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Author Topic: Why are you voting for me?  (Read 413 times)

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Offline Spookie MonsterTopic starter

Why are you voting for me?
« on: November 01, 2008, 06:11:53 AM »
Why are you voting for me, Spel, for president of the United States next Tuesday?


Offline Trieste

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Re: Why are you voting for me?
« Reply #1 on: November 01, 2008, 11:53:13 AM »
I don't think that conservative America is ready for the happiness that would follow a mass distribution of cookies. Like environmentalist policies and sensible gun control, the right wing gets very nervous when we talk about cookie freedom. The surplus of cookies that your policies would create would undermine their penchant for reactionary government and introduce far too much sense into the political process. It's very difficult, you see, not to think about what you're going to say when you have to finish your cookie first, and if you are under the relaxing, contentment-inducing effects of a cookie, you are less likely to panic when something bad happens. With a cookie in front of you, you know everything will be fine, and I think that scares most of conservative America.

As a result, conservative America will be turning out in droves to vote against you, and since they are conservatives, their only other choice is Republican. You are simply too much for them to handle. The only people that would be sensible enough to support a pro-cookie candidate would be the more open-minded liberal population, who would then find themselves split between Spel ... and Obama. So while I think that you and your policies are indeed the best thing for this country, I'm sorry, Spel. I won't be voting for you next Tuesday. You see, I believe a vote for Spel is a vote for McCain.

It's very sad that you are the Nader of the 2008 elections. Maybe next time.

« Last Edit: November 01, 2008, 12:44:45 PM by Trieste »

Offline LaBelleDame

Re: Why are you voting for me?
« Reply #2 on: November 01, 2008, 12:12:52 PM »
*is dying with laughter*
Oh my, Trieste.
That was too good.

Offline Inkidu

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Re: Why are you voting for me?
« Reply #3 on: November 01, 2008, 05:16:42 PM »
Blame cookie freedom on conservatives. We all know it's the fault of the liberals and there "Cookie control" policies. They think that it will lead to morbid obesity. They also want to flood the market with social bakeries that produce nasty off-brand cookies that are less than preferable to dog droppings, but it's only important that every American has a cookie. Not how it tastes. Not allowing Americans to buy the best damn cookie, at the cheapest price, and as much as they want. Allowing for subsidiaries for the cookie unfortunate, allowing not only every American to enjoy a cookie but a damn good cookie!

(Just because I hate one-sidedness. It's so... one sided. :D)

Besides we all know Spel is getting written in under the cookie freedom--purple party. Now hop in the vat of red die Spel you have to look the part.

Offline Spookie MonsterTopic starter

Re: Why are you voting for me?
« Reply #4 on: November 05, 2008, 05:57:59 AM »
Well, I didn't receive a single vote yesterday.  This is especially embarrassing because I voted, too.  I suppose that the United States -- heck, the world -- is simply not yet ready for free cookies for everyone.  Someday, though, ladies and gentlemen... someday, maidens and monsters... someday.  Thank you very much, everybody, for your generous support during the past three-and-a-half years.  Please allow me to offer special thanks to you, Trieste and Inkidu, for your encouraging thoughts; I appreciate them.  (And thank you for your presence, LaBelleDame; I like cute bellybuttons.)

Fortunately, this "failure" of mine has proved to be not a curse but a blessing.  Only because I failed in this venture have I come to understand why I'm really here, where I'm
really from, who I really am...


Ziggy ate cookies...