The Hede Saga (Crusader Kings II LP)

[Inerrant Lust]

Notes about the game: This is a narrative LP of an Ironman Crusader Kings game I'll be playing. Ironman means no loading back from a previous save. If you are unfamiliar with Crusader Kings II, it is basically a medieval political simulator. Like, more in depth than you could possibly imagine. Feel free to post suggestions, thoughts, and advice here. I will summarize with a narration every 5-10 years, or sooner if things of import occur. I should note that this starting character is randomly generated, but I also re-rolled quite a bit to get him.



It was a cold winter. The first day of the new year on the Roman calendar... but Rome was gone, or at least the Rome that everyone knew. Some Empire it was. As far as the Norse were concerned, there was no Empire. Never this far north in Scandinavia. Thorsteinn Hede of Heidmark never gave much thought about Empires. His people were warriors but never conquerors. They've been fighting for as long as history can remember and that wasn't likely to change. It was the Norse way, the viking way.

Heidmark was an ancient place, the Hede's ancestral home, land-locked in the heart of Scandinavian peninsula. Vikings had talked for a long time about uniting the tribes, forming a kingdom like Pepin the short on the mainland. Half the tribal chiefs had such lofty ambitions, but there were only two worth mentioning. They already called themselves kings, old Haraldr Wartooth of Zealand and Sigurdr Ring of Swedeland - the so called dragon slayer.

In a year, Thorsteinn would see his thirtieth winter with nothing to show for it. No one speaks about Thorsteinn's father or mother, no one tells of any great saga about the House af Hede. Thorsteinn paid his respects to Odin the allfather. He was nothing if not zealous in his convictions. Too long had he enjoyed the pleasures of flesh, cavorting gregariously with his subjects and pursuing his lustful desires... Thorsteinn was wroth, most of all with himself, for having grown so old and done so little.

He would become a king, not a petty king like Wartooth and Ring but over all the Vikings. This was the worst winter storm in memory... but it was a sign from Odin. He would be a conqueror.

In January of 769, Thorsteinn Hede of Heidmark embarked upon his quest to become a king of kings. He sent out a hundred letters to a hundred men and women, calling to join him at his court. Yet before any of them arrived, he met with the men of his tribe, his blood-brothers. Gudrødr was his standard-bearer, an exemplary warrior. His Hirdmen, his bloodbrothers- Gandalfr, Oysteinn, Kjartan, and Sigurdr. Gandalfr would go to speak with Sigurdr Ring and speaking soothing words as best he could. The King of the Swedes was not an enemy Thorsteinn wished to have. Not yet.

The rest would build up support in Heidmark, gather fighting men to his cause. Surrounding Heidmark were five chiefs, none of them were worth mentioning save Eystein Halfdansson of House Yngling. Thorsteinn himself gathered up his army and marched first upon Vermaland. Its chief, Haukr Vanso was trusting and cowardly, unfit to rule the people there.

By the 20th of February, Thorsteinn swept aside Haukr's army and began to pillage the lands. His men's reward for their victory. They captured Chief Haukr's club-footed wife. Ill-fitting for a concubine, but the chief would pay nicely for her return. By spring, Vermaland was Thosteinn's.

When he returned to his family home of Hamerhus, sixteen courtiers had answered his call. Mostly women, young lasses who found themselves enthralled with the man who was once a lusty socialite. The men were Weybrecht the Saxon, Occo the Frisian, Arnbjorn the dwarf, and Ailu the heretical follower of Suomenusko. Another named Thorsteinn joined him- a simpleton whom many seemed to discount for his lack of intellect. He was surprisingly cunning in the realm of court intrigue. An unconventional group to surround himself with, but they would be his first and most loyal followers. They may have been mistreated in their old courts, but Thorsteinn welcomed them. He took for three wives Gyrid and Mechthild, two lusty girls of sixteen, and the priestess Kraka, who was strong and fecund.

