Corrupt a wish

[mitsuru]

Wish is granted. Your plan will always be perfect and execution will always take maximum of 5 minutes. It will always involve a goat and after it's done you will always end up face down in said goat's feces. It will always be skin to skin, even if you cover yourself with anything and you will smell so bad everyone will be actively avoiding you until you take another two showers. Oh, and of course you won't get accustomed to that smell either :)

I wish no type of apocalypse ever happens 

[Silvered Sutures]

Granted. The world just ends outright. Apocalypses averted.

I wish I was unattractive.

[LostInTheMist]

I don't know why you'd wish this, but granted. You are fat, balding, when you open your mouth to speak, cockroaches spill out, you are covered in sores and boils, your nose has been cut off and you have only slits, etc.

Honestly, I wish I were attractive. Not necessarily magnetic, I just wish that when I told my barber to "take a little less off the top" it wasn't a joke. And that I took my New Year's resolution to lose 22 lbs (10 kg)  by July 31st seriously. (I haven't gained any weight, but I haven't lost any either. Net. I didn't eat for five days after my Dad died, and consequently lost a lot of weight. But that was several months ago now, and I've gained the weight back since.)

So I wish I were relatively average-looking.

[Silvered Sutures]

Granted. You're now a healthy, relatively average-looking, woman. You can never go out of the house alone past 9 PM without being stalked by at least one person, you can never pass by a construction site in comfortable clothing without getting whistles and glances, you feel like half of your co-workers and most of strangers are disrobing you with their eyes, and the last three calls you answered were from unknown numbers; the conversation was null save for the sound of their heavy breathing. (And now you know why I made my previous wish). 

I wish I could go back to sleep without missing work.

[LostInTheMist]

Granted. You're now a healthy, relatively average-looking, woman. You can never go out of the house alone past 9 PM without being stalked by at least one person, you can never pass by a construction site in comfortable clothing without getting whistles and glances, you feel like half of your co-workers and most of strangers are disrobing you with their eyes, and the last three calls you answered were from unknown numbers; the conversation was null save for the sound of their heavy breathing. (And now you know why I made my previous wish). 

I had no idea average-looking women suffered from this. I'm very sorry for the assholes of my gender. 

Your wish is granted, because you sleep so long that you're fired, that your friend conclude you don't want to hang out, and that any SOs hook up with those friends, rather than wait for you to wake up.

I wish I could go back to being six years old, but with all my memories and knowledge of my now 337 year-old self.

[Silvered Sutures]

I had no idea average-looking women suffered from this. I'm very sorry for the assholes of my gender.

Your wish is granted, because you sleep so long that you're fired, that your friend conclude you don't want to hang out, and that any SOs hook up with those friends, rather than wait for you to wake up.

I wish I could go back to being six years old, but with all my memories and knowledge of my now 337 year-old self.

Apology accepted gratefully, but not needed; not all men are like this, and not all the perpetrators are male. 

Granted; unfortunately people of your maturity level think you lesser for your youth, and people your age alienate you for being an old soul. 

I wish I could grow a foot taller.

[LostInTheMist]

I know I'm breaking the thread rules, but: Granted, without corruption, because I wish the same, and corrupting it would be cruel.

I wish I could know, on sight, whether pursuing a romantic relationship with someone was worth the time and effort involved.

[Silvered Sutures]

Thank you, I'm now 5'11"! YAY!

Granted, but the answer you get is... That it's always worth it; because it either becomes a romance or a lesson. There's no real wastefulness in romance until your heart grows too calloused to care. 

I wish my nails would stop growing at the right length.

[LostInTheMist]

Granted, but you can never chew or cut them, and when you eventually lose them, you will need to cover your hand, because they'll never grow ever again.

I wish for a full head of hair.

[Silvered Sutures]

Granted. Enjoy your full severed human head covered in hair, or your pubic hair growing where your hairline is receding going forward, your choice.

I wish my arms were as toned as my legs.

[LostInTheMist]

Ew. You win. I'm out.

[Silvered Sutures]

...so wish granted? Yay!

I wish I could kiss a girl of my choosing in the next three minutes.

[LostInTheMist]

Yeah, but you could never kiss anyone else ever again.

I wish I were a lot less shy than I am.

[Silvered Sutures]

I'll take it. 

Granted, you're now a proud public exhibitionist. Your court date is in 4 hours. 

I wish I had a prehensile tongue.

[LostInTheMist]

*Takei Voice* Oh my.

Granted, but it's now too long to fit comfortably in your mouth.

I wish I could effortlessly and instantaneously move everything I need to keep (that will fit) from my old place to my new place, while still leaving me room for new furniture.

[FFKonoko]

I wish I could effortlessly and instantaneously move everything I need to keep (that will fit) from my old place to my new place, while still leaving me room for new furniture.

Having an airgap that leaves enough room for a single stool is technically filling the requirement. Good luck living like that though.

I just wish I had more room to neatly store things in my current house.

[Silvered Sutures]

Granted, you're given a building permit, some tools, and know-how.

I wish I could teleport other people to within 5 feet of me and back whenever convenient.

[LostInTheMist]

Granted in much the opposite way. Every single piece of furniture you own is now a minimum of five miles from every other piece of furniture. And is now immovable. Good luck living like that.

I wish I could be cheerful at all times. Not manic, just cheerful.

Oops. Um, granted, but you also transport everyone and everything within five feet of them and you (including portions of yourself) when you do.

I STILL wish I could be cheerful at all times. Not manic, just cheerful.

[Silvered Sutures]

Granted, but everyone around you starts thinking you're a fake, or creepy, for it. Funerals become very awkward affairs for everyone else present. 

I wish people had a label above their head stating how interested they would be in spending a night with me and their biggest red flag. 

[LostInTheMist]

Granted, but you have the same thing.

I wish I could stop craving alcohol. (I'm six months into my sobriety, and it's starting to get tiring.)

[Silvered Sutures]

Granted. Crack suddenly sounds so much more appealing though...

I wish I didn't have to wear pants and people didn't care if I didn't.

[FFKonoko]

Granted. Crack suddenly sounds so much more appealing though...

I wish I didn't have to wear pants and people didn't care if I didn't.

Granted. Permanent invisibility and intangibility. Can wear nothing and no-one cares.

I wish I could make portals to travel to different places.

[Lovely Complex]

Granted, but you’ll be traveling to the worst places in the world.

I wish to be rich and no longer have to work.

[LostInTheMist]

You get all the money you could ever wish for. In coins. It crushes you to death, so you no longer have to work.

I wish to be the greatest chess player in the world.

[mitsuru]

Congratulations, your wish is granted and now you are as tall as one of the tallest skyscrapers. You won't find a greater chess player :)

I wish if I wanted to I could always find interesting for me things to read that are also good quality.