Alright, time to post here again.
First of all I want to thank Beguile's Mistress, yugi and jcsimpson for your kind words. Thank you. Just knowing there are people out there who care helps a lot.
And now on to the update itself.
So far, everything still seems to be in order. It seems I am still fertile for now. How much longer that will last? Well, there is no one who can tell me. The only thing that they keep telling me is that now is the moment if I want to get pregnant naturally. Reading between the lines that means I won't have too much longer.
So basically nothing has really changed.
Nothing, except for my mother's instinct. The desire to become pregnant, to start a family, to have a child is becoming stronger and stronger. So strong even, that it seems to get in the way of my college. How so? Well, because my mind is almost always thinking about it, thinking about having a child. It causes me to not be able to focus completely on my studies and internship anymore.
I know that isn't a good thing, I shouldn't let my life be controlled by something like that, but it's important to me, it's something I want so badly. I just know I want to be a mother.
The fact that my love wants it just as much doesn't really help either. How so, you're asking? Well, of course it's amazing that he wants it as well, but it really makes it harder not to give in to our wish. Many times now we have talked about just going for it, but we never took the step. I guess we're just too scared, or maybe I'm the one who is too scared.
I'm scared that I might have miscarriages, or that I won't get pregnant at all after all, or that my child will be handicapped... All of those possibilities are real for me, much more real than they should be for someone my age. I'm still young after all. But it's only logical, seeing I have a 'handicap' as well, I have a chromosomal distorder.
So what now?
Well, I am most likely going to quit my internship and start searching for a job. Once I found a job, I'm going to quit college. I want to start my life. Once I have work, I can look for an apartment, and once I have that, well... when I have a job and an apartment, it would be time to start trying for that family I want so much.
Yes, I have decided to finally make work of it. If I want it, then I just have to make it so that I can. And if everything goes well, well... then maybe next year I'll be pregnant.