Saying good-bye

Started by Beguile's Mistress, March 11, 2012, 05:36:29 PM

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Beguile's Mistress

I spent the afternoon at the house where my mother used to live watching people come and take away her furniture and carpets and drapes that they bought.  My brother and sister-in-law mopped and dusted and cleaned the kitchen and bathrooms.  I washed all the windows and mirrors and my nephews carried loaded packing boxes out to their parents’ SUV and pickup truck.  Those are going into storage. 

The real estate person was late so I waited because my brother and his family have a longer drive than I do and they had to unload the boxes yet today.  I made one last circuit through the house checking closets, cupboards and drawers.  Something rolled around in one of the drawers in her bathroom when I opened it.  It was an old, dried out and cracked binky.

Sitting here now looking at it from time to time as I write this I wonder if it’s mine.  It might be but the chances are very slim.  I don’t know why she would keep something like that of mine if I ever even had one.  Never in all my life did the woman ever do more than what was legally reqired of her where I was concerned and most of the time she did less.  Twice when I could have died medical attention was found for me because of neighbors who saw that I was sick and called for help.

Now I sit here looking at this little piece of insignificance and crying not because I’m going to lose my mother.  She has had a series of strokes that have left her in a persistent vegetative state.  She can breathe on her own and she’s fed with a tube and I thank God I’m not the one who has to decide what to do with her.

The tears are for the mother I never had but hoped for all my life and now know will never be mine.  It hurts so much and it’s not even the whole story or the worst thing in my life.

Mr Self Destruct

I'm sorry for your loss, Beguiles.  My mother had four of us boys, and each one was precious to her.  There wasn't a thing that she wouldn't do for us, and the things that she couldn't do for us were because she loved us enough to make us deal with those problems ourselves.  My family is everything to me, and I would do anything in my power to help them in anyway they can. 

However, I can understand where you're coming from.  For a time, my wife and her father were not speaking.  It was due to previous drama that led to hurt feelings and quite a large misunderstanding.  As a result, she began spending more time with my own family, and her and my father have become quite the pals.  They joke about me constantly. lol

Though your Mother hasn't given you much, I hope you can be grateful for the one thing she had given you...knowing just how important your children are and the things you need to do to not become like her.  Having said that, I do hope that you can find a way to forgive the woman for the things she's done.  Holding onto resentments like that can eat you alive, and can make you miserable for years.  Perhaps focusing on the few good memories you might have are a better option that staying focused on all the negatives.

If you ever wanna chat, feel free to shoot me a PM.  This ol' Clown is worth at least one grin! :)


You are a good, awesome person, love. ~sends a ton of hugs~
I think, we will never really understand other peoples motives, not even if we know them our whole lives. It must be very painful if a mother isn't there for her child. I could say that I know how you feel - but I don't. I think I can't even imagine it.

Maybe she didn't give you much - but in the end, she gave you one important, precious thing: She gave you live. I don't know you in person, but what I know from you is that you are an empathic, friendly and good person - and that's what -you- made of what she gave you. :-)

You know where to find me, if you ever need to talk.  :-*

Night Stalker

~Sending Hugs~ Ever need to chat you know how to find me.
Ons and Offs           NightStalker's Role Playing Requests - Reprised.          A/A's - Updated        
I stalk the night, looking for her
My next victim to take away from here
She will be the prize to my collection
A joy for me to hold and use at my discretion
I belong to the night, stalking it and surveying
taking what I need to suffice my desires
I am the NightStalker


*Offers hugs and a listening ear* My PM box is always open to you.

Been through a parental loss, too, situation related in circumstance.



*Sighs and simply offers hugs* I no not what to say, so I won't. Just know you have tons of people who understand your loss, and what it means to -you-, and that you are adored darlin'.


I feel bad just knowing that this post has been here for as long as it has and I hadn't noticed it until now. I'm sorry to hear about everything that you're going through, and have gone through in your life. All I can do, is give you these long distance hugs *hugs warmly and holds close*


Xana, that was my first thought when I saw it too.

Beguiles, there's not much I can say to you that hasn't been said already, but I can tell you that I'm sending positive thoughts and energy and lots of prayers your way.

*smothers in a big bear hug*
Be the change you wish to see in the world. -Ghandi