Okay, question here. Don't know if it goes here, but yeah...

[Obsidian Isolabella]

Okay, so I don't know if this goes here and everything, but I am going to see if it does.

So, I don't understand how men and women can be into rape scenes. It really has been bugging me for a while now because I know girls who have been raped and I know how much it tore their lives apart! I mean I also watch crime shows about rapists and know that the people who actually fanatise about that kind of crap are actually mentally sick. Sorry if I offend anyone on here, but it really makes me sick to my stomach, ya know? But I kind of want an answer as to how you can even enjoy someone RAPING you? I mean they aren't even doing it for SEX! They are doing it for POWER! And it is like how would you really feel if someone put a gun to your head and then raped you and killed you? Would you really want that? Would you want them to take away your life and take you away from your loved ones and everything? A lot of rape victims, not all, can die from their attackers and I am sure a lot of rape victims would be sickened to know that people get off on something that destroyed their life!

So, can someone just explain why it is so appealing? I just don't get it.

[Torch]

It's fiction.

Much in the same way some folks, such as yourself, enjoy writing about bestiality, something I find personally repugnant, revolting and stomach turning. I can't find anything appealing about bestiality, but apparently you do, and that's fine. To each his own.

If it bothers you, don't read those types of games.

There, problem solved.

[GothicFires]

Rape fantasy's are quite common even among people who don't roleplay. The reason that people can role play it is because it isn't actually happening to them... its role play... it's safe. It doesn't float everyone's boat, it doesn't mine. I will only do it in the rare instance where a plot would require my character to be traumatized by a non-main character. That instance so far has never occured.

I personally know a member of this board (who is not currently writing here) who was raped by someone she trusted. She roleplayed rape scenes with other members that she trusted as her process from dealing with long suppressed trauma.   

Just remember... its ROLEPLAY here. People write about more than just rape that they wouldn't do in real life. Just avoid the NC boards and you will never have to read it.

[Mnemaxa]

It is about power.

I'm taking a liberty here, but in today's societies, control, particularly self control, is the overriding necessity of life.  You MUST have a good paying job, you MUST tolerate the stupidity of others, you MUST obey the law, you MUST put up with life's cruelty. 

Rape fantasies remove that.  They put you in the submissive position for the victim, and the dominant position for the perpetrator.  It isn't about actually being raped, it's about being in a position where loss of control is expected and allowed.  Rough sex is also part of it - sex is usually expected to be pleasurable and pleasant; rape fantasies allow for rougher, more brutal sexplay without the actual threat of destruction to life and psyche that actual thing carries. 

That's also why a lot more people are into bondage and discipline than you would think.  Control is tiring, and takes huge amounts of energy. To get ahead in the world you have no choice but to be agressive and controlling, and if you aren't, you don't get ahead.  But it's hard to maintain that intense, control driven mindset.  Eventually you have to give in and relax, and rape and BD fantasies provide that release, that feeling of helpless, absolute submission....or empoiwerment and strength for those who lack that capacity in their lives.

[Serephino]

You said it yourself; power.  It's a fantasy and not real.  I enjoy being raped in a role play, but would never want it to happen in real life.  Also, I'd say most of the people who enjoy doing the raping in a role play would never actually do it.  There may be a few who would, but those are rare. 

All role playing is pure fantasy.  It's creative expression.  Think about the things you write about?  Like Torch said, how do you write bestiality even though you wouldn't do it yourself?  The same thing applies.  Nobody gets hurt.  If someone becomes uncomfortable then you can stop.

I even role played being raped with a good friend.  He was into bondage, and I was in my experimental stage.  It wasn't anything like a real rape.  He was a guy I knew and trusted.  I agreed to it.  And of course, we had a safe word.  Those are important.  I knew that if I wanted to stop at any time all I had to do was say that safe word.  It was a very interesting experience, and it wasn't real. 

[Vekseid]

Okay, so I don't know if this goes here and everything, but I am going to see if it does.

So, I don't understand how men and women can be into rape scenes. It really has been bugging me for a while now because I know girls who have been raped and I know how much it tore their lives apart!

This is a fairly common pattern - the victims of rape frequently have fewer thoughts of vengeance and hatred towards their rapists than their true friends and family do. I haven't done a scientific study, of course, but at least amongst Elliquiy's population and the population of other forums where rape fantasies are common, rape victims are not significantly less likely to participate in rape fantasies than those who are not aware of any friends or family who have been so victimized.

