There's been a lot of internet chatter about the 'worst song ever' and a certain Rebecca Black. I had the radio on this morning and a song came on which immediately made me cringe, as it always has, and it occurred to me how very unfair the title is to 'Friday'. It's inane poppy dribble, true (no offence to any fans if such things exist), but no worse to me than any of the inane poppy dribble pumped out by other performers, now and for decades of music recording. So I'm offering up my candidates for worst song ever, songs which not only are inane but which are musically or verbally repellant or otherwise just plain crap. Feel free to disagree and add your own.
Pearl's A Singer This is the one that hit me this morning as performed by Elkie Brooks (once a top ten hit in the UK), and I hate it. The tune is so dull and infantile, and the lyrics are a perfect match. 'Pearl's a singer, she stands up, When she plays the piano in a night club. Pearl's a singer, she sings songs For the lost and the lonely; Her job is entertaining folks, Singing songs and telling jokes In a nightclub. Pearl's a singer, and they say, That she once was a winner in a contest. Pearl's a singer, and they say, That she once cut a record; They played it for a week or so, On the local radio. It never made it . She wanted to be Betty Grable But now she sits there at that beer-stained table Dreaming of the things she never got to do, All those dreams that never came true. Pearl's a singer... and repeat chorus again - twice.' As far as I'm concerned it makes 'Friday' look like 'Bohemian Rhapsody'.
Killing Me Softly With His Song I don't like this song when performed by Roberta Flack or The Fugees or anybody else, I just loathe it. it's just one long whine about how tough life has been and how embarrassing it is to have it laid out in public by this songwriter. Except he doesn't even know her, and ooh how awful that is, it isn't fair. All I ever want to do when anybody sings it is shout 'Get over yourself, whinger!'. And the music is another drab, funeral nothing. I'm not even going to post the lyrics because they're so trite.
I've Never Been To Me An anthem to make bored housewives feel good about having no kind of life apart from wife-and-mothering. Oh, and it's really going to help, isn't it, having some bimbo tell you about all the fabulous places she's seen, and the amazing things she's down, and the celebrities she's screwed, but she'd really love to be just a boring nobody with a baby and a husband she rows with - like you. Smug asshole.