He spent a night with each of them before departing again to wage war on Chief Ulfr of Naumadal. He would not pillage his lands, tempting as it was. The Temple of Maere was a holy site to the Norse, and Thorsteinn was a man of his gods.

On the campaign, Thorsteinn was starting to fear that perhaps he was overstepping his bounds. Sigurdr Ring of the Swedes had conquered Vestergautland, doubling his territory... Moreover, he dreamed of the many men he would make bitter enemies of in the wars to come. Thorsteinn grew paranoid, unable to sleep without his guards close by. He conquered Naumadal by march of the following year, setting his sights upon Oppland, ruled by Eystein Halfdansson of House Yngling. A regrettable enemy, but too dangerous to leave unattended. Eystein was a talented commander like Thorsteinn, but did not have the latter's zeal and conviction. The terrain favored his enemies, but Thorsteinn did not balk. Numbers were on his side.

On the third day of battle, word had come from Hamerhus. His wife was heavy with child. The one night they spent together was sufficient, it seemed. Good then. Eystein's army was scattered and his lands pillaged. He fled to the court of chief Sigtrygg of Herjadal. That made things simple. In August, the army of Heidmark marched east and removed Sigtrygg from the lands of his forefathers.

By November, Kraka had given birth to a sicky girl. She was named Karin and she would be strong like her mother. Zaeland's king Haraldr Wartooth died at the age of 80, old and infirm. An ill-fitting death for such a hero. His sons declared war on Sigurdr Ring, catching Austergautland between them both. Better his enemies fight amongst themselves than set their sights on Heidmark. Thorsteinn marched on Nidaros with a burden lifted from his shoulders.

Thorsteinn's name was starting to spread far and wide. In October of 771, he had called for a great army of adventurers, of true Norse sons. He declared his intention to take the lands of Hordaland, Halogoland, and Alfheimr. He made Mechthild first among his wives. Kraka had fallen out of favor... she was the first to bear him a child, but Mechthild... was cunning and a had a way with words. Thorsteinn made her a true chieftess and later that year she bore him a daughter, Saga. Sigurdr would take the adventurers south, while Thorsteinn would take Hordaland himself.

By December, word had reached Thorsteinn's ears that there was a plot to kill little Saga. By tribal law, she was not entitled to any of his conquests and was not yet even a year old. He grit his teeth and fumed aloud the horrors he would inflict upon whoever would dare to hurt his little Saga. Mechthild suggested the girl be put into hiding, but Thorsteinn did not hide from his enemies. No child of his, son or daughter, would be sequestered from the rest of the world. To the south, Sigurdr Ring of Swedeland absorbed Austergautland into his territory, consolidating his power in the Scandinavian peninsula.

Hirdman Oysteinn grew sick and died. A sad day- he was one of the original men to join him on this conquest. The simpleton named Thorsteinn took his place, being the most loyal of his first courtiers. The conquests north continued...

In April, at long last, Mechthild gave Chief Thorsteinn a son named Bragi. Yet the Priest Sigurdr privately expressed some concerns about the auspices surrounding the boy's birth- the gods deemed it so to make the boy simple.

Thorsteinn was campaigning in Halogoland when word arrived. He was still young, and his wife Mechthild younger yet. There would be more sons, Frey willing. He had done everything he could to serve the gods, and this is how they repaid him...

It has been five years since Thorsteinn first set out to conquer the world as he knew it. He still called himself chief instead of king, yet Heidmark was now at the heart of fifteen tribes, rivaling Swedeland's eighteen and surpassing Zaeland's thirteen. The two were still locked in a bitter war, both of them weak and ripe.



Notes: Haraldr Wartooth, and Sigurdr Ring, Eystein Halfdansson are historical figures represented in the game. Sigurdr Ring is also the father of Ragnarr Lobrok, the main character of the TV show Vikings. The little tyke is 7 years old at the moment in this game.

Who would try to kill a newborn girl that cannot even inherit anything!? None of my wives are envious, and I don't have any lunatics in my court.

