robes and so far it has been fun.

***

I pop up and laugh. My tail enjoying the ride as I spin around. Fun fun come one, come all. Ok maybe not all, some would be good. Spin. Spin. Spin. Like a little ballerina.

Suddenly toe meets an unmovable object and the spinning turns into wild flailing. "What the......" Followed by the sound of monkey girl falling to the ground. "Ow!"   

Quickly I turn around to see what the toes hit and only see Dee's bass laying there. Come on… It can't be that heavy. It must have been an invisible miniature hippo or something,  I tell myself as I quickly get up and reach for the bass, making sure the white robes were still at a safe distance away, "Dee I am going to get your urgh...."


***

I expected a little bit of weight, but the bass measured somewhere close to 'You are never going to pick this up'. Okay that was with one hand, I will give that to the guitar  maybe it braced itself just right and made itself really hard to pick up. Two hands then! I grab the neck of the guitar with both and pul....Ergh!!!! Veins start to pop out of my forehead as glisten forms and runs down forehead. Ergh!!!!

Lights start to flash in my head.

* Warning warning reaching maximum Ergh limit. If the proper procedure isn't followed an embarrassing sound will be released from the bottom area. *

Wait? What? I don't want that... Carefully I let go and take a step back, I don't need any embarrassing sounds.


***

"Give me a moment..." I tell the white robes without looking at them. With one foot I try to nudge the bass, nothing, it is like trying to nudge a house. All push and no give.Maybe if I kick it? Nah, I don't think Dee would like that and knowing my luck I would come back with a broken foot.

I could try distracting it? Attack it with my teeth. You know the attack of nom. The massage of the proper amount of brushed and flossed teeth. The guitar will relax and pop! But....looking around who knows what type of germs are on it now, look at the floor and the twenty second rule is long gone.  Probably the four hundred thirty two thousand one is too, so germ city. They probably have set up cities, lite rail systems and amusements parks already. So teeth to base neck is now blah.

A crane? Not the right season for those, wait wrong type of crane. Couldn't get one in through the doorway. A wench? I would need to bolt that to something and I doubt the white robes would appreciate me punching holes into the floor. A dinosaur? Interesting but where would I find one other on a island somewhere. I could get all sympathetic, but what would the white robes think of me?

Leaves me one choice really, "Dee what is up with your bass?"


***

"What?" Dee paused for a moment as she worked on the lock.

Quickly my tail whips around and points down towards the bass sitting on the floor, "Your reckenbacker.... Why can't I pick it up?"

"Oh that, there is a couple of reasons actually.

The first is that it is really heavy. The group got its name from it actually, 'Spinebreaker'. I had a hard time picking it up the first time, holding it up for any amount of time was out of the question. There was no way, my muscles started to scream after the first minute or two. It wasn't a quiet scream either. I have let others try and basically after the first moment they had to put it down. You know It is interesting to see a weightlifter having to put Spinebreaker down, complaining it is to heavy.

Even if you manage to keep it up, you would have a hard time even strumming the strings. They are wound up so tight that I have seen them not even bend sometimes when something heavy was press against it. Talking about sharp, I went through picks like they were nothing at the beginning. Plastic ones were garbage. Metal ones were worn out at the end of each song. I finally had some custom ones made but I can't tell you what they are made of either. Those will last for a concert, but it depends on the songs I play really. Some smiths are trying to forge me a new set now. Oh and picking the strings, that is hard too. The first time I tried it, I ended up in the hospital. Paper cuts are nothing compared to what those strings can do to a person. Probably can slice the shadow off of you if they wanted too.

Where or who made it is still unknown, trust me I looked. Between shows I follow leads that pop up and all lead to dead ends. Almost like the universe is trying to hide its creation from everyone. Sometimes I kid around and say the bass was built by the gods themselves and the world just goes quiet.

That's just the physical too. Look under the bridge, there is an inscription there and  if you look under the frets you can see ones there too. Not sure what they say, no one does. All I or anyone else can figure out is that it looks Scandinavian but older. Touching it, you can feel the power coursing through the bass, even when it isn't plugged in. You are lucky, it could have sent you flying across the room in a show of power.

In fact, a stage hand touched it once and it sent him flying across the stage. Maybe the base didn't like him or something.  He was never the same after that, he kept saying he saw musicians that had passed away, eventually we had to let him go when I caught him talking to the bass.  One guy managed to pick it up for a moment, a musician and a bass guitar player that could teach me lessons, one moment up and the next the guitar was crushing his hand against the stage. No one could move it off of his hand except me. Why I don't know but maybe it is something with the inscriptions.

So yeah several reasons why you couldn't pick it up. Physical and magical. I know only that a couple can, they are gods in their own rights too. "

"So how did?" I ask motioning back to the white robes.

"Check the big guy out, wearing gloves on both hands. That probably protected him and he has muscles to spare so he has the strength. Probably hoisted the amp too. You could always go ask him."


***

"I could couldn't I?" I say standing back up,"He doesn't look to talkative but maybe a smile will get him to open up. Be right back."

Behind me, Dee brought a hand up and dropped her face into it, "I was just kidding."

"It is a good idea, why wonder when I can go straight to the source and Mr. Big probably has the information," I say with a nod of my hand. The two white robes standing to either side of the big guy start walking towards me in a non friendly manner.  Closer and closer we get to each other and I give them a friendly smile and thrust my hands out in front of me,"Take me to you leader."


((What? I think that is a dramatic ending for now... mwhaha. Until the next post that is.))

[Catherine]

I guess at that moment the two robes gave each other a questionable look, kind of hard to tell with robes. So emotionless sometimes and hard to read. What with no faces or anything, just a deep cowl.

One shrugs and does some arm movements that I guess is communicating. A form of sign language maybe, bend arm this way and a little that way and it means hamburger with ketchup. Bend it this way and shake it means hold the pickles. Then if you take both arms and do something like this, oh by the banana gods! Why didn't someone tell me before I did it. I probably insulted someone somewhere somehow. I can't believe I...I will need to clean my arms out with soap. Dirty gesture, a simple little arm movement and blam! You motioned me to do what? Grrr.....grrr....spit and hiss.

***

Something was communicated though, because one decided to reach out and try to touch me. Personal space white robes, did your parents or whatever robes have not teach you any better.

* imaginary shake of head *

Of course that is when I needed to show them something in my hand. A bug? Nope! A pebble? No, but I could get plenty here. What could it be? A white robe hand, I think a hand, starts to come down and at the last moment monkey girl smiles and flips hands over.

That is when the white robe stops and thinks, what does she have in her hand? I just know he does or maybe ow I just bite my tongue. Maybe the later hopefully the former. Maybe it could be a coin that I didn't pull from behind his robe ear. I know he has to be asking himself what does she have in her hand now, it is eating at him like a piranha. Nom nom nom.

I try, honestly I do, to fight off the giggles. I know what is in my hand.... "Wanna guess?"

The robe just stands there doing nothing before his friend nudges him. It looks like he is about to say something.Will this be the first time someone hears a white robe talk? Queue the recorders! Yes go ahead… Then nothing, no spooky white robe voice saying "There is a coin in your hand. Boo,...."

Boring!

Suddenly I open my hands revealing a little rod. Harmless looking, a baby rod some might say. The white robe looks back to the other and I think I hear them chuckling. If they only knew. With monkey girl like reflexes I grasp the rod and like hyper turbo super fast it extends out to something more in the staff direction and look there is a signature there too.

The look on the white robes is....well I think surprise. Maybe I should look it up in the Boy Scout manual. Lick finger and flip. Flip. Flip and one more flip. Okay several more top. Oh look the many expressions of White Robes. Happy, sad, shocked, pleased, full of robe self, dreaming, unconscious, which is my favorite shhhhhh, and countless others. Well not countless but look at the moment I am in. I mean I am imagining this sequence this time. I wouldn't just get the manual out in any moment like this, duh.

The staff starts spinning slowly at first like an airplane propeller, minus the propeller of course. Also I could probably crank it up to five, then take off the parking brake and shoot towards the robes and the big guy. That would surprise them, a major ‘what the’ moment. But that kind of stuff is hard on the wrist, the fingers and any part associated with the hands too. Good for a one off party trick, look how fast I spin this toothpick. Flip! Watch out!!!! But not good for well not the middle, let's say the sort of after the beginning and not really in the middle yet part. So no level five spinning.

***

I watch as the white robes take a step back and I of course take a step forward. They take another step and of course I follow. Another step and wait a moment, monkey sense tingling. Within the wink of the an eye the staff flies out and POP! Then continues to spin like nothing happened. The white robe in the front head jerks to the side and wobbles back. While the one in the back looks confused, what just happened to its friend? Or maybe it is lonely and feels left out, easily, the staff stops and POP, fixed. The robe in the back looks dazed now. I bet it is asking itself what just happened and not getting any answers other than stars and birds circling it's head. Don't feed the daze birdies  or they leave a mess.

"Are you two ready?"


((Ended with a question. How devious... now you have to wait to see what the answer is.))

[Catherine]

The two white robes look questionable as they stand there, maybe I whapped them too hard? Oh no, maybe their marbles are still bouncing around in their heads. That isn't good, once you get marbles going they just roll and roll. Getting under feet and tripping up thoughts. I just wanted to......well bring their 'A' game, hopefully I didn't knock them down below 'Z'. That would be bad. Should I apologize? I am sorry I whapped you too hard, I thought a little tap wouldn't be bad. Maybe I should...


***

Suddenly the big guy did some type of arm thrust, which I could feel from way back here and the white robes straightened up. What the? He is behind them so how did they know? In a blink his pointer finger is out and pointing at......

I turn around a little.Who is he pointing at and does he know that it isn't nice to point? Is he pointing at Dee? I mentally draw a line, dashed of course, from his fingertip. Close to Dee but not dead on. So who or what then? Oh wait the slushie machine, that makes sense, wait what? Since when is there slushie machines in ruins? Where would you find a electrical socket for it?


***

Yes the interior designer could have gotten creative and got things worked out but come on this doesn't even fit now. Unless the flavors' names were like 'Rubble Raspberry' or "Peach pit trap' or something close. "Which flavor?" I ask turning back towards the big guy, oh and the other two white robes. It pays to be nice, yes they are the bad guys but I don't want them to be thirsty.

The big guy shakes his cowl and points again. "What I can't read fingers or the arms their attached too. Can't you just speak?" Silence is my answer and so is the movement from the white robes.

Now I get it, the big guy is the brains and brawn. The little guys are disorganized until the big guy steps up. This changes everything and takes the boring and puts it on its head.

Let's see what happens now.


***

Wow they are even moving differently now,, impressive show of control by the big guy.

* imaginary nod of approval*

With just an arm thrust and pointing of a finger he told them to straighten up. Just think if he used two fingers, okay that sounded like sarcasm. Bad monkey girl, time to get back to the moment.

Quickly I do the catch up, two white robes now moving differently. Like ninjas almost, hands up in some ninja like pose. If ninja throwing stars coming flying out of their sleeves color me impressed, that would be red too. Time out let me look at the crayons, oh yes here it is. See impressed, I knew there was a crayon called impressed. Oops forgot about the big guy in front of me, silly me.

***

Cautiously, I glance from side to side, a white robe on either side of me. Wait where did they get the swords from? Pause the moment. Let me review the replay. I see no hints of sword sheaths at any moment. No weird folds in the robes or anything, one moment nothing and the next, long sharp metal things in hand. The referees are considering throwing the penalty flag, they just need to dec........oh it looks like they came to decision.

*TWEET! No penalty being called. We think it will make for a cool fight scene. TWEET!*

Can't argue with that, it might be a cool fight scene. Let's go with it. What is the worse it can happen? Then dial it back a couple steps from that. No sharp things poking the monkey's butt please. You and you stop giggling to yourselves. I meant swords, spears and stuff that would make me go Ow!!!

"You robes ready?"


***

They come at me like fleas to a dog, hopping and bopping, swords a blaze if you could set a sword a blaze. The manual says to coat it in napalm and hope none of it gets on yo,  by the way. Wait ablaze sounds wrong for a sword let's say ashwinging, the swords come ashwinging and ching ching.

I can feel the blows of the swords in my arms and wow in I would give it a four in a scale between one and five. One being 'Did something just hit me?' to five being 'Hey I needed that arm!' So I was at 'Ow Ow Ow'. Think wooden roller coaster with tight seats and how you are shook to death sometimes, that is how my arms felt. Like a boing minus the sproing so it felt like a choing.

I take a couple steps back, shaking my arms, as I try to get the feeling back into them. "Ow! Ow! Ow!" When I hear the familiar, well not too familiar sound of a sword slicing through the air. Unless one robe decides to turn against the other, I knew where the sword was heading, towards me! Eep!

