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Author Topic: Crys' Stray Thoughts  (Read 3347 times)

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Offline crystaltearsTopic starter

Crys' Stray Thoughts
« on: January 21, 2011, 09:08:19 PM »
The Purpose

This one's gonna be different from my other blog entries in that I intend to put a thought in here every so often, something I like or think worth remembering. That meaning, I'll be replying to it any time I have a new thought to add.
I make no claim to these thoughts being worth anyone else's interest or being unique, however I do strive to give credit where it is due.

That said, these thoughts will tend to be things that just skittered through my mind during the course of the day.. Perhaps because of something in particular, perhaps because of a bizarre chain of thoughts. Some might even include visual aids in the form of linked images. I hope you enjoy a peek into my scattered mind.


January 21, 2011:
Puppies are made of affection and enthusiasm.

Offline crystaltearsTopic starter

Re: Crys' Stray Thoughts
« Reply #1 on: January 24, 2011, 03:53:56 PM »
January 24, 2011:
Ice; a substance capable of frailty and delicacy, but always cold.



Ice

Smooth, slick, see-through,
A frozen shell of water,
Encasing, trapping, holding,
Free liquid still within.

I look down this bottle's neck,
I watch the water move.
A single air bubble trapped beneath
A pane of ice.

That's me sometimes.
Feelings: all below the surface.
Appearance: structured and controlled.
Take a moment, take a breath,
Decide the words which say the most.

The first of the water slips below its confines,
Pooling beneath and then sliding around the edges.
The heart of the matter in my bottle,
Clear and cool.

I watch as the water collects,
The air bubble grows before my eyes,
How similar, and yet how different,
To the way I process emotions.

Pressure to the bottle's wall,
A crack inside the ice.
Clear cross from left to right,
The split grows.
Fractures of control.

I am reminded of how frail it is,
How delicate the cage the ice has made.
But in the end the truth remains,
That ice is always cold...

The cynic inside me can't help but to append,
'How very like humanity.'



Truth be told I usually don't see the world in quite so dark a light, but there are days when even the brightest bouts of sunshine can't warm me. I'm sure there are other people who feel that way. I know, in fact, because I've spoken to some recently. At any rate, that... poem (I'm hesitant to call it such)... is a somewhat disorganized collection of thoughts inspired by the ice in my semi-frozen water bottle today.

Sometimes I wonder why my mind thinks the way it does. Other times I just accept it.

Offline crystaltearsTopic starter

Re: Crys' Stray Thoughts
« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2011, 01:18:15 PM »
January 27, 2011:
Writing is Life's sweetest poison bled from our hearts for pages bared to hungry eyes.

Offline crystaltearsTopic starter

Re: Crys' Stray Thoughts
« Reply #3 on: February 12, 2011, 01:09:06 AM »
Posting this one belatedly because it's been one that's rolled around in my head more than once. From a PM conversation (though very slightly modified):



February 8, 2011:
We all have scars in one form or another, and we all continue living unique unto ourselves.

Offline crystaltearsTopic starter

Re: Crys' Stray Thoughts
« Reply #4 on: February 17, 2011, 02:22:00 PM »
February 17, 2011:
What are dreams besides the single best form of teasing our desires?

Offline crystaltearsTopic starter

Re: Crys' Stray Thoughts
« Reply #5 on: February 24, 2011, 02:48:23 PM »
Another thought I wrote in a PM that just won't leave me be. Slightly modified:



February 24, 2011:
There is no reason to miss writing; writing is always there no matter how polished or rough the words, no matter how crude or refined the topic.



And that's just.. how I feel about it. Writing is like breathing for someone like me.

Offline crystaltearsTopic starter

Re: Crys' Stray Thoughts
« Reply #6 on: March 16, 2011, 09:07:47 AM »
March 16, 2011:
Sing with reckless abandon; anything less may find your voice restrained by caution.



That's something my voice instructor struggled with me about throughout all our sessions. I've spent so much of my life controlling my mannerisms and speech so as to keep others happy that really truly letting go of the control (which, by the way, I never realized manifested in my physical body until I took voice lessons and began to see the correlation between my 'control' and my diaphragm) is a trial unto itself.

So... now I strive to practice what I preach. And perhaps I'll get there, bit by bit.

Offline MasterMischief

Re: Crys' Stray Thoughts
« Reply #7 on: March 19, 2011, 11:42:47 PM »
Quote from: crystaltears
We all have scars in one form or another, and we all continue living unique unto ourselves.

Are we not the sum of our life experiences?  Are scars more than a manifestation of a significant life experience?  An indicator of growth?