However, friends and family of a rape victim who are aware of it are significantly less likely to engage in or understand rape fantasies, unless this occurred long after said fantasies came to the fore.

I want to stress this, because while your reaction is normal, you want to be ready to be supportive of rape victims who do engage in such fantasies, because they are frequently worried that they are fucked up and that is not a road you want to force them down.

I mean I also watch crime shows about rapists and know that the people who actually fanatise about that kind of crap are actually mentally sick.

You are referring to roughly one-third of the male population and one-half of the female population that admits to it. Whether or not that is appropriate is different from the magnitude of how common the fantasy is.

Sorry if I offend anyone on here, but it really makes me sick to my stomach, ya know? But I kind of want an answer as to how you can even enjoy someone RAPING you? I mean they aren't even doing it for SEX! They are doing it for POWER!

Your first incorrect assumption is unifying the fantasy with the reality, for one. And power is an extremely vague term in this context - given the preponderance of date rape and the blurry lines that ensue. For a few victims here, it most certainly was about sex. For others, yes, power - a belief that women are chattel or vengeance for some perceived slight.

That said, most who were rape victims that later engage in fantasies certainly did not enjoy the rape itself.

And it is like how would you really feel if someone put a gun to your head and then raped you and killed you? Would you really want that? Would you want them to take away your life and take you away from your loved ones and everything? A lot of rape victims, not all, can die from their attackers and I am sure a lot of rape victims would be sickened to know that people get off on something that destroyed their life!

All opinions like yours do is make rape victims who do enjoy such fantasies - a significant fraction of Elliquiy's female population - feel that there must be something wrong with them when there is no such thing.

So, can someone just explain why it is so appealing? I just don't get it.

For the person who enjoys fantasizing as a victim, it usually comes from a simple desire to be taken - often one form or another of having their partner take creative control of the sex act. They (typically female) spend hours each day making themselves look perfect then some flubbering loser comes along and asks them what to do...

For the person playing the rapist in such a scenario, I'm less certain about any common traits, except the ones who are the creepiest (in the bad way) at it are also often the least creative.

[Obsidian Isolabella]

Okay, well, I am a rape victim. My virginity was taken from by someone I trusted and while I can understand that it can just be a fantasy as some things are with me, I still think that perhaps it can cause men or women who aren't rapists to become them. It can take a single tramatic experience to make a serial killer or a serial rapist or it can take several tramatic experiences, but sometimes it can be just one thing.

I am really not meaning to offend anyone, but it just upsets because I had to live through that horror and then live through the horror of all my friends telling me that I was lying and spreading it around school and then the trial when I was only 15. It was a horrible experience and it just upsets me because I personally can't understand it.

But even I am into Force in a Roleplay because I am into D/s, but I am not into Rape or non consensual sex because it is not right in my mind. I am NOT NOT NOT NOT trying to say that everyone who does this has something wrong with their head because I personally DO have mental illnesses and such things wrong with me because of my genetics on my parents sides, so maybe that is why I like the things that I like, but I am not saying that EVERYONE who does it is sick. I am just saying that you really don't know if the person you are Roleplaying with is a stalker or a Rapist on the other end, do you? You could be giving an actual Rapist more pleasure from acting out such scenes because you don't know about people on the internet. That is why I think it is dangerous. It is almost like it says to the Rapists out there that it is okay. In a WAY. Maybe not completely, but in a way it puts it in there mind like women actually like those things and want them to happen to them.

Can anyone see my point on that? Or am I by myself in this?

[Mnemaxa]

I'm sure most of us can see the point you are trying to make, which is why this place tends to be so strict about personal contact and harassment policies. 

I have found, that most actual 'hunters' of the type you describe don't really do well at the type of creative writing we create here.  It's very difficult to maintain such a charade in the face of unusual questions, impromptu stories, and the like.  Not impossible, but the chances drop significantly.  Part of it is simply that most people of that type who hunt online have so many less stringent, less time consuming venues than Elliquiy can provide for them.  Why wait the two, three, five days that you may not even successfully qualify for when you can simply hop on Adult Friend Finder?  The other problem is mindset.  It would take a true sociopath to bother with a venue like this, and the chances of him remaining undetected with constant scrutiny, not to mention the potential for being reported for asking about personal information are very, very small with the dedication of the deities and the sirens and satyrs. 

