Topic: male tendency, anyone else experience this?

[Chris Brady]

Mostly my experience is the notion that because I play games with codified rules I cannot roleplay at all, or the notion that because I don't crank out 2,000 words a post I'm not worth playing with.

I personally prefer some sort of structure to my 'stories', but I can free form, and honestly, I can't do 2K words a post.  I do the best I can, though.

[AthenaNude]

I can confirm most of these, having done a lot of RP's on YIM several years ago (which is what partially drove me to come here).  I can especially agree with your point about wanting non-consentual and the guys inevitably try to make my character "a slut who must beg for it" which truly isn't what was discussed prior to the scene, but just the opposite.  To me, spelling is not a huge issue but I do draw a line very quickly when I see obnoxious l44tspeak such as "Hw R U?" or "I M h0t 4 U" and such nonsense.  It immediately turns me off and I cannot imagine doing a whole scene with a guy who types like that.  I have never found a female roleplayer who has ever done that.

"Blackmail" fantasies also seems to be a male trait as well, as I rarely get them from female roleplayers.  I think it stems from the way some males want to run my character, like a puppet, leaving me with no say, no control, and no enjoyment.  So I usually say "no thanks" to blackmail-type premises in roleplay.  I think more males than females exhibit insecurity through their requests as well.  I never got any female roleplay partner demanding I have sex in the scene only with them but I used to get that a lot with male partners.

One other thing I could mention, which also seemed to be a male trait, was that the overwhelming majority of males I've roleplayed with on YIM only wanted to play as "themselves" (how is that even called roleplaying?) in, usually fairly uninspired and repetitive, sexual scenarios.  I've gotten a few females who were the same, but in general, most women were comfortable and creative enough to enjoy playing different characters (sometimes even different genders) in some pretty interesting scenes. 

Not all guys are like that, of course, but I'm just saying I can pretty much confirm that a lot of what was said is fairly accurate just from my experiences over the past 10 years on YIM.

I think I'd be guilty of "rushing" some slow-moving scenes, myself, so I'm not sure if that is strictly a gender-specific thing.

[Samael]

"Blackmail" fantasies also seems to be a male trait as well, as I rarely get them from female roleplayers.  I think it stems from the way some males want to run my character, like a puppet, leaving me with no say, no control, and no enjoyment.  So I usually say "no thanks" to blackmail-type premises in roleplay.  I think more males than females exhibit insecurity through their requests as well.  I never got any female roleplay partner demanding I have sex in the scene only with them but I used to get that a lot with male partners.

I don't think this is so much a male thing as it is a D/s thing.
Storylines like this usually allow a character to give in without giving in, if that makes sense. A strong character is allowed to be weak, to be on the receiving end of something, without it taking away from their strength, because it wasn't their choice. After it, they can get up, hiss and go "Only because you -made- me to! I'll make you pay for this!" It doesn't neuter the char in an ongoing storyline, but instead can give incentive without damaging the characters personality.

It is definitely an exchange of power, which can be utterly exciting. I've played it on both sides, with having it happen to my characters, and doing it to others, and the D/s aspects are unusually pronounced in it, although it -definitely- needs a bad guy/girl for this to work.

Of course to do something like that without having an OOC talk before hand about what is expected is just bad form, since some people just don't care for this. Surprisingly, I found a rather large amount of usually dominant players who enjoy having their characters ending up in the blackmailed position, because it allows them to step out of their role for a moment without losing face.

One other thing I could mention, which also seemed to be a male trait, was that the overwhelming majority of males I've roleplayed with on YIM only wanted to play as "themselves" (how is that even called roleplaying?) in, usually fairly uninspired and repetitive, sexual scenarios.  I've gotten a few females who were the same, but in general, most women were comfortable and creative enough to enjoy playing different characters (sometimes even different genders) in some pretty interesting scenes. 

Oh yeah, they definitely aim for Cybersex, not RP.

[AthenaNude]

Yes, that's true, I suppose.  I tend to just avoid the whole "blackmail" thing, entirely, whenever possible as it tends to lead to very very unfulfilling rp's for me.  I guess I'm just not as into it as a lot of people are.  I can only speak from experience in suggesting the blackmail scenarios are a male fetish as I have very rarely ever encountered any female partners who requested/used it regularly like many males have on YIM.

And yes, the whole cybering as "oneself" is pretty common as well.  You're right, it's not the same as roleplaying at all to me.

[glimmertwin]

Yeah, I love detail as well and try not to forget to include it.  For example, if I am holding a drink, I don't want to make my character grab her or do something that takes two hands without mentioned I dropped the drink. 