Quickly I toss the staff up in the air as I drop to all fours, my tail tucking itself close to the ground. The sword swishes over my head and I can see the robe adjusting his stance just right, legs further apart to get that just right I will cleave you in two swing, to swing downwards towards the monkey girl.


((Dramatic moment to stop for now. Nail bitting mwhahahaha))

[Catherine]

Perfect, I think to myself as I dive forwards between the robe’s legs. The sound of the sword hitting stone following me. Robe must be regretting that move now, I didn't like two swords on staff, he won't like sword on stone.

My movement is fluid, dive to roll then a spin then stand facing the back of the robe. Oops forgot to add one little part. The top of the underwear in my hands, that is important really. You see as I spun and started to stand. I grabbed the bottom of the robe's robe, hoping there wasn't something to ick underneath. Slime monster to very hairy man, both turn the tummy on the ick meter. I threw the bottom up and took a chance, please please please. Yes! I silently cheer to myself when I see the the signs of underwear, my hands fly to the elastic band and without any thought yank it straight up.

* Ninja art of the atomic wedgie *

I yank so hard it not only stretches the band as far as it can but it also lifts the robe off the ground a little. My teeth grit as I stand there for a moment, stretching my arms up and up, way up. Like up there, no not there, up there.

* mentally points towards the ceiling *

I hear a whimper as I watch the band stretch. Through closed eyes of course, I am not going to look at someone's undies.  Really not sure if it is coming from the band or robe, I should ask some questions afterwards to find out. I can just imagine the scene the robe crumpled on the floor, it's undies stretched across the width of the room. "Would you mind answering a couple questions as you lay there. It would help wedgie research and whatever information you can supply would improve wedgies in the future. Thank you, first question..."

After what seems like hours, but I am sure is only a second, I let the robe's undies go and watch as the robe crumples to the floor. The ninja wedgie attack always works, unless of course the other person/creature/robe/ick/whatever doesn't have undies then it just fails.

With a little move, I flip a hand out at just the right moment to catch my staff. For a brief moment, I close my eyes and bow my head before turning to the other robe.

"Hello."


***

Really is that the best I can do? Hi? Really? Ugh, maybe if I ask nicely the robe, he will let me take it back or switch to something more appropriate for the scene, I can add the puppy dog eyes and may be he will....No, no if I ask, I will owe him then and everyone knows once you owe a white robe a favor it is hard to pay it back. Next time I should take a moment and think before speaking, then I can do something dramatic like a laugh.

Mwhahahha, Did you see how easily your fellow robe fell? You are next, run or an atomic ninja wedgie is in your future. Nah, that is too villain like.  Can't do that. Mark that off the list of one idea.

* Mental note to self, figure out something cool and wow. *

The robe flips the sword upside down and then stabs it into the ground. He does know that that isn't good for the sharp pointy end of the sword. Easy math really, Stone plus pointy tip equals not so pointy tip and well a stuck sword sometimes. Not a good thing to do in the middle of a confrontation really, who taught this robe? Swords go in sheaths not stones, easily confused I know, what with both sounding sort of similar and starting with 'S'. It, the robe, takes a pose, one hand out, ready to strike and one leg in front of another. The common pose of one who knows karate.

Without taking my eyes off the robe, I let go of the staff and let it fall  backwards for my tail to catch, "Take this." My tail nodes in response and easily grabs the staff as it falls into its grip, I don't even watch as it spins the staff around itself before slipping it back into my bag, of course making it small as it does, of course.


***

I could mimic the robe's pose, stance or whatever you want to call it. But why? Need to do something though. Hmm.... Something that says I am here and ready. *snap* Got it! I quickly do the wave with my arm, pop and lock style, then to make sure he knows, I do the reverse. That should let the robe know.


((It is time for some Kung fu fighting. Well sort of))

[Catherine]

Yep! Robe is ready. You know how I can tell, he is attacking. He is fast for a robe as blow after blow comes in, I think I will have a couple bruises in the morning. Lucky hits. Ow! Another lucky one. Okay this guy is good with his hands.

He goes for a blow to the face, which is a no no, I mean come on look at it. Why would the thought even cross a person's mind to even think about hitting my face?  The nerves... Everyone knows you don't hit a girl in the face, unless she deserves it and I of course don't deserve it. The fist closes the distance *imminent collision detected* and bend over backwards, literally, to dodge it.

***

Quickly, I try to correct the moment by flipping up on my hands, about half way into the flip I feel something on one of my ankles. Something that I don't like feeling. Something that stops the flip,

How in the…

The robe thinks it has me, it does sort of, but let's try something. One… Two… Three... Quickly I try something different, I flip to the side but use the robes arm to pivot around. I know risky but worth a try. As I start to rotate I hear a pop coming from the robe's wrist, at least I think it is the wrist, followed by its grip on my ankle going away, It worked!

It use the momentum to my advantage and end up back on my feet, a good position to end up back on. I thought I could take a moment and collect my thoughts but nope, the rober is a kicker too!


***

"Ow stop kicking my butt!" I keep repeating as kick after kick connects in the general area of my butt. My tail tries to defend but to no success. "I said..." I say as I jump up," stop kicking my butt," and ending up standing on the robe's legs. One after another I hop from one leg to the other as the rob kicks. If he does a spinning kick, I am in trouble!

"This is fun and all," I say as I keep jumping, tempted to see if I can rotate around one of the robe's legs just to do something different but deciding against it. As another kick comes flying in, I land and jump towards the robe, flipping as I pass overtop of it. Feet come flying out and connect with the back of the robe which causes him to fly across the room and into the slushie machine, "but I am here to talk to the big guy," I say as my tail motions towards the big guy in the room.


***

I stand there waiting to see what the white robe will do, maybe offer me a slushie? That would be nice of him, it or whatever the robe is. Adventuring sort of makes you thirsty, really they should consider putting drinking fountains in ruins for the benefit of the adventurers. I think they would become more popular really and not have all the negative connotations that ruins have. You know the usual ones for ruins; not nice to go to, full of rubble and riffraff and not too friendly. If they had drinking fountains and maybe snack stations it would turn the image of ruins around. Yes the  inhabitants would have to watch how much they sample the snacks though, a fat blob monster does not scream scary to anyone since it would be overweight and probably out of shape. Well in shape, if blobby is shape.


***

Yeah no slushie though, must be self serve. Quickly I turn to the big guy and give him a smile, "Give me a second k?" I run over to the machine and turn back around,"Do you  want one? No? Okay." Then hum to myself as I look at the various flavors and think of the consequences of each. Okay they got blueberry, which while tasting good would make my tongue and lips blue. Cherry which will make my tongue glow a bright red, still good though. Cola flavored which is brown, while refreshing it makes me wonder f it would make my tongue turn brown. Ick! No can't take the risk with that one. Oh a bright green next to that one which could be either watermelon or sour apple, let's see hmm..... yes sour apple. A lip puckerer if it is strong enough. Do I want to risk a green tongue to find out though? Need to think about that. Next is grape, purple tongue and what would happen if the grapes fermented before being slushiefied. *hic* My name is *hic* Nichole Anne *hic* Smith, it is a *hic* pleasure to.....*and pass out* can't risk that. "Give me one more moment please," I say to the big guy,"got one more flavor to..." Oh my monkey am I seeing things, banana split. These ruins rock!



((Time our for a banana split. The best type of time out.))

[Catherine]

Quickly I grab the biggest cup that I can find, gigantic muy mas super max biggie tall size, not going to pass up sucking down banana gold. As I push down the lever I ask over my shoulder, "Are you sure you don't want any? All I am hearing is silence and you might regret it later. Your choice really..."


***

Happily I hum as the cup fills, bobbing up and down. This is going to be great, I can't wait.... Quickly I find a straw and puff into it, the little straw sleeve flying off to somewhere. Over there I think, I can see it unless it is someone else's. Then I spin the straw around a finger before slipping it into the slushie.

I start to suck on the straw as I spin around, the flavor making my taste buds cry with happiness. This tastes like heaven in a cup, two opposable thumbs up. I take a couple steps towards the big guy, so happy that I almost smile but that would be messy, when I am suddenly psychically attacked. Cold pain starts to freeze my brain as I double over. Argh!!!!!


***

Carefully I put the cup down before bringing my hands up to my head. Ow ow ow ow. I try to think warm thoughts to fight against the psychic attack. Puppies, Kittens, meadows and other warm things.  Nothing is working, the big guy's mental powers are too much, this is how he controlled the white robes, mental freezing. Diabolical!

***

One moment I was being mentally ice cubed and the next nothing. Slowly I reach for my slushie again and take a long sip. Really good I will......argh another mental attack. It feels like my brain is being frozen! No..... Quickly I bring my hands up to my head and start to rub either side. "Warm up....Warm up.,...Warm up......"

Just like that the ice forming on my brain is gone. "I am not falling for your tricks slushie," I say accusing at the slushie as I pick it up, "I will take smaller sips of you that is all"


***

With slushie in hand I stand, take a smaller no brain freeze sip, "Okay now back to you," I say pointing the cup at the big guy. The big guy responds by flicking a finger at me, instantly the cup just explodes in my hands.


***

With one hand I wipe the slushie from in front of my eyes as my tail shakes the slushie out of it. "That wasn't nice...." I growl as I crush what is left of the cup, "Not nice at all...."

"Why did you do that for?" I yell at the big guy, licking the slushie off my hand while not taking my eyes off him. Giving him a nasty not so happy look, a grrr look. "I asked if you wanted one and you didn't say anything. Then you make mine explode in my hand. That isn't nice. Say something!"

I stood there expecting something, even I am sorry but nope. Just arm and hand movement. "What are you trying to say, I am not trained in the art of arm and hand language. What?" Standing there finishing off the slushie mess, I watch as the big guy's arm just fly around, doing all kind of weird arm positions in ways arms shouldn't bend. What? How? Ok?

"Okay, Okay...I understand you now, you are a doodoo head."


((Doodoo head. Will leave it right there.))

[Catherine]

That froze the big guy instantly, I should have been scared really. He was big, no I exaggerate, he was gigantic. With a fist he could squash me like a grape. SQUISH! He wouldn't even feel me squishing either. He towered over me and was huge like this huge. Ugh, I can't reach that far, but he was huge. Oh and no neck. The robe's cowl basically started at the shoulders and well ended there too. Nothing for a head at all.

Oh my monkey, a headless robe person! Now think about how could his head have been taken off, hmm........ A really bad soap accident? That would be bad. A severe being smacked in the butt by a wound up towel? Hit so hard his head popped off. SNAP! POP! No...no...no.... Then there could have been this and then that other thing too. Maybe he has a really really small neck or his head is more towards the front like a rhino, does he have a horn. Could he be a... No I don't see a horn, so there goes the idea of a rhino walking on two legs. I so need to find out now, what is hidden under the robe? Who is the big guy, well if he won't talk that will make harder to find out WHO he is, but I would  know that he looks like. That is at least something I can work with. Also I could snap a photo of the big guy and post it on the Internet and go, who is this? Someone would know.

***


"I will know," I say as I lick the last slushie off my hand, "I will know who the doodoo head is."


***

Standing there, I got the impression of a old time shoot out in the Wild West. I laugh to myself, "Where are you tumbleweed?" I ask jokingly. There is no way that a tumbleweed could get down here, the logistics alone is staggering. Shipping it in just for what? The tumbleweed experience? Come join the fun at the tumbleweed experience, feel the emotions as one goes rolling by. I don't think.....

I am stuck in mid thought or something close to mid thought as a tumbleweed rolls by. Did it just laugh at me? Of course like all tumbleweed do, right when it got out of sight it just disappeared.  Those things must either go invisible or have teleporting capability, once I am done here I will need to look into it.

*Mental note to self - self look into tumbleweeds and what is up with them.*


***

"Let's get this party started," I whisper to myself right as I hop once or twice before running towards the big guy, yeah I know not to smart. But hey, why not? It was getting boring just standing there and I think my tail was falling asleep too. Don't say you weren't tail, I heard the snoring.

Feet hit ground in a rapid succession as the distance between us closes. Wow he looks bigger up close, way bigger. Getting second thoughts here and now third and fourth thoughts. Not good, I don't think I can see the top of him now.

Suddenly a very thick column comes erupting towards me, no wait that is the big guy's fist. Eep! At the last moment, last possible one even, I jump up just enough so the fist goes rushing under me. The pressure from the fist alone is like a train running by, thankfully I am aerodynamically built and don't get sucked back in front of the fist. Without even thinking, I wrap my arms and legs around the arm behind the fist, a good location I would say, and give the big guy a smile, "Hi..."

I would say he gives me the 'what the?' look in return but I can't, what he does give me is the ride of a lifetime. It reminded of that time when I rode the Bulls at Pamplona.  Fun times, fun times. You see anyone can run in front of them, dressed in white with a red scarf or something, but ridding them is so much more fun.  Running behind them is more dangerous I think, what with the bull brownies. Those will ruin a pair of shoes with a splat and ew gross.