Offline crystaltearsTopic starter

Re: Crys' Stray Thoughts
« Reply #8 on: March 21, 2011, 10:09:54 AM »
February 8, 2011:
We all have scars in one form or another, and we all continue living unique unto ourselves.

Are we not the sum of our life experiences?  Are scars more than a manifestation of a significant life experience?  An indicator of growth?

Indeed. Or so I like to think when you look at the original statement on a deeper level. More shallowly, can a scar not be something that changes little beyond our skin? I have four scars on my face. Four. All around my mouth coincidentally. Two of them are on my chin. Two on my upper lip. All from stitches. The tiny 'x' that used to be so embarrassing to me on the middle of my upper lip is hardly visible at all anymore. It was from being smacked in the face with the metal end of a garden hose. The two sets of stitches in my chin were both from spills on the concrete. One from a bike accident, one from roller blades. The other set in my lips is slightly offset, to the right. It was from the teeth of a rottweiler who had known me since birth.

That last one was the most visible. Putting a slight bump in my lip. For years it embarrassed me, like so many non-physical scars.. But recently I've come to love it. My little scar on my lip.. It makes me different. And the fact that I can now embrace it... Perhaps that makes this little, physical scar more than just a shallow mark upon my skin. Perhaps that, in itself, is indication of growth.

Still, I certainly carry many such reminders of accident or injury that haven't really become a symbol of anything greater than scraped knees as well.

Thanks for the comment and your thoughts, MM. :-)

Offline crystaltearsTopic starter

Re: Crys' Stray Thoughts
« Reply #9 on: March 21, 2011, 11:48:48 AM »
March 21, 2011:
Growth implies expansion upon an existing foundation and so perhaps it is only natural for us to hold onto aspects of the past.



I'm still struggling a bit with moving forward, I admit... But somehow in the past couple weeks things have begun to feel more natural to me. I do shed certain things, particularly a number of reservations and fears recently, but I seem to hold to others... And really, who ever said you had to let go of your past to move toward the future? I've heard it given as advice for people who are grieving, or who are at a stand still because of some experience or another... In the end though, we each have to find our own way forward... And part of that is deciding where we let our growth take us. *Wanders off to muse some more over it.*

Offline MasterMischief

Re: Crys' Stray Thoughts
« Reply #10 on: March 22, 2011, 08:46:33 PM »
I hope you do not mind me coming back to this.

Quote from: ”crystaltears”
Still, I certainly carry many such reminders of accident or injury that haven't really become a symbol of anything greater than scraped knees as well.

When I originally commented, I was thinking of emotional scars.  But is it possible our physical scars are evidence of growth as well.  You scraped your knee falling down but you have learned grace and balance now so that you do not fall down so frequently.

Also, I do think we sometimes hold on to our past, but the past also holds on to us.  Again, if we are the sum of our experiences, then our past largely defines us.  I think the problem with 'holding onto our past' is when we obsess about returning.  Once the past shapes us, we can not be the same person we were then.  There is no going back.  I think we must accept our past.  Accept who we are.  And welcome who we may become.

Our past should not be something we are ashamed of or something we try to hide behind when we are frightened.

I have struggled with my past.  Mostly with regrets and wanting to do things differently.  I think that is something that needs to be let go of.

Offline crystaltearsTopic starter

Re: Crys' Stray Thoughts
« Reply #11 on: March 22, 2011, 09:36:30 PM »
I hope you do not mind me coming back to this.

I don't mind in the least, MasterMischief. *Smiles*

When I originally commented, I was thinking of emotional scars.  But is it possible our physical scars are evidence of growth as well.  You scraped your knee falling down but you have learned grace and balance now so that you do not fall down so frequently.

Also, I do think we sometimes hold on to our past, but the past also holds on to us.  Again, if we are the sum of our experiences, then our past largely defines us.  I think the problem with 'holding onto our past' is when we obsess about returning.  Once the past shapes us, we can not be the same person we were then.  There is no going back.  I think we must accept our past.  Accept who we are.  And welcome who we may become.

Our past should not be something we are ashamed of or something we try to hide behind when we are frightened.

I have struggled with my past.  Mostly with regrets and wanting to do things differently.  I think that is something that needs to be let go of.