[Inerrant Lust]

Notes: Elsewhere in the world, the 19 year old Caliph of the Abbasids is fending off a revolt to oust him from power. 123 counties have joined the revolt against the Caliphate's 236, with an army of 16000 and 9000 respectively. The Byzantines are eroding away at their borders. Charlemagne's brother Karloman died 'a natural death' at the age of 20, securing his elder brother's reign and leaving the only other claimant to West Francia a 5 year old son of Karloman. Charlemagne is rather alarmingly gobbling up Bavaria and moving east. The Sunni faith has an authority of 83, but Catholics have the most land. Thorsteinn is currently the world record holder of piety and demesne size, probably from all the subjugation he's been doing. The wealthiest man alive is a Bulgarian commoner named Kocelj. He runs a mercenary company. The most prestigious man in the world is Sultan Abd-al-Rahman 'the Fat' of the Umayyad Sultanate.

The fundamental difficulty right now is cash. I'm losing 1.6 gold a month on upkeep for the adventurers so I constantly need to be raiding and ransoming prisoners back to their owners.



In the year of 774, Eystein Halfdansson of House Yngling had come to serve Thorsteinn, the very man who stripped his ancestral home from him. He held no ill-will- he knew, like a Norseman ought, that strength is everything. The whole Germanic world had come to recognize Thorsteinn as a true viking. Thorsteinn set aside his second wife Gyrid. She had not yet given him a child, and moreover the chief's eye was caught by a certain Gunes from the Eurasian steppes... she worshiped Tengri, the god of the skies, and was fair to look upon. He took for his fourth wife Gyla, a strong but humble lowborn lass.

That same year, the Swedes' war with Zaeland came to an end, both tired and exhausted. In March, rumors had come from the Swedes that Alfr av Alfheim, the old chief of Heidmark's southern-most conquests, was amassing a force of his own adventurers to reclaim his old titles. This... complicated matters. The war with Zaeland would have to wait.

Not soon after, the priest Einarr of Nidaros challenged Thorsteinn to holmgang, a duel of honor. It seems the holy man felt his voice was not being heard in the council, or perhaps that Thorsteinn was expanding too quickly. On the first day of April, the two men fought until Einarr was left bloody on the ground. He yielded and the Chief left him with his life.

One afternoon while hunting, Thorsteinn met with an elderly man, long of beard and simple in dress, wearing a wide-brimmed hat that concealed one eye. The old man asked for a horn of mead, and so Thorsteinn paid his respects. When he left, he spoke of a well down the road, filled with gold. The old man left, and Thorsteinn urged his horses onwards. Indeed, what the old man said was true... The old man must have been none other than Odin himself. The Gods had not forsaken him after all!

In May of 774, Thorsteinn declared himself the petty king of Ostlandet, a man on parity with Sigurdr Ring and Prandr, son of Haraldr Wartooth. Scandinavia was now a place of three kings. Thorsteinn named his hirdmen each chief. Sigurdr was given Vermaland, Suni was given Nidaros, Gudrodr was given Hordaland, Gandalfr was given Naumadal, Kjartan was given Halogaland, the simpleton Thorsteinn given Nordland. Eystein Halfdansson was given Herjadal, and Ailu the Suomenusko was given Finnmark, a Sami to rule the Sami. Thorsteinn had hoped it wasn't a mistake to uplift a non-believer...

In August, the Sami lands of Kemi was conquered and given to Occo the Frisian. Now Thorsteinn had secured a distant border with the Sami people and returned south, conquering the lands east of the Scandinavian mountains. By the new year, Sigurdr Ring had conquered Jarnberaland right next to the capitol of Heidmark, cementing his power in the south. Mechthild was heavy with child again, but it had quite some time since Thorsteinn had last seen her... Doubt crept into the back of his mind, but he focused on his battles north.

