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Author Topic: " You know your GM's unfair when..."  (Read 1134 times)

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Offline AjoxerTopic starter

" You know your GM's unfair when..."
« on: October 20, 2005, 08:46:56 PM »
Interesting little document I once found.

The following is a simple test for a GM to see is he is indeed unfair. As a GM, if you have heard one or more of the following quotes from your players there is a chance that you have been slightly unreasonable:

“Until now, I didn’t think arch-devils traveled in groups”.
“I missed with a natural 20?”
“I didn’t think anything did 40-400 points of damage”.
“We should have become farmers”.
“I didn’t even know Zeus was mad at me”.
“He has a magic resistance of what?”
“You say we were completely surprised by a fifty-foot dinosaur hiding in that empty field”.
“The thief stole my fighter’s armor while he was wearing it?”
“Armed with only a silver belt buckle, my hero is surrounded by hordes of werewolves…”
“Well, you’re right that Vulcan vampires do have their hearts in a different location”.
“Each of the kobolds has a wand of Orcus?”
“So, this troll seems to be regenerating our fire damage”.
“Fighters can’t use edged weapons?”
“I never heard of a sword of party member slaying”.
“Since when is Gruumsh* a wandering monster?”
“You don’t use saving throws?”
“Thanks. I always thought having two arms wasn’t challenging enough”.
“But the A-bomb hasn’t been invented yet!”
“No, seriously, how much damage did I take?”
“A pack of tarrasques?”
“Come on, in a first-level dungeon? It has to be a gas spore”.
“That’s one tough kobold”.
“Tinker gnomes invented Uzis?”
“Exactly what is a ‘pantheon’, and why is it mad at me?”
“Just how many 30th-level evil wizards are there in this village?”
“I never knew Tiamat had so many twin sisters”.
“That’s its forty-third attack. Can we draw our swords now?”
“How did BattleMechs get into this dungeon?”
“Our group decides not to go to the Castle of Ultimate Pain, but instead back into town”.
“So you’re saying if you cut off their eyes, they grow into little beholders”.
“’Spontaneous decompression’ is a spell?”
“That’s okay, the spikes broke his fall”.
“Do you think we could use store-bought modules from now on?”
“But I’m already dead!”

Also, thanks to Scott Haley (Seattle, WA) for this authentic quote from his DM, made while rolling an attack against the party: “He hits and – I’m going to need some more dice”.

*God of the orc race.

Offline Vekseid

Re: " You know your GM's unfair when..."
« Reply #1 on: October 21, 2005, 02:26:41 PM »
"Then the GM grins,
And picks up too many dice,
We are going to die."

I also hear "It has to be an illusion, the GM wouldn't throw a dragon at us THIS early!" waaaaay too often.

Offline Siegfried

Re: " You know your GM's unfair when..."
« Reply #2 on: October 21, 2005, 02:59:32 PM »
"But I've got nine dice to roll!  Why should I even have to roll to try to pick such a simple lock?"
"What do you mean he goes Super Sayain 4???"

Offline AmberMK

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Re: " You know your GM's unfair when..."
« Reply #3 on: October 21, 2005, 10:27:36 PM »
As an RPer who has had shady GMs before, I find this brings back some memories, lol.  Highly amusing!   ;D

Offline WarDragon

Re: " You know your GM's unfair when..."
« Reply #4 on: October 21, 2005, 11:08:44 PM »
Something I actually heard my DM say one week ago:

"I told my wife when I left the house, there's a good chance I'll be coming back as a PC next session."

And he did.

Offline blackeyedcoyote

Re: " You know your GM's unfair when..."
« Reply #5 on: November 01, 2005, 03:29:58 PM »
“Tinker gnomes invented Uzis?”

We have a guild on our server thats gnome-exclusive called the "Tinkertown Mafia.'

They had a standoff in Tinkertown in Ironforge. I happened to see it... most amusing RP I have seen in a LONG time. ^.^