Sleep. What a wonderful mistress you are, yet so cruel. You entice me, you make me long for you... and so I do my best to please you. I prepare carefully by going through the motions of brushing my hair and my teeth, getting a glass of water. I make the bed up the way you like it and fix my pillows so I can slip in comfortably.
And then I lay down and close my eyes and get comfortable. Perhaps for ten or twenty minutes I lay still and try to convince you that this is your opportunity - this is your time to take me. But no, you refuse. You tease.
I adjust my position, try again, close my eyes and stare into the blackness of my eyelids. All I want now is just to go to sleep. Sandman, sprinkle me with your dust. Magic faerie, brush me with your wand or leave a little gold dust on my nose. I just want a few hours in the land of nod, is that so much to ask?
Living with insomnia, not an easy task. Especially when you've got yourself a doctor that refuses to prescribe you anything other than the drugs you've already tried. The ones that don't work. No, they can't give me anything else because I might become dependent on it.
You know, I'd be happy to be dependent on a pill if it let me sleep. I would gladly pay for and take my little pill every night and know that I would never sleep without it. Because you know, it really sucks to not be able to go to sleep with the person you love every night. To have opposing schedules because your insomnia keeps you up until the early morning when they are getting out of bed.
Missing early morning classes becomes an unavoidable and regular occurrence because the well being of the mind must be placed ahead of the learning. How can I learn if all I can think of is the fact that I need sleep and very likely badly. A person cannot function without sleep, so why must it be so fucking hard to come by? ~Sigh~
Routines, meditation, you name it... I've tried it. Maybe I should get myself a new doctor... one who's willing to actually help me with my problems instead of refusing to do so for the sake of a possible addiction. At least it would be a manageable addiction, one that would help me to live a normal life.
You bitch. You defeat me again.