Word had come that the King of Pictland, Urguist desired a friendship with Ostlandet. Unconventional, but Thorsteinn's religious convictions did not exclude sharing mead and meal with the Catholics. He conquered Vesterbotn in June, giving it to a rather smart lowborn named Dan. Henceforth, Dan of Vesterbotn declared himself the patriarch of house Borg.

In August, Mechthild gave Thorsteinn another boy, named Baldr. In September, she passed away, stricken with pneumonia. Thus Kraka, mother of his firstborn daughter Karin, became the King's first wife. Gunes was soon with child as well, though Thorsteinn had his doubts about who the babe's true father was... The following year, she begot the girl Ulfhildr.

In September, he conquered Lappland and gave it to Tobe the court Skald. He was a Saxon poet, and exceptionally grateful to his new liege. Thorsteinn took for a wife Svanhildr, fair and lustful and young... but proud and lazy. She was soon with child, though thoughts plagued his mind again about whether or not it was his seed.. Gyla gave him a fourth daughter, named Rognhildr. The conquest of the Sami continued, and Thorsteinn's new kingdom was getting a little too large to manage by himself. He declared that the kingdom would be more centralized, allowing his Hirdmen to vote on issues and advise him. An unfortunate concession perhaps, but one he needed to make.

Hirdman Kjartan died childless in September 776 and Thorsteinn granted his lands to Hirdman Gandalfr. He made Eysteinn of Yngling one of his Hirdmen in his old spymaster's place. Svanhildr gave birth to a third son, Haukr. At last, Thorsteinn was beginning to feel his dynasty was secure... Moreover, at the age of 46, King Sigurdr Ring suddenly died, splitting his kingdom between his sons Ragnarr and Randver.

In 777, the friendship with Pictland dissolved. A Pictish noble was maligning norsemen and women in their own country. The fool was sent back to Pictland bruised and beaten. In May of 778, the Suomenusko temple in Kexholm was sacked and looted of its treasures. Queen Kraka was given the task of converting into a place of worship for the Norse and so was made the Vala, or priestess of Kexholm. Of the thirteen chiefs under Thorsteinn, she was the only woman to rule her own lands. That year, King Prandr 'the Wicked' of Zaeland declared his intention to remove young Ragnarr Lodbrok from the Swede-land throne. Svanhildr gave him a fourth son, named Grimr.

Now it was troubling... the kingdom was bloating and by tribal law, it would divided among his sons when Thorsteinn passed. There could be only one King. Indeed, his kingdom was getting too large. The council needed to be empowered, so Thorsteinn gave them the authority to advise him on the granting and revocation of lands. All this stress was eating away at the 40 year old King, and he fell ill in May of 780. He returned to his ancestral home of Hamerhus, to spend more time with his family... It had been the first time in nearly ten years since he returned to Heidmark.


Notes: Oh man, Thorsteinn's stressed (-1 Health) AND ill (-2 health)... at forty years old, it doesn't look good. Bragi will inherit Ostlandet but his three brothers will divy up most of the newly conquered lands in modern-day Finland. Since I still haven't formed the Kingdom of Norway, I can subjugate Jamtaland and Zaeland due to their territory being within Norway's historical borders... I'm holding off because I want Sweden to absorb Zaeland or vice versa, or for Sweden to absorb Jamtaland. If I don't let this happen, I'll create Norway, achieve my goal that I've set out for and then have no valid reason to invade the perfectly legitimately ruled Swedish lands.

Also, I've been in a state of constant war since October 771. The moment I am at peace, the adventurers I called up at the start of the game will go home. I'm quite literally running out of places to conquer and will soon have to start going into Eastern Europe just to keep these guys fighting for me. Problem with that is that vikings don't really like fighting so far inland and there isn't much to be gained out there... the army could dissolve due to attrition AND my two biggest neighbors out there is Ilmen (7 counties) and Bjarmia (4 counties) both of which are Suomenusko. If I keep conquering at the rate I am, members of that faith will start banding together to deal with me.

