Harry Potter m/m

[Serephino]

All through school Severus Snape and James Potter were enemies.  Severus was a passionate but quiet and reserved soul that made for an easy mark.  James liked to keep up a tough outer shell to protect the softy loving soul underneath, and so he made Severus an example.  But something happened when they grew up.  Severus witnessed something as a Death Eater that made him realize what a huge mistake he had made, and he joined the Order as a spy.  It wasn't easy because no one in the Order quite trusted him, except one unexpected person.  James.  Maybe he had just grown up, or maybe dating Lily Evans had more of an impact on him than he realized.  Whatever the reason, it was James who had been able to look at Severus and realize he was sincere.  Of course no one, not even Lily knew that Severus was gay, and even when they were at odds as teenagers he couldn't help but find James physically attractive.  But the new unsteady alliance gave Severus the chance to see what was under James' tough outer layer, and it was all but impossible to not not develop an affection for the man he once despised.  Naturally, Severus knew that nothing could ever come of it.  After all, James was dating Lily, and they were engaged to be married.  But then during one Christmas party when Severus had allowed himself to lower his guard just a bit and partake in what James called a little eggnog with his rum, after everyone else had left the Potter residence an equally intoxicated James not only flirted with him, but kissed him!  The kiss led to more, both men emboldened with liquid courage. 

In the morning though when waking up next to James Severus didn't quite know what to feel.  The man he'd pined after had just shared an evening of passion with him, which put him on cloud nine.  But then this man was engaged to a woman Severus was once very good friends with, and he still had hope of rekindling that friendship.  What was he to do?  The sudden and unannounced entrance of Lily Evans catching the two men together filled Severus with dread, but then confusion when James didn't show the slightest concern for the position they'd been caught in.  Come to find out, James actually really liked men as well, and Lily was aware.  The two had an agreement.  James was never to touch another woman, but he was allowed one male romantic companion.  The news was both a shock and a relief.  And while he didn't think anything more would come out of one drunken night, he at least would have what he could remember.  But it turned out he was wrong again.  James was actually interested in him.

Severus definitely wanted something more with James, but he had a few concerns.  First of all, he was a private person and didn't want his sexuality made public.  Second, if the two were to go public it would endanger Severus in his role as a spy.  Third, someone as intelligent as Severus could see just how manipulative Dumbledore could be.  If Dumbledore ever found out the man would certainly use Severus' feelings as leverage.  He expressed those concerns to James, who agreed with every point.  James was also very intelligent, and not blind when it came to Dumbledore.  So they agreed to be an item, but it would be secret.  At first only Lily knew because of her and James' relationship.  But then James' good friends Remus and Sirius also found out.  It was made very clear that the secret could go no further.  Remus, while a little confused at James' choice of partnership, tried to be understanding and supportive.  Sirius however, was not pleased and very vocal about it since he apparently had not grown out of the childish rivalry.  James declared himself neutral, and refused to chose between the two, often having to break up spats when Severus and Sirius were both in the room with him.  But all in all, Severus and James were very happy, spending what time they could together.

I am looking for someone to play Severus.  I'd like to start things at the Christmas party, but it is negotiable.  I also wouldn't mind extending things a bit after a while and jumping into the future with the following...

The loss of James hit Severus like a wrecking ball.  He always knew something could happen to either one of them at any given time.  They were in the middle of a war after all.  But Severus had started to let himself believe that the tenacious and strong man he loved could take on Voldemort and win.  And so when the news came one morning it was nearly too much for him to bare.  He didn't know how long he lay curled up in bed hoping for death to take him as well to make the torturous pain stop, but eventually he found enough strength to stand up and let life go on.  He was never quite the same though.  He took casual lovers to satisfy his urges, but he never let himself love again.  The thought of going through another loss was just something he knew he couldn't survive.  He kept up his usual appearance on the outside, though those who knew him would say he had suddenly gotten a bit colder.  On the inside he was hollow.

Years passed, and although he knew it was coming, seeing Harry Potter in his classroom brought a whole new set of challenges.  He really did care for the boy, and when the tragic day had happened it was a small relief that the child had survived.  But if anyone, Dumbledore especially, knew his true feelings it would spell disaster.  For one, he still didn't want anyone to know of his secret relationship.  There was also Dumbledore's fear that Voldemort would find a way to come back.  Of course Dumbledore wasted no time in using the knowledge that he was once friends with Lily to pull at his heartstrings and get him to look out for the boy.  It would make little sense to give the man much stronger ammo.  If Voldemort ever did actually return, Severus knew he would be called upon to be a spy once more, and any closeness with Harry would put them both in danger.  He knew what he had to do, keep the boy at a distance as far as anyone was concerned, despite how much it actually pained him.  So he took one look at Harry, thought about how much he looked like James, and let that rip open his old scars.  He let that pain fill him up and give him a reason to lash out at Harry at every turn.

Years passed and much happened.  Severus played his part well because Harry thought him a villain.  Voldemort did return, and he was of course asked to be a double agent once again.  As much as he hated it, he did it for Harry.  But the summer before Harry's sixth year he learned a shocking thing.  Dumbledore was pretty sure Voldemort had accidentally made Harry into something called a horcrux, and in the end the boy would have to die.  Dumbledore had also done something foolish, and was dying from a curse himself.  The headmaster thought nothing of asking too much, of wanting Severus to be the one to kill him.  Severus agreed because he didn't see much other choice.

The evening came, and the dread that filled him was nearly unbearable.  Of course, what shook him to his core was hearing a knock at the door, and when he opened it none other than a slightly older looking James Potter stood there.  At first Severus thought this had to be a trick, but one word, one old pet name that hadn't been uttered in a very long time proved that it wasn't.  Severus demanded answers, incredibly hurt that James could have actually been alive all that time and had never reached out before this.  James had to explain that the night Voldemort he attacked he had done his best to distract Voldemort and give his family a chance to run.  He had put up an incredible fight, but had been severely injured.  Lily, unfortunately, had really been killed.  But the first person to answer the hurried call for help had been Dumbledore, who had discovered James clinging to life by a mere thin thread.  Knowing Voldemort's followers, he rushed James to an excellent wizard hospital in the United States to try and minimize any risk of a revenge attack.  James was saved, but would have a long road to recovery.

In true fashion, Dumbledore let the wheels in his mind turn.  Letting the public know that an infant had survived the attack, that was something that would give people hope.  Letting people know that James was also alive, that would have thrust James into great fame, and also put a target on his back for angry Death Eaters.  The man thought nothing of twisting truth and manipulating lies.  Dumbledore had sent Harry to live with relatives where he would be well away from the public eye until he had grown up more and could handle fame.  With James however, he used a strong binding enchantment and left him with an American friend.  It was better if the world thought James was dead and stayed that way.

It killed James to be cut off from both his young son and Severus, but because of the spell and his babysitter he was not able to make contact.  The most he had been able to do was every year on Severus' birthday he sent an anonymous gift of his lover's favorite candy.  But now that Dumbledore was set to die, he had finally seen fit to bring James home and put him back in the fight.  Of course, that begged the question of whether or not Severus wanted to resume their relationship and open himself up again.  There was also the complication of Harry.