***

There I was riding the big guy's arm as he shook and shook and everything else under the sun. It was so much fun. There was that one time where I thought he had me. But I had my feet wrapped around and locked, arms up in the air waving my imaginary ten gallon hat and having fun, "Come on little big guy, woohoo!"

The shaking went on for a while, looking back once, I think I could see that my tail was getting a little green. Then it just stopped, no slowing down like the mechanical Bulls or warning grunts from real ones. Just an immediate stop, think an err...... CRASH type stop.

The forces of gravity kicked in immediately, preventing me from finding a slot to put a coin in to start the ride over. I could feel it pulling me back down around the arm and I waved to the big guy as I disappeared from site, "Bye."

I hung there for a moment before dropping my hands and letting go, right into a handstand. Followed by a spin then a roll backwards and finally into a standing position facing the big guy.

I laughed, "That was fun!"


((The fight continues....))

[Catherine]

You expect things when you are in a middle of a fight and fun size, not short or vertically changed, fun size. Say it with me fun size or practically perfect sized. Either one is good.

* mental nod *

Okay back to the moment, What do you expect when you are practically perfect size?

Fist comes down and squish goes the smaller person or just thump them on top of the head so they see stars. Neither are practically nice really. It's like hey they are smaller so we won't use our sword, replace sword with weapon in hand of course, we will just thump them. Not a big fan.

But the big guy tried something different, a foot stomp. I am small but not that small jeez. I saw the movement in the leg, kind of hard to miss it when you are eye level with it and reacted accordingly. By setting my hands to stun and then quickly punching the.... No no and not in the mood to box at the moment. But I did fall backwards and do the splits really wide so the big guy's foot stomped where I was, perfectly on target too, but I was more not there anymore. He followed the foot stomp by another and another. It was fun tumbling around on the ground dodging his one foot.

An idea formed as I tumbled away, after another STOMP. BOINK! With one hand, spinning in the air with the other, I reached in and found the copper I was looking for. "I am sorry," I whisper to no one in particular as I come to a stop and look up at the big guy. With a big smile, that brightens the room, I position the penny right under me and sit there cross legged with my tail slowly swaying behind me.

I watch the foot go up and I wait. I watch as the foot starts to come down and I wait. Yawn yawn. Look a shiny pebble! I reach for the shiny pebble and roll out of the way. Quickly I reach back and yank my tail out of the way, why it didn't follow me is beyond me, maybe it was slow after a big lunch  and needed to wait thirty minutes before having fun who knows. All I know is that it doesn't like being flattened and needed a friendly yanking out of the way.

STOMP! Goes the big foot, rattling the ruins' floor. Quickly I glance back to where the foot stomped and I saw it glittering there. Yes! I shoot a hand out and scoop up the piece of copper. "Thank you," I say appreciatively,"I always wanted a squished penny and now I have a collector's one from the Ruins of Madness. Thank you so very much."

* smile and nod *   

That is when I hear a strange sound coming from the big guy, that catches my attention . A mix between grinding, chattering and growling. Okay, strange.....

***

Wait a second, big guy wouldn't expect....Quickly I put the squished penny into my bag and HIYAH! THUMP!!! Ow! Ow! Ow! I pull back my hand and my poor crying fingers. What is this... It felt like I just punched a....Ow............

Okay just shake it off, my poor little fingers, maybe I just hit armor. Yeah that is it! Tricky big guy wore armor on a leg. He lured me in by stomping with one leg so I would think the other is unprotected. Tricky....Well now I am onto you....HIYAH! THUMP!!! Oh my monkey ow!!!

No , both legs are armored and my fingers can attest to that. Ow! Ow! Ow!

I pause the Ow when I see the big guy shifting, warning lights go off in my head, quickly I jump backwards. The turbulence of the fist flying by pulls my tail forwards and the cracking of stone causes it to shoot back out of fear. Did he just? The stone just! With his! How the? Luck? No... Well maybe. But how?

How did he pick the one weak stone in the whole room. Could he have set this up? I look down for a moment. No odd colored stones like in cartoons and no big 'X' like in pirate maps. So how? Before I could get my imaginary magnify glass out and go all Sherlock on the stone I feel the pressure building again.

‘There is a storm a brewing. It's raining fists hallelujah, wait no not hallelujah.’

I somersault backwards as the fist comes down and with a massive CRACK, it hits the ground. It is sort of hard to miss the ground but I think he was aiming for something, well someone less rocky. I don't even think, which get me into trouble sometimes and just run towards the fist and wrap my arms and legs around it. The big guy can’t punch me if I am on his arm, think about it, he might punch and miss the monkey girl and hit his own arm. Who would be so stupi....

* thrust imaginary arm out as I shake imaginary hand and close imaginary eyes and rub imaginary face with other imaginary hand.*

Don't tell me...

Fifth floor housewares and around the neck area. Oh this is my floor! Sorry, excuse me oops. I jump off towards the big guy and HIYAH! THUMP!!! Okay that was suppose to be a sort of a soft spot, a pressure point even. But I didn't feel anything soft. Pressure point? Must have way too much pressure, like hundreds of pounds over. Rock hard. Must be full of stress from leading all of the white robes and his muscles are all tense. Poor guy, I feel bad for him.

As I control fall to the floor, I reach into my bag and let my fingers do the walking though the Boy Scout manual. BOINK! There it is, I tell myself when I feel a small piece of paper. I take it between two fingers and throw it at the big guy, "Here I have never been to whoever is on the card but I am sure they can help you with all the stress and tense muscles." Of course I expected him to catch it with a hand, maybe say  ‘thank you’ as he stretched some muscles. But no.....

I watch as the card hits against the big guy's chest and then falls to the floor. An offer for a free massage discarded without even a glance. The masseuses of the world probably took that as an insult too.

Grrrrr........ Well a cute and adorable grr......


***

He just stands there and nothing. Humph! Double humph! Triple humph! Sucking the fun out of this. I reach into my bag and give the big guy a smile. time for a....

* ninja art of distraction *

I toss what I have in my hand towards the big guy. Shhh.... Fireworks hehehe. The little cylinders with wicks go tumbling towards the big guy. Oh he didn't see this coming. POP! SNAP! POP  and several more snaps and pops! The air is quickly filled with tiny puffs of smoke. SNAP! POP! SNAP! More fireworks of course then the finale, bottle rockets. Zip! Zip! Zip! Zipping all over the place filling the room with more smoke. Zip! Zip! Zing! Wow that one was close. Zip! Zip! Oh and zip!

Suddenly out of the smoke I appear with my staff in hand, in both hands actually but you get the point. I would rate it as dramatic in the dramatic scale. Me erupting from the smoke , staff over my head. Jaw dropping dramatic I would say. *nod* . Too add to the dramatic I yell "Meatballs and spaghetti!", wait no no I yelled “Surprise!" as I bring the staff down. THUMP! My swing is stopped and I just hang in midair for a moment.  All points of being dramatic lost in a thump.

Maybe if I just push a little harder, I tell myself and start to push down on the staff which is kind of hard to do when you are hanging in mid air, no leverage really. But I give it my all, I can see the staff bending.... Come on big guy just fall. Come on..........

Like a spring the staff recoils and I go flipping backwards, gracefully I might add, landing halfway across the room staff still in hand. Quickly spinning it behind me, maybe if I...."Can you please drop down to one knee?"


((Thought I would end with a question, like a dramatic pause but lighter. Until next time....))

[Catherine]

Silence fills the room as I wait for an answer. So silent I can hear crickets chirping which means it must be pretty quiet since they sounded like tall medium sized dwarf crickets often seen in grasslands. It is easy to identify them really, they have a distinct chirp that goes sort of like this and well a little like that. Once you figure out what you are hearing,  it becomes easier to identify it as a tall medium sized dwarf cricket. Anyway back to the moment of silence.

Through that whole talk about crickets the big guy just stands there, I was hoping he finally decided and would have dropped to a knee. But nope! Suddenly he reaches across with one hand and takes the robe, then dramatic rip reveal. Gasp! Swoon!

No swoon just a gasp as the robe dramatically falls to the floor. Okay this makes sense and makes no sense at all. Well the thumping does now at least but the rest no. I mean look at it. Look at it! How would you explain that to your friends. You know I saw something unbelievable today until I saw it, let me tell you about it.


***

I am seeing it and don't believe it, since when did they? And how do they? I mean, come on, how is it even? Okay let me take a breath and paint a pretty picture. There is a small beaver in wooden power armor standing there. Small beaver in big power armor and it was leading the robes.  Please explain to umph!

The umph needs to be explained and not to be explained too. Let's say the power armor had a special little surprise, it could fire its fists like old school Japanese cartoon style robot could. Umph was the part where it grabbed me by the head and started to drag me back to the big guy in the power armor. So umph!


***

"Mmphm mph mmmmpppphhmm!"

You know what tastes bad? Hand, well specifically a palm. Even more specific, a wooden palm. Yuck! Yes I know I could have kept my mouth closed but hey I was struggling and well I was a little tempted to find out too. So the tongue came out a little and tongue tap. What I tasted will never be erased from my tongue's mind. Never ever. It was one level above something nasty. Like err..........hmm........liiiiiikkkkkkkeeeeee duck butt! Yeah that, but I don't know what that tastes like either. I am only guessing it tastes bad, so if someone has ever licked one please tell me and tell me why you licked it. Was it a dare? A bet? What? Did the duck look at you weird afterwards?

I tried to get out of the big....well the armored beaver's hand. It had a grip and a half. Hands went to fingers and I pulled and pushed and tried other things. I even tried a little crowbar, which didn't work and was a bad move really. I think I accidentally stuck it in my ear. Got the ear wax out but I didn't get myself out of the hand. So I can hear everything more clearly if things weren't muffled by the gigantic hand. I wrap my legs around the arm and push with my hands, come on..... Ergh!  Push more....Ow! I think if I manage getting free from the hand, my head might stay behind. I sort of like where it is at now, on my shoulders!

***

For a moment I feel nothing, then my body rocks back and forth as the arm connects to the armor. It feels really good to be hanging there by the neck, can you taste the sarcasm in those words?  Trust me it does doesn't feel good at all. Not even anywhere close. Ow!

"Mmmpppphhhh Mpph"


((Dramatic moment pause. I am so rotten leaving it here but....mwhahaha))

[Catherine]

This sort of sucks! I am basically trapped like a rat in a maze or however that saying goes. I really don't like that saying though, rats are rats. They look like a tiny possum too or a bigger mouse. Now that sends shivers down my spine, they come in three sizes. Like a coffee place. What size mouse do you want; small, medium or large. I will take none thank you. So that is why I do not like to use that saying especially and I will use the big letters, ESPECIALLY when it it refers to me. Yes on tail, no on mouse.

I am not giving up though. No way no how. I will fight until my last dying breath and that is something I am not going to take today. Not on the schedule. Nope sorry. But I am running out of options here. If I had the time I could have trained termites and I would have a chance but I think I don't have the time to do that right now. Kind of hard to say really since I can't see my watch. Could use my matches but yeah...... That would take forever to actually catch and a lot longer to do any real amount of damage. If I remembered to pack a flame thrower, now that would have been different, could have roasted marshmallows too. Yum!

There is one thing left, but I was holding out because of the coolness of the ruins, I might catch a cold. Yes it would be cute to have a little red nose, but not cute to have a runny nose, leaving a trail wherever I went like a snail. Ick! I am not sticking snails up my nose either! That is disgusting! But it is coming down to it, squishing or cold? Kind of hard and kind of easy to decide. I just need the right moment to change.


***

Let's swing the camera to a idea view, away from the Nichole. Something a little more wider.

we catch a glimpse of Dee standing there working the lock and nothing. If she rushed it she ran the chance of setting off the molecular explosions and she really didn't want to feel those. With a glance, she could see the Nichole was in trouble, she needed to do something to help.

"Screw this!" She growled, throwing down the lock picks. Quickly she wrapped the chain around her arm and started to pull. Come on, she thought to herself. Come on! She gritted her teeth as she leaned back, every muscle in her body straining and a few she didn't know she had joined in too. Come on!

The sound of stone scraping stone filled the room as Dee continued to pull on the chain. Even in the grasp of the big body armored beaver Nichole could hear the sound run through her body. Wondering what the sound was, she started to fight harder and harder.

Suddenly there was a loud stoney bang followed by a "Oh yeah!" Dee took a hold of the chain in both hands as she turned to face the beaver and with a yank sent the stone sailing. The stone block whistled, although not keeping a tune,as it flew towards the beaver."Eat that!" Dee growled as she stood there watching and hoping.


***
“Eat that”, Nichole heard as she hung there struggling. Those words usually meant something was about to taste really good or really bad. Yes the hand tasted bad but when 'Eat that' is used in a ruins setting it means something is about to happen. Something that usually included a bang, smash or ow. Sometimes all three and other times not. It was best to consider all three when you are in the situation and when you hear someone other than you say it.

