I've been known to give minor advice and suggestions to those with trouble, basing some of it on my philosophy/religion. I do not ordinarily do this for people who have problems with their own faith, unless given specific permission, as I have asked for from Lady Sky.
Growing up in a religious environment is not a bad thing in and of itself. The problems stem from the growth of heart and mind beyond what you are taught to expect as a member of the religious belief structure. Most religions are directed at mature minds and spirits, which is not what a child is. You can indoctrinate a child into a belief structure, but that only accounts for mental training. It does not take into account the spirit or heart of a child that will - must - change and grow beyond childhood. No one can predict what the spirit and mind of a child will grow into. Rebellion is instinctive and natural in such cases, and escape from what is perceived as a trap is almost inevitable.
Eventually rebellion subsides, and a measure of maturity grows. This is usually at the cost of parts of oneself that one particularly enjoys or believes are good or bad. Sacrifices are inevitable when making the switch from child to adult, and often we find ourselves at odds with what we were taught and what we find to be true in our hearts. Often we force ourselves to reconcile one with the other, usually at the cost of one's own beliefs, rather than sacrificing those beliefs we are being taught or encouraged to follow.
As time goes on, however, if the spirit and heart are exceptionally different or stronger than the belief structure we are following, it initiates a crisis of faith. Most religious groups deal with these crises in various manners, and to be honest, not many actually solve the underlying problem; instead they encourage one to discard the feelings and beliefs that stem from oneself in favor of the beliefs and teachings that are being put before one. This is not always bad either, but it rarely ends in happiness, unfortunately.
The situation LadySky finds herself in is not merely a crisis of faith though. She's made peace with her faith, in her heart; the problem stems from the fact that what she feels to be truth in her faith does not conform to the practices of her faith. Also, the things she desires simply because she is who she is are at odds with her belief structure. This is not uncommon, at all. It happens to almsot everyone raised in a strict belief structure, because, well, that belief structure is strict. The main punishment for breaking with the faith one is taught is rarely an actual punishment - being dis-fellowshipped is an exception to the rule. The real punishment is the guilt and indoctrinated belief that you are breaking with your deity and your taught-faith, a punishment that consumes and burns you simply because you feel it is proper to feel that way.
Faith is a strange thing. You can be taught to believe something, and to have a measure of faith, but eventually you are forced to learn - one way or another - that true faith, REAL faith, stems from yourself. You can't really be taught faith. Nor can you be taught to be who and what you are. Those things are designed into you, not just from your environment and how you grow, but from the forces that shape your very existence - your deity or god or the scientific realities of your nature. There is only so much that you can do to change that. Reconciling your faith, the truths your mind and heart hold true beyond what you believe, and the belief structure you are taught is the hardest thing to do in a life. The only way to do it is accept that you can never finish reconciling them, only live with both as best you can.
You can no more make someone see 'this is the way things are for me' than you can show them that 'this is what your beliefs are wrong about'. The important thing is that in your own heart, you have not broken faith with your God. You will never convince anyone that this is true. You can't even explain how you feel it is true. But you know it to be true.
In the end, you are in an environment that does not allow for any 'reconciliation' of your faith and the structures of the religion. It is an all or nothing situation. The fault is not truly that of those who taught you, or in yourself. The fault lies with the way the teachings and rules of the religion are understood. If there can be no reconciliation, then you will have to accept that your problem is no longer between you and the religion you believe in. It is now a matter between you and your God. If you are true to your God and to the teachings you believe in within your heart, if your faith is strong enough that you honestly believe that you are not breaking your Gods laws and rules by doing this, then it does not matter what the Elders say.
You are a child of your God, and you can no more be stripped of that than you can have your faith taken away. Dis-fellowship means that men and women have turned their backs upon you. They cannot take from you the teachings you have learned, the faith you have grown into, or the self that is you. Only your God can do that.
And last I heard, your God does not do that.