Okay how many of you have heard the dreaded phrase, "I think we should just be friends." I think more of us have who do not want to admit it. I hate those words but its better to gain a friend then lose one right? Wrong. Its the kiss of death in most cases because it turns a reliable companion into a friend, plantonically speaking. The most revered area one could face the 'Friend's Zone.' Some people do not mind this aspect of their lives, the simple hugs and chatter like you never felt anything but it does still plague your minds. How are you suppose to act when they want to date other people knowing you once had a crush on or used to date. Even more so, how are you suppose to act when you meet the new person?
My life has been full of these friends who only want that from me, friendship. But there comes a time when a woman wants more. My first real experience was my first week at college. Mind you, this was two years ago and I look back and think, what was I thinking, but its already happen. Mr. P and I had a class together and we talked, alot. I would not say I was in love with him but it was nice have a friend who did not depend on me for a tampon. (Yes I have had that happen a lot too). He seemed to like me to. Here's when I slipped up, I hoped too much. I have the nasty little habit of hoping and wishing for something that more than likely won't work. Well back to Mr. P... He asked to hang out with him. So we hung and I realized that day, he wanted to just be my friend. I perceived it from him the instant we sat down. Life would be good with a new friend I guess. But I soon figured out that he was a complete douchebag.
Being a girl meant that I had friends, girl friends, and he took advantage of that. He dated my best friend, a good friend I had known for a few years at the time, and it went sour. I was placed in the middle of it most of the time, hearing the she-said, he-said from both ends. I did not mind because I would vent too about an ex. But I felt if I hung out with one of them, the other would get mad. In the end, I chose the wrong choice driving a wedge between me and my best friend. We since resolved the issue but Mr. P was the main cause of it. So when my best friend and I were not speaking much, I hung out with another friend. She was a huge sweetheart and thought to introduce Mr. P to her, do you see a pattern emerging? He snatched her up immediately and instead of a threesome with me her and Mr. P, it was now a twosome. I was left with no friends since one was not speaking to me and the other two were dating. That also ended badly. He cheated on her with an ex-girlfriend. It was fine because I was down with Mr. P. My friend later told me that Mr. P would constantly talking badly about me behind my back. It made me feel like crap but I severed ties with him so I did not care. He moved out of state or something and about four months ago, he contacted me. I blew him off. I did not need to have a douche for a friend.
Fast forward a few years, my first real love. Well not love really. We were friends, good friends since we worked together. I know office romance equals bad news but we could not help it. We dated a few times and it got heated too quickly. Way too quickly. We only dated a few months but we were very active indeed. It was fun, for him. Mr. Small, as I dubbed him in the relationship was disappointing but in the end, he decided we should just be friends. I hated those words that came out of his mouth. But, what can you do? Do you say screw it and leave him alone or do you try to be his friend again. That's what I have been to Mr. Small but recently we both decided we wanted to date again, just with other people in mind.
I tried to make something with a guy, Mr. Gay. I call him that because there is just a few things that do not add up. He is just a little too comfortable with his feminine side. So we hung out a few time sbut nothing came of it, litterally. We cuddle and a few kisses but there was not one real spark. When I asked him if he thought there was an 'Us' he confirmed it with stating that there was no chemistry. I agreed. We are still going to be friends, we need a good friend on both ends right now. I just upset with the whole ordeal.
Not because he wanted nothing to do with me romantically but because I was placed in the Friend category again. Damn it, will any man think of me as anything more than a friend. Am I doomed to repeat the cycle until I am nothing more than a shell. This will kind of follow how I learn to deal with this, how I will be able to cope with this newest blow and maybe learn how to act the part of the girlfriend, not the best friend. I'm not saying that I need my prince to live happily ever after but I would like to try and hang out with a guy who does not think of me as one of the guys.
Feel free to comment on this. I'm not bitter, just frustrated.