[Inerrant Lust]

Notes: Somebody has it worse than me. Charlemagne is depressed, stressed, and wounded from battle. His nephew Pepin stands to inherit West Francia, since his only son is a hunch-backed bastard born from a commoner. No, really. The Byzantine Emperor is Iconoclast now, greek artists lament. The Caliphate is kind of falling apart, the capitol is now Beirut and there's an ongoing revolt. The kid Caliphate of last update died an early death, but his son inherited the capitol of Baghdad and now, bizarrely, his descendants are independent. The revolution apparently moved the capitol and the old capitol became a new state, huh.



In April of 781, Thorsteinn returned from his bed with a fresh lease on life. He suddenly felt alive again, but still was wracked with stress. His time in Hamerhus was well spent in the arms of his wives and among his eight children and he would not soon take them for granted again.

In November, King Prandr the wicked seized Uppland and sent young Ragnarr Lodbrok into hiding within Austergautland. Now was the time. On the first day on December, Thorsteinn declared his war to subjugate King Prandr. Young Ragnarr came under attack immediately by Oddr Gautske of Vestergautland, a powerful vassal in control of Ragnarr's younger brother, Randver. Thorsteinn, without any obligation, declared his support for young Ragnarr Lodbrok. He raised up another army of adventurers and set out to make all of Scandinavia his.

On the 27th of March, King Thorsteinn met in battle with Kettil af Solvesborg and Helgi. The terrain favored the forces of Zaeland, and Kettil was a talented battlefield commander, unpredictable and excellent on the flank. Put together, they were a match for King Thorsteinn. Yet this was in the middle of a severe winter, just as it was when he first set out in his conquest over ten years ago. Thorsteinn had fought in ten winters since then...

On the fourth day of battle, Thorsteinn had become like a beast. He threw himself into the enemy and the Zaeland front line began to collapse even though their forces were even. Fear overcame them. The battle ended on the 12th of April. For every Ostlandet viking dead, there were seven Zaelanders. Thorsteinn retired from the campaign, giving the army to Sigurdr. The three territories of Zaeland were conquered by three armies. Gudrodr led the old band of conquerors, Sigurdr the new, and Ailu the forces raised from Thorsteinn's tribal home.

In Skane, Sigurdr dragged Chief Thorolfr's wife from the tribal hold and presented her before his king. Thyra was quick, diligent, and well-spoken. She pleased him and so he took her for a concubine, setting aside Gunes the fair Altaic lass. In December of 782, Grand Chief Wichimann 'the Shadow' of Saxony offered to marry young Karin, Thorsteinn's firstborn daughter, when she came of age. He was forty one with two concubines and a daughter, while Karin was twelve. She would be foremost among his wives. The arrangement was good, and Thorsteinn agreed. Saxony would make for a powerful ally and Karin a powerful queen. If she could give the Grand Chief a son, all the better for the house of Hede.

On the 2nd day of April, the subjugation of Zaeland was complete. Thorsteinn became the King of Ostlandet, Zaeland, and Swede-land. He was no petty king over such trivial things, no... He was a King, a proper King like the Lombards, Pictish, and the Franks had. He declared himself the King of Noregr, and made Prandr the Jarl of Zaeland. It was as much power as he ever had, but he now he bent his knee to a true King. He made Sigurdr and Gandalfr, his hirdmen the Jarls of Swede-land and Nidaros. Later that year, the chief of Skane rose up in rebellion. His wife had been taken from him, after all.

Then his lands were taken from him. Thorsteinn gave each of his sons a county to rule, save the eleven-year old Bragi. His eldest would be kept close at home to learn how to rule. Eight-year old Baldr was given Skane in the south, seven-year old Haukr was given Satakunda in the east and four-year old Grimr given Blekinge beside Baldr in the lands known as Danmark. Thyra gave birth to a daughter named Aleta in May of 784.