When you commented on scars I got the feeling that you were mainly commenting on emotional scars, and in truth that was mostly the sort I was talking about when I said that particular quote.. My response was mainly because I consider the physical as well since I was once rather accident prone (four hospital trips in one summer when I was growing up). I also consider them because some of mine have been pretty visible at times, such as the one on my lip. But you're right in what you say... Even having scars from scraped knees and no longer bearing injury is some testament to growth of mind or body in caution or grace. A fair point to make. :-)

And I agree on letting go of things you feel about your past that hold you back.. I've just been coming to realize recently that it's really okay to still hurt over certain older injuries because after all we're only human.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. *Hugs*

Offline MasterMischief

Re: Crys' Stray Thoughts
« Reply #12 on: March 22, 2011, 09:40:03 PM »
Hugs back.

Emotional wounds heal differently from different events and for different people.  I think trying to rush 'healing' can only make it take longer.  Like trying to 'be strong'.  I think it is part of the natural process to let yourself hurt for as long as it takes.  I think Western society is obsessed with quick fixes.

Offline crystaltearsTopic starter

Re: Crys' Stray Thoughts
« Reply #13 on: March 28, 2011, 06:11:55 PM »
March 28, 2011:
"Don't be sorry. Too many people in this world are sorry."
-Man on a motorized handicap cart after we apologized for getting in his way.



And how right he was. A shame we only met in passing.

Offline crystaltearsTopic starter

Re: Crys' Stray Thoughts
« Reply #14 on: March 31, 2011, 11:25:38 AM »
March 31, 2011:
What is it that makes it possible for us to be embarrassed of those accomplishments or preferences that we also take the most pride from?



Just a random question that won't go away as I blush scarlet over what a nerd I am at times... But on the same token.. I love being as nerdy as I am.. A person who makes their trade in databases and code and who watches sci-fi and fantasy and plays video games and table top role plays... So why, why does it make me blush so badly when someone comments on it? Ah well, suppose it's just being human.
« Last Edit: March 31, 2011, 05:26:52 PM by crystaltears »

Offline MasterMischief

Re: Crys' Stray Thoughts
« Reply #15 on: March 31, 2011, 05:13:57 PM »
Gamer chicks are teh hotness.

Could it be something similar to why we are embarrassed as honest compliments?

Offline crystaltearsTopic starter

Re: Crys' Stray Thoughts
« Reply #16 on: March 31, 2011, 05:27:11 PM »
Quite possibly, now that you mention it. >.>

Offline crystaltearsTopic starter

Re: Crys' Stray Thoughts
« Reply #17 on: April 08, 2011, 10:01:54 AM »
April 8, 2011:
It is easier to accept pain for doing the wrong thing than it is to accept hurting for doing what is right.

Offline crystaltearsTopic starter

Re: Crys' Stray Thoughts
« Reply #18 on: April 22, 2011, 09:35:28 AM »
April 22, 2011:
At some point in life it has to be enough to simply be yourself.

Offline crystaltearsTopic starter

Re: Crys' Stray Thoughts
« Reply #19 on: April 22, 2011, 12:13:31 PM »
April 22, 2011:
Writing poetry is a bit like trying on words; only the perfect fit will do justice to the subject matter.

Offline MasterMischief

Re: Crys' Stray Thoughts
« Reply #20 on: April 22, 2011, 01:16:22 PM »
April 22, 2011:
At some point in life it has to be enough to simply be yourself.

Agreed.

Offline Jated

Re: Crys' Stray Thoughts
« Reply #21 on: April 22, 2011, 10:14:01 PM »
April 22, 2011:
Writing poetry is a bit like trying on words; only the perfect fit will do justice to the subject matter.


I totally agree!

Offline Sybl

Re: Crys' Stray Thoughts
« Reply #22 on: April 24, 2011, 05:54:30 AM »
April 22, 2011:
At some point in life it has to be enough to simply be yourself.
it is..sad thing is those who are controlling try to get you to believe it isn't.
dump the trash, keep the treasure

Offline crystaltearsTopic starter

Re: Crys' Stray Thoughts
« Reply #23 on: April 24, 2011, 06:41:45 PM »
Agreed.


I totally agree!

Oooh, thanks for the comments.  ;D

it is..sad thing is those who are controlling try to get you to believe it isn't.
dump the trash, keep the treasure

*Nods.* A lot of the time it's myself though, that gets in my way. I suppose it's because I have a tendency to want to fit an ideal.. And sometimes that ideal just isn't me.. And being able to see that becomes the problem. Thankfully though, I'm finding mirrors all over the place recently.  ::)

Offline MasterMischief

Re: Crys' Stray Thoughts
« Reply #24 on: April 24, 2011, 07:17:15 PM »
I have beat myself up for some time now because I have not pursued becoming a published author.  It was one of my dreams, but I have not taken the steps needed to make that dream a reality.  Namely, writing something to be published.

Having dreams is important.  Not fulfilling those dreams...well, I am not so sure anymore.