I'm sorry for your loss, Beguiles. My mother had four of us boys, and each one was precious to her. There wasn't a thing that she wouldn't do for us, and the things that she couldn't do for us were because she loved us enough to make us deal with those problems ourselves. My family is everything to me, and I would do anything in my power to help them in anyway they can.
However, I can understand where you're coming from. For a time, my wife and her father were not speaking. It was due to previous drama that led to hurt feelings and quite a large misunderstanding. As a result, she began spending more time with my own family, and her and my father have become quite the pals. They joke about me constantly. lol
Though your Mother hasn't given you much, I hope you can be grateful for the one thing she had given you...knowing just how important your children are and the things you need to do to not become like her. Having said that, I do hope that you can find a way to forgive the woman for the things she's done. Holding onto resentments like that can eat you alive, and can make you miserable for years. Perhaps focusing on the few good memories you might have are a better option that staying focused on all the negatives.
If you ever wanna chat, feel free to shoot me a PM. This ol' Clown is worth at least one grin! :)