In December, Thorsteinn's two armies parted. Gudrodr took one band of adventurers east into the mainland, conquering the Estonians. Sigurdr took the other back towards the heart of Scandinavia. Ragnarr and Randver, the sons of Sigurdr Ring remained independent. Thorsteinn had no claim upon their lands... but he could force them to pay him tribute. The younger brother would be the first to bend the knee. He called forth all his chiefs and not one dared refuse him.



Notes: So two things kind of peetered off. I was expecting an adventurer to try and retake some of his lands but he kind of... missed his deadline. Never came, so I never got to steal all his sweet money. Lame. Also the King of Saxony went into hiding because someone was trying to kill him, which broke his marriage alliance with me... so now he's getting invaded by Charlemagne (who hasn't died!) and I can't even offer to help. I really want to, since a Germanic holy site lay within Saxon territory and I'll be damned if I let those Catholics take it!

Charlemagne is still stressed, depressed, and wounded. With any luck, he'll die and start a succession crisis. He needs to legitimize his bastard or else his nephew will inherit everything. Byzantine is currently engaged in a massive revolt that will soon end in favor of the establishment. The Abbasids have gotten back on their feet, reunifying most of their disparate territories. The old capitol of Baghdad still remains independent, a little island surrounded by the world's most powerful empire.

I am currently the second most prestigious world leader, behind Charlemagne. I'm also the most pious. Another mercenary is the wealthiest dude, this time Captain Ahamatu of the Berber Company. Queen Priestess Kraka has somehow amassed 1151 prestige as Lawspeaker, Queen, and designated Regent.

In terms of army size, Noregr is 6th overall, 15th in terms of realm size.

[Inerrant Lust]

Notes: Expect more interpersonal stuff now as I secure my lands and have to deal with internal threats instead of external. I hesitated to write anything serious about my vassals because, frankly, I didn't know who would end up lasting. A couple died childless and I don't know how many more will remain loyal. My children are about to come of age so more personalities will enter in the mix. Bragi missed his chance to overcome his disability, so the next King of Noregr will be mentally handicapped, unfortunately. Doesn't mean he can't be destined for greatness.



On the 23rd of June, King Randver of Vestergautland submitted to Thorsteinn, and the same day the King of Noregr declared war on Ragnarr Lodbrok for Jarl Prandr's claim on Gastrikland. He did not like empowering Prandr any more than he had to... the old Jarl was known as Prandr the Wicked for good reason. He needed more Jarls to counterbalance Wartooth's progeny... He made young Valdemar Borg, son of Dan of Vesterbotn, the Jarl of Norrland. The child was only seven, but he would make a steadfast ally. With the title, an offer of betrothal to his daughter by Gunes, nine-year old Ulfhildr. The lass was curious and affectionate, and he knew she would serve the young Jarl well. The arrangement was formerly made on May of 786.

In March of the next year, Ragnarr Lodbrok conceded Gastrikland after a hard fight. Now Thorsteinn turned to his threats from within... Jarl Prandr's territory was still seperated into three parts, those nominally under the hold of other Jarls. King Thorsteinn demanded Prandr the Wicked give up these territories. Rather than give up his lands, Jarl Prandr rose up in rebellion. In September, the ancestral home of Hamerhus was in quite a stir.

Everywhere they looked, the courtiers could not find Karin, Thorsteinn's firstborn daughter. She had left note, claiming that she was eloping with a Mercenary, a lowborn Finnish mercenary, Miemo 'the Lionheart'... The man was dim-witted, but brave and industrious. The King knew not what his daughter saw in him, and so ordered her immediate return. She was ordered to stay within Hamerhus and a more fitting suitor would be found for her. Young Tryggve, the son of Jarl Sigurdr of Swede-land, would be suitable.

