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Author Topic: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..  (Read 2913 times)

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Offline DarkestDreamsTopic starter

*sighs* Another day gone, and what do I have to show for it? Nothing. Nada. Niente. I've been sitting behind my desk for the better part of eight hours and I am ashamed, and not in the least frustrated with the fact that I haven't achieved a single darn thing.

Now, if this was just about work I would shrug, smile a fake smile and get on with my life. But it isn't. I've noticed that I have spent the past months doing absolutely nothing of value. I read (which I do love, but rather as a chosen passtime than as a last resort), I spend way too much time idling away in this chatroom or the next, and I hang on the couch. I even hide behind sex, behind fantasies that can never be fulfilled. Do I have ideas? Sure. Do I have motivation. Oh yes. But none of that helps me in actually getting something on paper, on the screen, or on whichever media is most appropiate for the task at hand.

I hate this. I loathe this feeling of general uselessness. I need something that I can look at and be proud of (work is a wholly different matter..I get the job done, more or less, but I fail to see any achievement in it). I used to be able to write, and I have the documents to prove it. I used to be able to code (for those who don't know, I am a programmer). I used to be able to look at a problem and device a solution for it. But not this problem. Truth be told, I get tears in my eyes thinking of it, let alone writing it down. But I need to write it down, and perhaps someone of you wonderful people here has the Goddess-given ablity to reach out and pull me out of the self-destructive mire I have gotten myself in..

Offline Elvi

Re: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..
« Reply #1 on: July 19, 2006, 08:25:18 AM »
We all go through it, writers who can't write, artists who cannot bare to put a pencil to paper, singers who cannot hit a note.
Anything that is expressive and we have passion about suffers even for the minutest of reasons.

The best thing is to leave it, walk away, engrose yourself in something else, have a go at drawing instead of writing, it may just end up as a couple of stick men and a balloon cat, but you have created it.

The more you push and try to force, the less you will get.
So waste your time doing other things for a while, because you aren't really wasting it, you are recharging and revitalising and one day, most probably soon, you will switch on the Pc or pick up a pen and it will begin to pour out again.

*hugs*

Offline Ellyssa

Re: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..
« Reply #2 on: July 19, 2006, 09:15:53 AM »
Mmm. So this isn't about work but more of an offwork thing? *curious*
What do you enjoy doing, or are looking to do, in broad, general terms rather than specific?
Ideas in what sense? Tell us the ideas.. just spew it out, maybe someone will take fancy and you'll find something interesting out of it :)

Probably a long stretch, but I could always refer you to an adult MUD ran by a good online friend of mine that I used to be on and need a good coder or ten, and a couple of builders to boot; if you mean that sort of looking for something productive to do online.

What are your goals? You do work at the moment? What's family like?
*hug*


Offline Purple

Re: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..
« Reply #3 on: July 19, 2006, 09:29:27 AM »
singers who cannot hit a note.

God forbid!!!!  The day I cannot hit a note...you're scaring me Elvi.  Be still my beating heart.


Seriously though, Elvi is correct that everybody has times when life is just so difficult (and sometimes even just...blah...) that it is hard to do that which we usually enjoy the most.  This could just be a funk that will pass with time and perhaps some reassurances from those who love you.

Ellyssa is also on the right track here.  This sounds like the opportune time for reflection.  Your family life, your friendships, your work, your play, your goals, and your desires.  Where do you see yourself in several years and how do you plan on getting there.  If this is something that will not pass then these questions can help propel you forward through life.  Get a journal and hand-write the answer to these questions down.  Place them on a blog, or even here for us if you like.  Once you know where you are, where you want to be, and how to get there I have a feeling that things will fall into place for you.  Here's hoping they do.  *hugs*

Offline GothicFires

Re: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..
« Reply #4 on: July 19, 2006, 10:38:12 AM »
You need to talk to your doctor. You are describing depression. There may be a chemical reason for it there may not.  But find a professional who can help you.

Offline Elvi

Re: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..
« Reply #5 on: July 19, 2006, 11:09:30 AM »
I think what you should be saying there is that what you are describing may be depression and that it may be worth having a word with a doctor just to check everything is OK?