I can understand where you are coming from - I know a number of rape victims.  They wouldn't appreciate the rape fantasy ideal either...but at the same time, I know many women who do enjoy the fantasy of rape.  But only as a fantasy.  The real thing doesn't appeal to them at all.

[ShrowdedPoet]

I am sorry that you were raped. 

Rape fantasies are actually very common.  A lot of people have rape fantasies.  It is a fantasy.  Not real.  If it bothers you, do not read it. 

[Vekseid]

Okay, well, I am a rape victim. My virginity was taken from by someone I trusted and while I can understand that it can just be a fantasy as some things are with me, I still think that perhaps it can cause men or women who aren't rapists to become them. It can take a single tramatic experience to make a serial killer or a serial rapist or it can take several tramatic experiences, but sometimes it can be just one thing.

Evidence suggests otherwise. For 98% of the population, doing something horrible to another requires that the victim first be dehumanized - that they deserve it or otherwise don't matter. The other 2% usually takes after the majority.

I am really not meaning to offend anyone, but it just upsets because I had to live through that horror and then live through the horror of all my friends telling me that I was lying and spreading it around school and then the trial when I was only 15. It was a horrible experience and it just upsets me because I personally can't understand it.

Trying might not be the best route to take. Someone sabotaged your trust and took a fair portion of your life with it. Some women actively confront them through roleplay. Some put it behind them. I'm not trying to convince you to play such a thing - but your conclusions for yourself are not necessarily going to hold for others.

But even I am into Force in a Roleplay because I am into D/s, but I am not into Rape or non consensual sex because it is not right in my mind. I am NOT NOT NOT NOT trying to say that everyone who does this has something wrong with their head because I personally DO have mental illnesses and such things wrong with me because of my genetics on my parents sides, so maybe that is why I like the things that I like, but I am not saying that EVERYONE who does it is sick. I am just saying that you really don't know if the person you are Roleplaying with is a stalker or a Rapist on the other end, do you? You could be giving an actual Rapist more pleasure from acting out such scenes because you don't know about people on the internet. That is why I think it is dangerous. It is almost like it says to the Rapists out there that it is okay. In a WAY. Maybe not completely, but in a way it puts it in there mind like women actually like those things and want them to happen to them.

Can anyone see my point on that? Or am I by myself in this?

You just said that rape was about power, rather than sex - it's an important distinction here.

In a rape fantasy, both players respect each other, or at the very least will seem to. Wanton disrespect will eventually become apparent - to your friends even if you are blind to it. The average person is not capable of making such connections without humanizing you.

The not-so average person is a different story, of course, and we use different methods for catching them and weeding them out when needed. I've been working on a blog about this, but to make a long story short, be careful when people play information games with you.

[GothicFires]

Here is the brilliance of this matter, you don't have to understand why other people are into rape fantasies. There is no human or cosmic law that requires you to do so. The only thing(s) you need to do is what ever you feel will keep you emotionally and physically healthy.

Dwelling on other people's views of rape, real or otherwise obviously isn't going to help you be emotionally healthy so I would suggest you let it go.

You never have to be 'insert your name here' to any of us. You can hide your email address, keep your im's to yourself and only come here to write. There are many people who are very private. So not only do you have the staff filtering potential predators out of this site you have your own decisions of how much you are willing to be come involved here to protect you.

Also not all men here will do rape scenes. I have read it in many male off lists. So there won't be any problems for you finding a writing partner for your stories. If you go and read other people's stories look under the title and avoid the NC and extreme boards and you should never have to read about it either.

[desert ashes]

Rape is a crime.  Rape is immoral and wrong.  It is the physical and emotional degradation and humiliation of any male or female victim, and it is something that will affect you the rest of your life.  Every action and thought you have from that point on are forever changed because of that one incident.  There is nothing you can do to change the actions of the rape.  During the rape you have zero power.  After the rape is when you have the option to take control.  You can decide if you let your rapist dictate the remainder of your life or if you do. 

People deal with things in their own way -- counseling, taking self defense classes, wallowing in pity, drinking, drugs, simply letting go and moving on, or burying it deep down inside, or even writing about it.  You decide how to deal with.  You decide when you're no longer a victim.  You decide when to take control back.  The longer it takes you to do the latter is how much longer your rapist holds on to that control. 

As a woman there is one night I will never forget.  Not the night it happened, but the night I decided to no longer be a victim and simply be a person again.  The night didn't come to until after years of counseling, which would have been shortened by so much (and saved me thousands and thousands of dollars) if I had simply stopped listening to everyone who said the exact same thing you have:

That writing -- more importantly, wanting to write -- about rape is wrong. 