Why not, Nichole told herself.

* ninja art of saving the tail.*


***

Imaginary ninja smoke fills the room as I fall from the beaver's hand, much smaller now. My clothes cushioning my fall as something large and stone looking hits the beaver hard in the chest. BAM!! I can sort of see the beaver is sent hurdling back as a chain races overhead. Of course the movement backwards, of the beaver, is stopped by a wall, the stopping is signaled by another loud CRASH!

What just happened, I ask myself as I make my way of of my clothes, now in one hundred percent monkey form. Still quite adorable and cute though. Following the chain from beaver to..... Ah now I see the how and the what. Standing there breathing hard is Dee. I try to say thank her for the save but it comes out in monkey speak. Which if you don't understand monkey it just sounds like gibberish.


From behind me, I could hear movement and quickly turn to see the beaver slowly pushing the stone off of itself. It looks hurt now, moving a little slower and more rigid. Not good! I look to Dee and then back to the beaver, then repeat that several more times as I try to figure out what to do. Ok...Ok....Ok....

* ninja art of the monkey girl*

Imaginary ninja smoke fills the air for a moment as I revert back to my human form, with tail of course. Suddenly I find an arm squeezed against my chest, a foot on my butt and eep, one of my hands is cold.

* Mental note to self - Self, next time change back to human form outside of clothes. There is a reason for that. *

I wiggle and shake on the ground like some weird contortionist. Arm needs to go the other way. Foot not on butt. Ow. Arm doesn't go that way. How did my other foot get there? Ow! I so pictured that whole sound effect from those robot movies where they changed forms as I debent or unbent or whatever. Quickly I found myself standing, wiggling my pinky to get in straightened as I reached for my clothes.

Pulling on my shirt, I hear a bang and I peek out to see the beaver pushing the rock off of it finally. Need to be dressed now, I tell myself as I quickly try to pull on my shirt the rest of the way, somehow getting caught in it. "Give me a moment," I say from within the confines of the it, my head popping out finally. Freedom! "Okay I am...."

Suddenly the beaver grabs the stone with both hands and tugs on the chain. Yanking Dee towards itself quickly. I can see the chain flying past me, HIYAH! I chop with a hand towards the chain, this better work or I am going to look like a fool. Thankfully my hand shatters one of the links of the chain. Like I expected and I can’t help but smile.

In a blink of a eye and somehow I don't know how either, Dee is standing next too me, a chain still wrapped around one of her arms. Standing there and without taking my eyes off the beaver i ask "Team up?" and Dee nods.

***

We both stand there as the beaver starts to get up, preparing ourselves. Me hopping up and down a little. You know to stretch and get limber, it is not good to go into a fight not properly warmed up. That has been the downfall of many people in a middle of a fight, honest monkey, what are you thinking about when you pull a muscle? The instant ow ow ow, not the fist or bullets flying towards you. Dee yanks her arm back, the attached chain whipping back and then with a loud crack smacks the ground. Sending shards of stone up in the air.

Yeah I know you are probably going to ask, Nichole why didn't you attack the beaver when it was down? Good question, you see it is called 'honor', think of it as a code of conduct I go by. A set of rules even. Like no eating bananas after midnight, yeah they taste really really good and everything but if I eat them after midnight my tummy will hurt in the morning. Another is not to attack someone when they are down, no matter how big and really big they are. So yeah I stood there and waited until the beaver got up. I am guessing Dee waited for the same reason too maybe or her hair fell down in front of her eyes and temporarily blinded her. You know one of those.


((Another dramatic pause. Oh and no beavers were hurt in the writing of this story. Admin didn’t have me state that. ))

[Catherine]

But as soon as the beaver got up it was a free for all. Dee's chain went whipping out and wrapping around the beaver, yanking it towards us  as I rolled forward and up into a flying uppercut, HIYAH! Almost like we had that move planned from the get go. Which we didn't, honest monkey, just luck really. But we continued the momentum, Dee springing up onto the beaver's back, pulling the beaver up. Which exposes its undersides to me as I spin around. Kicking it over and over. WHAP! WHAP!

Our attacks continued, the whole time I would keep my eyes on the beaver watching its eyes. I could see how they started to glow brighter and brighter as we continued. Not a nice calming color either, the beaver's eyes were red. It was angry and getting angrier. Would it beaver out if it got angry enough? Beaver smash!!!

***


I hear the sound of Dee's chain scraping against wood as I try to pry the protective covering off. I could feel it starting to give as I pulled and pulled. Suddenly I felt something large grab me and I was jerked away. "No fair," I yelled, struggling in the beaver's grasp. Looking around I could see that the beaver had Dee in its other hand.

I expected to be shook, crushed or smashed like a grape. I didn't expect to be shot across the room, still in the beaver's fist. It was like some weird attack you see on those giant robot cartoons, you know where they shoot their fists off or something. Usually as either a distant or a surprise attack. I can tell,you it surprised me, still don't know the use of it. Shoot off the fist and then what? Excuse me, let me go put my fists back on.

Why would have anyone even thought of that type of attack at the beginning? You know what would be cool, if the robot's fists shoot off. Explain to me why? Because it would be cool that is why. No, no it wouldn't be cool that is stupid, let's go for laser cannons or a big gigantic sword instead. Those are just so blah! We are going with blah and that is it and forget about doing a robot with a lot of vehicles too.

I mean come on, explain to me how the fists are recovered? Reverse rockets? Guide wires? Picked up? How would you pick them up if you don't have any hands?!? With your mouth? By using thought to control some invisible force that is in everything and anything. That just happens in movies. Maybe the person or thing you are fighting, will help to put them back on?  Okay just twist them to the right and they lock in. CLICK! Thank you, now where were we? Oh yeah I was about to hit you. None of that makes sense.

* dismissive wave *

That only leaves one thing, last ditch move. Something done when everything else just doesn't work. That means the beaver is.... trying to get us as far as possible away from itself. That means we were winning! Of course, the winning part would last just long enough for us to hit the wall, literally. Fists go boom against the wall and two girls go splat. Um yeah no. I am sure Dee thinks the same way. Neither of us wants to be stuck between a large hand and a hard place. We were already in hand and the hard place was coming quickly and it did look really hard.

***

There we were hurdling towards walls, big stone ones and not ones made of cushy foam either, in the grasp of big wooden hands. That sounds silly doesn't it and I would have laughed but I didn't want to swallow any bugs or low flying birds either. Let me tell you once you swallow a hummingbird you keep your mouth closed when flying backwards in a giant hand. They don't taste like chicken, they taste like hummingbird and those beaks hurt.


***

The sound of Dee's chain cracking pulled me back to the now, which is good because the soon to be now was coming up quickly. I could see her struggling as she swung the chain around. The fingers of the giant hand holding her, slowly opening. Suddenly the chain shot out towards the beaver, wrapping around its body. Oh my monkey, she is going too....

Quickly I pulled my attention back to me and how was I going to get out of the current problem. There was no way I could force my way out, I am not that strong and my arms were pinned to my side. So that is a no can do. I could transform again but I just did that so blah. Sitting there trying to come up with something, I felt a tapping on my shoulder. With a quick glance I could see it was my tail,"What girl?" It motioned towards the wall and hinted at the impending sudden stop with it. "I know, it's just that I want to try something," My tail stopped me in mid sentence as it started to shake faster. "Okay okay," I said turning back towards the hand, "I just don't have many options that is all. Just...."


((Another pause in a fight!!! Why? Just because.))

[Catherine]

“There better not be any cameras around here”, I growl, opening  my mouth and.....I can't believe I am doing this, bite the first finger I could bite onto. CHOMP! GNAW! CHOMP! Yuck! Tastes like a hardwood. If I had to take a guess.... What am I doing, get back in the moment.

* imaginary smack across face *

I bite again, harder this time. CHOMP! GNAW! CHOMP! The hand reacts this time, I don't know why or how and guess what I am not asking either. It flies open and at the last second I jump out. Twin BOOMS! You know because of the fists hitting the wall. Those booms not me falling down a going boom.

With a flip I land next to Dee as her chain keeps hits the ground. "Time to end this," I hear her growl and I nod. Her chain rakes across the ground like an enraged.....um....chain. Circling and wrapping around the beaver like some constrictor. What is left of the beaver's arm is pinned to its side much like both Dee and myself were just moments ago, minus all the shooting towards the wall thing.

In a blink of my eyes, I am on fours rushing across the floor towards the beaver, my tail bobbing up and down behind me. At the last moment I do a reverse flip, hmmm......instead of hands first I went tail first, landing on the beaver. THUMP! THUMP! I reach down with both hands and grab the protective shield and start to pull. I can feel it starting too....Suddenly I heard two pops coming from the beaver and I look down.

Through the protective barrier I can see the beaver pulling on something and I can can make out the beginning of some letters, 'ESCA'. What does esca mean? When the protective barrier gives under my tugging, I am caught of guard and I start to fall backwards with it in my hands.

Without any thought I spin and flip, landing on my feet and quickly glance up towards the beaver. It shoots me the look, you know the look the one that says ‘watch your tail’, before BOOM! The armor explodes filling the room with smoke. I can hear Dee coughing somewhere and I reply with my own. Cough. Cough cough. Cough. Cough cough cough. Cough cough. Cough. Almost like we are talking to each other through the coughs. Cough cough. Cough. Cough. Cough cough.


***

When the smoke finally clears we can both see what is left of the armor sitting there, a little over there and some over there too. No signs of the beaver's body other than the patch of fur that Dee found lying over there. Did he go pop and this is all that is left of  it? It was in the center of the blast.... I close my eyes and lower my head for a moment of silence. The little guy didn't need to go out that way. It could have just gave up and left, you know found a peaceful pond and not planned whatever it was planning.

After a few more minutes I look up at Dee, "Ready to go?"

Dee laughed, "Sweetie I was ready the moment the white robes grabbed me."

"Let me grab another banana split slushie and we can beat feet."

***

Nothing like a banana split slushie after a fight. Yum. SLURP! Ergh!!!! You tricked me again slushie. I must remember to only sip the banana gold.

The walk back to Stephen was long and heavy, yes Dee carried her bass but I got the amp. Which by my estimates weighed just about the same as me. So urgh and groan. What is in this thing? Ugh strain. It feels like I am carrying a baby hippo and before anyone says anything, I don't weigh anywhere close to baby hippo weight. You and you stop chuckling. I don't!  I weigh the appropriate weight for my height and size. If you don't believe me, ask me. Of course I will say yes. That is a give me there. But I think I will weigh a little less by the time I get back to Stephen. The glisten is dripping off of me. Drip drip drip.


((End of fight break and wrapping up soon....))

[Catherine]

I say hi to the spider when we walk by, the amp held with two hands off to the side. The little strap biting like a little shark into my hands. Ow! My fingers considered calling in lifeguards to help, but they were all off duty.

When we got to the worded intersection, my hands had some words to say and most were censored by beeps. Which made me sound like a truck backing up down the hallway. Stop laughing, it gives a girl a complex sometimes to hear that. I kept looking behind me thinking I was going to back up over something and I was going forwards.

Of course I couldn't see where I was heading since the amp was pressing into my face, since I was carrying it in front of me  now. My arms screaming just as loud as my fingers.

***

Now the steps those were a special treat, I got to count them as I went up. Of course I lost count about a half a dozen times so as far as I know there was twelve of them. It definitely felt like a lot more than twelve though. I got a personal up close view of every stair since now the amp had someway made its way to my back. Urgh heavy! My legs joined with the screaming and about half way up or the fourteenth something or another step my back started singing a mournful song.

You know what, it was all worth it though. When I saw the look on Stephen's face. Didn't know that a Gilly could emote, but he was emoting big time and I think there was tears. Even though he will deny that and say there was sand in his eyes or something. When I saw the emoting and the not really there tears I could feel the strength returning to my body and then it all flew out of me. I think in that direction over there since I fell in that direction over there.

Of course I carefully placed the amp down, I know how much those mean to a musician. Carefully place down and then black out from exhaustion and muscle screaming.


((Are you ready for the end of the story? Sorry you have to wait...))

[Catherine]

I stayed quiet as Dee and Stephen talked, for a number of reasons really.

One being I was a little tired from carrying the amp, yeah I know still complaining. But it was baby hippo heavy and I am not a baby hippo. Nowhere even close! I probably weigh what one baby hippo leg weighs when I am wet. Now I am not condoning going out and cutting the leg off a baby hippo, the poor things, I am just saying that is all. Rough estimate really, I might be surprised and baby hippo legs might weigh nothing really. Like cookies are with calories, the delicious cookies too and not those ones that call themselves cookies. Yuck! You see with those delicious cookies you can pinch one part off, that one part that is well...I would have to draw you a diagram to get a precise location and I am out of paper so.... later, all of the calories are in that one little piece the rest of the cookie is completely healthy for you. Really, just try it. Pinch and toss that piece away and you won't taste any calories in the rest of the cookie. Go ahead and try it I will wait. Hum................ Well how did it taste? Did you taste any calories? I bet you didn't. Okay back to the baby hippo weight thing, maybe just maybe they have no weight in their legs. Maybe they carry it in their hm....... Somewhere else. Maybe maybe.

