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Author Topic: I can't sir, it's liquid.  (Read 2445 times)

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Offline SheerFantasia

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Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #50 on: February 27, 2014, 03:31:43 AM »
(Dialling on my phone).  Hello?  Hi god, it me.  Yeah, about that favour you owe me... yes, I know its petty, but do it anyway.  (Hanging up).  All done mistress, all time conforms to thy broken watch... er, just don't expect anything to change.


Butler, I lost my invisible needle... somewhere.  Please find it.  With your eyes closed.  That will be all.

Offline Daoine Sidhe

Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #51 on: February 27, 2014, 03:35:38 AM »
Not a problem, sir.  Thanks to my handy invisible magnet.  Coincidentally, I also found your invisible car keys, your invisible screw, and an invisible metal rod.  I'm just useful like that.

Butler, I lost a piece of hay.  Just one.  It's somewhere in this pile of needles.  I need you to find it for me.

Offline SheerFantasia

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Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #52 on: February 27, 2014, 03:43:29 AM »
Here, let me just my time reversal abilities to un-pile these needles and... there it is!  Here you are madam.  One piece of hay as ordered.


Butler, I just used up my one favour god owed me on you.  Please find a way to make him in my debt again.

Offline PixelDust

Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #53 on: March 02, 2014, 02:34:58 PM »
Good master Sheer, I have thus vanquished the god's evil toe-gremilins with a flame thrower.  Now he's toe-gremlin-free and his feet are toasty warm!  He is now again in your debt.

Jeeves, fetch me a cat helmet made of gophers.

Online Styx26

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Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #54 on: March 02, 2014, 03:40:48 PM »
*reappears covered in cat scratches, gopher bites and other unmentionable things*

... Here you are, Madam... *collapses*

Butler, bring me some wow-wow sauce for these chicken tenders. They need some pizazz, I think.

Offline Daoine Sidhe

Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #55 on: March 03, 2014, 08:51:52 PM »
Madam, I visited various rappers until I found one named Wow-Wow, and stole his secret sauce recipe.  I whipped up a batch of it.  Here you go.  I hope you enjoy it.

Butler, I command you to find me a genie with amnesia so that I may have an endless supply of wishes.

Offline Tyrhung

Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #56 on: March 08, 2014, 12:42:50 PM »
Here you are, mam.  I have procured for you Barbara Eden, after spiriting her away from her retirement home.  As she has come down with alzheimers, I am certain she will keep you wishing.

Butler!  I am tired of hiring people to sweep the pine needles off the roof!  Make the roof self-sweeping.

Offline Ms Gavane

Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #57 on: March 08, 2014, 02:23:07 PM »
Good Sir, I have rerouted a local river using an aqueduct system. It now press directly over the roof of the house, I guarantee that you shall not find anymore Pine needles upon the roof.

Alfred, I grow bored of Robin's ridiculous exclamations and lack of superpowers. Make him more interesting.

Online Catdog

Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #58 on: March 08, 2014, 06:59:56 PM »
Sir, i have dyed his hair grey and pasted on a matching beard before placing him on two horses. He is now the most interesting man in the world.

Butler, bring me a fish with legs to tapdance for me.

Offline rouwdy

Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #59 on: March 08, 2014, 09:21:43 PM »
Sir I went to the local pet store and got you an Axolotl.

Butler my ice cream melted and went all over the ground. I want it back.

Offline Daoine Sidhe

Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #60 on: March 10, 2014, 12:59:56 AM »
Certainly, sir.  I've mopped it all up for you.  Tilt your head back, and I'll squeeze it out into your mouth.

Butler, I don't want to work.  Do everything for me.  For free.

Offline HannibalBarca

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Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #61 on: March 10, 2014, 05:04:42 AM »
But Mistress...I'm already your eager and ever-willing slave :3


Jeeves, fetch me a shrubbery, with rainbow foliage...from Mars.

Offline Daoine Sidhe

Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #62 on: March 10, 2014, 07:09:24 AM »
Sir, I got you this red rock shaped like a shrubbery, and is painted all rainbow-like.

Butler (or slave), I want things.  Get me shiny things.

Offline AceOfSpades

Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #63 on: March 10, 2014, 11:17:03 AM »
Mistress, you'll be pleased to know that I have fetched you this broken mirror, a cat's eye, and this picture of a diamond.

