Can you change?

[Red Tressed Imp]

I suppose this is a rather philosophical question, and I'm a bit nervous to ask it...

But, I've been thinking today that I am just really tired of certain aspect of my personality getting in the way of how I would like to live my life. For example, I can be pretty lacking in motivation at times, so I don't do the things I should do.

What I am wondering is if it's really possible to change deep rooted personality traits. If I don't like that I'm lazy, will it work to just tell myself to stop being so lazy? Could it be that simple?

Would you change parts of yourself? Have you ever tried?

[Trieste]

I've found that the most motivated people often think of themselves as being very lazy. Chances are, you already do a lot. The question is probably how to make it easier on yourself to get more done. What are your hurdles? If you're me, you worry about the time and the concentration to do homework. Clearing my schedule is easy, but what if I've had a bad day? What if I'm mad about a class? What if I don't get the homework? Then I have a problem. I try to partition time for things - time for dishes, time for dinner, time for homework - and even just saying to myself, "Okay, it's time to do homework." is helpful, especially if I have five minutes in between to switch gears.

As far as changing your personality, I really don't know. The best I know how is the way I went about trying to lengthen my fuse and chill my temper out (I have a bad one and used to have a flash-fuse). I thought about times I would end up getting angry, and made myself get in the habit of counting to ten every time I felt that heat rise. Maybe every time you catch yourself wanting to do something, give yourself a deadline? Make them small. Instead of "I will clean the garage by Wednesday", instead go for, "I will organize the shelves in the garage by five o'clock" or "I will hose down the car by tomorrow at noon" and go from there.

That's the best I can think of. The main point is to reverse-engineer the problem. You see where you want to be, you see where you are, now the key is to see the path in between.

... did that make sense? >.>

[GeekFury]

I suffer from 'Dante Syndrom' no matter how hard I try to change my comftable situation I never seem able to to go for the risks and grand prizes. I really need to shit or get off the pot.

[elliedark]

Creative Visualization. Visualize your changes and bring them to you.

[Red Tressed Imp]

Well, I do a lot when someone else (a boss, my Master) is directing me to get things done. Otherwise, I just sit and think. I think a lot. *laughs* But actually, what you said about your temper reminded me of something... I used to have a really bad one myself, like to the point where I would throw things, etc. One day I decided I didn't want to be like that anymore, and I wasn't. It was a matter of control.

I guess that's true of most things. It's easier to waste money instead of paying bills. It's easier to eat junk instead of cooking healthy meals. It's easier to goof off than to work. But it's important to control oneself.

I wonder why it's easier to change some qualities about yourself and not others. Well... to be fair, I was a lot younger then and didn't have as much baggage as I did then.

[Kurzyk]

I believe we can change our attitude and perception at any age or stage in our lives. It's not easy, but its doable. Subsequently, with attitude changes, other things are challenged and change as well. Like Scrooge in a Christmas Carol, change at any age is possible simply by changing our perception.

It's not easy, and doesn't happen right away. There is a tendency to slip back into habitual patterns of thinking, but ultimately day by day, after a while any change can happen.

Like quitting smoking. Seems an -absolutely impossible- thing to do. Smoking to me was like having an arm. And quitting was the same as being asked to cut off my arm. It was that much a part of my life. I failed many times in trying to quit. Until finally, day by painful day, I trudged out of it and made the change. Days turned to weeks, weeks to months and now i've been off smoking for almost seven years.

Change sucks ass and is very difficult, especially the older we get, but never is it impossible.

[Serephino]

It can be done... in baby steps.  I'm lazy too, but I've been forcing myself to get more done.  I try to get at least one small thing done a day.

[Lady Annabelle]

We, as humans, never stop changing.  Think about it.

You are not the same person you were a year, 6 months, a month or even a week ago.  In some small way, we change every single day.

If you have that belief, then you can change anything.  If you have the desire, then you can change anything.   



And I have changed over the years.  I have grown more confident in what I want and more accepting of what I have.

[Red Tressed Imp]

Addictions are very difficult to overcome sometimes, but I really meant personality traits. Though you should really be proud of yourself, Kurzyk. My mom smoked for years, and I know how hard it was for her to quit.

Scrooge is a good example, though some might argue that his greed was only changed because of a rather drastic series of events. I do agree completely with this: 

Like Scrooge in a Christmas Carol, change at any age is possible simply by changing our perception.

It's not easy, and doesn't happen right away. There is a tendency to slip back into habitual patterns of thinking, but ultimately day by day, after a while any change can happen.

Annabelle, you are right. I'm not the same person I used to be. But those weren't changes I thought about and then brought about. They were changes based on things that happened to me and ones I was not aware of happening to me.

But I think there is truth to what everyone has written here... change can happen with behavior modification and serious effort, and where change is harder to manage, controlling bad traits might be the better option. I have always leaned to the slightly sloppy side, but I didn't like it so I learned to pick up as I went along. My mom says that's just a sign that I've finally grown up. The horrors.