The second reason is that you never get between a roadie and their favorite musician. That is just being stupid and might cause you life and limb. Yes there is a safety zone where you can and can't go, but that is constantly shifting due to the constant movement of the roadie. So one second it could be here and the next moment it could be twenty feet behind you. Like over there, where you are not. Then look where you are, in the red zone. Where anything could happen. It is like.....it is like......like wearing clothes made of hay while walking through a field full of cows. Or or swimming with great white sharks, the hungry ones not the ones on diets. Both are really equally dangerous, have you seen the look in a cow's eyes *shiver*. What do you do if you find yourself in the red zone, you would think run and run fast. Wrong! Roadies are lightening fast, some might look slow but they are just fooling you.  You think you are about to escape the red zone and blam! The roadie has you in its grip and you will start to scream. I need to censor the rest it isn't pretty. That and here is the tricky part, the red zone shifts with the roadie. So you many run but if it chases you and it might, you stay in the red zone.  Running and screaming, looking back hoping that the roadie gets tired and breaks off the chase, it won't though it is a roadie, they don't give up!

The third reason is a simple one really. I was considering going back and getting another banana split slushie. It was calling me.

* ring ring *

"Yes, who is this? Oh hi banana split slushie, how can I help you?"

"What? You want me to do what?"

"Are you sure?"

"What? Oh yes, I would be more than happy to drink you. So I should come down?"

"Okay I will see you soon."

*click*

You see, it was calling me. But I took all of the steps into consideration. Doing the math and carrying those three steps that I fell on then dividing that by happy taste buds and add dripping glisten, I kept that in the thinking about column.

There was a couple more reasons too, but wait a moment. As Dee and Stephen talk, I notice something strange. Dee's fingers look like they are strumming the strings of a bass. I clear my throat and patiently wait so nothing bad happens.


***

"Yes?" Dee said as she turned to face me.

"Yeah...what is up with your fingers?" I ask pointing towards Dee's hand. I watch as Dee looks down for a moment,giving me a smile when she looks back towards me.

"My fingers are itching, I need to play," she answers.

"Play?"

Dee nods, "yes. I need to play the bass soon or else."

"What is the or else?" I ask, my interest piqued.

"You don't want to know." Dee replied as she stood. The Gilly points out towards the windows and Dee nods.

"Okay.... So what are you going to do?"

"I am going to hold a concert," Dee answered back as she dropped out of sight.

Quickly I ran to the window to see Dee dropping to the stage below,"but there isn't a crowd."

"Don't worry about that," Dee called back as she landed gracefully and in a moment had her base set up and plugged into the amp. I watched as she lifted her left hand and BOOM! The sound of the bass made everything vibrate and shake. For a moment dust devils started to kick up all over, I blinked and shook my head swearing I could see ghostly bodies forming as the dust devils danced about. The longer I stared the more refined the upper bodies got, I could see arms now, while anything below the torso was just a blur of swirling sand.


***

"What is happening?" I asked, turning towards Stephen.

Stephen let out a laugh as he walked up to the window, "Dee wants a concert and there can't be a concert without a crowd. So girlie, Dee is summoning the crowd."

"How?" I asked as Stephen crawled out of the window and dropped down to the speaker below.

"It doesn't matter," Stephen started to say as he pointed to an empty space at the base of the stage, "looks like she is saving you a spot."

Quickly I looked down and back up at Stephen, "I am not sure."

I could hear a growl coming from Stephen before words oozed out of his mouth,"Get your tail down there. This will be a concert of a lifetime and more."

"Okay."


***

The concert rocked! There is loud and then there is loud. Every bone in my body and some I didn't know I had shook. The phantom crowd, oh my monkey. Some had lighters up, where they got them from is beyond me but they had them. I would look around as I jumped up and down and could see the lighters bobbing up and down like mad lightening bugs. Every so often I would glance up towards Stephen and I would catch him bobbing his head or tapping his foot to the music with a big smile on his face. Oh and I body surfed a couple times, again I am not sure how the phantom crowd held me up, but I didn't care. It was fun!  Did I tell you it was fun? Oh yeah I did. It was fun, just in case you didn't know. I body surfed too, oh I told you that. Yeah fun....

***

After the concert, the crowd sort of just slowly dissipated. I watched as some turned around and it looked like they were walking away and then nothing. I would say one by one but that would take forever, so it couldn't have been that. All I know after a while all that was left was Dee and myself, oh and Stephen way above us.

Dee motioned for me to join her on stage and with a little hop I was up there.

"Thanks for rescuing me," I heard Dee say as she continued to stroke the strings.

"You are welcome."

For a moment Dee looked down at the bass, "It is time for you to go now."

"What?" I asked as my tail bobbed up and down, "Why?"

"I don't have the answers for either of those sweetie. I just know it is time," Dee answered as she plucked a couple of strings. Suddenly the air behind me felt like there was energy in the air, the same feeling you get before a lightning storm hits. Like every molecule around you is dancing around slamming into everything, that feeling! Slowly I turned and could see a tear quickly forming, "Okay what is that?"

"That is your one way ticket and it has been stamped," Dee answered.

I took a breath, not taking my eyes off the tear," I am not sure about that...."

"I said it was time!" I heard Dee say right before I felt her foot on my butt then a push. More like a shove but it doesn't matter really once I hit the tear. Where it felt like every molecule in me decided to go in opposite directions at once. URP! My tummy definitely did not like the feeling. URP! My tail didn't like the feeling either. URP!

URP!


((Are you interested in the rest, please let me know.))

[Catherine]

You know when you step through an extra dimensional portal, okay I was pushed really and I have the footprint on my butt to prove it too which might hold up in a court of law and I wasn't meaning my butt either, you sort of expect to land on your feet. Not find yourself sitting on something cushy, other than the one thing jabbing me on one of my legs and everything was dark. The dark was easy to fix, open my eyes. The cushy thing that surprised me, it was a seat with what feels like a spring with an attitude poking through, ow!

The seat was well worn and actually had a blanket thrown over it, which didn't stop the spring from reminding me it was there. Hello jab jab. Of course the seat was part of something bigger. The bigger thing had other parts too; a steering wheel, a raccoon tail hanging from the mirror, gauges and a lot of bare metal. The one thing that it was missing was a roof, which made it a lot easier to get out of. Why open a door when you can just hop out.

A hop and turn later I looked at the bigger thing. It looked old and mean, sitting so low to the ground it might have been below the surface of the ground. It looked like a car but not anything modern, not with the immense engine in the front with the.....one , two and three pipes coming out from either side and the medieval contraption of pipes on top. The engine looked mean, really mean. It looked liked it could be one of those engines that goes around beating up other engines for their milk money.

Slowly I walked around what looked like a car, inspecting it. Big lights and huge grill. The tires were slender in the front and huge in the back. The body looked like it was painted once, maybe black or a really dark blue, the paint long dulled by the weather. Talking about rust, there was no lack of it. I think there was more rust than actual paint on the car now.

Ending back at the driver's side I start to remember the shows I watched with my dad. The ones where they restored old cars and everything. They always made it look so easy too, getting a car restored in what felt like a week. Yeah this one got crushed by a falling house, I think we can get it back up and running. By the end of the show they got a car that looks good and runs. I don't know how really, the car didn't look like a car at the beginning or anything, at the end yeah it looked like a car and sounded like one too. What did they call these?

*Snap of mental fingers.* A model A I think, don't ask me about the other models.  They might have stopped at A and just forgot the rest and skipped to something with mobile at the end. It looked beat though, the car thing.

Slowly I looked around, desert to to right of me and desert all around. Asphalt stretching off into the distance on either side. Hopefully...... I climb back in and check the glove box. Nothing special really; an old map telling me I was nowhere,  a screwdriver and a flare gun. I will have to remember that, I tell myself as I shift back over to the drivers side, "let us see if she starts."

*fingers crossed* because if it doesn't, the map says I am in for a walk to get to somewhere.

((Time to make more words cry...))

[Catherine]

I push a foot forward to push the clutch in and I find something out. The car is too big for me! I scoot forward a little a try again, still can't reach the pedal, this isn't fair! I reach to the side of the seat to see if I can find the knob to get the seat to shift a little more forward. All I find is seat. I switch my hand to search and find. Poke. Tap. Poke. Tap. Tap. Tap. Nothing, no knob for power seating! The humanity, how am I supposed to shift the seat forwards? With power comes me being able to reach the peddles.

Maybe I just missed it, I think to myself, all cars have power seating. My hand looks again and...... Nothing! There is definitely not a knob or a switch or anything to adjust the seat. So how? I close my eyes to think and let myself fall forwards, my forehead hitting the horn, not the horn itself but the center of the steering wheel. Ahhhhwwwwoooooggggggaaahhhhh!

I lay there and laugh to myself after hearing the horn, the car definitely has attitude. It doesn't care what others think, it isn't going to toe the line and have a horn like other cars. Nope! No silly neon lighting or even power seating either. Why be like others when you can be yourself, be unique. A smile slowly begins to form as I whisper to the car, "We have a lot in common. I think we are going to have a lot of fun together," pausing for a moment to laugh, "if I can get you started."

For a moment, I flash back to riding in a my grandpa's truck and how he would adjust the seat forwards and backwards with a lever under the seat. Worth a try. I start to search under the seat for any such lever and basically find the underside of a lot of springs and it feels like.... Suddenly the spring decides to remind me it is there and I yelp as I jump out of the car. Ow!

Standing there, rubbing my butt all thanks to the frisky spring. My hand shoots forwards as I point at where I think the spring is, "You..." Then point to my butt, "No!" The spring squeaks at me, maybe saying it was sorry I am not sure. All I know is that it tasted the flesh of a monkey girl, now I must keep an eye on it just in case. Which will make driving difficult. I need to find something so I can.

The seat doesn't adjust, there was nothing inside the car that I can see that could help either. That only leaves the trunk. If there is a body in the trunk, I am going to scream and scream so loud that everyone will hear me, so get your earplugs kids.

I reach for the button to pop the trunk and take a deep breath. No body. No body. then press and up pops the trunk lid slowly. Like some theater curtain revealing the performers behind it. If I see a performer, I will scream.

Prepare yourselves.



((Is there a body in the trunk? Not even I know. Okay I do but you have to  wait and see.))

[Catherine]

Why am I ready to scream? Have you seen any movies? A car out in the middle of nowhere always has a body in the trunk. I don't know if it is a prerequisite or something. Maybe it is, you know if you are thinking about leaving your car nowhere you must include a body in the trunk or you will be fined. Unless there is some type of weird road side service, they drive around and when they find an abandoned car they throw a body in the trunk. Ick. So yeah inhaling and preparing to scream. Even my tail was preparing.

Slowly the lid raised letting out a squeak, revealing more and more as it opened. Is that a foot? A hand? Oh my monkey a head! Preparing to scream in t-minus 3...2....1....and scre...... Wait no, no body just an overactive imagination. Whew! Canceling scream now.

With a thunk the trunk lid finally opens. Let's see what the trunk is holding. Hmm...tire iron, a tool box that ugh obviously has tools in it, a lizard that shoots me a dirty look as it scurries away and a large canvas sheet covering something. Warning lights go off in my head, the body is under the sheet I just know it. For a moment,  I consider all, well some okay one of the possibilities and take a sniff of the air, smells like desert. Smells like I am starting to glisten too. Slowly I reach out, my hand touches the canvas sheet and I prepare to scream again.

1....2....3 and lift. Whew! No body just....books! Classics too. You know a title and it is probably here. Wait, what did you say? Let me check..... Yeah there is a copy right here. Oh that one might be hard. Didn't most of those get burned in the great book burnings of that one year. You might have gotten me there. Nope right here up on top, sign too.  You know what I could probably take one of the bigger ones and put it behind me, much like I tried to do after reading them in school. Now it would literally be behind me and I thought books weren't useful.

Quickly I start to root through the books, making a couple stacks on either side of the car. Then I found it, the big one and ugh it was heavy. It took both hands to pick it up and carry it around to the front of the car. Lifting above the door was an ergh, if it fell I could imagine myself be crushed under it. SMOOSH! But I kept pushing and pushing until it slipped out of my hands and over the top of the door onto the seat. Did the car lower a little? The springs in the seat squeaking up a storm in protest. "Sorry, sorry."