I refused to open up to my counselor because I was convinced he was going to reiterate the same thing.  As a victim I had been ridiculed by my own family because I chose to write about rape, more so, I was specifically interested in it beyond the veil of "it happened."  They couldn't understand that after being so traumatized, after the exhausting legal process that has no end in sight when you begin, after having to sit on a stand and tell complete strangers what happened over and over again and having to stare at the face of the man who raped me time and time again, I chose to write about it.  Writing was safe for me and they tried to take that away because even though they couldn't understand, they refused to accept. 

As it's been said, there doesn't have to be an understanding why anyone writes about rape.  Just as I don't have to understand why women enjoy dominating men, why others don't like plus size characters, why others enjoy writing about bestiality, why others love the steam punk setting and et cetera. 

It's not their job to make me understand.  It's my responsibility to embrace acceptance. 

I know you've meant no offense, and I've personally taken none, but I sincerely hope you'll entertain the power of acceptance. 

[Serephino]

I've heard about this.  I know this is getting a bit off topic, but on the site forums where I post my fan fics, there was a discussion about how writing about pedophilia is wrong.  It isn't illegal as long as the child depicted doesn't really exist, but there were a few people who felt the need to express the same thoughts that have been expressed here about rape.  They said it was vile and disgusting, and it could inspire someone to go out and touch a child.

However, a few others were saying the same thing as Moire.  Some people write as a way of dealing with their own child hood trauma.  I can see where a rape victim might want to do the same thing.  I don't understand it myself, but whatever makes them feel better.  As long as real people aren't getting hurt I see no reason to care.

As for why I like to role play a rape victim, I don't know.  I was raped, though I was drunk and don't remember anything....  It's hard to be traumatized by something you can't remember. 

[Vandren]

I agreed to it.

I think this is one of the important parts.  In a writing/gaming situation like E's, the posters agree to the rape scene.  The characters don't necessarily agree, but the players do.  Therefore, there is a certain level of consent that makes such scenes rather different from the actual act itself or even a solo author's story.  Also, in the writing/gaming situation on E. (at least), the rape scene is, unlike the actual act, about both power and sex . . . the former IC, the latter OOC, at least in pretty much all such scenes that I've come across here.  Very few, if any, such scenes (again, on E. at least) are purely about power and destroying another.

To offer an analogy or tangent, one could also ask why we write about warfare and combat (modern or pre-modern) when both are incredibly brutal, dehumanizing, distasteful (to 98-99% of the populace; this is why military training works the way it does), and horrible things intended purely to destroy others.  Strangely, we as a society often ask such questions about sex, especially violent sex -- and drugs -- but rarely if ever about "pure" violence (don't buy that, look at the MPAA movie rating requirements, TV rating requirements, and video game rating requirements; you can get away with a considerable amount of violence in a PG-13 movie, but show one breast for one second and you get an R rating, show one primary sex organ for one second and you're in the NC-17 territory).

[kylie]

         I believe the structure of actual rape and the structure of fantasies are usually different.  Some people aspire to more "realism" and others focus on more fantastic elements...  Nonetheless, they are not the same situation.  There is a huge amount of choice about what ingredients to include, how a story may proceed, and what to focus on in roleplay.  The process of choosing characters and negotiating plot -- often, including the meanings of the event for the characters -- allows people so much control and connection that isn't present in an actual rape. 

          It's more about feeling secure with ambiguity and danger than being victim to it.  Sometimes, it's simply exhilarating to manipulate stories about more threatening issues safely.  Sometimes, very strong and positive relationships are built when people go through such processes.  I suspect it's similar to some BDSM relationships in general terms, but there's no need to be too specific at this stage.  You asked about rape fantasies in general, which encompasses a pretty wide range of theatrics.  They are just that, theatrics.  Fantasies.

          Interpersonal connection:  Critelli and Bivona wrote an article that reviews some literature on women's rape fantasies.  They had studies of women in-person, so they reported on women who share the fantasies as part of consensual sex with partners.  In these cases, the sharing increases both arousal and attraction in the relationship.  Elliquiy is not so much of a dating site, so it's hard to discuss attraction just that way here.  I think we do tend to feel closer to people who understand our individual issues, and who are willing to help us dramatize parts of them for pleasure and/or therapeutic reasons.  There are other threads here where some people talk about arousal.  I haven't filtered the posts/authors for any direct reference to rape but perhaps, https://elliquiy.com/forums/index.php?topic=50666.0  Anyway, I think it's fair to gather that sharing difficult or intense themes of mutual interest with someone can help to build relationships in a broad sense.

