Suggestion: Get Rid of Gender Tags [Resolved]

[Formless]

Telling someone not to put the word Daddy in their profile if they don't want to be put in gender boxes is ridiculous. I understand it was offered with good intentions as practical advice, but it's ridiculous.

First, it's not even a correct assumption. If I put a phrase like "do what daddy says" in my avatar practically nobody would assume I have a male identity for it. I predict the vast majority (who even gave it a moment's thought) would think I'm in a toppy type mood and I might get some thirsty comments about it but that's it. I've seen many profiles with gendered titles in them and never assumed that that title was an announcement of a real life gender identity.

Second, if someone assumes a gender identity based on anything but a gender tag or a public request that's on the person making the assumption. It really feels to me like instantly swerving advice the opposite direction is like telling the woman getting catcalled to stop being stylish. Yes it would fix the problem. But the cure is worse than the disease. Being told to alter and change your completely appropriate behavior because other people are taking it wrong is not a healthy solution.

Comparing approaching with malicious intent, to an ignorant/oblivious/uninformed approach is beyond my understanding.

Catcalling someone is harassment. Its wrong.

Approaching someone for the first time, and misgendering them without prior knowledge to their gender preference or lack of, is not the same as harassing someone, especially if said approach is meant to start a partnership in a story or a project or anything. As long as its a friendly approach.

The point of contention I was making in my initial post was the fact that people will use any cue they see to use a gender on someone when they approach them. If its not a word on the profile, it could be the avatar or the username.

Someone needs to make it clear for others how they wish to be addressed.

I agree with this too. Misgendering (or even gendering depending on the case) a Legate is something that can happen through mistake or confusion, especially since a lot of places don't have a Legate equivalent and new people especially may not know how to act. A polite and gentle reminder is something we should all feel empowered to do if someone misgenders us, or really does anything that feels like it violates our own boundaries.

And if they refuse to do that, then they are violating E's rules and that's when Staff should be notified, and if you were nice about it at first nobody should feel bad about blowing the whistle there.

This is a better wording than anything I can come up with.

An initial approach is prone to creating a mistake. You can't fault someone for their ignorance about your preferences.

[Oniya]

And now I'm thinking about the "Muse" tag and how the Greek muses were all female. Huh. Does that ever deter anyone from getting the tag? I know there's an opt out for it. Just curious now.

We actually have a member with the username 'Muse' - I think he's been here since the RPOL exodus, or near enough.  Definitely pre-dates me.  I think in this day-and-age, the term has lost gender connotations.

[TheBlackThrone]

I have no specific pronouns. People can refer to me however. Let me clarify something misunderstood in what I said previous. Calling me he, she, or they was not the insult. It was when someone was doing it with the intent to offend me; to bind me to a gender they felt most comfortable insulting me under.

I am not your "dude"; your "bro"; your bitch; your N word whatever. If someone chooses to genderfy me under whatever psychology makes them comfortable, I am going to correct them. If they continue to, then I guess moderation will take it from there.

This has only been an issue during group, gang ups, instigations, straight up drama. I actually only have that one incident where someone weaponized it against me, and it was recent, but I have since separated myself from that environment.

I originally wore a Liege name because Legate did not exist. As soon as it came to be, I opted to switch tags. If there was any other way, I just wouldn't wear a tag like on other sites I write on.

On the other sites, it is optional to identify your gender. Otherwise, you can remain unknown. I have not had any issues with that status.

[Hrairoo]

If there was any other way, I just wouldn't wear a tag like on other sites I write on.

On the other sites, it is optional to identify your gender. Otherwise, you can remain unknown. I have not had any issues with that status.

That is what the Legate/Centurion tag is though. It is "gender undisclosed". So your desire to not have a label is something you already have right now.

[Esoterica]

I have no specific pronouns. People can refer to me however. Let me clarify something misunderstood in what I said previous. Calling me he, she, or they was not the insult. It was when someone was doing it with the intent to offend me; to bind me to a gender they felt most comfortable insulting me under.

I am not your "dude"; your "bro"; your bitch; your N word whatever. If someone chooses to genderfy me under whatever psychology makes them comfortable, I am going to correct them. If they continue to, then I guess moderation will take it from there.

This has only been an issue during group, gang ups, instigations, straight up drama. I actually only have that one incident where someone weaponized it against me, and it was recent, but I have since separated myself from that environment.

I originally wore a Liege name because Legate did not exist. As soon as it came to be, I opted to switch tags. If there was any other way, I just wouldn't wear a tag like on other sites I write on.

On the other sites, it is optional to identify your gender. Otherwise, you can remain unknown. I have not had any issues with that status.

I know it was not me, or my Discord, but I do want to say @TheBlackthrone....I am sorry you had that experience, and I wish it had not poisoned you against all Discords. It does alert me to be careful to such things in my own Discord so that noone else goes through that kind of thing on my watch. It made me aware of an issue that I did not realize that could exist for a Legate or non gendered individual. I dont know why it never occured to me. But it just didn't, and I was educated by you bringing this up, and for that thank you.

[TheBlackThrone]

@Hrairoo I view the Legate/Centurion tag as a label. It was already stated that it won't ever go away, so I'm sorry. I just have nothing further to add.

@Esoterica Thank you. I like how RedPhoenix put it. I have been in about three Discords that felt like “hostile work environments.” That last Discord just killed my interest in joining any Discords with E games in the future. I use Discord regularly on other sites, but the streak of Discords I've been on this one have been nightmares. I cannot figure out why (and that would be an entirely separate topic in another thread). People have shared that not all Discords are like that, but I am done with expecting people to apply the same standards on E to their servers. Three strikes is enough for me.

I feel the same about discussions like this. I find them to be very enlightening and educating when people present their experiences. My viewpoint has changed from my initial one that started the thread.

[Aethyrium]

@Hrairoo I view the Legate/Centurion tag as a label.

Yes. It is a label. It's a label that says you do not wish to disclose your gender. In a world where we allowed users to have no tag at all, no tag and legate would mean identical things. In fact, Brit clarified on this point - it was this discussion that led to the creation of the Legate/Centurion tags in the first place - it serves the exact function that you're asking for.

It was already stated that it won't ever go away, so I'm sorry.

This is, in fact, not what Brit said.

There are no plans to remove gender tags at the current time.

What was said is that it is not, at this time, something we plan to remove.

[Mr Self Destruct]

People complain about the most trivial things, I swear. First world problems!