I pop over the door and start fidgeting with book, trying to line it up perfectly. One or two times I thought I my hand was pinned between the book and seat. Thankfully I managed to get my hand out without loosing a finger. Let me count to make sure. One....two...three.....four......five.....six....seven.....eight and nine. Oh my monkey I lost a finger, whew you were just hiding little pinky. Bad finger, you scared me. Ten, ten fingers good.

Carefully I slip into the driver's side, don't need the book crushing me, much closer to the pedals now. Nothing like a book written by that one writer to help you out in the end. I thought they were only good for squishing spiders or tossing at my brother too. Then slowly turn the key and the car comes too life with a roar that sounds like a lion roaring. With every press of the gas pedal down the car shakes..

"Are you ready girl?" I ask as I press down the clutch and I grab the stick shift, the sound of scratching gears fill the air as I try to fund the right gear. Hey, I have only driven automatics before so blah, blah, blah. With a thunk I find something and I ease up on the clutch at that point the tires screech and the car jumps like a mad bull. You aren't getting ride of me that easily.

I pop the stick out with a thunk before letting go of the clutch. Safety! Hand searches for seatbelt, pull belt across and click! Now I won't be thrown, I tell myself before trying the clutch again. It only takes me twenty or thirty times and my head nearly hitting the steering wheel several times before I get use to it. I have tamed the mighty beast, boo yah!

The engine roars again as I go burning down the road, the wind in my hair and hopefully not to many bugs.


((Time to get driving....))

[Catherine]

ZOOM! I go shooting down the highway at somewhere below light speed. I say somewhere because I think the speedometer is broken and it only goes up so far.  I would tap it but yeah going really fast and I don't want to take my hands off the steering wheel at the moment, maybe once I take my foot off the gas pedal a little I will consider it.

BOOM! Oh my monkey, was that a sonic boom?  Was it? I look around at the landscape streaking by, I know i was moving fast but wow! There is only one way to test, say something and see if I hear it or will it be left in the dust only to be heard by someone later. What to say though? Need something interesting as a just in case. Don't want to leave something stupid behind if I am going faster than the speed of sound. I don't want some stranger suddenly hear "meatballs!" coming from nowhere. Startled they would jerk the steering wheel looking for meatballs and get in an accident and take out some cacti. So I need to think of something good and less crash inducing.  Probably the Boy Scout manual has some good ideas but I need to keep my hands at  ten and two at the moment. Hmm,., I should be safe, I guess.

"Hello......"

Yeah I heard it, maybe the windshield is creating a little pocket. Slowly I push myself up just enough and I start to feel the wind starting to get stronger. "He......." Gulp! My head jerks backwards as something goes slamming into it. Ow! Quickly I jerk the steering wheel to the side and slam my foot down on the brake. The back end of the car fish tails around and the tires squeal as the car comes to a sudden stop, leaving a nice black mark on the highway.

Cough. Cough. What did I just swallow? I grab the side of the car, pull myself up and  try to spit whatever it was out. Ick! What was it, please just come out. Spit, spit and more spit. Why wasn't there warning signs? Don't stick your face above this point especially with your mouth open or something will fly into it at an extreme rate of speed. It could have gone in the corner, I would have seen it! Spit. Nothing. Maybe it was one of those armadillos that jump, it felt like one. I send in my tongue to search  the inside of my mouth for whatever it was. even breaking out of the dogs. It finds nothing; no bodies, no survivors or debris. Almost like whatever it was just vanished!

Maybe it was nothing, just some hard air. That was it, yeah hard air. It happens. I tell myself as I scoot behind the steering wheel. Looking around I see cacti all over the place, there are even cacti on cacti. I jump a little when I notice there is one in the seat next too me, where I was just moments ago. "Okay.... " I turn back to the steering wheel and there is a little one now on top of it. "Strange...." I say with an uncomfortable laugh as I spot another sitting on the top of the grill of the car,

The feeling of being watched fills me as I reach for the keys. I blink and like three more cacti appear. "Hi guys or girls. Kinda hard to tell you apart. You know you all look alike sort of maybe a little, especially with the needles. You should do something about those really too. I hope you don't....."  I thrust my foot down on the gas pedal hard which causes the car to jump and take off. Little cacti flying up in the air as a poof cloud appears where I once was. In moments I am miles away outrunning even the roadrunners, BEEP BEEP, away from the cacti.


******

I see the billboard from miles away. Its black glowing, like only black can do , in the desert heat. At first I think it is a one of those desert mirages, you know the type right? Where the desert gets all tricky and makes you think you are petting a cute kitten and you are really petting something really ugly. You wander why the kitten feels like it has scales or quills or horns, but you just blame yourself and the lack of skin moisturizer on your part. One of those!

But the closer I get, the more details I can see in the sign. The red circle, the yellow and white lettering announcing, Secret Spot - 2 miles ahead. I can't pass one of those tourist traps up, I remember seeing the brochures and always wanted too. Now is the perfect time to explore. It has been decided,

Another sign flies by 'Yeah Secret Spot in one mile' as I shoot down the highway. The car lifting off the ground for a second after cresting a little hill. I blink and almost miss the next sign saying I should be turning any moment now, followed by a sign that says 'Its no secret turn now!' Of course I am not going to pass it up so I wrench on the steering wheel and take the drive way sideways. Not a little sideways either, all the way sideways and all the way down the drive.

I know it isn't safe and I should put in a disclaimer. * Please do not do not try the following. It isn't safe and really it should not have been done in the first place. So do not try the following at home, the person in the scene is a trained professional. Who are we kidding, she is far from being a professional. Just....just don't try. It. Okay?

Letting go of the steering wheel I climb up onto the door as the car continues down the drive. I throw my arms out and lean forward, "I am queen of the world....." I hold the pose and feel so alive. What with the wind through my hair and the kicked up gravel shooting all around me like enraged gnats. The sound of squealing tires adding that  perfect rubber to asphalt sound.
 
The car starts to slow and finally stops, rocking up on two tires and hanging there for a moment before crashing back down onto the ground. Of course as the car hangs there I dive off and roll the rest of the way to the ticket booth. As I gracefully stand up, let's get the scores from the judges on the move. We got s 9 another 9 a 8 and a two from the Russian judge. Boo!

While I stand and slap a twenty down onto the ticket counter, "One please." This is going to be fun!


((What is coming? Nail bitting so dramatic of an ending.... not really but still. Until next.))

[Catherine]

I stand there for a moment waiting for someone, anyone with a ticket to give me. Looking back I can see how empty the parking lot is, which is good actually if you think about it. The way I entered the parking lot would have become a lot more interesting with cars in the parking lot. There would have been at least one boom, a couple crashes, an oops or two , a flip and some other things. Likely ending in me flying through the air with the greatest of ease,  a look of surprise on my face and screaming. Of course I would have looked cute doing it and ended in a perfect landing, feet firmly on the ground in the this and that position with my arms out. The one judge would of course score me low. *grumble grumble*

No one showed up and it was quiet, well other than the cricket. That little guy was loud! But it was the middle of the day so this place should have been hopping. I wonder..... "Hello!" I call out and the cricket answers back, CHIRP!

Slowly I nod, "Yes I know this is getting strange. There should be tons more tourists here other than me," answering the cricket.

I turn around and and put my elbows up on the counter and I lean back.The imaginary straw in my mouth slowly bobbing up and down, helping me think. What to do? Slowly I look to either side, all cool like. If I had a cowboy hat on I could go "Mam" and tip my hat. But then I would be maming nothing but empty air too.

What would a cowgirl do, I ask myself. Not a moo cowgirl either, no swishing tail, okay yes for the swishing tail. Sorry tail. But no horns, or spots or mooing. So no moo cowgirl. So what would one do? I reach for a imaginary water all cool like and drink it in one gulp. Then imaginary clank it back down on the counter.

Slowly I push myself up, a cowgirl would just go in and start to make my way to the entrance. With each step I  whisper "Ching!" to myself, you know to imitate the sound of Spurs on the ground. My hands go out and as I reach the entrance, I know it is the entrance because of the sign that I am passing underneath as I push at the imaginary swinging doors, like the cowboys do in movies, I step through a stop. Just far enough so my butt doesn't get imaginarily tapped by the imaginary door.

I nod, tipping my imaginary cowboy hat. "Time to explore," I say to nobody, my tail nodding in agreement. I can see the pointing signs doing their jobs, pointing this way and that. So many decisions, but my tail decides with a point to the right.

"You are always right" and I take off up the trail and to the right.

******

Up the trail I go, seeing weird things here and there. Weird tree things here, ones
 growing out of the ground stopping then doing a weird upside question thing. Which would confuse the squirrels. Then other trees intertwined with others, not the branches! The branches were separate, the trunks were intertwined. Spiraling up then separating at the top. A tree was eating a lawn mower, not eating in the nom nom way. As in the trunk of the tree was well you know engulfing it. You would think someone would move the lawn mower or something before the tree did that. I mean trees don't mow lawns as far as I know. At least I don't think they do. *mental scratch head*

Then there was the whole thing on bushes and shrubbery. Weird....

I was looking at one of the birds that swing up and down like they are sipping the water. But this would do it in reverse, it would bob down and spit water in the glass. Then swing up then back down and spit more. Mesmerizing trying to figure out how it was doing it. I got down on my knees checking out the table for hoses or tubes or anything that would get water up to the bird. One straw attached to another even, since those are easily dismissed. Ah it is just straws *dismissive  wave*. Poor things are the black sheep of the hose family, probably a distant cousin on the mother's estranged uncle's best friends third sister with a strange eye relative. Think about it if you get enough of those bendy ones you could get water anywhere and they make those weird sounds as you need them.

There I am on my knees frisking the table when out of nowhere, well not nowhere really it was coming from over there, I hear a scared bleating getting louder and louder. Before I could scratch my head a goat burst out of the bushes.

It was scared, I could tell by the scared look in its eyes and it was running away from the bushes. They  didn't look scary to be honest, the bushes; normal leaves, branches and other bush things. Or was it a shrubbery? Either way it wasn't scary. Maybe the bush said something to the goat, something scary? That is silly, bushes don't talk.

"Hey what is...." I tried to ask as the goat ran pass me into more bushes, friendly looking bushes I guess. Can't really tell the difference from the bushes on the other side of the trail. I guess I wouldn't be good at a bush reunion.

 "Hey Barbara."

"I am George!"

"Oops sorry, you all look like. Have you thought about wearing name tags?"

"No!"

"Sorry...."

You see I would be bad. So bad they might think I am bushest or something. Which I am not, bushes are plants too. *nod*

I was about about to follow the goat when out of the bushes from where the goat came from, over there. Something burst all of the bushes. Something looked like well something. Small, gray, big eyes, spines running down its back and it had a straw in one of its hands. The look in its eyes said, "I am thirsty." The something didn't even bat an eye at me as it ran across the path pass me and jumped into the bushes that the goat ran into.

What just happened, I asked myself as I stood there.  Maybe this was part of the Secret Spot experience? Maybe the owners get kids to dress up as goats and somethings and chase after each other? That could be it, but the goat looked scared and if it was acting scared it deserves an Oscar or something. For best  scared impression of the year the winner is goat and the crowd cheers as the scene plays over and over for them on big screens.

If they was just actors they could have gotten a better costume for the something. It didn't look like anything I have seen before. Wait a second it is one of those one things. What are they called again? A chupalupa? A chupa chupa? A chewy cup of? A chewing cobra? It is on the tip of my tongue..... A Charles? No...no...

Realization hits and almost knocks me to the ground. Holy Monkey, it is a chupacubra! A...a....a goat sucker! That explains the whole straw thing now. A straw would keep things cleaner then the whole canine teeth bite and suck blood up thing that vampires do. It would cut down on trips to the dry cleaners and explaining the blood stains on shirts. *nod* Maybe vampires should take a tip from the chupacubra handbook and go to the dentist to get their canines looked at.

Wait a...it was chasing after...and the goat was....the chupacubra looked...I can't let that happen!

Quickly I run over to the bush and dive in. I will save you little goat!

((Okay now this is getting weird. I mean not just weird but I mean weird. How weird find out next time...))

[Catherine]

I dive in and the bush smacks me over and over. Some of the branches were not even close to me and SLAP! One even double slapped me, not a fast double slap either which might make since. No it took its time, slap in the face and right after I finished spitting the leaves out, I got a smacked in the tail. Which caused me to stumble forwards into a sticker bush, OW! Stickers aren't friendly! They get all up close and personal in a not good way. Ow! I am going to be pulling them off for years probably.

Suddenly an "Eep!" erupted out of me, hands quickly covering my mouth to keep the eep muffled. I look back at my butt, at the cause of the eeping. Just a thorn really, one the size of the body! Why would a bush need something that long? Why? Someone tell me, yes it was just sticking my butt and not going thought my body but still. Why? There is no reason for something like what was poking me to even exist.

