Some days I feel people like me, who have never had a relationship, live in a different kind of way then most. We must rely on inspiration to understand what other people learn through experience. Inspiration hits us randomly, giving us in the form of knowledge what most hold as wisdom about other people.
Today my inspiration came at mile 12 of a run. I foolishly hadn't brought any water and it was insanely hot out. Luckily there was an old folks rec center so I decided to take a peek in to see if they had a water fountain. I walked in through the door that read 'open this door' and oddly enough there wasn't a senior citizen to be found. Instead a bunch of younger women were setting up for what appeared to be a prom or perhaps some event for the seniors. I walked around looking like a dehydrated giant drenched in sweet (oddly enough nobody questions or looks twice at the existence of such an unsavory thing). Walking in the opposite direction of the festivity coordinators I found water round a corner and continued on my way. Oddly enough the door that reads 'open this door' from the outside reads 'use other door' from the inside. Perhaps this is to avoid accidentally opening a door on a senior citizen trying to exit through it?
That is all there is to the story, but looking back on that water break made me remember a line from an old song. The line is from 'One more Time, One more Chance' and goes something like "One more time, please don't change the season." I think it means that the circumstances that keep people together change, but there is still the desire at the point of change, to hold on to what was. Do people who end up being around each other for a long time stay in the same season though, or do they adapt and change in time with the seasons while still staying together? I wonder but I do not know (I assume the latter). Again, people like me don't experience, we have to rely on conjecture. We are amateur entomologists tapping on opaque jars of butterflies but never looking directly at them. Perhaps we are afraid that understanding them would turn us into yet more butterflies for the jar to be studied by others. We are afraid of how we can not control emotions, so we must understand them. We must live between moments of inspiration, waiting for the next crumb to fall. I admit, some reasoning like that is why I came to elliquiy in the first place. A failed experiment to look for bigger crumbs, though still an enjoyable one.
I hate to end on a discordant note but I have to say - On days like this, life has a very particular smell. Its that of a soccer field's grass being heated in the noonday sun. I run to stay in shape, but on days like this, I wish I could sit in a shadow by an empty soccer field and figure out that smell. Can I understand what that smell means, can others who have meaningful relationships? These are the doubts that grow when people wander about their little worlds. We are each one, you are many, and we are afraid of the very idea of you.