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Author Topic: Target in sight...failed to initiate! (Social Anxiety/Anxiety General)  (Read 439 times)

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Offline klamityTopic starter

Hello folks

I recently wanted to start up a few games, and I've come to the point where most of us have at one point or another: no one answers our threads or doesn't seem interested. In that case, move on and look for other peoples request threads.

Thats where my issues begin.

I have social anxiety, but oddly only when making first contact with people. So many people I could have simply said hi to and made really good friends, attractive people I never introduced myself to and go their number, and so many people I want to message to start a game with and haven't because I'm so worried about my first impression that they won't want to deal with me.

I was wondering if anyone here had any tips for dealing with social anxiety, or any anxiety in general. We all have it, some more than others, so even if you can't nessecarily help me, leave a tip for another person who just might need it. We're all here to help :)

Offline Oniya

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Re: Target in sight...failed to initiate! (Social Anxiety/Anxiety General)
« Reply #1 on: September 24, 2013, 08:23:47 PM »
Since your difficulty is in making the first contact, have you considered making that contact in some way that's less 'critical'?  Things like the forum games have low 'expectations' as far as presentation, but sometimes also include a bit of conversation in addition to the 'game post'.  For example, if the game is to list a band starting with the next letter in the alphabet, and someone has listed a band that you know and like, you could make the next post with a short response about their answer and then put in the actual 'game entry'. 

Offline klamityTopic starter

Re: Target in sight...failed to initiate! (Social Anxiety/Anxiety General)
« Reply #2 on: September 24, 2013, 10:13:10 PM »
Its not so much the content of the message itself that gets me, its the hold ups of the possibility of things going sour. I do try and be friendly in general when I ask someone if they'd like to do a game and just all around when I attempt to talk to new people. Sadly this also carries over into my dating life fairly hard, if the several open profiles of people I WANT to message but havent is any indication.

Offline Shjade

Re: Target in sight...failed to initiate! (Social Anxiety/Anxiety General)
« Reply #3 on: September 25, 2013, 12:19:11 AM »
My suggestion:

Don't ask someone if they'd like to do a game.

That is, not right away. If you see a request you'd like to follow up on, try approaching the poster with something else first: maybe talk about what you find interesting about their story ideas, or what caught your attention with Character X or Setting Y. Ask about something from their O/O thread that could be worth some ice-breaking small talk. Do they have links in their sig to something you find interesting? And so on, just something that you might have mutual interest in that isn't immediately, "I'd like to play Story Z with you." There's time to get to that later.

Offline MasterMischief

Re: Target in sight...failed to initiate! (Social Anxiety/Anxiety General)
« Reply #4 on: September 25, 2013, 03:16:32 PM »
For real life application...think of a few things that you would like to get someone's opinion on.  Something a total stranger would feel comfortable giving their opinion on.  Then, next time you want to approach someone, ask them for their opinion.  Don't think about getting a number or a date out of it.  Just an answer.  Do this over and over again until you feel more comfortable approaching a total stranger and asking them something.

As far as here on E, I have much more luck making friends and then turning them into writing partners.  Hang out in the social threads.

You may find this thread helpful.
« Last Edit: September 25, 2013, 03:21:14 PM by MasterMischief »

Offline Galanthor

Re: Target in sight...failed to initiate! (Social Anxiety/Anxiety General)
« Reply #5 on: September 25, 2013, 03:30:08 PM »
Since i got social anxiety as well i can just give you what helped me.
Go into socializing, learn to flirt, excessivly abuse the PM thread for coercing people into speaking to you and it'll get better...

Offline RedPhoenix

Re: Target in sight...failed to initiate! (Social Anxiety/Anxiety General)
« Reply #6 on: September 25, 2013, 10:28:21 PM »
Yeah, the socializing is a good place to blossom and overcome shyness. People are very welcoming there. :)

I have very bad anxiety too, it makes me very nervous starting new games and even with games that have started until it gets going. Almost all of the time though, it is worth it to get through the hard times because most people on E are quite awesome and worth the wait. =)

Offline Galanthor

Re: Target in sight...failed to initiate! (Social Anxiety/Anxiety General)
« Reply #7 on: September 26, 2013, 11:30:13 AM »
Yeah, the socializing is a good place to blossom and overcome shyness. People are very welcoming there. :)

I have very bad anxiety too, it makes me very nervous starting new games and even with games that have started until it gets going. Almost all of the time though, it is worth it to get through the hard times because most people on E are quite awesome and worth the wait. =)

Awww...can i hug you? That just sounded so sweet :3

Offline RedPhoenix

Re: Target in sight...failed to initiate! (Social Anxiety/Anxiety General)
« Reply #8 on: September 26, 2013, 11:41:00 AM »
Awww...can i hug you? That just sounded so sweet :3

Sure and thank you for asking! :D

Offline Galanthor

Re: Target in sight...failed to initiate! (Social Anxiety/Anxiety General)
« Reply #9 on: September 26, 2013, 11:59:58 AM »
Sure and thank you for asking! :D
No problem...*snuggles tightly and burries face in neck* I like snuggles  :-[

Offline Starcry

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Re: Target in sight...failed to initiate! (Social Anxiety/Anxiety General)
« Reply #10 on: September 26, 2013, 02:52:09 PM »
I have both and find being medicated helps.

On here I find talking to people in group rps is pretty good to get to know people. In terms of solo rps: when I was looking I found making something unique yet clear works, however, these days I usually get approached by people who read my O/O or some solos in progress.

Feedback for gaining attention for your games:

The only thing I can think of in terms of games is making your O/O appealing to the eye. Currently in your sig all you have is links to your threads and they aren't very eye catching. Perhaps try to play with photoshop or ask someone on here to make you something. I also see you have put some effort into your O/O but it isn't something that grabs my attention particularly, so maybe work on that a little more? Your games do seem quite interesting so I don't really see a problem there. I think it is just grabbing attention.

In terms of dating;

I find a common problem for guys comes when they are focused on just finding a relationship. People with crappy esteem do have it tough and it seems the harder you try the more you can't get a relationship and it makes you feel worse. I have found people come along when you aren't really focusing on it. So perhaps try focusing on improving other aspects of your life, like why you have low self-esteem and what is triggering your anxieties. Also when you encounter someone of interest aim to get to know them as a person and not a number.

====

I had a lot of problems when went to college and was forever paranoid. If anything I pushed people away by being passive aggressive because I was afraid that everyone would hate me if I opened up. After a little therapy I began to open up a little and since going onto medication I have become more sociable. I no longer have so may worries about what people think of me. These days I find I open myself up and hide my insecurities by joking around and it works. No one hates me in class and they think of me as an interesting individual. This is because I show a high level of intelligence, am very approachable and a person who has an interesting sense of humor. For example; During Political Philosophy we were talking about Cicero the following happened:


Tutor: Back in his day; there wasn't a place were Cicero was not known.
Me: Because he wouldn't shut up?
Tutor: *Smiles* Yes. Because he wouldn't shut up.

The whole class giggled.

I am going to end my ramblings now but I hope this wall of text was helpful!
« Last Edit: September 26, 2013, 02:54:30 PM by Starcry »