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Author Topic: Advice Anyone?  (Read 443 times)

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Offline FreeTheBalloonsTopic starter

Advice Anyone?
« on: October 14, 2012, 05:12:59 PM »
Hello, all. I'm currently in a situation that I'm not entirely sure how to handle and I'm looking for a variety of opinions from sources outside my small circle of friends. =)

So, there's a guy. ((Of course. ;) )) We've known each other for about a month/month and a half. He's very respectful, makes me laugh, teases me in the way I like, makes for really good conversation, and just all around very sweet. He's also made it clear that he's attracted to me.
Here's the catch:
He's nearly 11 years older than me, divorced, and has the sweetest little three year old girl.
The last two things, I don't have a problem with. I just worry if he's too old for me. Some say age is just a number, others say that I'm much too young for him.

Any thoughts or questions?

Thanks!

FreeTheBalloons

Offline Vanity Evolved

Re: Advice Anyone?
« Reply #1 on: October 14, 2012, 05:34:20 PM »
Well, I suppose it depends on how old you are - a difference between eighteen and twenty nine is a little different than thirty and thirty four!

What is it about the age which makes you a bit iffy? Because from the rest of it, it sounds like you two would get on rather well.

Offline Diemos

Re: Advice Anyone?
« Reply #2 on: October 14, 2012, 07:23:24 PM »
This happened to me in my first real relationship.  He was great funny, sweet, we shared a ton of interests and wanted the same things in life.  The only problem was I was entering my 20's and he was leaving his.   He kept pushing me to grow up faster then I was ready to, so we just fell apart.

So like Vanity Evolved said It all depends on if you to are at the same stage of life and want the same things out of life.

Offline FreeTheBalloonsTopic starter

Re: Advice Anyone?
« Reply #3 on: October 15, 2012, 11:44:31 AM »
Well, I suppose it depends on how old you are - a difference between eighteen and twenty nine is a little different than thirty and thirty four!

What is it about the age which makes you a bit iffy? Because from the rest of it, it sounds like you two would get on rather well.

This happened to me in my first real relationship.  He was great funny, sweet, we shared a ton of interests and wanted the same things in life.  The only problem was I was entering my 20's and he was leaving his.   He kept pushing me to grow up faster then I was ready to, so we just fell apart.

So like Vanity Evolved said It all depends on if you to are at the same stage of life and want the same things out of life.

I suppose my only large concern that I can foresee would be when and if he wants to settle down. His divorce became final in April, so I don't think he's quite ready to try marriage again, but I know I couldn't make a commitment like that for at least another couple of years. This may be a good thing for him, I don't know.
Other than that, I can't really see any problems with it. We may hit a point where I just can't keep up mentally, but it hasn't happened yet and I suspect it would have by now if it's going to be a problem.

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Re: Advice Anyone?
« Reply #4 on: October 15, 2012, 12:16:32 PM »
I would be slightly concerned about the three-year-old.  Not because of you, but because of him, and here's why:  If he has custody, and he starts dating someone - anyone, regardless of age - that little girl is going to know about it.  Either daddy's leaving her with a babysitter, or some new person is coming over to the house a lot.  That's a bit of an upheaval right there, but it sounds like you've met and get along with her, so it's more something 'to be aware of'.  The real issue comes if it doesn't work out, and suddenly this new person that the little girl has met and (apparently) likes is gone from her life - not in the same way as a divorce, either.

I would proceed with caution, especially if (as you say) he's not 'ready for marriage again'.

Offline FreeTheBalloonsTopic starter

Re: Advice Anyone?
« Reply #5 on: October 15, 2012, 06:07:45 PM »
I would be slightly concerned about the three-year-old.  Not because of you, but because of him, and here's why:  If he has custody, and he starts dating someone - anyone, regardless of age - that little girl is going to know about it.  Either daddy's leaving her with a babysitter, or some new person is coming over to the house a lot.  That's a bit of an upheaval right there, but it sounds like you've met and get along with her, so it's more something 'to be aware of'.  The real issue comes if it doesn't work out, and suddenly this new person that the little girl has met and (apparently) likes is gone from her life - not in the same way as a divorce, either.

I would proceed with caution, especially if (as you say) he's not 'ready for marriage again'.

I have thought about that too. I actually haven't met her. I've just seen pictures and heard her in the background when she happens to be at his place when I call. And he talks about her a lot, which I love. From what I understand, with past girlfriends, he's been careful not to introduce them to her, unless they met before he and said girl started dating. He has her Thursday through Saturday or Sunday at his place and her mother has her during the week. He's made it very clear that his daughter comes first before work, college, or friends/girlfriends, and I am perfectly okay with that. If that wasn't the case, then I don't think he would be a good match for me.
But, yeah. The last thing I would want is for his sweet little girl to get attached and have the relationship not last. I'll keep that in mind.

Thanks! =)

Offline cloudysky

Re: Advice Anyone?
« Reply #6 on: November 01, 2012, 08:20:03 PM »
It doesn't sound like the age difference is that much of a problem at the outset, though you will need to keep thinking about it as you go forward of course.  But I see no real red flags.