I would hessitate to diagnose someone on a short description of what they are feeling.
Depression to some is a very frightening word and prospect.

Offline Purple

Re: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..
« Reply #6 on: July 19, 2006, 11:16:48 AM »
Again, I'm with Elvi on this.  Psychology is a hobby of mine (you have to take a lot of Psych classes for my profession, but I find myself taking more just because I like it so much), and the symptoms could indicate depression.  But like most things, depression is almost a relative term.  Some people (most everyone has at least one episode in their lifetime) have sporadic, temporary depressions due to life-changing events, stress, and the like.  Other people are clinically depressed due to extreme emotional duress, chemical imbalances, etc., and do need therapy or medication or a combination of the two.  And sometimes people really are just 'in a funk' and out of sorts and it's nothing to be concerned about.  If Darkest struggles with this for any length of time or begins to have deep depressive episodes then I would not hesitate to suggest seeking medical assistance, but for now it is probably best to seek friendship and peaceful reassurance instead of panicking and possibly making a little thing into worse than what it might simply be.  Just my two coppers, I'm not a doctor or anything.

Offline GothicFires

Re: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..
« Reply #7 on: July 19, 2006, 11:29:13 AM »
I went through a period of depression from the time i was 6 and didn't know what it was until my early 20s. I still go through bouts of it from time to time. It may be a short post, but there are many key words that are strong signals. I did not intend for it to sound like a diagnosis

But here are the points i picked up

'*sighs* Another day gone, and what do I have to show for it? Nothing. Nada. Niente. I've been sitting behind my desk for the better part of eight hours and I am ashamed, and not in the least frustrated with the fact that I haven't achieved a single darn thing.'

'Now, if this was just about work I would shrug, smile a fake smile and get on with my life. But it isn't. I've noticed that I have spent the past months doing absolutely nothing of value.'

'Do I have ideas? Sure. Do I have motivation. Oh yes. But none of that helps me in actually getting something on paper, on the screen, or on whichever media is most appropiate for the task at hand.'

'work is a wholly different matter..I get the job done, more or less, but I fail to see any achievement in it)'

'I've noticed that I have spent the past months doing absolutely nothing of value.'

'I hate this. I loathe this feeling of general uselessness.' 


It may not be depression.... but i stand by the fact that it is describing depresson. And I strongly suggest seeing a professional to verify it one way or the other. Somethings may be harsh to hear.... but i would rather be proven wrong by him going to the doctor than having never said anything at all.







Offline Purple

Re: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..
« Reply #8 on: July 19, 2006, 11:36:33 AM »
I suffer from depression as well, as a side effect of my Fibromyalgia and ADHD.  I still think it's too early to scare Darkness into seeking medical attention when, since this is apparently the last few months I don't feel there's a need to panic just yet.  Another month to try and work through it isn't a bad thing at all.

I understand your concern, believe me I do.  But there are other ways to work through temporary bouts of depression if that is, indeed, what it is.  And if it doesn't get any better then I'm sure we'll all be encouraging Darkness to get help.

Offline Elvi

Re: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..
« Reply #9 on: July 19, 2006, 11:39:40 AM »
Fire.....
I am suffering from depression and have been as part of a long standing illness, for the last almost twelve years.
However, before that I wasn't depressed, but I certainly had periods in my life where, indicision, lack of motivation, work and family issues and many other things, made me feel very down and certainly 'pissed off'.

I read Darkest's post and saw exactly what you saw, however, I didn't immediately think clinically or chemicaly depressed, I thought, poor buggers really pissed off with life in general.

And yes, if this was three months later, I would be nagging like hell for him to get his backside into the nearest medical centre.

Offline Eloquent Surreal

Re: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..
« Reply #10 on: July 19, 2006, 11:50:04 AM »
You need to talk to your doctor. You are describing depression. There may be a chemical reason for it there may not.  But find a professional who can help you.

