Coming Back To Life

[Oreo]

Love the shoes!

I was thinking the same thing. They are perfect!!

*leaves a bushel of hugs* Wonder Woman can do anything!

[AmberStarfire]

Hi,

I just read through your thread. You've been through so much, but I'm really inspired by your attitude (reclaiming yourself) and how much you've achieved. Stay with it and I'm sure you'll continue to get there.

Wishing you well.
~ Amber

[wolventears]

So went back to physical therapy today after 2 weeks to give the splints time to work. My therapist measured my ankles and my right has gone down 2 inches. Whoo! The left half an inch. Isn't much but its something. I know its gonna take a while but it's moving.

So thankful for that. I just really don't want the surgery if I can help it.

A friend of mine had had the surgery after her own accident. It wasn't as bad as mine but she went with the surgery. She now walks with a bad limp. As mine is worse, how will I walk after? If I limp worse than her, I'll be stuck using a walker or cane.

That really makes me emotional granted I'll be walking again but I want to be back to the way I had been. And after a talk with my husband today, I wonder if I'll even be able to be the same with this brain injury.

I go through so much neurological shit and a lot of the pain is just in my head. But I can't seem to turn it off. I try my hardest, but if I'm concentrating on one thing, I mess up others because my mind isn't focused on them. I need to relearn multitasking. I just feel like such a baby sometimes. It's so frustrating.

[wolventears]

Had an emotional breakdown about an hour before my husband got home.
I've been trying to get my doctor to fill out the leave of absence form for my work and I gave it to her last Tuesday. I was called on Monday and told she couldn't fill it out so I had to go to the medical records office.

I had them fax it to me but it was blank and then they sent a blank form to American Fidelity. Why? Then I can't get a hold of them to find out what the hell. The lady left a message so I'll get a call like two days from now.

I was also told that if I'm out any longer, I have no job. Well fuck.

So I cried my ass off and sat in a boiling tub for an hour. The husband came home and said not to think about that. Just worry about getting better. He's so proud of me and the progress I've made so far.

If it wasn't for him, I'd don't know where I'd be. I'm so glad he didn't give up and just pull the plug like the doctors told him too.
I love this man, forever and always. He's the reason I decided that this world wasn't done with me yet.

I'm still slightly emotional but I'm doing much better now. Just remember to not sweat the small stuff. I got bigger things to concentrate on. Like getting better and walking again.

[wolventears]

I've finally gotten to the point where these don't freak me out.

Spoiler: Click to Show/Hide

This is the car I was in. Surprisingly, I only suffered what I did.

This no longer makes me cry though. Just makes me realize that I really am wonder woman and the Goddess was really watching over me.

[Oreo]

I imagine it will bother you for a long time, but we go on anyway. I had my master brake cylinder fail over 40 years ago. We barely banged into the back of the other car, but to this day I get antsy when someone doesn't brake soon enough for my comfort.

[Null]

I am so glad that you are making some progress to overcome this injury. Know that I'm rooting for you ^_^

[RedPhoenix]

I really am wonder woman

You really, really, are. :)

[wolventears]

So, for the new year, there is only one thing that I want to happen. And I'm so close.

To walk again, it just blows my mind even thinking about it.

I went to physical therapy yesterday and my therapist measured my feet. I've gone down at least and inch on the left foot and almost two on the right. I was also dismissed from therapy. Discharged, if you will because at this point, the only thing left is my feet.

I've taken to using my walker, ditching the wheelchair whenever possible. The extra pressure from my weight stretches my muscles. It hurts sometimes but I push through it. I have things to get to and that's helping so I do it.

But my resolution for this year is to ten times my effort in getting better. I need to rehabilitate my whole body. The husband started talking about getting pregnant and as much as I would love to, I want to make sure my body is strong and capable of holding our child. I want to be able to walk my child while carrying them to their crib.

But you know what? I don't doubt myself in this. I will get there. No thinking. Just doing. No more frustration about things not being simple and easy anymore. I'll force myself to get over it and just do it. Get myself pass the pain, because I'm bigger than that. And once I've worked it out, it stops hurting anyways, I just have to get past the initial hurt.

So this year will be my year. Putting myself back together. I'll be shiny and new. Back to my old self but better.

[Oreo]

Your determination takes my breath away, wolventears. *many hugs* I know you will get there.

[IStateYourName]

Keep on keeping on.

And I hope you are keeping a journal (beyond this blog), Wolventears.  Yours is a story that ought to see more daylight. 

[ladia2287]

Wow! Your journey is incredible wolventears. I certainly hope your hard work pays off because this is a goal you definitely deserve to meet. My prayers are with you :)

[wolventears]

It's been a while since I last posted but I'd thought I'd give y'all an update.

Soo, I've been walking. Without a walker and I haven't touched my wheelchair in almost a month.

My right foot is flat still working on my left but walking is doable. I just really have to watch where I'm going and what I'm doing.

Pretty sure if I fall and hit my head again, that'll be bad if not the last thing I do. But thinking positively and doing all I can to be safe.

[wolventears]

Okay, so as I said last time, I'm walking now. Got myself a badass cane since it's still not quiet perfect, but I am so damn close. And ooh, I went to get my tattoo started yesterday.

I think it fits, don't you? I just got the outline yesterday and in two weeks I'll be going back for the color.
I am so glad I found an artist who can do this tattoo wonderfully. I mean, hell, just the outline alone is amazing. Can't wait for the color. It's going to be so damn awesome.

Bur back to my issue. I'm trying acupuncture today to see if it help with my feet. My right foot is flat, but like first thing in the morning, from not using it at night, it takes awhile till the soreness go away. And my left foot is so close.

