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Author Topic: If You Give A Cop A Taser (tongue-in-cheek parody)  (Read 245 times)

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Offline TheGlyphstoneTopic starter

If You Give A Cop A Taser (tongue-in-cheek parody)
« on: March 15, 2016, 12:17:25 AM »
Not intended to disparage the 'good cops' that exist in great numbers. But even good cops can fall victim to shiny-toy-syndrome, or worse, 'use-it-or-lose it budget allotment syndrome', and get caught up in the mutual-distrust feedback+fear loop.

If you give a cop a taser he'll want an M-16 to go with it.

When you give him the M-16, he's going to ask for some ammo. When he's finished shooting it, he'll ask for for tear gas grenades.

Then he'll want to look on the news to see how good he looks in the press. When he looks on the news, he might notice the omnipresent danger of terrorism. So he'll probably ask for APCs and body armor.

When he's finished arming up like that scene from the first Matrix movie, he'll go out sweeping the streets for criminals. He'll start sweeping. He might get carried away and sweep up lots of petty criminals for whom all that firepower is literally overkill. He may end up even sweeping dozens of innocent people whose only crime was being “suspicious-looking”.

When he's done, he'll probably want to get an award. You'll have to creatively interpret the crime statistics. He'll stand up proud and make a speech about being tough on crime. He'll probably ask you to give him a medal. So you'll give him a shiny trophy on a ribbon, and he'll want to count the prison rolls.

When he looks at the prison rolls, he'll be so entranced that he'll want to use his shiny military hardware at any opportunity. The excuses will become thinner, making people distrustful and fearful of him, which he'll assume is evidence of criminal activity.

When he comes to his senses, he'll see that the media is roasting him alive for brutality and dozens of lawsuits over inappropriate use of force are piled up on his desk. Which will cost money, and he'll need to spend even more money on public outreach programs to repair his reputation in the eyes of the community he's protecting.

Looking at the community will remind him that he's broke. So...he'll ask you for federal subsidy funds.

And chances are if he asks you for federal subsidy funds, he'll want a taser to go with them.

Offline shasha

Re: If You Give A Cop A Taser (tongue-in-cheek parody)
« Reply #1 on: March 15, 2016, 01:37:07 AM »
Very Nice, post Glyphstone