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Author Topic: An untitled poem by Twisted Crow  (Read 508 times)

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Offline DallasTopic starter

  • Absolute Equality & Compassion Advocate / 'He Who Makes Games' / The 'Twisted Crow'
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  • Location: Houston, TX (United States)
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An untitled poem by Twisted Crow
« on: October 28, 2013, 08:47:14 PM »
Apologies if this is the wrong place for this. Neither Storytelling or Off-
topic seem like gauranteed fits for this so I made my best guess. If it has to be moved, I apologize. :)
The name was changed from one of my names to a different one; Isaac. This isn't quite my best. It's been a while, so I ran with something simple.

-----------------------


I wade through this water
Waves push me to falter.
Pulling me away from the altar,
It grins hollow as I saunter.

Heart sinks into tears deep
As I toss and turn in my sleep
Here lies '[Isaac] the Meek'
"Grievor of Hearts" -- His name to keep.

None are deserved as 'Hero'
In this near-absence of ego.
Despite what remains here though,
The soul tires of "polite, friendly foes."

Eyes fade and this tongue; stayed
This is the life he had waged.
This light burning out in the rain;
So 'Love' forgets to scribe this page.

Lo, hear this heart bleat
Within my spirit; its seat!
In a hollow age of disbelief,
What is my crime to earn this grief?

Is this mine, the end of my line?
A stray thread unwoven through time.
Feeling reluctant to writhe;
A hungry heart within a fugitive mind.

This mask which I wear,
Is this too much to bear?
The weak heart beats fair,
Although it remains a vacant affair.

Eyes burning to fight,
Yet frantic from fright.
To a world callous in his sight,
Alone -- Will I perish this night?'

Offline Tesaka Fyrewolf

Re: An untitled poem by Twisted Crow
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2014, 07:17:06 PM »
I really like how you were able to keep a good meter/pace and rhyming scheme as well as the vivid imagery that comes with it. It's not a style I get to see very much of these days and it's a refreshing change from what I usually see elsewhere!

A few images do feel a little too common like wading through water and hearts/tears but they're still very well done and placed. Overall though beautiful work!

Offline Marchoisas

Re: An untitled poem by Twisted Crow
« Reply #2 on: July 29, 2014, 07:35:26 PM »
Descriptive, haunting, and evocative; I loved it!

Not many guys are into song-vriting, but those who are, and whose song can touch me like this... automatic points in my eyes!  :-*

Offline DallasTopic starter

  • Absolute Equality & Compassion Advocate / 'He Who Makes Games' / The 'Twisted Crow'
  • Liege
  • Enchanter
  • *
  • Join Date: Oct 2013
  • Location: Houston, TX (United States)
  • Gender: Male
  • "Don't push your luck..."
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 2
Re: An untitled poem by Twisted Crow
« Reply #3 on: July 30, 2014, 04:36:15 PM »
Thank you :-)