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Author Topic: Portal: The Female FPS  (Read 544 times)

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Offline SabbyTopic starter

Portal: The Female FPS
« on: April 22, 2010, 01:46:14 PM »
Reasons why Portal is the female version of an FPS:
1. The main character is female.
2. The main villain is female.
3. Your only weapon is a gun that shoots...VAGINAS--I mean, space-time tunnel apertures.
4. The game is based around evasion and manipulation instead of confrontation and domination.
5. The turrets. They are the exact opposite of a parody of everything women supposedly hate about regular shooting games. Violence, profanity, blood, evil symbolism, chauvinism...the turrets are always polite and apologize even if you kill them. Because everyone is nice in a woman's world.
6. Just like actual women, the main villain (GLaDOS) is actually powerless to physically do anything to you. The only weapon GLaDOS has is emotional manipulation. Just like women.
7. The company is called Aperture Science and women have an aperture between their legs.
8. The game starts and ends with a cute song instead of a bunch of dead people.
9. The game promises you a reward at the end if you jump through a lot of hoops, and it turns out to be a GREAT BIG FUCKING LIE, YOU STUPID WHORE YOU FUCKING USED ME, ROT IN HELL YOU WORTHLESS CUNT, women have been known to stereotypically act in this manner.
Finally...
10. Your only weapon is a gun that shoots VAGINAS

Offline GeekFury

Re: Portal: The Female FPS
« Reply #1 on: April 22, 2010, 01:56:31 PM »
This further confirms my view, Woman are from Portal, Men are from Team Fotress 2.

Offline mannik

Re: Portal: The Female FPS
« Reply #2 on: April 22, 2010, 02:10:04 PM »
well...technically the main villain is a computer....and computers have no gender....so point number 2 is invalid.

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Re: Portal: The Female FPS
« Reply #3 on: April 22, 2010, 02:12:01 PM »
I may have to re-examine my gender identity - because this was really funny.

Offline Kunoichi

Re: Portal: The Female FPS
« Reply #4 on: April 22, 2010, 04:36:57 PM »
4. The game is based around evasion and manipulation instead of confrontation and domination.

Tell that to the turrets I've rammed to death with a weighted cube.

*is aware of the irony of this statement*

Offline Remiel

Re: Portal: The Female FPS
« Reply #5 on: April 22, 2010, 05:05:30 PM »
Quote
3. Your only weapon is a gun that shoots...VAGINAS--I mean, space-time tunnel apertures.

Well, this does explain my penchant for jumping into an endless succession of portals.  :o

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Re: Portal: The Female FPS
« Reply #6 on: April 22, 2010, 09:55:54 PM »
  I think I may have just died a little from amusement.