In 788, young Saga came of age with as keen a military mind as her father, and shrewd as well. He pitied her to have been born a woman, and secretly wished her foolish firstborn daughter and fate-stricken son could not pass up their titles to her instead... She would make a suitable wife for Halfdan, son of Jarl Eystein of House Yngling. The same year, the Grand Chief of Saxony, who reneged on his promise to marry Karin, came under attack from King Karl of Francia. Thorstein offered to help... for a price. Grand Chief Wichimann's daughter Oda would be betrothed to Bragi, giving the future Noregr King a claim to all of Saxony. In the middle of his war against Prandr and the Ilmenians, King Thorsteinn sent his troops as south as they had ever been.

One evening, in the middle of a council, Thorsteinn felt a rage coming upon him. Jarl Eysteinn was the only member of the King's council that didn't just agree to everything he asked for. He dared offer advice against allying with Grand Chief Wichimann and Thorsteinn was unable to resist. A fight broke out, and the King went berserk as if he was in battle. He threw an axe at the poor Jarl, wounding him. Eysteinn left Hamerhus still among the King's most loyal retainers. Though he knew Thorsteinn had done him wrong, the King couldn't bear to admit it...

In April of 789, Bragi came of age a gregarious young man, brave and patient, a skilled tactician... but still slow. In July, Jarl Prandr was captured and sent to spend the rest of his days in captivity. His house of Skjoldung would long be a thorn in the side of Hede, unless they did something about it... By the end of the year, Jarl Prandr died in the dungeons and his lands were split among his sons. His brother was made the new Jarl of Zaeland.

In 28 November, 789, the forces of Noregr led by Gudrodr met with King Karl's army in Gottingen of Saxony. Numbers were on the Vikings' side, but Karl had heavily armored knights and horsemen... the likes of which the Vikings had never seen. The battle lasted for a month until the Franks were driven from Saxony. Only barely... in truth, the Vikings had suffered more losses than their adversary and lost one of their commanders, Ragnarr of Hordaland. Yet still the Vikings triumphed against the great King of western Europe.

In April of the next year, Queen-Priestess Kraka came to Thorsteinn with dark news... His concubine Svanhildr was plotting to murder Bragi. This was unconscionable. Svanhildr had given him Haukr and Grimr, his two finest sons... but Bragi was his heir. He had Svanhildr imprisoned and set her aside. He'd never look upon her face again, and neither would any of his sons. He banished her from Noregr. Starkadr of Ostkarelen was also part of the plot, and so Thorsteinn demanded his arrest. Thorsteinn took Linda Prandrsdottir, the sixteen year old maid begotten from the old Jarl of Jaeland, as a concubine to replace Svanhildr.

In October 791, Thorsteinn's first grandchild was born... a bastard to Karin and her mercenary lover. He refused to look at him, but gave the boy a chiefdom- Starkadr's seized lands. He was still of Thorsteinn's blood... and could still make himself of use to the house of Hede. Around the court, people started calling the man King Thorsteinn the Pious... A fine name, but names don't mean much of anything. The treasury was empty, the war in Saxony was going slowly and Jarl Hrorekr had designs upon the lands of Thorsteinn's young sons...



Notes: Oh man, I've done it now. To maintain Saxony, I've gone to war with the largest empire this corner of the globe. I'm flat broke, too, despite having a business focus for, what, the last 15 years now? No commanding anymore either... Charlemagne just won't die! He's STILL stressed and depressed, and apparently he expelled all the Jews out of Francia. What a jerk. If he would just die already...

[Inerrant Lust]

Notes: Oh man, I'm done. Apparently everything going on with Charlemagne and Karloman is scripted so as to follow history. Derp. So it's been awhile since I played. Thorsteinn is 52, broke, and stressed. I need money! Like.. right now! Sure could have used that adventurer. So Charlemagne still has quite an army in Saxony, with a warscore 63% in his favor. I desperately want Saxony to remain independent.



In 11 October 792, Thorsteinn's son Haukr came of age, an ambitious and skilled warrior. Thorsteinn, after many years of (relative) peace in Hamerhus, lost his taste for blood. The King who was once a proud Berserk was no longer regarded as such. He was getting old... and hungered for a good death, but there was still much to be done.