Butler! I require the assistance of Johnny Cochran for a Pro Bono case, butler. By tomorrow. While you're at it, let me know of how you successfully raised people from the dead.

Offline Daoine Sidhe

Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #64 on: March 10, 2014, 05:00:36 PM »
Sir, Mr. Cochran refused to do it for free.  So, I killed him.  Then, I reanimated him using classified military technology that I stole while disguised as you.  Now, the zombified Johnny Cochran is willing to do your case pro bono.  By which he means, he'll do it for you if you give him human bones to gnaw on.

Butler, I have grown tired of the dust in my house.  I want you to murder it.

Offline AceOfSpades

Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #65 on: March 10, 2014, 08:13:19 PM »
Ma'am, as you may know, dust is 90% dead skin so murdering the dust will just prolong the problem. I took the initiative to go to the source of such an outcry and fix it thus. I've hired a professional assassin to kill you at some point in the next twenty-four hours; you'll finally be rid of that pesky dust. You may thank me at your earliest convenience, ma'am.

Butler, I want chocolate milk. Straight from the cow, none of that Hershey's syrup stuff. Chop chop.

Offline HannibalBarca

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Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #66 on: March 10, 2014, 11:12:01 PM »
Well, Sir, it just so happens that I am a recombinant DNA chemo-geneticist, and all I had to do was reverse the E3h chromosome with the PP4-25 marker, so as to turn the selected cow's secretion of endocrine hormone 23T into chocolate syrup...voila, she now lactates chocolate milk.  You're welcome.


Butler, I seem to have misplaced my last uranium-235 space modulator.  I need to destroy the Earth(it's blocking my view of Saturn), and since Marvin the Martian is the only known being to possess them, and he's a cartoon character...well, you see the quandary.  Your problem, though.

Offline Daoine Sidhe

Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #67 on: March 10, 2014, 11:30:57 PM »
Good news, sir!  I found a way to open a, well let's call it a "portal," into alternate realities.  It just so happens that in one of those realities, the Looney Toons characters are real.  I hired Bugs Bunny and Taz, and they managed to - through a series of odd pranks and situations - get you the space modulator.  All you need to do is step into this strange, glowing hole in the wall - the "portal" - and collect it.

Butler... I want to assassinate the assassin hired to assassinate me.  You know what to do.

Online Styx26

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Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #68 on: March 10, 2014, 11:51:39 PM »
*wipes the dust from my hands* It took some doing, Ma'am, but the assassin was captured and stripped, and is now tied up, restrained and blindfolded in the cellar. They will never see you coming.

*snaps fingers* Servant, could you obtain a left-handed monkey wrench for my garage? I need it to repair my wall expander.

Offline Daoine Sidhe

Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #69 on: March 11, 2014, 12:08:56 AM »
Madam, I found a left-handed monkey, and let him pick out a wrench of his liking.  I presumed he would only use a left-handed wrench, so here's the one he chose.

Butler, I want to move to Mars, but I'll need an endless supply of food.  I need you to make that happen.

Offline HannibalBarca

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Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #70 on: March 11, 2014, 12:20:37 AM »
A snap, Madame!  I just procured this cornucopia from the Greek gods last week--just let me know if the Furies are gaining on me...


Butler, please see to it that you test my immovable object against my irresistible force.

Offline Oberon

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Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #71 on: March 25, 2014, 10:00:50 AM »
*comes running waving around his hands*

Sir, sir! Your irresistible force has collapsed space time around your immoveable object into an immoveable black hole.

*points at the rapidly expanding event horizon that swallows the entire universe* I fear we are done Sir!

Butler, get me out of here!

Offline JayNighte

Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #72 on: March 25, 2014, 09:18:19 PM »
*moves Oberon slightly to the left* Now you are no longer 'here', you are 'there'. Which may be a new 'here', but not the same 'here'.

Find a wrong way to eat a Reece's!

Offline Viper

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Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #73 on: March 27, 2014, 10:02:38 PM »
She proceeded to cram the entire resses's while encased in its wrapper, never tasting the chocolate.

Butler! Make me the Queen of the entire universe!!! MUAHAHAHAHA

Offline Ojima Usagi

Re: I can't sir, it's liquid.
« Reply #74 on: March 27, 2014, 10:16:02 PM »
Hands you a hairless cat, "You never said what universe...he likes fluffy sweaters..."

Butler, go wash my car without wasting water, or getting the drive covered in soap!