         Sense of control:  Critelli and Bivona also noticed that many romance novels contain either rape narratives or a sense of roughness.  They're usually described as "bodice-ripper" stories.  The “victim” in these stories is set up to allow the readers to enjoy them vicariously.   The women in the stories are presented with a dominant, sexually aggressive adversary.  However, then they often draw him into love and force him to commit to faithfulness.  They “transform his apparent evil and cruelty into something more socially acceptable without diminishing his masculinity.”  Critelli and Bivona actually describe these female characters as heroines because they pull off such transformations of the situation.  Of course, these are not the only kinds of possible rape fantasies (other gender mixes, other particulars of threat and resolution, etc).  There are many different elements that can be manipulated to make the reader feel a sense of challenge and then control.

     Critelli, Joseph W. and Jenny M. Bivona 2008.  “Women’s Erotic Rape Fantasies: An Evaluation of Theory and Research.” Journal of Sex Research 45(1):57-70.   
               The notes above are mostly from pp. 61-66.

[Ruhinn]

This is such a complicated question. Rape fantasy isn't a huge turn on for me, but it is slightly, and I will try to explain it.

So, I don't understand how men and women can be into rape scenes. It really has been bugging me for a while now because I know girls who have been raped and I know how much it tore their lives apart!

Rape is horrible. It is truly a vile, despicable act. Most people who have fantasies of rape scenarios (just like most people in general) believe that real rape is no less that reprehensible.

Sorry if I offend anyone on here, but it really makes me sick to my stomach, ya know?

It's understandable that it would give you that reaction. There is a reason that, in society, we don't go around talking about our sexual wishes with each other. And that's why fictional material online that would generally be disturbing is labelled with a warning.

But I kind of want an answer as to how you can even enjoy someone RAPING you? I mean they aren't even doing it for SEX! They are doing it for POWER!

A clarification: A person who has a sexual fantasy of being raped does NOT enjoy actually being raped. In the fantasy, they identify with a character who goes through a very specific scenario with another character. If somebody agrees to role play or dirty talk about forced sex, they have given their consent for that activity. Consent is what makes the difference here.

But yes, it is the transfer of power that is being eroticised, as much as, or more than, the actual sex act. Why? Well, I don't know.

One theory is that the things that scare us trigger strong emotions, and sex triggers strong emotions, and so the two can become mingled in the brain.

Another theory is that if your first sexual thought was in a sort of non consensual situation, the two ideas could get mixed in your head. For example, you may have needed to undress in a doctor's office, especially if you got sick a lot. (Adults can be less sensitive to a child's need for modesty and pricacy than they would be to another adult.) In your mind, if that nudity was linked to sexual thoughts, then being in a sort of "forced" situation may have remained linked to sex in your mind. Of course, this wouldn't happen to everybody, but it would to some people.

And it is like how would you really feel if someone put a gun to your head and then raped you and killed you? Would you really want that? Would you want them to take away your life and take you away from your loved ones and everything?

Of course that's awful. Nobody wants that to happen.

A lot of rape victims, not all, can die from their attackers and I am sure a lot of rape victims would be sickened to know that people get off on something that destroyed their life!

What has happened to rape victims is horrible. I would not wish it on anybody. I believe that the punishment for a sexual assault should be the highest possible. When I hear about incidences of rape, it makes me outraged on behalf of the rape victim. I should mention that I support both local and international charities aimed at empowering women. (Locally, it's a women's shelter. Internationally it's  http://www.womenforwomen.org/)

But what goes on in my head is not about the outside world. It is about me and my psyche. I don't know... maybe the desire to lose control is part of a desire to surrender to something greater than myself? What I do know is that, in the privacy of my own mind, I cannot censor my desires. People don't choose what turns them on.

So, can someone just explain why it is so appealing? I just don't get it.

I can't really explain it. I mentioned a couple of theories a few paragraphs up, but in the end, I don't know. Why is sex appealing? Why is a vagina or a penis appealing? Why do some people have foot fetishes?

Forget about sex... Why is a pretty flower appealing? Why do I love the smell of saffron? Why do I love rain? I couldn't tell you. I could certainly tell you what I like about the rain. I love how it feels, how it sounds and how it smells. But I can't tell you why.