I agree with firegoddess. I don't feel she is actually giving a diagnosis, she is giving sound advice. When in doubt, seek professional help. Once a clinical problem is either diagnosed or ruled out, then you can start on the right path to remedy it whether it be through meds or behavior modification. Just my two cents! 

Offline Ellyssa

Re: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..
« Reply #11 on: July 19, 2006, 12:02:13 PM »
Oei. Don't scare the him.. it might be, it might be not, but there're a lot of other ways around depression, everyone goes through a bit at some time or other and that was what the point of his post was, looking for people to talk to on here, or for ideas to get revved up again, not necessarily to get hustled off to a doctor! :P

Offline Elvi

Re: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..
« Reply #12 on: July 19, 2006, 12:05:16 PM »
Which is hopefully what you, I and Purple have managed to do.....

Offline Eloquent Surreal

Re: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..
« Reply #13 on: July 19, 2006, 12:12:19 PM »
I didn't mean to scare or shuffle anybody off to a doctor. It is just a practical way to solve the problem. Explain it to your doctor. Having friends to motivate you is never superflous either. I mean, take advantage of ALL the resources you have... just get better!

Offline GothicFires

Re: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..
« Reply #14 on: July 19, 2006, 12:15:50 PM »
It is not intended to Scare... but you don't get back time and he has already been going through this for months. And yes there are ways around depression aside from medication... I never said go get medicated. I just said go see professional help.

I was drepressed from the time i was six until 22. Yeah there were bouts of laughter and enjoyment during that time. But damn if i remember them. I did not use medication to get over the man run of depression. But if I would have had help from my family when i was too young to figure it out myself or if i would have sought help when I was 18 when i first thought it might be a possiblilty my life would probably be much different now.

Even if it is just talking with a (please excuse the use of the word shrink it is easier for me to spell) shrink to figure out the root of the issue. It is worth doing. Again... you cannot recover time. Taking steps to get out of the hole often makes one feel better. What is the harm in talking all avenues possible?

Offline Elvi

Re: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..
« Reply #15 on: July 19, 2006, 12:30:08 PM »
There is no harm in suggesting what it may be, but there is in saying this is what it is, quick go and get yourself analised and seek proffessional help and time is running out.

I tell you one thing, if his experience of seeing a psychiatrist were anything like mine, it would be enough to drive him into full blown depression straight away.

However, I will not be contributing any more to this part of the discussion, because I am reluctant to discuss the possible metal state of a person, in such a public manner, who has simply said he's got the ideas, he's got the motivation, but he can't get it down on paper.

Offline Eloquent Surreal

Re: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..
« Reply #16 on: July 19, 2006, 12:41:34 PM »
well, see, that is where miscommunication can send a discussion in the wrong direction. I for one never suggested that he see a psychiatrist, but it would not be a bad idea to see his family doctor. It may not even be depression. It could be lethargy due to lack of proper nutrition, or something physical of the sort, and not necessarily serious or something to be scared about. But it never hurts to get checked out. Nothing wrong with using professionals to rule out any possible serious problems.

Offline Ellyssa

Re: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..
« Reply #17 on: July 19, 2006, 12:44:03 PM »
Oh man, one whole messy rant topic could easily result from this.. *giggle*

But anyway yeah.. let's just wait for his reply and further input first, just in case :)

Offline GothicFires

Re: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..
« Reply #18 on: July 19, 2006, 12:45:59 PM »
Lets also not forget the fact that it is ok for people to have different oppionions. It doesn't make them right or wrong. But at least they will give him something to think about

Offline Eloquent Surreal

Re: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..
« Reply #19 on: July 19, 2006, 12:57:00 PM »
I agree with Firegoddess. I do not understand why everyone sharing opinions, and offering advice that was solicited in the first place should turn into anything messy at all. As long as we all respect the fact that we all have different opinions and more importantly that we all have the RIGHT to express those opinions in a respectful way, then there shouldn't be any problems. :)

Offline Elvi

Re: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..
« Reply #20 on: July 19, 2006, 01:33:47 PM »
Errrr......
Excuse me Eloquent, where did I say that you had suggested a psychiatrist?
I answered Firegoddesses post above my own, where she suggested that he see a 'shrink', which I believe is the term for a psychiatrist?

