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Author Topic: Abandoned  (Read 1904 times)

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Offline CaeliTopic starter

Abandoned
« on: August 22, 2010, 09:20:19 AM »
I never believed the others when they told me how much it would hurt. When we were all watching the world pass by us from high on the shelf, as families walked past, and happy shouts of children who had found the perfect companions. The happiness - it doesn't last forever, they all said.

And then I was chosen.

She had big blue eyes, and wore her hair in pigtails. Just a sprinkling of freckles across the bridge of her nose -

A bright smile. Brighter than the fluorescent lights of that place where we were waiting and waiting for someone to come find us.

We were always together, she and I. She took me everywhere - to school, even though some of the other children ridiculed my presence. I chatted with others like me, sometimes - we talked about our lives. I had nothing but good things to say, because she always brought me with her everywhere. She shared her life with me.

She cried tears into my clothes when her parents divorced and she moved away from her mother. When she got her first period, she poured all her worries out to me. When she got nightmares, she hugged me tight to her, shaking and trembling, until she fell asleep again, tears drying in my hair and on her cheeks.

When she got older, she stopped bringing me with her everywhere, but she still shared all of her deepest, darkest secrets, all of which I keep dear to my heart. Her first crush... how ugly she thought she was. How all of her friends were wearing bras, and she was flat as a board.

But then... as she grew older, she talked with me less and less. I watched from the corner of her bed as she talked with her boyfriend online, or giggled with her friends on the phone. She doodled in her notebooks, and instead of talking with me, she read novels and regency romances, blushing at certain pages and re-reading them, over and over. She did her homework at nights, and when she slept, she no longer hugged me to her chest. She stared into the mirror many nights, doing makeup.

And then one day... I was abandoned.

She gave me a kiss to the forehead and placed me in her shoebox of treasured items, and here I yet wait, silently guarding her secrets and most private thoughts. But I don't think badly of her. I never thought it would happen to me, but it is true.

When they grow up, big girls don't play with dolls.

Offline Paradox

Re: Abandoned
« Reply #1 on: August 22, 2010, 08:38:32 PM »
You have made me sad.

Offline CaeliTopic starter

Re: Abandoned
« Reply #2 on: August 22, 2010, 09:26:53 PM »
* Caeli apologizes for making Paradox sad.

Offline Paradox

Re: Abandoned
« Reply #3 on: August 22, 2010, 09:28:52 PM »
It's okay; I like a story that moves me! This is brief but effective; good job!

Offline CaeliTopic starter

Re: Abandoned
« Reply #4 on: August 22, 2010, 09:41:13 PM »
Thank you. :-) I love when a random writing prompt results in something that people like! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Offline Kurzyk

Re: Abandoned
« Reply #5 on: August 22, 2010, 10:07:50 PM »
It was very well written Caeli. Thank you for sharing it.  :-)

Offline Azrael Annavianna

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Re: Abandoned
« Reply #6 on: August 22, 2010, 10:20:43 PM »
As a poet who is trying to obtain membership here, when I read this it became a symbol.  This symbolized the beauty that loneliness and abandonment can create together.  Good job!

Online vin26m

Re: Abandoned
« Reply #7 on: August 23, 2010, 08:31:26 AM »
(Loved your post.  I couldn't resist the following.)

How much time passed?  Months?  Years?  It's all a long dark blur with the occasional muffled sound coming through the box.  But one day, I heard a lot of noise, felt my box being picked up as I bounced around a bit inside it.  The lid was lifted and the light blinded me at first, but I saw a familiar face.  She was older, more mature.  The freckles were gone, but the eyes were bigger and bluer than ever.  Trails of tears greeted me, but the sad frown turned into a smile.

"There you are!" she exclaimed.  "You're still here!"  She hugged me and kissed me and held me close as she danced around the room with me.  She lay me next to her and told me so much I couldn't keep track.  She seemed to happy and full of life despite her most recent tragedy.  I silently listened to every word, committing them to memory.

"I have someone I want you to meet."

A little girl entered.  "Mommy?" she said to my old friend, "Who's that?  She's so pretty!"

"She's an old friend of mine, sweetheart," she said, "And I want her to be your friend now."

"Really?  I can have her?  I promise to take good care of her."

Offline CaeliTopic starter

Re: Abandoned
« Reply #8 on: August 23, 2010, 10:24:47 AM »
It was very well written Caeli. Thank you for sharing it.  :-)

Thank you :-)

As a poet who is trying to obtain membership here, when I read this it became a symbol.  This symbolized the beauty that loneliness and abandonment can create together.  Good job!

Thank you, and I'm glad you enjoyed it. I've always been something of a stuffed-animal collector, and even today I still have a bunch sitting at the foot of my bed. A lot of my old stuffed animals are packed away in the closet, though, and that's the first image that came to mind when I saw that abandoned was the writing prompt.

(Loved your post.  I couldn't resist the following.)

*grins* I'd considered writing a follow, but I liked leaving it somewhat ambiguous. I'm glad you enjoyed the piece!

Offline Paradox

Re: Abandoned
« Reply #9 on: August 23, 2010, 12:08:37 PM »
From where did this prompt originate anyway?

Offline CaeliTopic starter

Re: Abandoned
« Reply #10 on: August 23, 2010, 12:14:04 PM »
It came from Bliss' Daily Prompts thread in the Storytelling forum. I was just browsing through some of the older ones, found one I liked, and four hundred words later...

Offline Remiel

Re: Abandoned
« Reply #11 on: August 24, 2010, 11:29:36 AM »
Very nice, Caeli.  Very moving.  :-)

And whatever happened to the Bliss prompts anyway?

Offline CaeliTopic starter

Re: Abandoned
« Reply #12 on: August 26, 2010, 04:05:15 AM »
Thanks, Remiel!

I think Bliss just got busy, so they fell off the radar. :-) It appears they have been revived, though (as you probably already know)!

Offline Azrael Annavianna

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Re: Abandoned
« Reply #13 on: August 27, 2010, 02:52:23 PM »
I will have to keep an eye out for them then too.

Offline Coreli

Re: Abandoned
« Reply #14 on: September 14, 2010, 11:21:54 PM »
Wow, that was powerful. Beautiful words Caeli - I was truly moved. Glad I came across it.

Offline Beguile's Mistress

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Re: Abandoned
« Reply #15 on: September 15, 2010, 12:56:43 PM »
Oh, my.  I'm crying.  It touched a spot that needed it today.

Offline CaeliTopic starter

Re: Abandoned
« Reply #16 on: September 16, 2010, 12:32:01 AM »
Wow, that was powerful. Beautiful words Caeli - I was truly moved. Glad I came across it.

Thank you, Coreli. The comment is much appreciated.

Oh, my.  I'm crying.  It touched a spot that needed it today.

*hugs Beguile's*

Offline defientslave

Re: Abandoned
« Reply #17 on: September 28, 2010, 08:25:45 AM »
wow i loved your detail in that, it was like you were the doll and i think you are very good