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Author Topic: Heroic Speech (criticism welcome :))  (Read 289 times)

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Offline Ruby QrowTopic starter

Heroic Speech (criticism welcome :))
« on: July 06, 2017, 10:51:57 PM »
An ancient evil has been released. A demon terrible and without mercy. It created a massive army and launched a full scale attack on Britain. The inhabitants, under the rule of their just king -- Arthur, defended their home with all of their effort yet the demon attacked Camelot and won, killing King Arthur and taking his throne. Now one of Arthur's loyalist servants, the governor of city near Camelot prepares his troops to March upon their fallen city and avenge their beloved King.

     A single survivor of Camelot enters the gate of the city just before the armies prepare to March. He is wounded and collapses on the ground. His final words before passing are a warning to flee the cause and abandon all hope.

     The governor sees that his troops are disheartened and decides a speech is needed to boost morale. He climbs to the top of their city’s tower so that his whole army could hear his voice.


     “Men... My friends, my brothers. Look upon this fallen soul and see the atrocities that will soon be upon you.
     A bullet tears towards you and nothing-- not me, not King arthur, not the greatest heroes in the legends of old could halt. An unstoppable machine set on the destruction of all that you hold dear. Camelot has fallen, the round table is split, and the dark forces of the enemy will soon knock at our door. I can swear upon my honor that they will not show mercy.
    Yet look upon me brothers -- I have not forsaken hope. For every man among us possesses great fear. I myself am foremost  and yet I see that you also possess the greatest weapon against fear -- Courage.
     Courage does not prevent fear. Courage is the mastery of fear. Without it each one of you would have perished long ago. Countless times you have proven your courage. This will not be the last...
     Today I ask you. Rally your courage! We will storm our fallen stronghold. We'll fight to the last man to take back what has been stolen from us. And when the forces of the enemy are so great that they push us back to this very city, we will fight with the same ferocity so that with every man they cut down they will fear the next.
     And when every wall has fallen except those of the mighty tower from which I speak, we will stand amongst the glorified bodies of those who died to defend our home and we'll gaze across this mighty expanse to Camelot and we will see our good work. For I tell you now. There will not be a single blade of grass not stained in our enemy’s blood!"

Offline Shores

Re: Heroic Speech (criticism welcome :))
« Reply #1 on: July 07, 2017, 03:01:29 AM »
I like reading the speech, though the formatting of the paragraphs smooshed together is a little odd.

"I myself am foremost" - It took me a while to understand this sentence. Had to read it a few times. Maybe add commas?

"I, myself, am foremost. Yet, I see that..."

Good work! :D

Offline Ruby QrowTopic starter

Re: Heroic Speech (criticism welcome :))
« Reply #2 on: July 07, 2017, 11:18:13 AM »
Thanks:) What do you think about this format? (I can't edit posts yet lol)


     “Men... My friends, my brothers. Look upon this fallen soul and see the atrocities that will soon be upon you."

     "A bullet tears towards you and nothing-- not me, not King arthur, not the greatest heroes in the legends of old could halt. An unstoppable machine set on the destruction of all that you hold dear.

     Camelot has fallen, the round table is split, and the dark forces of the enemy will soon knock at our door. I can swear upon my honor that they will not show mercy.

    Yet look upon me brothers -- I have not forsaken hope. For every man among us possesses great fear. I, myself, am foremost. Yet I see that you also possess the greatest weapon against fear -- Courage.

     Courage does not prevent fear. Courage is the mastery of fear. Without it each one of you would have perished long ago. Countless times you have proven your courage. This will not be the last.

     Today I ask you. Rally your courage! We will storm our fallen stronghold. We'll fight to the last man to take back what has been stolen from us. And when the forces of the enemy are so great that they push us back to this very city, we will fight with the same ferocity so that with every man they cut down they will fear the next.

     When every wall has fallen except those of the mighty tower from which I speak, we will stand amongst the glorified bodies of those who died to defend our home and we'll gaze across this mighty expanse to Camelot and we will see our good work. For I tell you now. There will not be a single blade of grass not stained in our enemy’s blood!"

Offline Shores

Re: Heroic Speech (criticism welcome :))
« Reply #3 on: July 08, 2017, 10:05:54 AM »
This is better, more readable! ;D

Offline Ruby QrowTopic starter

Re: Heroic Speech (criticism welcome :))
« Reply #4 on: July 08, 2017, 08:48:48 PM »
:) thanks