I also have not been rude nore abusive in giving my opinions.
As you have a right to express yours, then I also have a right to express mine.

I for one would not like to have my mental welfare discussed in this manner, which is why I will no longer discuss the rights or wrongs of whether he should or should not seek professional help.

Offline Eloquent Surreal

Re: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..
« Reply #21 on: July 19, 2006, 01:59:53 PM »
Errrr......
Excuse me Eloquent, where did I say that you had suggested a psychiatrist?
I answered Firegoddesses post above my own, where she suggested that he see a 'shrink', which I believe is the term for a psychiatrist?

I also have not been rude nore abusive in giving my opinions.
As you have a right to express yours, then I also have a right to express mine.

I for one would not like to have my mental welfare discussed in this manner, which is why I will no longer discuss the rights or wrongs of whether he should or should not seek professional help.

Elvi, I am sorry if you have taken my posts to be directed at you personally. I have not at any moment said that you accused me of suggesting anything. I merely stated that I at no time recommended that he see a psychiatrist/psychologist, therefore setting my comment apart from any other that may have suggested that he go to a shrink. Also, I have not made any mention of you or anyone else being rude. And I DO welcome your opinion and respect your decision to post it or refrain from posting as you choose. But this IS a PUBLIC forum. We do appreciate your courtesy to Darkest in choosing not to discuss this further, but he did ask and bring it up for debate in this PUBLIC forum and we are debating it as it is our right to do so.

Offline GothicFires

Re: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..
« Reply #22 on: July 19, 2006, 02:04:58 PM »
my suggestion was to seek professional help... 'even if it meant talking to a shrink.' that was not to predict what path his professional help would take or that the professional that he did see would be a psychaitrist. the termonolgy did not say that he must go directly to a psychiatrist. I believed someone mentioned that his diet could be affecting him. And that is a possiblilty as well.

I think there is a good deal of misinterpretation from everyone. There are many things that could affect ones mental state. It is obvious that something IS bothering him that is why he is wrote this. We could post an eternity here. The only person who can figure out the why and fix it is DarkDreams.

At least he can see that there are people here who care about his well being. I stand behind what i have said... even though there have been a good deal of 'don'ts' in response to it. Even though no one has been disrespectful to anyone... it has seemed that some people are not ok with having differences of oppionions.

I do not think that professional help is the only avenue that should be looked at to help DarkDreams feel better. But I dont think that the avenue should be dismissed lightly either because everyone goes through writers block or feels off every now and again
« Last Edit: July 19, 2006, 02:07:15 PM by firegoddess »

Offline Eloquent Surreal

Re: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..
« Reply #23 on: July 19, 2006, 02:08:02 PM »
I agree with you, firegoddess. All I say is that one should be ready to exhaust all possible resources in the quest of being healthy and happy.

Offline Ellyssa

Re: Blocked in so many ways I'm surprised I can still breathe..
« Reply #24 on: July 19, 2006, 02:19:53 PM »
Oh, I meant the messy issue thing because I could start up a rant on how people tend to suggest doctors for everything as first resort instead of last (especially in the western world).. go see doctor at the first sign of a cold, the very first sneeze, call the ambulance when you get a little bit of a cut, etc. Been there seen that.

So in that I disagreed about the psychiatrist thing.. he did ask for advice but I don't think it's very appropriate (nor really nice) to suggest that as a first resort (even though it was obviously done in good will). It should be a last resort, not a first, don't have to drive up medical costs, especially since some (yes, not all) doctors and shrinks will tend to overdiagnose to prescribe you medicine that you don't need, and all that trash.

Not all the time, but why risk it? Especially since he hadn't answered the first questions and all we really have to go on are a couple paragraphs.. psychologist is a last resort, not the first. Never the first.

I can appreciate that it's still an option though. But if I were him, I wouldn't like logging in and reading this post to see a bunch of people discussing how I should consider (ie, I know it's a suggestion, but still, it's been brought up) go see a psych for my problems. That in itself is depressing.. and I don't need that additional burden when they aren't clear about me.