Carefully I reach back and yank the thorn out of my butt. Ow! Scolding it mentally to stay quiet as I let it go and start to move forward.  Over a log under another.

Through the bushes I can hear the terrified bleating of the goat. Getting louder as I continued to crawl forward. Slowly and all ninja like I slipped my face out of the bushes to see the chupacubra with the goat in its hands. Over and over it jabbed the straw into the goat's neck. Well trying too at least, it wasn't finding success. Poke bend poke bend poke bend.

I could see the chupacubra was getting frustrated, it was thirsty and the straw wasn't doing its job. The goat wasn't enjoying its straw massage at all. Poke Poke Poke Bleat bleat. I watched as the chupacubra pulled its arm back and poke! Nothing at all.
Angered the chupacubra started raining the pokes down on the goat's neck. Poke Poke Poke Poke Poke. Nothing, not even a mark.,

In a fit of rage the chupacubra threw down the straw and brought the goat to its mouth
 I could see the enlarged canines on either side of its mouth, telling me I will nom you and you will like it. The chupacubra's tongue slowly slithers out, licking its lips in the way of ick..

'It is going old school this time and I can't allow the No hakuna tomato or anything. Where is the circle of life and don't say it coming closer to chupacubra's mouth. "Excuse me," I say stepping out of the bushes.

******


I get another surprising smack in the tail by a bush as I step out. Eep! That bush waited I swear. I take my eyes off the chupa chupa for a moment to shoot the bush a look, putting it on the spot. "I am watching you," I mutter under my breath. It could be my imagination but I swear at that moment I saw the bush shake, of course it might have been the wind too.

Turning back to the chupa, I saw it standing there watching me as it continued to poke the goat with the straw over and over. Thwap. Thwap. Thwap. "Could you stop that please?" I say calmly as I try to think of something. BOINK! "Listen Mr. Cubra, I don't think that goat is ripe, to young maybe." The chupacubra stopped for a moment staring at me like it was thinking about what I just said.

"Look at your straw it says it all. Look at it," motioning with a hand towards the general area of the straw,"If the goat was ripe would the straw be like that?" The chupa looked down at the goat then to the straw and then at me where it shrugged.

"Ah come on," giving the chupa a kind look. You know a little smile and stars in my eyes. "You know the truth. You chased after a not ripe goat. It will probably taste nasty too. You should let it go and let it rippen. "

* mental fingers crossed that chupalupa believes me *

The chupacubra just stands there then looks down at the goat and tries to poke it with the straw again. THWAP! Nothing but a bent straw. I could see the chupa take a deep breath before letting the goat down.

"That is good, you don't want to have a non-ripe goat. It spoils everything for the rest of the day." Nodding and shaking my head in the appropriate areas of course. "You need to let that little one rippen for a while," motioning for the goat to keep moving with my tail when it stopped at the bush line.

I motion with my hand, "Come on, let's see if we can find you a ripe one."

******

My hand stops just about almost too close from the chupa's spines. "Okay yeah I would pat you on the back and everything Mr. Cubra. But I think that might be saying the wrong thing what with the screaming and everything." I air pat the chupa chupa's back as we start to walk up the path.

We pass up the rope that can't be tied that is tied to a tree so it can't be stolen. A house that is in serious need of being fixed, it sort of had a lean. Not really a lean more like a suspended fall. The only way it looked correct was by tilting my head to the side. Yeah there it is all good. The whole house was like that, on a severe angle, not sure how the door opened. By all logical it shouldn't, the frame was angled but the door swung like a regular door. Which should not be possible! Then going inside I found other objects of angles not perfectly straight up and down. All of the furniture, photos, books, the puppy and everything else. Everything was just off! Right angles weren't right. Obtuse angles were obtuse, hey you can't get more obtuse than obtuse. So they stayed obtuse but more so,

I could see a sign with a level under it and a ball in a basket. Interest piqued I walked over with the chupa tagging beside me. 'You are level,' the sign said,'if you don't believe us check with the level.' I nod and take the level and put it on the floor. For a moment nothing happened but then the bubble did the bubble thing. Slowly moving until it floated there in the middle of the tube it was in. So level.

Brushing my pants off as I stood, even the dust was off I think, I read the rest of the sign. 'So know you know you are level. Now take the ball and put it on the floor.' Okay, I thought as I reached for the ball. Nothing was on odd or off just your standard pool cue ball. I looked at the chupa then back at the ball, "Let's see what happens."

Letting go of the ball, on the floor of course, I watched how it started to roll away. What the? Then it stopped. Maybe just an uneven floorboard. Then it started to roll again but turning this time. What the? Reaching for the ball my hand meet floor when the ball shot away across the floor and stops. Slowly I take a step towards it and it starts to roll away.

I motion for the chupalupa to head towards the doorway before the great chase started. That ball must have four wheel drive, I told myself since it was getting anywhere and everywhere. Under the table, up a bookcases  and even across the ceiling it went. Everywhere it went I was behind it, don't ask me how I did the ceiling. Ancient Monkey secret  and you don't need to know. Okay well I don't know either really so hmm... When I figure it out I will tell you, honest monkey.

I thought I had it once, in a corner. But it reared up and hissed, which surprised me to say the least, before shooting towards the door. The chupa has it, I told myself. ZIP! right between its legs. Nope!  Quickly I ran to the doorway to see if I could see the ball. I did, but yeah....well it was not here but over there. No over there but way over there. How it crossed that distance in a blink of an eye is an unknown, a real head scratcher.

*mental head scratch*

No way I can get the ball back. It might roll out of my grasp. Turning around I saw the chupa stabbing a teapot with its straw. "It isn't a goat." Which It responds with a grumble. "Let's get going." I announce as I leave the house.


((Strange happening and more to come mwhahahaha))

[Catherine]

It takes me a few moments after leaving the house to walk upright, what with all of the wrong right angles and obtused obtuse angles messing with my brain. I didn't realize that I was unconsciously adjusting myself to fit in until I got outside and well, how can I explain? Let me think.....

Okay draw a stick figure with a line under it. Go ahead and it doesn't need to be fancy. You need something to draw with? Okay let me see...... Okay here is a black crayon excellent for drawing stick figures. Done? Good. Now imagine a line starting from the feet and somewhere halfway between the head and the line if the figure was falling sideways. Now draw a stick figure. That is me!

What is the saying again? One hand to the sky or something like that. I had one to the sky and one dragging on the ground and there was a lot of rocks, ow! Back in the house, back there. BANG! Ow! Ergh need to use my other hand, the one in the sky to do things until  I am upright to everything here and not everything in the house.

In the house, I guess I subconsciously just corrected myself until I was 'right' with everything around me. So logically I can just walk around until I am 'right' again. BANG! Ow! A root meet my hand this time in a non friendly passing you by way. BANG! Ow! This can't last to much longer, I tell myself as I shake my hand. BANG! Ow! If my hand bangs to many more things it is going to be bruised and swollen. My hands will be out of proportion and everything. I can't have that. *shake head*

That is when I feel a familiar tapping on my shoulder. "Yes?" I ask turning my head a little to see what my tail had to say. Pass it, I could see that chupa libra was having the same problem as me. My tail snapped it's fingers like only tails can do to get my attention than motioned to me and then towards a tree.

"You want me to change into a tree? Sorry I don't do inanimates, the whole not thinking thing bothers me. Before you say it, yes I was considering changing into a ball in the ruins of madness, but that was different. There was tons of stairs and that would have been fun. Changing into a tree well....not so fun, no offense to the tree but... I have heard stories and well no. I don't want to be able, through experience, too be able to put a bumper sticker on the car that says 'Once you leave you never go back.'" Shake head.  Nope.

Tail shakes and points at me and then at the tree again. "Yeah I know you want me..." My tail stops my train of thought when it starts to shake, "No? Then what?"

I watch as the tail points at me.

"Me."

The tail nods then at me again then bobs up and down.

"ok?"

Then my tail points to the tree ,,

"Tree"

The tail nods. The point to me and then to the tree. "Me and tree," I answer, which the tails shakes No too.

"Then what?"

Tail rubs her chin in a way only a tail can. Then points to me, then my feet and finally to the  tree. "Feet?" I ask questionably looking down at one of my feet as I lift it. Me feet tree? Time to think monkey girl. Hmm.......


More hmm........

Even more hmm.......


*mental snap of fingers* "Got it! Follow me chupa loops!" I call over a shoulder back to the chupacubra. Slowly  and carefully I make my way to the tree with no more bangs and my hand was happy with that. I grabbed the tree with one hand and started to pull myself up and when I got far enough I grabbed it with my other hand like an enraged chipmunk. Pull ...Ergh....pull...I think it is working. Pull. *pop!*.

I stop when I hear the pop. Pop isn't a good sound to hear most of the times. I stand there for a moment , not realizing that I am 'right' now and not wrong. I do a slow stretch and turn to grab the tree again.

Realization hits me like a train, "Hey I a right now and not wrong. How are you chupa chup" I turn to look at chupa and can see he is upright and not up wrong no, I give him a smile. "Okay the house was bad, so no going there anymore. Let's go look at something else and see if there are pop machines that have  goats.

((Some houses you know... see you next time with more head scratching))

[Catherine]

It is a lot easier to walk when you aren't inches away from the ground, especially with roots. So we are walking and we are walking up the trail. I look to the right and see desert and look to the left and see a beautiful lake front. The wind not blowing and the boat with a skier behind it not moving either. I blink for a moment then look to either side. Wiping my head *whew* after realizing it is just a sign or something, thinking I was losing it for a moment.

"Stupid sign," I chuckle, turning to chupalupa as I point over my shoulder to the sign with my thumb. I see the chupa's eyes get big and if a chupa's eyes get big you know there is something amazingly weird or there is a goat standing there. I am voting for goat but hey look where we are at so I should be open for the amazingly weird too.

Slowly I turn hoping just hoping that the chupa just likes the painting. That is all I see at first too. Then I hear the clomping of something and suddenly the little goat is there under the sign. Then there is the sound of loud clomping and I see two somethings appear on either side of the little goat.

The two somethings? Hooves and big ones too! Not little ones but big ones. How can I stress big? Hmm........ After some quick not measurements and some not mathematics, I can easily say they are big. Like almost my head big. Eep!

If they are are that big that means..... Slowly I look up to see a hand, not five fingers either more two fingers and an opposable thumb, pulling down the sign. Revealing a nasty and not happy face looking back. It needs a little more, add horns on either side and yeah wow.

It snorts at me, very strongly. My hair actually blows in the gust. Oh and it wasn't minty fresh either, pew pew. I would offer a breath mint, but yeah I think more than one is needed. My eyes actually started to water as I stood  there. So bad. Rotten eggs would be jealous, just saying..

"Hi," I say taking a step back. "May I help you...um Mr....." I look at what is above and below the sign,"Mr. Goatman or woman." With its other hand it answers me, thrusting it over the sign and pointing at the chupacubra.

"I guess you aren't too happy about the poking with the straw are you?"

The goatmam slowly, like really slow, shakes its head as it rips down the sign. I thought the legs and head was bad, the rest wasn't good either.

"I told you...."

****

Let me tell you this, if the troll in the 'Three Billy Goats Gruff' ran into three...no even one of what was standing in front of me now, steaming my hair straight with its breath, the story would have ended differently.  The troll would have stopped the goatman on the bridge thinking it was just a big goat. The goatman would have reached down and grabbed the troll by the neck. Lifted him up and persisted to show him the business end of his fist over and over, like a pneumatic hammer. Thump! Thump! Thump! The poor little troll would have been eating everything through a straw for a long time, might have nightmares too. Waking up all sweaty and screaming thinking it was being pummeled by a goat.

"I will gobble you.....ulp. Thump! Thump! Thump!"

Standing there, I could see the muscles flexing in the the goatman's neck as it lowered its head. Like it needed to be closer. SNORT! Cough, cough and cough. Oh yeah stinky breath. It was bad when it was standing up and far enough away but now.... I know goats ate anything but it smelled like all this guy ate was skunks. Mega Phew!

*ninja art of the oh my monkey this guy's stink and it is making my eyes water technique*

Mentally I pinch my nose. Hoping that, that might help with the smell. "Hi there," I say all nasally las my eyes water,"cansh youd madebe." I motion with a hand for a the goatman to maybe take a step back. The goatman huffs and wow, definitely gargles skunks. "Pwease I can'd bwaly bweade."

The goatman huffs again and I start to feel woozy. Maybe it is the lack of oxygen to my brain or the smell of a lot of skunk shooting up my nostrils. Neither of which i recommend and I am pretty sure they will not being selling 'Ode Pew Pew - Essence of the stripped tail' anytime soon. Many tests would have to be ran before it hit the market. Limited I hope. Maybe like one bottle limited if that.

