So, after a discussion about this on another website, I've decided to write my first blog. Most of you, if you know me, will know that I am a Domme, so my opinion on this issue is from the first hand. I know what it is to hold control over someone else, and I'm well aware of the way in which it should be done, at least from what I consider to be a respectable Dominant’s position.
Within this blog I’m targeting those ‘fake doms’ who think that they can claim themselves dominant and go ahead and do whatever they like to anyone they desire. This is wrong. Wake up and smell the morals, please. Set boundaries, come to know those you take interest in. D/s relationships are built on trust and respect, not orders and failure to care.
I also want the submissives who are subject to these Dominant’s to take something from this blog. The knowledge that they do not have to be subject to abuse to have a Dominant partner. There can be a medium, and even a lighter side. It’s not all about orders and sex, it’s a bond that should be important.
The first and most important point I’d like to acknowledge is the following; Dominants only hold say over their sub, pet, or slave because of the sub, pet or slave's willingness to be under the control of their Dominant. It is literally the case of power to the people. If a dom for some reason decides that this rule no longer applies to them, they have just violated one of the most important things to acknowledge when one takes a Dominant position over another. And it is often within this that one can spot the difficult to notice ‘fake’ dom.
This may be one way to spot the fake. A real Dom(me) does not wander and idly spout that he/she is superior to anyone else. The real Dom(me) is aware of the relationship that goes into D/s, even if it is just play. If I were to choose the one holding ground to a D/s relationship... it is trust. The submissive must trust the Dominant before all else. And it is this trust that places the responsibility on the shoulders of the Dom(me). Once the submissive has placed their control in the hands of the Dom(me), there is nothing to stop that person from doing anything they want to the (now, likely) vulnerable submissive, only trust. And if that trust is violated, either you go from having a sub to abusing someone, or you're going to lose that someone that hopefully was cared about. Subs are people too, and they deserve to be loved and cared for just as much as the next person. Their natural desire to submit should not change that.
The moral of the story, for every one of you out there who thinks that just because you want to be a Dom(me), you can start barking orders and controlling anyone, is you're wrong. A proper D/s relationship does not develop overnight but over time, spent loving and trusting and learning about each other. For those of you who think that a D/s relationship is just one person ordering another around... look at it from a deeper perspective. In order to get to a point where orders are respected and not just barks... it takes commitment and dedication, trust and caring, time and effort.