Clothes..I like to know what she is wearing and always make sure to remove each article of clothing before doing anything.  I'm not going to start licking something if there is still clothing between the skin and my tongue.  lol.

Birth control is another thing.  I try to always make sure to mention that unless we have a couple that has been together a while.  If it is two strangers, for example, I don't want to have sex unless I am protected. 

Sometimes, I am in a hurry and forget the detail and I hate when I do that.

[Braioch]

I can't really agree that it's a gender thing, it really comes down to how each person is and what they're skill level, or perhaps more appropriately, their dedication and desire to RP well. I have had female partners who just completely skim over some things that I can only wonder why, as well as male partners in RPs who just leave me scratching my head and frustrated.

In some areas I know I lack, the first thing I can think of is clothing, I have the damnedest time with describing the clothing my characters are wearing. As well as what my character looks like without resorting to pictures. So I suppose that's my greatest weakness with description, I use pictures for clothes as well as for my characters appearances.

Other than that, I'm pretty particular about details and my partner not having them or giving them too me is just frustrating. Even more so when it causes me to have to give back a post that has equal amounts of less detail too it. I have to stop myself from kicking myself whenever I find myself giving a lesser post, whether it is the fault of mine, my partners or just sheer circumstance.

When it comes down to feelings, behavior, personality, movement, surroundings, and especially inner thoughts, I love to write in detail what's going on. Otherwise I feel as if I'm leaving my character undeveloped and that's one of my favorite things, is watching my character come to life with each post that I put out, seeing as he develops and becomes more of the person he was at the beginning. (and even sometimes turning out a bit or quite different than I had originally intended him to be)

Since I just seen it, I rarely if ever use protection in my RPs. Why? Well, I have a thing for no protection, and since it's an RP I find that it's pretty much a safe environment to get that out of my system.

[AthenaNude]

A good point, Glimmertwin.  And why does the female characters always have to be completely nude?  Sometimes it's sexier to have some small article on, such as a g-string (can be pulled to the side when necessary), or sandals/boots, for example.  Types of clothes matter, too, I'd add.  It's much sexier to me to be wearing a g-string, slingshot swimsuit, or something like that than the same predictable stockings/garters/high-heels combo every time.   

I will agree with Braioch's comment about using protection in rp.  To me that is eminently silly, as this is fantasy after all. 

[Nico]

I have to agree, it all narrows down to the experience level of a person. Some people are more detailed in their posts then others. And it certainly is not a gender thing. I am playing with various female players, and male players, and all of them are wonderful players, very creative, very inventive and very, very detailed in their posts and descriptions. It's what I love.

I have a thing for describing what my character wears

I love writing out inner monologues of my characters and I love to read it, too. I love details in general. Expressing feelings, emotions and thought is very essential for me. I love reading about what another character thinks or feels like. And I love it, when I see how characters grow during a storyline, change their views, their opinions, and it only can be done with much detail.

And for protection? Why, YES. Of course this has a place in my role plays. For example, I play an HIV positive man, and protection does happen. I am a sucker for realism in my role plays and covering it up does happen in the modern world.

So, in the end...no, it's not a 'male tendency', just a question of experience, in my opinion.

[glimmertwin]

A good point, Glimmertwin.  And why does the female characters always have to be completely nude?  Sometimes it's sexier to have some small article on, such as a g-string (can be pulled to the side when necessary), or sandals/boots, for example.  Types of clothes matter, too, I'd add.  It's much sexier to me to be wearing a g-string, slingshot swimsuit, or something like that than the same predictable stockings/garters/high-heels combo every time.   

I will agree with Braioch's comment about using protection in rp.  To me that is eminently silly, as this is fantasy after all.

I love keeping a few cothes on.  Could be my panty fetish but still...it's more real esp if they are outside or in public or something.

[Golguy]

Can only speak from my perspective, but I like detail and keeping up with the RP. I have had female partners that fit what you are describing so I agree with prior posts that it is more due to experience and liking to RP rather than cybering (if you know what I mean).

[jouzinka]

I think (in awful generalization) men don't include details and don't pay attention to them because they don't need them.

In my experience they tend to overlook details and watch a person (or a scene in this case) as a whole, not as a puzzle of myriad of details. They don't care about the nailpolish/fragrance/make up/heels/skirt... as long as it doesn't disturb them. They don't care about the dimly lit bathroom or the scent of the vanilla candles, don't care about the mood because they don't need it to get off. (Not wishing to sound crude)

Ad. rushing.
There's an in-joke running in this country: "Why do so many women fake orgasm??" "Because as many men fake foreplay!!"

