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Author Topic: Joke of The Day  (Read 423 times)

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Offline Dark Angel 69Topic starter

Joke of The Day
« on: October 20, 2009, 07:46:58 AM »
Joke Rated R

Only at Wal-Mart
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind
him," My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine
sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about
it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a lot cheaper than a
doctor."

So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.
He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later,
the computer ejects a printout:


You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and Epson
Salt. (Aisle 8) And avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks...

...Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.



That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe
begins wondering if the computer can be fooled. He mixes some tap
water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter,
and a sperm sample for good measure. Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to
check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and
awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get
better.

...Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Toughest job!

The manager of a large corporation got a heart attack, and the doctor
told him to go for several weeks to a farm to relax. The guy went to a
farm, and after a couple of days he was very bored, so he asked the
farmer to give him some job to do.

The farmer told him to clean the shit of the cows. The farmer thought
that to somebody coming from the city, working the whole life sitting
in an office, it will take over a week to finish the job, but for his
surprise the manager finished the job in less than one day.

The next day the farmer gave to the manager a more difficult job: to
cut the heads of 300 chickens. The farmer was sure that the manager
will not be able to do the job, but at the end of the day the job was
done.

The next morning, as most of the jobs in the farm were done, the farmer
asked the manager to divide a bag of potatoes in two

boxes: one box with small potatoes, and one box with big potatoes.

At the end of the day the farmer saw that the manager was sitting in
front of the potatoes bag, but the two boxes were empty.

The farmer asked the manager, "How is that you made such difficult jobs
during the first days, and now you cannot do this simple job?"

The manager answered, "Listen, all my life I'm cutting heads and
dealing with shit, but now you ask me to make decisions."


hope you Enjoyed....
~DA69

Offline Dark Angel 69Topic starter

Re: Joke of The Day
« Reply #1 on: October 21, 2009, 03:14:10 AM »
Rated R




A young lady goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of live frogs. The sign says:

"Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Money Back Guarantee! Comes with complete instructions."

The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one."

The man packages the frog and says, "Just follow the instructions."

The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she reads the instructions and reads them very carefully.


She does exactly what is specified:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you and allow the frog to follow its training.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The girl is very disappointed and quite upset at this point.
She rereads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store."


So, the lady calls the pet store. The man says, "I'll be right over."

Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The lady welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The frog just sits there."


The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says, "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"*