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Author Topic: The Country of New California  (Read 4120 times)

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Offline TriesteTopic starter

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The Country of New California
« on: October 29, 2008, 05:30:08 PM »
I very seldom do more than delete forwarded emails. It's only a 50/50 shot that I'll even read them. But I got this one forwarded and I simply could not resist sharing. I'm still grinning and snickering as I type this.



Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel, Apple and Microsoft. You get Enron and WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama . We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources there.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can
serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you.

Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11, and 61% of you crazy b *****ds believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico .

Peace out,

Blue States

Offline Kazyth

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Re: The Country of New California
« Reply #1 on: October 29, 2008, 05:32:24 PM »
Awwww!  That's it, I'm moving out of Indiana then!

Offline Inkidu

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Re: The Country of New California
« Reply #2 on: October 29, 2008, 05:50:16 PM »
But if you think about it. The rest of the states have easy access to guns. The blue state repatriation is a sure thing. ???

Offline The Overlord

Re: The Country of New California
« Reply #3 on: October 29, 2008, 06:03:43 PM »

LOL, awesome, but if you get into discussion with the flag-snogging superconservative suckups, they'll always fall back on the same tired rant; this is America, if you don't like it, get the hell out.


To which I say; Red States, YOU get the frack out. We'll stay the United States of America, and you can do that Confederate thing again if you like. Better yet, I understand real estate is plentiful and cheap in Antarctica.



P.S. We're taking NASA with us. Atlanta can keep Delta.  :)

Offline TriesteTopic starter

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Re: The Country of New California
« Reply #4 on: October 29, 2008, 06:06:14 PM »
See, the myth is that blue states don't actually have access to guns. We do. We just have stricter access so that the people who do have guns can actually fire them as opposed to states where people own guns but have the aim of Imperial Stormtroopers on acid.

And then there's that whole 'access to fresh water' thing. Kinda hard to keep up an army without that.

Or we could just send someone down there to agitate for secession, and just let all of 'em secede.

Again.

And not stop them this time.

Offline The Overlord

Re: The Country of New California
« Reply #5 on: October 29, 2008, 06:11:59 PM »

Well the first time around the slave states succeeded on their own, this time we'd be throwing them out...there's some sweet irony in that.


For the record, before I pack my bags and relinquish my title of Liberal Northman in the Bible Belt, I vote we take Atlanta as a possession as well. It's actually a pretty cool and liberal city, and most natives down here will argue the ATL isn't the real south anyway. Fine.  ;)

Offline TriesteTopic starter

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Re: The Country of New California
« Reply #6 on: October 29, 2008, 06:44:26 PM »
There's lots of liberal cities in the south, and as someone heading for med school I totally would like ATL as well, but I think that if we start picking and choosing cities, the red states might try to do the same, which kinda defeats the purpose... so nay. Nay, I say.

Offline Inkidu

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Re: The Country of New California
« Reply #7 on: October 29, 2008, 06:47:22 PM »
See, the myth is that blue states don't actually have access to guns. We do. We just have stricter access so that the people who do have guns can actually fire them as opposed to states where people own guns but have the aim of Imperial Stormtroopers on acid.

And then there's that whole 'access to fresh water' thing. Kinda hard to keep up an army without that.

Or we could just send someone down there to agitate for secession, and just let all of 'em secede.

Again.

And not stop them this time.
I said easier access, and it's statistically proven that reds have more guns per person.

Offline HairyHeretic

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Re: The Country of New California
« Reply #8 on: October 29, 2008, 06:57:03 PM »
I said easier access, and it's statistically proven that reds have more guns per person.

How many can they fire at once?  ;)

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Re: The Country of New California
« Reply #9 on: October 29, 2008, 07:03:21 PM »
Give me enough string and a piece of wood to mount them on...

It's reloading multiples that's a problem, but if you do like the Brits did in Zulu, you could sling a lot of lead.

(P.S. - I couldn't tell from the description, or the road signs out here - can Ohio come too?  Or at least my house?)

Offline TriesteTopic starter

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Re: The Country of New California
« Reply #10 on: October 29, 2008, 07:09:22 PM »
I think Ohio actually counts as one of those swing state thingamies, so I think they'd have to make the super special Blue State promise.

Offline Caeli

Re: The Country of New California
« Reply #11 on: October 29, 2008, 07:31:49 PM »
*giggles* Very funny. Thanks for sharing. :)

Offline Inkidu

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Re: The Country of New California
« Reply #12 on: October 29, 2008, 08:14:56 PM »
How many can they fire at once?  ;)
You pass out the ones you can't to the few who don't :)

Offline Sherona

Re: The Country of New California
« Reply #13 on: October 29, 2008, 08:26:24 PM »
*smiles* Just don't forget there are plenty of "blue" people in the red states that for some reason can't make the states blue...yeah and people wonder why I vote as rote without any real hope of it changing anything.

unfortunately the Blue states would soon be over crowded by the blue people trapped in the red states, things like land will become scarce pretty scarce.

I still wish I had that Mad Tv spoof I saw, where they made fun of Blue states over exaggerated views on Red states and Red states over exaggerated views on Blue..

Offline Inkidu

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Re: The Country of New California
« Reply #14 on: October 29, 2008, 08:48:35 PM »
*smiles* Just don't forget there are plenty of "blue" people in the red states that for some reason can't make the states blue...yeah and people wonder why I vote as rote without any real hope of it changing anything.

unfortunately the Blue states would soon be over crowded by the blue people trapped in the red states, things like land will become scarce pretty scarce.

I still wish I had that Mad Tv spoof I saw, where they made fun of Blue states over exaggerated views on Red states and Red states over exaggerated views on Blue..
There are reds in blues too. So does that mean... yes! We are all purple states! Ha!

Offline Moondazed

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Re: The Country of New California
« Reply #15 on: October 29, 2008, 09:36:23 PM »
*giggle*  Now that's funny :D

Offline Inkidu

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Re: The Country of New California
« Reply #16 on: October 29, 2008, 09:46:15 PM »
*giggle*  Now that's funny :D
I'm going to start the Purple Party! :D

Offline TriesteTopic starter

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Re: The Country of New California
« Reply #17 on: October 29, 2008, 09:49:06 PM »
The purple states of America? :o

Offline Inkidu

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Re: The Country of New California
« Reply #18 on: October 29, 2008, 09:54:07 PM »
The purple states of America? :o

Why not? Red and blue makes purple.

Offline TriesteTopic starter

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Re: The Country of New California
« Reply #19 on: October 29, 2008, 09:55:18 PM »
Hee. :D <3

Offline Moondazed

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Re: The Country of New California
« Reply #20 on: October 29, 2008, 09:56:46 PM »
Somehow I doubt that the elements of said Red and Blue would mix so easily ;)

Offline TriesteTopic starter

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Re: The Country of New California
« Reply #21 on: October 29, 2008, 09:57:49 PM »
But they must! For the good of the purple!

Offline Moondazed

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Re: The Country of New California
« Reply #22 on: October 29, 2008, 10:01:50 PM »
I think you're biased, Trieste *giggle*

Offline Inkidu

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Re: The Country of New California
« Reply #23 on: October 29, 2008, 10:04:22 PM »
I think that's really the problem these days. We don't debate about politics. We bicker, and well bitch. I say long live the purple! :D

XD God save the Purple!

Offline TriesteTopic starter

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Re: The Country of New California
« Reply #24 on: October 29, 2008, 10:44:51 PM »
Of course i'm biased. It's purple. Everybody should be biased. Purple!