Is anyone here familiar with the concept of the so-called 'Humanity Fuck Yeah!' story?
The basic premise is that the intrepid explorers in space find a race so wicked, so vile, so advanced or so ruthless that they are appaled and disgusted... right before they are defeated and assimilated. So far, so normal. Your regular sci-fi plot, right? Wrong! The twist is, of course, that these terrifying warm-blooded, mouth-breathing monstrosities are us
. Humanity is the scourge of the stars for one of many possible reasons. Maybe it is the fact that we, as a species, have been at war with ourselves for all of our known history, and we welcome
our new 'sparring partners' from the stars. We have some cool moves to show them, some great concepts they are perhaps unaware of. Mass Mobilisation. Pyrrhic Victories and Wars of Attrition. Total War. Suicide Bombers. Genocide. Biological Warfare. Mutually Assured Destruction. That kind of thing; All fruits of our human genius.
Or perhaps it is a story of body horror - only the bodies are ours and the horror is theirs
. We, as a species, are fast and hardy, able to survive and thrive in almost any environment. To a species of sentient plants or even just a race of herbivores, we must be the stuff of nightmares. If they are an 'old' race, then we likely outbreed them a thousand to one and this fuels our thirst for expansion and conquest.
Maybe it is our technology that baffles and destroys them. To a race of blue-skinned tree-dwelling savages, defeating the mining operation of one
ship of one
might seem like the stuff of legends, an epic that will be sung throughout the ages. On earth, it was friday
, and one stock took a little drop on the global exchange. Won't they be surprised to learn that their victory was meaningless, their defeat inevitable, once the next ship shows up?
I have read quite a few stories of this kind, but now I have started to write my own. And I would be delighted, if some of the talented writers gathered here would add their own contributions. Here is mine:
The worker juice
A ‘Humanity Fuck Yeah’ short by
“Have you ever seen a human warrior? They have none. They are all workers, how will they defend themselves?” There was agitated chitter in the hive of hives as the young firebrand queen made her plea. “My brood alone can take on the colony on Eridani. With your forces, we can take on their whole RACE! I say, I say we take their planets and burn their spires! We descend on their worlds and eat their young!” Expansion was always a high priority for any queen, and there was much applause and leg-rattling.
“You say they have no warriors.” The ancient queen of Diadecus pushed herself to the fore, addressing the assembly in the hive of hives. “When I was young, I made the same mistake you are making now. You say they have no warriors, and it is true that all humans are alike. They are all workers and no warriors, you say. But do you not know that all humans are princes and queens in their own right?” There was some affirmative chirping in the gathering of queens. As unpleasant as the mere thought of an inflation of queens was, all scientific inquiry had confirmed the fact that all human females were fertile.
“If you know that, then has it not crossed your ganglion that when every human is a prince or a queen, then maybe every human worker is a warrior, too? You point to the fact that human queens can’t produce a warrior juice to feed to their young, to make their mandibles grow long, their limbs become strong and their minds set on violence.”
The ancient queen lifted herself up so that her peers could see her better. Her front pair of legs gave way for a moment and she had to be steadied by a loyal daughter before she could present herself – and her cause – to her honoured sisters. “Look at my flanks! Look and bear witness at what a human can do! I was young and full of pride, and I paid for it with my blood and my brood. If you go to war with the humans, you can expect the same and worse.
Because as soon as a human larva can walk, it will pit itself alone against the world. It will challenge its traditions, its teachings, its clutchmates. Yes, it will even challenge its queen and defy her at every turn.” There was a grave silence in the hive of hives. The horror was palpable. “If you give a human youngling a stick, its first instinct is to lash out and destroy, not to shape and build. It takes great nurturing care and patience by the queen and her prince to instil a modicum of restraint into their brood, so it can fly with the swarm. This process of ‘socialization’ takes many rotations and success is always in doubt. When you talk of war with the humans, consider this:
It is the WORKER juice they can’t produce.”