Let's face it, men don't need it. They don't need mood and they don't need foreplay. Sometimes it might be nice for a change, other times they're doing it just because they are socially pressured to satisfy their partner, so why bother with it in an RP?

Ad. biting.
I have a personal rule about things that are 'forced' on my character - I split them to important and unimportant category. If something is unimportant, then it's not worth arguing, is it? If something is important, I either start a debate or I act in-character. If that means giving someone a good kick, a good bite or a sarcastic answer, I go with it.

Ad. feelings.
I think mixing feeling with sex is more of a feminine trait. Not that men didn't have them, but they can separate them, making the whole act a mere physical experience.

Lastly I feel that a disclaimer is necessary.

I've met some amazing writers here on E that are more verbose and more detailed oriented than I am, but to be honest, I judge them to be rather exceptions, although truth be told, I'm amazed at the men from abroad whenever I peek my nose out of this (in another awful generalization) chauvinist country. So I'm not a good judge.

I don't think this is so much a male thing as it is a D/s thing.

I'd like to debate this further. In my eyes you can't equate blackmail and Doming. If you need to resolve to blackmail to top someone, then you're not much of a Dom in my opinion, because Doming someone (for me) isn't about you getting the upper hand over someone, but that particular someone giving you the control willingly.

[Nico]

Oh yes, blackmailing has nothing to do with a D/s relationship in my opinion.

[Torch]

There's an in-joke running in this country: "Why do so many women fake orgasm??" "Because as many men fake foreplay!!"

 

In my eyes you can't equate blackmail and Doming. If you need to resolve to blackmail to top someone, then you're not much of a Dom in my opinion,

Oh yes, blackmailing has nothing to do with a D/s relationship in my opinion.

I agree with both opinions above. One had absolutely nothing to do with the other. Of course, I'm speaking of RL, and I quite realize that we, as writers of fiction, can pretty much do anything we like. But anyone who thinks blackmail has any place in a D/s relationship has a skewed misconception of what a true Dom/sub dynamic is all about.

[Samael]

I'd like to debate this further. In my eyes you can't equate blackmail and Doming. If you need to resolve to blackmail to top someone, then you're not much of a Dom in my opinion, because Doming someone (for me) isn't about you getting the upper hand over someone, but that particular someone giving you the control willingly.

Oh yes, blackmailing has nothing to do with a D/s relationship in my opinion.

I agree with both opinions above. One had absolutely nothing to do with the other. Of course, I'm speaking of RL, and I quite realize that we, as writers of fiction, can pretty much do anything we like. But anyone who thinks blackmail has any place in a D/s relationship has a skewed misconception of what a true Dom/sub dynamic is all about.

Not speaking RL at all, from my side (If people were using this IRLwise, then I think police needs to be involved).
Most RPs I had that had a D/s topic were pretty far removed from any reality (usually fantasy, or modern times Vampire themed), with the addition that they are often dealing with NC themes, which usually makes it a tool that can be used to enhance it.

Plus, it is more something that allows a switch / another dominant character to give in for a time without giving up their position and their reputation in settings where both would be seen as important.

Example:
Powerful Lord/Lady of a small kingdom has a little secret that would endanger his/her position, falls into the hand of a thief who makes healthy use of it by bending the Lord/Lady to their will. Especially in an RP that involves more people this will not erode the Lord/Lady's position and power because it was not given freely, which would be actually submitting. It allows one character to give in, without actually giving in.

It is pretty easy to use in an NC game.

Another example:
In another RP, I had a character who was switchy, somewhat of an defiant sub, who constantly fought against his Mistress. Now, he was stronger, more skilled, and had better tools at hand, so she instead used her smarts to bend him, by finding out about my char having a lover. By using that knowledge, she could have him submit to her, without actually doing it. He hates her, but starts to like her touch. It's a means to drive the story and the whole D/s angle here. Plus, power exchange is hot.

Again, none of this should be confused with IRL D/s, at all. But it can have a firm spot in Non-consent D/s scenarios which play with the topic. First you make em stop fighting, then you turn em into yours. Especially if you rather enjoy your targets fighting spirit and fire.

So, I think it really needs to be specified between "Normal" D/s and D/s as used during Non-consent scenarios, which have a somewhat different goal.

I would agree that 'Forcing' someone in a consensual scene would be pretty epic fail, but D/s in Non-con definitely is different than in RPs where there is consent between Dominant and sub.

Now that I think about it... I cannot remember any RP I've ever read or done which involved blackmail, that was -not- NC focused in one way or another, which is why I assumed that the example given was of such an RP.

I apologise.
I should have clarified this all from the beginning.