The splints stopped working. I no longer feel the stretch in my muscle and my left foot hadn't moved for two weeks, so, I figured it was done doing what it could do. But, hell, it did get it down like 5 inches so it didn't work completely but it did something. Hopefully the acupuncture works for that. I'll let you know.

[Gypsy]

It's a beautiful tattoo, and color will make it even more amazing.

It's a wonderful tribute to the success of the battle you've been fighting.

[RedPhoenix]

That is badass I can't wait to see it all vibrant!!!

[AmberStarfire]

Likewise, I love your tattoo already, and I think it will look brilliant once you have the colour added.

[wolventears]

Okay so one it rains, it pours. Ugh. The husband just found out he is getting a heavy paycut and with me not working, it doesn't look good. So, all the more reason to get my shit together and get back to work.

But my damn let foot is like at a stand still. It hasn't gone down any farther in like the last 2 months. So, after reading up on some things, it is looking like I have sciatica now. The nerve that controls the muscles in my leg is pinched, making it impossible to do anything about it. I stretch every damn day, but to no avail. And now, when I am standing for a while, or doing anything where I have to bend, I get pain in my lower back.

So, I scheduled an appointment with an acupuncturist. He is the top recommended in Vegas. And believe it or not, the cheapest. But at this point, I'll pay anything if it works. I just want to be back to normal completely again.

And anything that prevents me from having to get my leg cut open is damn good to me. I mean, if I wanted the easy way out, having the tendon lengthening surgery would be it, but what if it completely tears? Then I'll be back in a wheelchair with no hope of ever walking again. Yeah, I really don't want that to happen.

So fingers crossed that the acupuncture works. Even if I have to go see him a couple times, or even like once every couple of months from here on out, it's better than getting cut into. I can deal with that. 

[wolventears]

So, went to an acupuncturist today. The guy was a nice little Asian man and he had a lot of goods things to say. He said it sounded like my nerves in my legs had just gone to sleep from being in the coma and they just need to be reawakened. So, he put in some needles, 4 on the top of my head, 4 on my ankles and 4 below my knees. Then he attached some wires and a machine sent an electronic pulse to my muscles. It wasn't painful in the least. And already I can bend my left knee more with very little pain and I already have more motion in my ankles. And after one visit.

He also told me that because of my condition, I would have to come see him like 3 times a week for a little over a month. And my insurance doesn't cover it so it will be pricey. But he gave me info on a nerve stimulator that I can buy and use at home, thus allowing me to do the therapy at home and cutting my time needing to go to him in half. Plus the machine was only $35 through overstock.com. I'd much definitely pay that once then $75 for every appointment.

So, here's to hoping this works, so not cutting into my leg for me. Whoo!

[Oreo]

That IS good news. I hope this gets the added relief you need.

[Oniya]

But he gave me info on a nerve stimulator that I can buy and use at home, thus allowing me to do the therapy at home and cutting my time needing to go to him in half. Plus the machine was only $35 through overstock.com. I'd much definitely pay that once then $75 for every appointment.

So, here's to hoping this works, so not cutting into my leg for me. Whoo!

Would that be a TENS unit?  My ex-roommate used one of those for her neuropathy, and it sounds like a similar principle, only using adhesive pads (like on defibrillators, only much smaller in both size and power).  I've never heard of electric acupuncture before - only the simple needle insertion.

[wolventears]

Yes it is the tens unit. Got it for a good price and everything.  He's thinking it will work awesomely.

[wolventears]

So, haven't checked in for awhile,  but I wanted to let you know, I got my tens machine. I stick the pads, two below my ankles on top of my foot, and two under my knee. Then I connect the cords to them and when I turn it on, it sends electrical currents to my nerves. As I do this, I raise my toes up on each foot, one after the other, to mimic walking. Already, there is a difference in my left foot and I've only had it for a day less than a full week. Whoo! So, really hoping this gets me where I need to be because the surgery scares me.

Reading up on it with the husband, we found that it only cures the issue 50% of the time. I'm sorry, but I don't see being cut into and possibly having my ankle fused together to only have a 50/50 chance of making my damn foot flat, nor worth it. So fingers crossed. But hey, I've made it his far, so if I keep at it, it'll happen.

[wolventears]

Alright. So, an update. Since starting acupuncture 2 weeks ago, my left heel is only a little less than an inch from the ground. Whoo! The tens machine is working wonders. Plus I make sure to walk everywhere.

I've decide that I will start back to work for the new school year in August. I need to get this done so I can get back to my life. Sitting at home is starting to drive me crazy.

I'll make it happen. It will get done. I'm not Wonder Woman for nothing.

[wolventears]

So, I wanted to look into the day I "truly" woke up from the coma. So, I went to my husband's facebook page to read the updates he had posted so people would know of my progress.

I know the shit I went through was intense and he's told me, but reading those posts, and reading him say how much he love's me, I lost it. I just finally stopped crying.

And I haven't cried in awhile. But damn, ya know? It wasn't the things that was happening to me, but the way he spoke about me. It was just written but you can sense his love and the pain he was going through.

Dammit, and now I'm in tears again.

I wish so fucking bad that I can take it all back. It kills me that he had hurt so bad, that there was a possibility that if he lost me, he would of drank himself to death. Hell, when I was in the coma, he was putting down a handle of whiskey every two days at the most.

I know this wasn't my fault, but still you know? To know that the man you love with everything you possess hurt that much, it kills me. And I couldn't even tell him I'd be okay for two and a half months! And that's all he wanted. Was to hear my voice again.

But, I'm fine now and getting better everyday. And I will do my damned hardest to never put him through this again.