Luckily the goatman listened and took a step back. Its hooves clumping against the ground really loud as freshness filled the void the stinky left behind. The air still had the slight taste of skunk but it was breathable, which my lungs loved.

"Thank you," I gasped.

The goatman just stood there, slightly hunched over, breathing. Suddenly it thrusts a hand down toward the little goat, pointing with a big hand at the back of the goat's neck then it thrust the same hand to point at the chupa. Like I said just a moment ago, there it stood breathing and now pointing.

Tension was in there air and I needed to figure out what to do before something bad happened. Hmm.....



((I will leave you with a hmmm and wonder....))

[Catherine]

If I closed my eyes, I would be able to feel the presence of the goatman standing in front of me, which I wasn't even thinking of doing. Nope no way. Even if I couldn't feel him, I could smell him. He was mad and a ways beyond that too. If I didn't think of something quickly I could picture him going through me to get to the chupa and it wasn't a pretty picture.

I think for a moment because that is all I think I have, if I had two moments that would be good but just a moment. *BOOP!* A light bulb goes off over my head. No one can be mad with... I shove my hand into my bag and go fishing. Salmon no. Large mouth bass no. Marlin no. No. No. If there was one of those in my bag , ow! What with that nose of theirs. It would probably be sticking out of my bag all the time and get caught on things. Maybe even get caught in doorways. I wouldn't get invited to parties since balloons would get popped wherever I walked. Think about it, salmon and large mouth bass are reasonable but Marlin that is way beyond reasonable but I found what I was fishing for..

Out shoots my hand, unwrapping the item of fishing and pop it right into the goatman's mouth. a sucker in their mouth! "See isn't that better?"

I watch as the sucker stick bobs in and out for a moment. The expression of the goatman is hard to read. If I had to say it was definitely an expression but which one got me. "Give me a moment."

Moments later the boy scout manual is in my hand. Flip. Flip. Flip and more flips. What to do when you sit on a porcupine. No. Bears and picnic baskets, the cruel truth. No. Ah here you go...The many expressions of a goatman. Happy. Sad. Mad. Bored. All of them look the same. Heavy brow going straight over. Sort of a angry maybe happy look in the eyes. The nostrils flared out. The mouth slightly open.

Definitely one of them. Which one though? Hmm.... The wrong guess could lead to a head-but and I don't need that. The loud crack of skull meeting horn is something I don't want to hear.

Trying to look for something, I start to sweep a foot from side to side. "So what are you feeling?"

*****

The goatman just stares at me. I don't know if it is thinking about its feelings or trying to calculate in its head how far I will fly back if it head buts me. If I judge using the sucker stick bobbing up and down as it moves back and forth from one side of the mouth to the other, I still wouldn't know. Happy? Sad? I am going to send you flying? I don't know.

Looking around I see a picnic table nearby and get an idea. "Please come with me," I say to the goatman, turning a little to look at the chupacubra to ask it to follow. I can hear the clomping of hooves on the ground behind me as I walk over and stand at the head of the picnic table, maybe it is the tail? I motion to either side, "Please sit."

The goatman humphs as moves to one side, the picnic table creaking as it sits down. For a moment I can see in my head the picnic table flipping move under the goatman's weight. Luckily it doesn't or everything that I haven't planned will be ruined. I look over towards the chupa as it walks up and jumps into the seat on its side, placing the straw down on the table.

A moment later there are twin thumps hitting the table, causing the straw to jump, as the goatman slams its hands down, I am guessing maybe it is mad because of the straw. Warning lights and sirens start to go off in my head as the chupalupa starts to get up, which isn't nice to hear or see. Makes it kind of hard to concentrate.

I clear my throat as my tail sweeps around and taps the table lightly. Tap. "Excuse me, please settle down. " In a blink of an eye,  both the goatman and the chupa stop as I stand there waiting to come up with what is next.

"Thank you, Now I have called you both here at...." Pausing to look around for s moment, "Picnic table number seventeen to work some things out." Before I can take a breath, breathing is good you know, the goatman starts doing what goats do. Bleating, honking or something as it motions back and forth from the little goats's neck to the straw,

"I know," I say calmly "I was witness to the poking." Thankfully I was just far enough away when the goatman in a sign of anger swiped his hand in my direction, missing me by just enough to pull an "Eep!" from my lips. Of course my tail responded with a loud tap on the table. TAP! Need to stand up for myself or the goatman will just run everything.

"I will not stand for that," I say stamping my foot on the ground to make sure that both the goatman and the chupa chupa know that I am serious. "I would like for you to both sit down and act civilized." STAMP! Fire in the eyes.

If they weren't standing, they stand up and then sit down. I nod a little bit, "Thank you. Now let us begin...."

((Stay calm and don’t look into the Goatman’s eyes……)))

[Catherine]

Slowly I start to walk around the picnic table, "I understand that there is a misunderstanding  between you. The whole sucking of blood through a straw or stomp you into the ground with my hooves things. Now I believe we can come to an understanding today without a pummeling happening."

"Now the blood sucking thing is for sustenance correct?" I ask as I look towards the chupa. For a moment it does nothing as it rolls its straw back and forth before nodding.

I turn towards the goatman, "The stomping into the ground thing, that is for....protection of other members of the herd or prevention."  The goatman nods, never taking his eyes off the chupacubra.

"So now we know why sucking and stomping. Now we have to come to an agreement."

I bring a finger up to my chin and tap it adorably as I walk around for a moment. The hairs on the back of my neck standing on end from the staring. I reach back for a moment just to feel what it feels like having my hair stand on end. Sort of this and sort of that. Kind of like..... Stiff fur but soft. Sort of like carpet but not carpet, nowhere close to carpet but sort of like it. Anyways it was fuzzy. Back to the moment, well the other moment about not hair standing up.

"So what I am understanding is the stomping wouldn't occur if the sucking was managed somehow." I say turning to face both the chupa and the goatman. The goatman nods in agreement. "Which isn't fair for Mr. Cubra," I continue, motioning towards the chupa who shakes its head without blinking. Has it blinked since I meet it?

"Side note Mr. Cubra, do you have eyelids?"

The chupalupa turns its head and looks up at me. Its large almond shaped eyes are black, like looking into space black. We stare at each other for a minute or two and nothing, no blinking, Got to try! I jerk my hands up and towards the chupa chupa, "Booga! Booga!"

Nothing, still no blinking. The 'Booga! Booga!' always gets a blink maybe....

"Okay back to come to an agreement. What we," quickly I turn and try to scare the chupa with the Booga Booga again. No scared blink or startled jerk back. Grr... Made of stronger stuff I guess.

"I apologize to the both of you, that was unprofessional. Let us continue."

*****

"Have you tried tomato juice?" I ask Mr Cubra, "It is red and sort of looks like blood and if you think about it, it is blood. The blood of tomatoes."

The chupalupa gave me a look that sort of said 'What the?' Followed by the one that said 'Look around." Which I did and laughed, "Sorry sorry, I guess it would be hard to find tomato juice out here." Need to think "How about cherry cola, it is red." I say walking over to a pop machine. "Wow three dollars for a....." Looking all over the machine for anything that would show what is inside,"can of pop. A little expensive there and let me see...." Of course there are the usual suspects and nothing cherry. I was crossing my tail too. But the pricing would of made it difficult, I think.

*Mental calculations - tap tap tap and carry the one over there. Add the six and don't forget the decimal point.  A slip of a decimal can make hundreds out of tens. Which well can end some up in jail. Look over answer and wow a lot.*

Yeah correct that, almost impossible. I walk back to the table, "Cola is out, did you see the pricing? It is like they think they are serving ice cold drinks to people in the middle of nowhere, where it is really hot." The goatman slowly shakes his head as he motions with a hand. "Oh yeah, makes sense now but no cherry cola either so..."

"Have you tried...no that isn't really red. Red ink...no that is for writing. The red stuff in thermometers, no that is deadly. Red crayons, chewy and everything. You are saying no with the crayon. They would melt in the heat, which would make it easier sip up but might get stuck in your teeth too."

Slowly I walk around the table, every so often almost throwing out an idea and stopping in early mid sentence. Don't want stupid or half thought ideas thrown out. Those always cause troubles. *nod*  Look at the bagel, someone wasn't thinking there. Looks like a donut but doesn't taste like one. Have you tried to frost one? They get all soggy and just don't cooperate. Blah!

I put my hands down at the head of the table, "Do you two have any ideas?" I get the shaking of the head from the goatman and the stabbing motion from the chulpa. No help!

For formalities I drop my head to the table. THUMP! An idea is jarred free, it is a strange one, but strange ones are sometimes good and hey why not.

"Mr. Cubra have you heard of you are what you eat?"


*****


I watched as the chupa thought for a moment and a couple more moments, rolling the straw back and forth under one of its hands as it thought. Then it stopped and looked up at me and nodded in a chupa sort of way, sans straw of course. That would be silly if it nodded with a straw in its mouth. What with the sucking air through it sound and everything. * Pfft pfft nod*

"Okay maybe just maybe and this might might sound strange, so just listen too what I am about to say, Okay?" Standing there, I can feel my fingers twiddling as I wait for a nod or something from the chupa chupa. I hear thumping, is it my heart? Am I that worried. THUMP! THUMP!         THUMP! THUMP! Can they hear it? THUMP! THUMP! It is so loud! THUMP! THUMP!   It is like that one poem, with the bird and everything. THUMP! THUMP!   If I hear a raven say 'nevermore' I will freak out, now if one says "chimichanga" I will will applaud. Just saying, that is an impressive word to say phonetically for a bird.

THUMP! THUMP!   There it is again, it sounds like it is coming from.... Slowly I look down, oh so ready to jump if I see a heart floating there giving me puppy dog eyes. That would be cute and everything but no! No floating hearts dripping blood all over. No. No. No. That and I would think I would see a bloody trail or something if there was floating hearts around here, not like those can just sneak around. Oh look a trail of red liquid, I wonder what it goes too. I think I will go this other way. That and I have my anti flying heart spray on so I should be safe.

I see no red. I see no left and right ventricles. No pumping. No spitting of red liquid. Nothing but my fingers twiddling and a large caterpillar, preventing three of my fingers from hitting wood. It looks up and gives me a caterpillar smile, then slowly starts to move away. Was I just? It slipped under so my..... I was giving it a back massage! One of the deep tissue ones too! Grrr...... My fingers stop the finger dance and for a brief moment I consider all the things I could do with the caterpillar. A few were me helping it learn to fly at various heights and speeds, but those were just thoughts nothing that would act upon. So don't worry caterpillars I won't be giving flying lessons. Honest monkey. Wandered off the moment didn't I?

I look up and see the chupalupa giving me the sure head shake. "Okay.....what I was thinking is that you want to be goat,  you think the more blood you suck that the next sip will bring you goathood. That then you would be accepted into the herd and be happy."

Do I even have to say what the reactions were? Two thumps as both the chupa chupa's and the goatman's mouth fell open and hit the table.

"I said it was strange... But maybe deep down inside and everything you," motioning towards the goat, "want to be a goat and be accepted by," I motion towards the goatman, "him, well him sort of in a general goat way."

Instantly I hear the goatman laughing, smacking its hands on the table, the table bouncing up and down. I could feel the grrrrs building up inside of me as my tail whips around and pokes the goatman on the tip of its nose. Away from the nostrils of course, ick. I hear that goat snot is hard to get out of fur. "Stop that!" I shout, stomping a foot.

"Stop that now!" My tail pokes the goatman again, causing it to freeze in place. "Thank you tail." I say with a nod and my tail nods back.."Where are your manners? Did your mom not raise you better? I should so give you a time out. Look at the chupa libre. Look at him!" A hand swiftly going out and pointing towards the Mr. Cubra.

"You hurt him," Please let there be tears. I turn my head to look at the chupa chupa, to stress that the goatman should look at him. Whew.... "Look he is starting to well up.!" Of course I didn't know that Mr. Cubra had an allergy problem and forgot his allergy medicine too, but oh well.

"You should apologize, you hurt his feelings."

The goatman just stood there for a moment, staring blankly ahead. Thinking or looking somewhere off in the distance. What is it looking at? *look into distance* There is a bird , which isn't the word and a....tumbleweed. Other than that nothing.

Turning back to the goatman, I see a tumbleweed behind it. For a brief moment I freeze watching the tumbleweed roll behind a tree and just disappear. What the? "Did you two just see that?"

Both the goatman and chupa just shake their heads.How did they miss it? I have to know where they are coming from and going too.

"Ok listen, you..." I point at the chupalupa,"will shadow the goatman for a week or two. Before you say anything " pointing to the goatman as I start to bob up and down ,"this may sound stupid but give it a try... Ok...got to go."

I hop off the bench and take off running. The tumbleweed appearing and disappearing in front of me.

"You are not getting away...."




((What is up with the tumbleweeds? I mean honestly, doesn’t anyone clean? Find out next time... on so dramatic.))