Guys! I just DMed my first D&D game yesterday. Not to toot my own horn (much), but I think I did pretty awesome.
So my campaign (Long Reach) details the exploits of a single company (four people) of a mercenary organization. An airship (that's how I roll) that was transporting a portion of the merc groups soldiers was attacked by another airship in mid-flight.
Me: You see the other ship. It is above and away from you and it has fired large harpoons in the deck of your ship. A group of halflings, elves, and humans are sliding down the ropes ready to board your vessel.
The group warlock steps up to the first hafling and eldritch blasts him through the railing of the ship.
The boarders are throwing oil flasks to try and burn the ship down. The warlock decides to light the oil for them.
The bard is doing a good job holding his own and the ranger is doing pretty poorly. He uses a two-bladed sword but everyone's level one right now. Still he manages to crit a halfling so he Darth Mauls him into about six separate pieces.
The Lt. (the only NPC) is just getting crap for dice rolls. Ended up hitting one person for one damage.
All the while the other airship is firing off huge balliste bolts at the party's ship. Then a trained giant eagle (Who between you and me almost got minced trying to land between the props of the airship.) comes in. (I know it's level three. I nerfed it under the idea that it couldn't take off again and was stuck between the prop masts. It was really there just to destroy the props.)
So eventually the front props are gone, the ship has started to pitch forward and crash. Everyone makes balance checks and most get to hold onto ropes. The Lt. and the Ranger (called Drift Wardens in my game) fail and slide some, then the ranger succeeds and the Lt. fails again. No reflex save for the rangers hand, or the bards when she slides farther down the ship. The bard fails the dex catch check, but she finally manages to reflex save and catch his leg.
This is where things went psychotic.
Bard (Chaotic Neutral): Get off me, you fat bitch! (player: I kick her off)
Everyone else: What?
Me: Take a -4 for untrained unarmed attack. He hits for like five non-lethal. Lt. still makes the fortitude save an stays attacked.
Bard: Can I yank her off?
Me: Yeah but she gets an opposed check, and also make a dex check to make sure you don't lose your grip while grappling. Both fail. Reflex saves. Both score so high I decide they both have a firm hold on different places of the same rope.
I thought everything was fixed. I was wrong!
Bard: Where am I on the rope?
Me: Well you rolled higher so you're above the Lt.
Bard: I pull out my rapier and hack at the rope.
Everyone else: What!
Me: Well she has a crossbow and if you don't cut through that rope in one swing (DC 15) she's going to shoot you at point blank with feat.
Other players finally get him to calm the hell down.
Before that though there was the warlock. He was by the only rope still connecting ships and this was his plan:
Warlock: I grab hold and cut the rope. *rolls* 20!
Me: Make a (I don't really remember) climb or use rope check.
Warlock: *rolls* 1. D:
You slip and fall from the rope and it whips around knocking you back into the stair railing. Make a reflex save.
Warlock: 20. -___-
Me: You grab the rail like a boss.
Warlock: *looks at his die accusingly*
See? Sometimes God doesn't want the party to split.