I sit at a bar downtown, the same bar I've been to all week, diminishing my scarce funds one beer at a time. Noticing the sound of thunder , I pay my tab and head for the subway. I grab my old Carhardt from the rack at the door a put it on over my blue jeans and untucked Dickies button down greasy blue work shirt.
The rain is already coming down in sheets in the Windy City.
'At least I wore my work boots instead of those damn sneakers' I think to myself, accidentally stepping in a deep puddle. I pay my dollar and take the Metra back to the suburbs for the night.
The dark glass creates a mirror and I can see my self getting a little scruffy. The goatee on my chin looks fine but not the five o'clock shadow around it. My usually bald head is getting 'fluffy' like she used to call it-
I turn my head from the window and rest my elbows on my knees.
'Dammit, why do I do it to myself?' As I scold myself in my head, the train jerks, and the car begins making an irregular vibration. As the train begins slowing, I make my way to the door. I pull a cigarette out of my pocket as an employee walks in.
"Sir, there is no smoking on the train. We are going to be making an unscheduled stop, so it would be best if you wait in your seat." He politely explains as the train comes to a slow stop in one of the few seemingly rural areas of the south 'burbs.
"Does that make a break off the train out of the question?" I ask, holding my Marlboro up.
"I suppose since your the only passenger tonight, but I can't put the steps out, sorry" I raise my hand, "That's fine." I say a little too bluntly for his kindess. He unlocks the door and I jump off onto the balast.
I attemt to light my cigarette, still attempting to get her out of my head. After a few tries and my anger only building, I put it back in my pocket and begin fishing for a new one. A mechanic comes walks up with a tool box and a flashlight, shining it at the underside of the car I was in.
"Got a light, Pal?" I ask
"Yea." He digs one out of his pocket.
"Whatcha gotta fix?" I question, as I light my smoke.
"Well, I can't fix it, more or less just gott make sure the sensor is good. The real problem is gonna take a couple hours."
"You gotta be shittin me?" I blurt out after a long drag.
"Sorry, Man. Gotta bring a couple tools and a replacement part."
"Well what the hell is it?" Another long drag.
"Bearings and shaft are destroyed in this wheel here." He pointed to one of the wheels in front of us.
Almost done with the cigarette, I ask, "How long is gonna fuckin be?"
"Dispatch said they would have a guy out here in about an hour and its gonna take at least an hour to do the work." He replied, a bit offended.
'I don't need this shit' I thought as I flicked my butt into the grass. 'I just don't fucking need this.' I walk start feeling my blood pressure rise and my body warms. Fuck is all that comes to mind. I grab my pack of cigarettes and try to take one out, my body shaking slightly.
'No, no, no, no, no,' I grab my lighter again a begin attempting to light it. It continues to fail igniting. Getting angrier, I an soon feel my heart thumping against my chest and sweat droplets forming. I throw the lighter down, and I begin hearing frantic chatter on the radio the repair man has on him.
"Hey, Rick, ummmm, we need you up here. The throttle just jumped and we can't get it to stop." I hear, blood pressure still rising. I hear a loud clang from up by the engine. 'Deep breaths, Mist, this ain't you.' I keep telling myself.
"Rick, we just lost parking brakes on all passenger cars! What the fuck do we do?" comes across the CB now.
"I'll look at 113, and see what I can figure out." he turns his flashlight back on.
"Can I use your lighter again?" I ask in a very low tone.
"Sure." He tosses it my way, climbing under the train.
I light my cigarette and feel my body tense up with the first drag. My mind goes blank and my body temperature peaks.
"Rick, the engine is running full boar! What the hell is happening?" was th last thing Rick heard.
As he began climbing out from under the train, the brakes gave comepletely and the train jerked forward and Rick's neck was in exactly the wrong spot. The train cars kicked and bounced as the engine continued pulling it forward at full throttle untill it finally kicked a wheel off the track.
The domino had been pushed. From the time I accidentally let her memory slip into my mind, I was just tempting fate.the cars followed the first to derail as the engine continued its attempt at pulling them, to no avail. The engine was the last to tumble down the small embankment.
I begin walking north, away from the train, away from the corpse, to the city. I was gonna have find a way to hide till it all blew over. I grab another smoke and pull Rick's lighter from my pocket. Its a Zippo with a bikini girl wrapped around an over sized wrench. I shrug, light my cig, and put it back in my pocket. As I start walking again I think to myself, 'Silver lining...always a silver lining.'