In November of 794, Saxony fell to the Christians. Thorsteinn's staunch ally Wichimann the Shadow surrendered his sovereignty to the Frankish ruler Charlemagne. Thorsteinn looked to his own realm, then... In May of 795, word had reached the King that there was a plot on his second son Baldr's life... In January 796, Charlemagne died and was succeeded by his nephew, Pepin. His budding empire was renamed the Kingdom of Burgundy.

Things were getting from bad to worse... Bragi foolishly challenged the mercenary Miemo to Holmgang. Apparently Karin's honor was at stake... She forfeited it herself, as far as Thortseinn was concerned. Miemo was an imbecile, and Bragi slow. Thorsteinn couldn't bear to see such a pitiful display, but it left his son dishonored and wounded... Bragi was supposed to be the next King of Noregr... Jarl Horekr of Zaeland had designs on Skane, the lands owned by Thorsteinn's son, Baldr. Thorsteinn had the Jarl join him in his conquest of Livonia... where he promptly got himself killed. Unfortunately for his line, his son Jarl Thorolfr immediately sought to usurp Baldr's lands himself. By all the laws of the Norse, he had the right of conquest if he could prove himself superior...

Thorsteinn had Thorolfr killed. He was the third Jarl of the House of Skholdung, the descendents of Haraldr Wartooth, that Thorsteinn had killed in the duration of his rule... Thorsteinn's vassals were travelling outside the Norse world, seeking plunder and wealth outside Germanic lands. They were reneging on their obligations to his conquests... In February of 802, Bragi asked King Thorsteinn for permission to leave the Kingdom, to join the Greeks and become part of this... Varangian Guard. The boy was brave... well, he was a man now. Twenty eight years of age, eager to see combat and to make a name for himself. Thorsteinn nodded and his son departed to Miklagard.

In 806, Thorsteinn had Jarl Haraldr of Zaeland imprisoned for plotting against his family. The house of Haraldr Wartooth was testing his patience... The King suspected he may just have to wipe them all out, sooner or later... He had him released, in exchange for a favor. The fool built a statue of himself, and Thorsteinn ordered it torn to the ground. The following year, Thorsteinn declared war on Ragnarr Lodbrok for ownership of Helsingland. In 808, Thorsteinn's wife Thrya passed away.

Things were growing quiet... The Kingdom was settling down... Thorsteinn was seventy-one years old. His wife Kraka was fifty eight and blind. In August 811, members of the Varangian guard had come from Greece but they brought with them dark news...

Bragi was dead. Thorsteinn sat upon the throne of Hamerhus stricken daft by the revelation. He may have had... misgivings about the boy, but never did the King imagine he would outlive his son, his heir... In November of that year, King Thorsteinn of Noregr died.

He was succeeded by his second son, Baldr the sturrerer who was kind, proud, and content... but also quite dull like his brother. While Bragi was cursed from birth to be dim-witted, Baldr had become so in his adult life, much to his father's discontent. Baldr ascended the throne the day his father died... yet none of his brothers were there with him.

Grimr declared himself the King of Danmark, Haukr left for Finland to support Bragi's oldest son (the twelve year old Kol) as the King of Finland.

Thus, everything that Thorsteinn had worked so hard to build was split into three parts.

Notes: Couldn't keep going on the 5 year schedule. So geez, bad luck, huh? I was on the cusp on declaring the Scandinavian Empire (which would have prevented the fracturing of Thorsteinn's conquests) but friggin' Ragnarr Lodbrok wouldn't cough up his territory fast enough. All three brothers have equal claim to eachother's thrones, plus subjugation rights on Ragnarr Lodbrok and his brother Randver if they wish.

I really wanted to go from Count to Emperor in one lifetime, but that subjugation of Zaeland didn't roll the way I thought it would.

The irony is that both Baldr and Grimr are content, because I wanted them to be. I wanted them to be dutiful brother-subjects to dumb Bragi... and now they both ended up as rival kings.